by Jenn Cowan
Travis closes his eyes and leans into my hand.
My stomach churns and every part of me feels guilty for this intimacy between us. If Josh were to see us, he’d think I still had feelings for Travis.
Travis opens his eyes and they move from my face to the doorway. “Josh? Is that you? Have I been in a coma while you’ve bulked up?” Travis sits up, sizing up Josh. “What are you doing here? Looking for my girl, aren’t you?” Travis grabs my hand and plants a kiss to the palm before I can snatch it away.
My heart is running wild in my chest and I’m afraid to look at Josh.
“Your girl?” Josh crosses his arms. “Autumn, can I speak to you outside for a second?”
I gulp and nod, still not making eye contact with Josh. When I turn to step away, Travis reaches out and pulls me to his chest then plants a kiss on my lips.
“Don’t be long,” he whispers in a husky voice.
A shiver runs down my spine. Travis hasn’t kissed me since high school and it always had an effect on me. I feel like I’m in a time warp. Kissing this Travis reminds me of high school and all the feelings I thought I had buried come rushing to the surface. I try to wrangle them in and shove them back in the chest I’ve been keeping them in all these years, but they’re refusing to be locked away. This isn’t good. I need space. Air. And a whole lot of therapy. My whole body feels like it’s on fire as I make my way over to Josh.
He holds open the door and I can feel his eyes on me.
I can’t look at him right now with all these old feelings running rampant inside me.
Cat jumps up from her chair. “Autumn, are you alright? You don’t look so good.”
“I’m fine,” I lie and pat her hand. “Just going to get a little air. I’ll be back.”
Regina gives me a knowing look, but I ignore it and hurry toward the exit.
I know Josh is several feet behind me. He’s giving me space to sort all of this out. When I hit the exit, I push open the door and take in a deep breath. The summer heat is stifling, but it’s better than being in that room with Travis and Josh. I lift my face to the sun and revel in its warmth.
Josh reaches out and places a hand on my low back, causing me to jump. “Sorry, can we talk about what just happened in there?” He motions to the bench on the sidewalk.
I sit down and immediately start talking ninety miles an hour. I go into how Travis is having some amnesia and thinks we’re still in high school and dating. I tell him how Regina asked me to go along with it as to not upset him. When I’m finished, Josh doesn’t say anything. My heart is about ready to pound out of my chest in anticipation.
“And the kiss?”
I drop my head into my hands and feel like crying. “I-I don’t know. He just kissed me.”
“And you felt something.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. Josh knows me.
I stiffen at his words, but know I can’t lie to him. We’re getting married tomorrow and I can’t start our life together without being truthful even if that means I lose him. “I-I don’t know. He was watching our old T.V. show and called me by my old nickname. It was like we were back in high school and all those old feelings came rushing back.
Josh nods, but doesn’t say anything.
I reach for his hand and he doesn’t pull away so I take that as a good sign. “I love you, Josh. I really do, but I can’t lie to you and tell you I felt nothing.”
He nods again and toys with my engagement ring. “You should get back in there.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“I mean you need to get in there and be whatever Travis needs you to be until he gets his memory back.”
“Josh, I can’t…” he cuts me off.
“Cat is devastated. Her own father doesn’t remember her and her mother is dead. She needs you to help Travis get his memory back and if that means you have to play his girlfriend then you have to do it.”
My heart melts. This man is too good. This is why I’m marrying him tomorrow… I hope. “Josh, I…”
He places a finger to my lips. “I came into the room to tell you that I’ve heard from Eddie. He and Violet are at home. They’re safe. He wants me to meet him at their house.”
“Not me?”
Josh shakes his head. “No, he told me to make sure you didn’t come.”
“What? Why?” I’m not sure if I should be offended or confused or both.
“He didn’t say, but I’m going to go down there and find out what’s going on. You stay here and hopefully Travis will get his memory back… sooner rather than later.”
