by Carol Ashby
Decimus covered his mouth and pulled his hand down across his chin. “I ordered children into the arena in Mogontiacum. I did it for Rome...I thought what I did was good then, but now...” He shifted his gaze to the filthy floor.
Publius rested his hand on Decimus’s arm, and Decimus looked again at his mentor’s eyes. Publius’s voice softened. “You gave the order, but you only did what you’d been taught was right. So often good and evil get confused in our minds, but what else can we expect? Man is not good and wise; he naturally chooses evil. There are glimmers of beauty and kindness, but it’s ugliness and cruelty that rule. Rome is brutal and rotten at her core, yet she rules vast lands.”
Decimus nodded. “We use brutality to keep the provinces afraid. Fear makes them peaceful, but...” He shrugged.
Publius sighed. “War is the playground of violence, but we don’t stop there. Man’s love of violence led to the games. Tens of thousands of Romans watch as people are brutally murdered and consider it good entertainment. Man is naturally evil, selfish, and rebellious against God―a sinful being. Again, I found this understanding in the Jewish script―” He gasped.
Decimus jerked when Publius’s hand clenched his arm in a vise-like grip. “You must return to my house and get my scripture scrolls. Lucius will only throw them away when he disposes of the things in my bedchamber.”
Decimus rested his hand on Publius’s. “I’ll get them from Malleolus today.”
Publius beamed as if Decimus had given him a magnificent gift. His grip relaxed, and he withdrew his hand. “I want you to have them. They contain the actual words of God, and I pray you will come to treasure them as much as I do. Promise me you won’t let Lucius destroy them.”
“I give you my word.”
A serene smile lifted the corners of Publius’s mouth as his eyes warmed. “At last, I had found a philosophy that explained everything I knew to be true about the world, but it was much more than a philosophy. In those Scriptures, I met the God who made the universe, and I learned that He cares about men. He has always wanted us to know Him and love Him. So I became a God-fearer, worshiping the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. But the more I learned, the more I worried about a problem.”
Decimus pushed back the lock of hair that had fallen onto his forehead. “What problem?”
As Publius looked past Decimus, he massaged his right shoulder “He’s a holy God, and He can’t tolerate sin in His presence. He gave His people a way to approach Him by covering their sins through blood sacrifice.”
“How is that a problem?”
“Because it didn’t remove the sin; it only covered it for a while. God said the sacrifice must be performed in His temple in Jerusalem every year on the Day of Atonement. For more than a thousand years, His people offered the sacrifices He commanded, but those ended when Titus destroyed the temple when he put down the rebellion in Judaea. But the payment for sins has always required blood sacrifice.
Decimus’s eyes narrowed. “But with the temple gone, how was sin to be paid for?”
Publius slapped Decimus’s shoulder. “Exactly! And how could the true God, the one so powerful that He could make the universe, let Rome destroy His temple and take away what allowed His people to approach Him?
A frown pulled Decimus’s mouth down. “If the Jewish god is the true god, like you say, that makes no sense.”
A smile crept across Publius’s face, just as it had when Decimus suddenly grasped something years ago. “I know. I thought about it constantly, but I couldn’t see my way to the answer.” The gleam in Publius’s eyes matched the growing smile. “Then I met a man who explained it all. He’s from Thessalonica, and his grandfather heard the great apostle Paul teaching about Jesus. One of his grandfather’s best friends had even been in Jerusalem on business when Jesus was crucified.”
Decimus’s eyebrows rose. “An eyewitness?”
Publius nodded. “Yes. He saw the dark sky, felt the earth shake, and heard of how the temple curtain had been torn from top to bottom. He saw the courage in the temple courts of Jesus’s followers who had abandoned Him in fear the night of His arrest. His grandfather’s friend heard the preaching of Peter in the temple and was among the first new followers after Jesus rose from the dead, proving His claim to be God. My friend’s grandfather became a believer, and so have all his descendants.
“Don’t you see? The temple could be destroyed because God made the perfect blood sacrifice Himself―Jesus on the cross more than eighty years ago.”
As Decimus rubbed the back of his neck, his eyebrows lowered. “So you think the temple and its sacrifices were no longer needed?”
Publius beamed as he nodded. “God had Rome destroy it so people wouldn’t cling to the old ways. The coming of the Messiah, of Jesus, was foretold in the Scriptures hundreds of years before He came, and God kept the promise He made to His people.
“No animal sacrifices were needed to cover my sin with their blood. I only had to believe in Jesus as the sacrifice for all sins, including mine.” The grin relaxed into a satisfied smile. “My mind knew this was true, and I chose to follow Jesus as my savior, no matter what the cost.”
Publius placed his hand on Decimus’s shoulder, and a strange brightness lit his eyes. “And then I met God. He came to me and He lives in me. The day I decided to believe, to repent of my sins and commit myself to Jesus as my Lord, all the darkness and decay in my life was replaced by brightness and newness.”
He stared past Decimus, as if he was looking at something only he could see. “It was as if I’d never seen beauty before, never tasted sweetness before, never known what it meant to be fully alive. Following Jesus is like the finest marriage; denying Him would be committing adultery against the most loving, beautiful, faithful wife a man could have. I could never betray my Lord that way.”
The brightness faded, and Publius’s eyebrows dipped as he lowered his arm.
“When Lucius reported me as a Christian, I knew what my sentence would be. The praetor who heard my case is Lucius’s good friend. He’s well known to hate Christians, especially those of the senatorial and equestrian orders.”
His eyes brightened again, and his smile reappeared. “But I have no regrets. I’m content to die because it isn’t death that matters. It’s whether you have accepted Jesus as Savior. Death is a tragedy apart from Jesus. Without Jesus, I would be lost, in hell, forever separated from God. With Jesus as my savior, death has no power over me. I don’t fear it. It will just usher me into life with Him in heaven.”
Decimus sucked in a breath and held it. The echo of Valeria’s distress when she thought Inge might have died before she chose Jesus rang in his head. She’d fought tears when he wanted to kill himself because she didn’t want him to die while he was still lost. Her happiness every time he let her think he was interested in reading her Gospels, learning more about Jesus, trying to understand why she believed―it all made sense.
Publius’s voice pulled him back to the cell. “I know Lucius betrayed me because he wants full control of his life and the family fortune. He wasn’t content to wait until I died naturally. I’ve forgiven him, and I pray that somehow God will reach him so he’ll choose to follow Jesus, too.” His deep sigh revealed the pain born of that betrayal.
“I pray for Claudia and Titus, too.” Wistfulness softened the tone of Publius’s voice. “My only regret is leaving Claudia under Lucius’s guardianship. I wish it was Titus. He would select the right husband. Marriage to the wrong man will crush her gentle heart. I know my arrest and coming death are devastating her, but I pray that God will care for her when I am gone.
“I’ve written Titus to tell him why I believe in Jesus, that I’m happy to die for Him so he is not to grieve, and that he must find a way to forgive his brother for turning me in. I’ve told him that I will be praying for all my children until I take my final breath and even after that in heaven.”
Publius placed his hand once more on Decimus’s sh
oulder and squeezed. That touch of compassion―Decimus was a man who never cried, but it almost breached the dam holding back his tears.
“I will pray for you as well. For many years, you’ve been my extra son. May Jesus claim your heart and mind as His own so you can know the joy and peace I’ve found.”
Decimus’s gaze was locked on his friend’s face. The happy glow in his eyes, the gentle smile on his face―it was Valeria’s face as he read from John.
He ran his fingers through his hair and shook his head. “All you say makes sense, but how can I know it’s true? Just because something is logical, that doesn’t mean it’s true.”
“But it is true. Jesus told us that He is the way, the truth, and the life. He promised if a man would believe in Him and follow, he would know the truth and the truth would set him free. If you let Him, Jesus will show you what is true. Open your mind to Him, Decimus. Open your heart. Know the truth and be free like I am, even in this prison as I wait to die.”
Decimus shook his head again. “I can’t do that. I have to know something is true before I can believe it, not the other way around.”
“Let God help you. Know that Jesus loves you and wants you to come to Him.”
“That’s what she said.” Decimus’s voice caught. “But I don’t know, and I need more help to decide.”
He took a deep breath and squared his shoulders. “I’m not going to leave you here to die. You’ll be in the arena with the lions before week’s end. I have enough money with me to pay a bribe to free you. I can get you out of Rome and send you to her. She’ll gladly take you in for as long as you need. You can safely follow Jesus there.”
Publius rested both hands on Decimus’s shoulders. “My son, I don’t want to get out unless it’s God’s will to free me without bribery.” The squeeze before he lowered his hands spoke more than words could. “To help a condemned prisoner escape...you know that’s a capital crime. I won’t let you destroy yourself trying to set me free. The lions kill quickly, and then I’ll be with my Lord Jesus forever. Death comes to every man, but mine will open the door to eternal joy and peace and perfect life without end. My brothers and sisters in Christ who have already died await me across the threshold. I’m ready to begin my new life with my Lord Jesus forever.”
Decimus stood motionless, staring at Publius. His friend’s face was serene. His eyes glowed with a mixture of love and happiness and contentment that mirrored the eyes of Valeria after he’d listened to her singing that beautifully strange song the night after his sight returned.
“But―” Decimus began, but Publius placed his finger on his lips and stopped him.
“It’s time for you to go. You shouldn’t be here if the guards come again to take more of us up to the arena. They’ve already taken the people for the lions today, but they may take some for the gladiators this afternoon. I’ll probably go up tomorrow. Don’t grieve for me. Rejoice instead. I’m going to be with my Lord.
“I’ll be praying for you, Decimus. For you to hear God’s call to you and choose to follow Jesus with your whole heart, as I have. Then this parting will only be a farewell, and not a goodbye.”
Publius wrapped his arm around Decimus and guided him toward the door. He called through the tiny window, “Guard, we’re through.”
The hinges creaked as the door swung open. As Decimus stepped through the doorway, he looked one last time into the eyes of his friend. Love shone from them―love like he’d seen in hers.
“Farewell, my son. I pray I’ll see you again as my brother. May the grace and peace of my Lord Jesus be with you.”
The guard closed the door and locked it. Through the small hole in the heavy door, Decimus heard singing. Suddenly the dank air of the cellblock was so oppressive he couldn’t breathe. He spun and strode through the passageways to reach the sunshine and fresh air of the open street.
Decimus had promised he would return to the Drusus house to get Publius’s treasured scriptures, but the thought of going there again tore at his heart. He recoiled from telling Malleolus about his failure to save Publius.
He rode to the house in silence. When he knocked, the same door slave answered.
“I’m here to see Malleolus.” The slave bowed and escorted him to the small room where they’d talked before, then went to find the steward.
When Malleolus first entered the room, his eyes shone with hope, but that faded when he saw Decimus.
“My master refused to listen.”
“He listened, and then he explained why he’s made his decision to follow Jesus to his death. I couldn’t even persuade him to let me bribe his way out to send him where he can safely be a Christian. He made me promise to collect a final gift from him. There are some scrolls in his bedchamber, a Greek version of the Jewish scriptures. He didn’t want Lucius to destroy them.”
Malleolus nodded. “I know the ones. He read from them every day. I am glad they will go to you. I will get them.”
As the old steward left the room, the spring that had always been in his step was gone. Decimus understood exactly how he felt; knowing you’ve lost someone you love will do that every time.
Chapter 47: Proof
As Decimus rode back to his father’s villa, the turmoil of his parting with Valeria enveloped him again. She had chosen Jesus, first risking her life for her enemy, then sacrificing her love for him. Publius had chosen Jesus, embracing the death that choice must bring. The two people he loved most in this world loved Jesus more than anything. Both chose him above all, even if the price was their lives.
Should he make the same choice? Could he make the same choice? Did it make sense to give up everything for a crucified Jewish carpenter? A man who claimed he was the perfect sacrifice to reconcile man with the one true god? A man who claimed he could do that because he was God himself?
Publius had always been so well informed, so wise about everything. Everything Decimus heard in that stinking cell made perfect sense when he looked at it logically.
But was logic the same as truth? Was it something a man should hang his whole life on?
If he chose to believe and follow Jesus, his life as a tribune on the road to power must end. Was he willing to pay that price? Was it worth the cost? