It was that hope that made her call Liam occasionally to check up on him. It gave her peace on the nights when she was overcome by the irrational fear that he was getting involved romantically with someone else there.
26
Brad called a week before she was due. The call came in the afternoon while she was napping on the sofa with a half-finished novel in her hands. When her phone screen lit up with his name on it, she was shocked. So shocked that she brought down her legs from the sofa and sat upright before answering the call.
“Hello?”
Formerly it was baby, or love or sweetheart, but it had been close to a year now. They were practically strangers; strangers who shared a daughter.
The voice on the other end of this call sounded flat, almost unhappy. This couldn’t be his Lana. It held no passion, no zest for life. “Alana?” He asked just to be sure.
She couldn’t even remember the last time he called her by her name. From the moment they started dating, she had changed from Alana to Lana or babe.
“It’s me ba-Brad,” she responded. Although his voice seemed pleasant, she didn’t want to say anything to rile him up or cause him to end this call. She had not spoken to him in almost a year and she was so glad to be hearing his voice.
“I want to move back into the house,” he said.
“You want to…”
“Um, yeah. That wouldn’t be a problem would it?”
Alana thought the question was a silly one. “How? How is it going to be a problem?”
“Okay.”
“Last I checked we own the house together.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“So why did you ask that question?”
“I don’t…I just wanted to be sure.”
“Sure of what?”
“Look, can we just drop that?”
“Sure that I don’t have some guy shacking up with me?” Alana sat back down on the sofa heavily. She felt like a blue whale. “I don’t. I would never bring another man into the sanctity of our home.” Or bed, she wanted to add. “I’ve been waiting for you all this while. God knows it’s been trying but I have waited.”
He didn’t say anything.
“Brad?”
“Yeah?”
“Why are you quiet?”
“Nothing.” He said. “I should be in tomorrow.”
“Okay. Can I ask you a question?”
“Yeah?”
“Is there a chance we can talk and work things out?”
He didn’t say a word in reply. After waiting in vain for him to do so, she plodded on nervously. “I mean, you are coming back for good right?”
“I’m coming back for good,” Brad said. “For Aaryn. It’s not fair to her that I am away.”
Alana stopped herself on time from saying, What about being there for me? Instead she said, “Okay.”
When the call ended her mind started to whirl. She didn’t know what to think. In the end the tears came.
***
He came while Alana was sleeping on the sofa. It was Aaryn’s ear-splitting scream that woke her up.
“Daddy! Daddy!”
When she opened her eyes the girl was already in Brad’s arms, the Nickelodeon program that had riveted her attention earlier, was now totally forgotten.
Alana’s mother stood up and offered to go and get his bags. He declined her offer politely with a smile on his face.
“How is my baby girl?” he asked Aaryn.
“I’m fine,” Aaryn answered. “I missed you daddy! Hope you never leave me again.”
“I won’t baby, daddy’s here to stay.”
“Did you miss me and mommy?”
“More than you know.” He gave his response by turning and looking directly at Alana. She saw the longing and need in his eyes. He wanted her. Her heart skipped a beat. But his gaze quickly traveled down toward her protruding stomach and the desire in his eyes disappeared. He refocused his gaze on Aaryn. Her hopes plummeted. He bent to lower Aaryn to the floor, however she clung to his neck and refused to let go, eliciting a short-forced laughter from Alana’s mother, Mrs. Blake.
“I’m home to stay my love,” Brad said to his daughter, while laughing at her antics.
“He won’t leave again,” Alana added, more of a statement than a reassurance to her daughter.
But Aaryn didn’t listen. Her father had stayed away for so long that she couldn’t bear to let go of him for a minute. Alana found herself wishing she could still hold Brad like that now. She wished she could walk into his arms and kiss him. She wished he would follow her upstairs to their bedroom so that they could reacquaint themselves with each other. But she remained planted on the sofa and pretended that she wasn’t jealous of her own daughter. The past twenty-four hours had gone into steeling her nerves for this moment.
Brad walked to where she lay on the sofa with a smile on his face and said, “Hi.” He bent down towards her, leaned forward tentatively and pressed his lips unto hers. Her heart leaped. Her breath caught. He pulled away soon after, as if he couldn’t believe what he just did.
Breathlessly she replied, “Hi.”
“How have you been?” He asked hoarsely.
She almost couldn’t find the words to respond to him. Her mind was a haze of confusion and lustful thoughts. “Fine, I guess.” her reply came with uncertainty. She wanted to tell him about the pregnancy and the fiasco with Greg, and how she had to pee all the time, how she had a craving for stew pork and how tired and horny she was all the time. But she had a feeling that he wouldn’t care.
In that moment anger welled up inside Alana. You don’t walk out on your wife and stay away from her all of nine months then return to ask her ‘how have you been?’
What was wrong with him? She turned away from him.
***
The days that followed were spent struggling with her anger. In the morning she would wake up with hope in her heart. In the afternoon she would chide herself for hoping and by the evening she would go to bed seething with fury and wishing she still didn’t want Brad back. She had loved him so completely that even after a nine-month separation she still hadn’t learned to stop loving him.
Brad made the guest room his new bedroom. Alana didn’t know how he did it, because last she checked, her mother had been stationed in that room. She just woke up in the morning and saw her mother on the bed next to her. Her things were in the floor by the wardrobe. It felt like a slap to the face. Alana wanted to confront Brad, but somehow, she failed to work up the courage required for that.
He didn’t come to the hospital when she was delivered of the baby four days later. Her mother excused him by saying he was busy with setting up a branch of his family’s business here. According to her mother, it was hard on him because he oversaw all the major operations. Since he returned, he had been showering a lot of attention on their daughter, playing with her, taking her out for treats, doing the school runs for her kindergarten classes and tucking her in most nights. She was thankful for that.
He stayed away on the day the baby came home and Alana wondered how this was going to affect them.
The first time she held the baby, she felt a rush of mixed emotions. She felt love for this child immediately. She wanted to tell her that she would never abandon her, but instead she asked her silently: Who is your father?
Of course, she didn’t reply. Instead she kept on crying as if she knew the ugly situation she was being born into. Like Aaryn, she had gotten Alana’s brown eyes, but her skin was a lot lighter than Aaryn’s.
Who is your father? Alana asked again.
27
The coming of the baby killed Brad’s spirit. It was the confirmation that the life he was living was reality and not just a nightmare. It kept him awake at nights as he wondered how he would adjust to having her around.
Thankfully, there was work to bury himself in. He had made his peace with it within three months in Mississippi. The challenge of being at the forefront of the Saunders Oral
expansion campaign brought back some of the thrill he had missed from his former profession. He spent his nights strategizing and his days putting the strategies to work.
There was Aaryn to comfort him too. Despite the demands of the project he was overseeing he made out much more time for her than he had ever done while he was a lawyer. It was for her that he had come back after all. It was for her that he was going to stay and try to make this thing work.
He had found his peace in Mississippi. He had found it on the night he kissed Olivia. She had looked more beautiful than she usually did that night. The transparent gown she had on, showed off more than just her curves. It showed Brad the skin that was his for the taking if he wanted it.
So he kissed her.
And she kissed him.
And he kissed her again.
In moments they went from the kitchen to the living room. Hands flying all over the each other’s body, lips pressed together, stoking the embers of a flame that had been waiting to burst into life ever since they first met.
That fire was extinguished when her hand went down to his crotch and he realized where this was leading. He grabbed her hand and held it away from there. “No.”
“What?”
“Let’s not.”
He pulled back from her, panting. Nobody could replace Alana. He didn’t want to give anybody the chance. Alana was more than just a beautiful woman. She was his soul mate. She was the only woman he knew how to love totally. Despite how things had turned out, he still had to give her another chance. For Aaryn’s sake. And his.
He gathered his things and rushed out of Olivia’s apartment. It was that night that the idea of the expansion was born. Liam welcomed it whole heartedly. It was something he had been considering for a while. But his aunt and uncles had all been against it. Now he couldn’t keep it from happening anymore, it was long overdue. If he waited till they died, then it would never be done.
***
He was in the study poring over files from work when he heard the baby crying. For a while he ignored the cries. He knew that soon Alana would be with her. But she didn’t stop crying and Brad couldn’t focus on his work. Where the hell was Alana?
Her mother was out with Aaryn, so there was no hope that she would comfort the crying infant.
With a heavy sigh, Brad got up from his seat and went to the master bedroom. When he opened the door, he saw the chubby baby in the bed surrounded by large pillows on all sides, bawling her eyes out. The water was running in the bathroom, so Alana was probably having a shower.
He went to the bed and lifted her to his chest cautiously. The moment the baby locked eyes with him she closed her mouth. She had Alana’s eyes he noticed. He felt a familiar emotion in his chest. He didn’t want to explore it. At least not yet. There was a curious look on her face. It was as if she was beholding the eighth wonder of the world. Brad puffed out his cheeks and made silly faces. The baby laughed.
He was so focused on making her laugh that he didn’t hear the door open and didn’t notice when Alana walked into the room. It was when she said, “Thank you,” that he started and turned.
“Oh, it’s nothing,” he said with a smile. The first smile that was meant for her. All the other times they had been meant for either Aaryn or her mother.
“She’s beautiful. She reminds me of Aaryn as a baby,” he said wistfully.
“Thank you, she does look a lot like Aaryn as a baby.” Alana went to the wardrobe. “Give me just a minute to get dressed and I will relieve you.”
“No, it’s okay,” he said and began to walk out. “I need a break from all the work anyway.”
“Okay.” She said with a smile. Her heart dared to hope.
He carried the baby to the study where he turned on the stereo and played Aaryn’s favorite song. As always, it worked its magic. In minutes the baby was asleep. He didn’t return her immediately. He sat in his chair with his legs up on the desk, rocking her, staring at the wall in front of him and thinking of nothing.
***
From the time she was little her mom had always taught her children that if they wanted something, they had to work for it. That was why Alana pulled the stunt with the baby. Desperate times called for desperate measures. She had been in the bathroom rushing through her shower when the baby began to cry. The temptation to leave the bathroom and check up on her was strong but she ignored it.
Even after she finished bathing and toweling herself off, she remained in the bathroom and waited, leaving the water running so it would appear as if she was still bathing.
She didn’t know the exact time he walked in since his steps were muffled by the carpet in the bedroom. But the moment the baby stopped crying she knew instinctively that she was in his arms. A moment later his voice floated to her ears as he cooed. She had to listen intently with her ear pressed against the door in order to hear it.
It melted her heart and brought back memories of when Aaryn was a baby. There were days when Brad would sing her to sleep in the most amazing way. That was before they discovered the magic of “My Precious One” and handed it over to Celine Deon.
She turned off the water and stepped into the room. Watching Brad make funny faces for the baby broke her heart. They looked so good together that she found herself wishing the baby was his. It was well that he didn’t notice her, because a tear rolled down from her right eye. She wiped it off quickly and then thanked him.
She was surprised when he offered to hold the baby longer so she could relax. Was she finally getting her husband back? But then she was not surprised when he brought her back an hour later, sleeping soundly in the crook of his arm.
“Thank you.” Her hands were unsteady as she took the baby from him and carried her towards the tiny cot close to the bed.
He didn’t leave the room immediately.
“Why haven’t you named her?” he asked leaning on the wall, close to the door.
Alana shrugged. She still didn’t know why it was hard for her to come up with a name. Brad had named Aaryn and although he had proposed that she would name their next child she had insisted that he carry on with the naming duties. Choosing names was not a task she was suited for. Countless searches of baby names on Google had not aided her.
“Can’t come up with a name?” he asked.
“Nope,” she said, then without thinking she said, “Can you help?”
She noticed his face darken. It was probably an insult to ask him to name the baby.
For a while he said nothing. He stood with his eyes closed, brooding. She wondered if she was thinking of a baby name. Probably not. Chances were he was trying to decide the best way to react to this insult. He was probably banking down his anger so the reaction would not be extreme.
“What do you think of Rhea?” there was a faint smile on his face.
She nodded gratefully.
“Or Mary.”
She looked at him in shock, at loss for words.
“Or-”
“Rhea will be fine,” she said. “Rhea Blake Saunders.”
At the mention of his last name, he paused from the developing smile, nodded and then left the room. That’s too bad, she thought, if I am Saunders then so are my children.
***
It was after that night that they began to talk again. Brad did not go back to his jovial, joking self that filled her life with laughter, but at least he returned to being the man who cared and looked out for her. He didn’t bring her back into that special place that she had been in before their world fell apart. That was meant for Aaryn and to her surprise, Rhea. He did all he could for Rhea during the day. Just as he did for Aaryn. But Alana didn’t mind, because from all appearances he had created a special place for Rhea in his heart, so maybe that would extend to her soon as well. Everything would be okay. She hoped.
When she resumed work four months later, she went with her head held high.
Alana’s anxiety came the following days after she and Brad received an invitation to Cl
iff and his wife Alicia’s wedding anniversary dinner. Brad and the other guys in their circle of friends were always invited every year with their wives. This year’s invitation was the fifth and it was no different from the others.
At first when she thought of the others who were going to be there and what they were going to think of her and the baby she resolved in her mind to not attend with Brad. But then she figured that she had nothing to be ashamed of because she never cheated on Brad. Besides, she had tough skin. She wouldn’t give anyone the satisfaction of believing that she was hiding away in shame. All she wanted to do these days was to please Brad so she could somehow find her way back to that special place in his heart.
With dread she dressed up for the dinner and let Brad lead her to the lion’s den, with the most genuine smile that she could muster plastered on her face.
The Meridian Hotel was filled with guests when they got there, but they didn’t have to look for their party. All they had to do was give Cliff’s name to the maître d and they were led to the long table in the back of the restaurant, where their hosts and their fellow guests were already started with their dinner. After they were settled in their seats, they ordered the crunchy almond-crusted duck breasts with chanterelle salad. The aroma which wafted to their nose from that table was heavenly.
Unfortunately, Alana found that despite the mouth-watering dishes before her, she had no appetite whatsoever. She spent most of the evening pushing around the food on her plate and sipping her champagne.
The full circle was present for Cliff’s wedding anniversary this year. There was Fred Luther with his ever-present silence. His watchful eyes seemed to linger more on Alana than anyone else at the table. The way he was looking at her made her feel a bit uncomfortable. Fred’s dental practice was well known in town. He was the only bachelor in the group.
“That clinic is his damned wife,” Cliff said, eliciting loud guffaws from around the table.
My Wife's Baby Page 11