I chew on my bottom lip feeling like Josh and I are drifting apart and going in two different directions and I don’t mean literally.
Josh lifts my chin so my eyes meet his. “Hey, I love you, Autumn Marie Fisher. Nothing is going to change that. Did it nearly kill me to see Travis kiss you? Yes, but I understand. I also can’t expect you to not feel what you feel. Travis was your first love and that never goes away. I just want to be your last. That’s all that matters to me, but most of all I want you to be happy. If you change your mind about marrying me it will hurt like hell, but we’ll figure it out. If you need more time, take it. I can deal with our mothers and the town. When you walk down the aisle, I just want you to be sure the guy at the end is the guy you love with all your heart and who will make you happy for the rest of your life. And if that’s not me, I’d rather know now as opposed to two kids and a dog later.”
The lump in my throat is the size of Texas at his words. “I love you,” I choke out. I don’t deserve this man. He’s always had my best interest at heart and here I am being selfish and holding onto the past. I’ve got to get my head and my heart straight so I can marry this guy tomorrow.
“I know and I love you too.” He leans down and brings his lips to mine for a slow and tender kiss.
I sigh into his kiss and feel the tingle start from my toes all the way to my heart. Josh is home. He’s where I belong and even if old feelings are there they’re nothing compared to what I feel for this man.
Josh breaks the kiss then kisses my left hand before sliding my engagement ring off my finger.
“Wh-what are you doing?” I panic. “Are you breaking up with me?” Tears prick my eyes.
Josh kisses my lips again as he pockets the ring. “No. I’m holding onto this while you deal with Travis. It’s going to confuse him if you have an engagement ring on your finger. You’re supposed to be a senior in high school not a thirty-five-year old woman who is getting married to another man tomorrow.” He sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “We’ll consider this your acting debut, Miss Fisher.”
“Acting debut?”
“Actors have to play a part during a movie and that means sometimes having to be romantic with someone other than their fiancé or spouse.” He squeezes my hand. “I don’t want you feeling guilty or upsetting Travis with your lack of affection because you’re worried about me. We both know from our medical training that brain injuries can be tricky. Cat needs him so do this for her. Act your cute little butt off,” he smirks then his face grows serious. “but please try not to fall back in love with him.”
I reach up and stroke his cheek. “I’m yours.”
He kisses me one last time before standing. “I hope it stays that way.” Josh pulls the keys from his jeans. “I’ll keep you posted on Eddie and anything else I hear. The captain took Allison back to the station just before I came to get you. She said your dad’s meeting her there.”
Relief washes over me even though I’m furious at my dad for being a part of the downfall of Daysville. He’s still the best attorney I know.
Josh checks his watch. “It’s almost noon. I’ll text you when I’m done at the station then we can discuss how to proceed with the day. My mom keeps calling about the rehearsal dinner.”
I force a smile and stifle a groan. “Tell her we’ll meet them at the church as planned.”
“We will?” He cocks his head as if my words are
confusing.
“Of course.”
Josh opens his mouth like he wants to say something, but then closes it. He leans down and brushes my lips lightly with his then says, “I’ll see you in a bit.”
I watch him leave, feeling like he’s taking my heart with him. My finger feels empty without my ring and I rub it to stop the tingling sensation.
“Autumn?” Regina says, causing me to jump. “Sorry, is everything alright?”
I force another smile and say, “It’s fine.”
“Where’s your ring?” She points to my empty finger. “Josh and you didn’t break up over this, did you?”
I ignore the fact that her tone seems slightly hopeful. I know she’s always wanted Travis and I to get married. “No, he’s keeping it while I play high school Autumn. We don’t want to confuse Travis.”
She smiles, a look of relief on her face. “He’s a good man.” She reaches out and squeezes my hand. “I know this is hard for you. I saw that kiss and your reaction. You still have feeling for Travis, don’t you?”
I sigh. “I’ll always have feelings for Travis. Your first love never leaves you, but I love Josh. I’m marrying Josh. So, I’ll play the part. Act my butt off. For Cat, because she needs her father, but Travis and I are in the past and that’s where we’ll stay.”
Regina’s shoulders slump slightly then she pats my leg. “Thank you, dear. I know this is hard on you. Both, you and Josh.”
I shrug like it’s no big deal. “We’re doing this for Cat,” I say, more to myself as a reminder of this insanity than anything.
Regina nods. “Well in that case, Travis is asking for you.”
I stand and declare, “Let the show begin.”
15
“So, you don’t remember anything about the accident?”
Travis shakes his head. “Nothing. It’s like a curtain that won’t open to reveal the play.”
Interesting choice of words considering I’ve been acting my booty off for the past three hours. I’ve been holding Travis’s hand, talking about high school and our plans for the upcoming weekend once he gets out of the hospital. I keep trying to steer the conversation back to the accident in hopes that in thinking about the accident, it will jog his memory, but so far nothing.
Since he was hit from behind, he didn’t see who hit him so now I’m back to my original list of suspects. Allison’s mom, Jean. Our dead guy, Wyatt’s sister, Ava and mother, Margaret and potentially anyone who did business with Wyatt. I sent a text to Chase to get me a list of people Wyatt did business with recently and to let him know I won’t be going out to the mine since I’m stuck here at the hospital.
I check my phone again. Nothing. I haven’t heard a word from Josh and I’m starting to worry. I’ve gone outside almost every fifteen minutes to check my phone and nothing. Maybe he changed his mind about us? Maybe everything he said isn’t really how he feels? Is the wedding off? Did he and Eddie go out on their own to try and find the kidnappers? What if he’s been kidnapped? My stomach churns and I know it’s not from the gross cafeteria food I ate for lunch.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” Travis tugs on my hand to bring me closer to him. “You’ve been pacing this room and going outside to check your phone a lot. Did something happen? Something you don’t want to tell me about?”
Tears prick my eyes and I want more than anything to shake him back to reality. To make him remember Cat, our break-up, his job, everything, but I can’t. The doctor was in earlier and told us to keep Travis as calm as possible. He hopes his memory will come back soon, but I’m losing hope as the day drags on.
He pats the bed beside him. “Come here. Tell me what’s wrong.”
I sit down on the side of the bed and before I know what’s happening he’s pulling me to his chest then dragging me into his side. Out of instinct, I drape my arm over his stomach. His heart thumps in my ear and I close my eyes, remembering the countless hours we spent like this in high school.
“I thought you said you two were just friends?”
My eyes fly open and I see the EMT from yesterday… Tonya. No. Taylor, right. Taylor’s standing in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest. I try to move away from Travis, but he holds me tight.
“Who are you?” He demands.
“Taylor. We met yesterday after your accident. I brought you here.”
Travis studies her. “You’re the EMT who helped me yesterday?”
Hope blooms in my chest. He remembers.
“Yes,” she answers still glaring at me. “And she said you two were just friends.”
Travis snorts and nuzzles my neck with his nose, causing goosebumps to pop up on my arms. “We’re anything but ‘just friends’. Why would you tell her that, babe?”
I fight the urge to pound on his chest and yell that we are friends and not boyfriend and girlfriend and that this isn’t two thousand and two, but I can’t. It could make his brain injury worse. Before I can respond Taylor makes the situation worse.
“Where’s your ring?”
Travis stiffens beside me. “What ring? I didn’t propose, did I? I know some things are kind of fuzzy, but I don’t want to forget proposing to you.” He rubs his thumb over my ring finger, which has a tan line from Josh’s ring. “Where’s the ring, Aut?”
I glare at the EMT, whose eye’s go wide when she realizes what’s going on. She mouths an apology and hurries from the room.
Travis doesn’t even notice she’s left because his eyes are on me. “Aut? What’s going on?”
I sit up, placing a hand over his heart and he covers it with his hand. “Trav, I…” my voice trails off because I can’t lie to him, but I can’t tell him the truth either. It will upset him and the doctor specifically said not to upset him.
He squeezes my hand. “Why did you tell that EMT we weren’t dating? Did something happen between us?” His heart starts to beat faster and the machines begin to beep next to us, but he ignores them and continues with his interrogation, “Are we not a couple anymore? Are you engaged to someone else? I know you’re pretending we’re still in high school. You look different. Older, but still as beautiful as ever.” Travis’s green eyes roam my face with a look of pure and complete infatuation then he sighs. “I’m older too, I can feel it. I know it, but high school is all I can remember. What year is it? Please tell me we’re together. I can’t-” his voice trails off. The monitors are practically screaming beside him. A couple nurses rush in to check on him.
“Travis, you need to breathe.” I stand up to get out of their way, but still keep a hold of his hand.
His voice grows weaker as he pleads, “Tell me we’re still together. Tell me we’re getting married. I can’t imagine my life without you. Please Autumn.” His blood pressure is skyrocketing and his pulse is hammering like a jackhammer in his wrist.
“You need to leave, Miss,” the nurse tells me, sternly.
I nod. “I’ll be right outside, Trav. Everything is fine. We’re fine,” I squeeze his hand then let go so they can tend to him. A lump grows in my throat and tears prick the corners of my eyes as I watch him slump back in the bed.
His eyes roll back in his head and the nurse screams for a crash cart. One of them yells cardiac arrest.
I stand frozen in place as more nurses and a doctor rush in to work on Travis What have I done? This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have pushed him to think about the accident. I should have lied and told him we were together. I could have prevented this somehow. If Travis dies, it’s because of me.
“Miss, you need to leave. NOW!” the nurse yells from across the room while she does chest compressions on Travis.
I escape out the door and almost run into a frantic Regina.
“What’s going on? What happened? I went to the cafeteria. Why are they working on Travis? Is that a crash cart?” She tilts to the side like she’s going to pass out.
I reach out to steady her and guide her over to intensive care waiting room.
She grabs my hand
. “I can’t lose him, Autumn. He and Cat are all I have. He’s Cat’s only parent.” Tears fall down her cheeks like raindrops.
“He’ll be fine. You know Travis. He’s a fighter. He’ll pull through.” Even as I say those words, I’m not sure I believe them. He looked so vulnerable and weak in there. Like he was resigned to die if we weren’t together. The thought of Travis not being in this world makes me want to throw up. I can’t imagine a world without him in it. I shake my head to clear my thoughts. I can’t think like this. I have to be positive. Travis is going to pull through. He has to. For Cat. Speaking of Cat, I glance around the room, expecting to see her, but when I don’t, I ask, “Where’s Cat?”
Regina wipes her eyes and says, “Your mom took her to get something to eat then is going to take her back to your house to shower and change her clothes.”
I nod, relief washing over me that she won’t be here to see her father like this, especially since he doesn’t remember her.
“What happened Autumn?”
I take a deep breath and tell her about the EMT coming in and the mention of my ring. Travis getting worked up over the thought of us not being together. When I’m done telling her everything including that this is all my fault, she doesn’t say anything for several minutes. I open my mouth to demand she say something when the doctor comes out.
We both stand and rush over to him.
“How is he? Is he okay? Can we see him?” Regina peeks over his shoulder in an attempt to get a glimpse of Travis.
“He’s resting now. I want to take him for another CT scan. I think there’s more bleeding on the brain. Blood was seeping out the wound. We’re going to restrict his visitors for the time being. Family only.” The doctor gives me a pointed look.
Regina glares at him and grabs my hand. “Autumn is family. She didn’t have anything to do with this. She’s been more than accommodating considering she’s marrying another man tomorrow. It’s not her fault someone hit my nephew over the head and he’s lost his memory.”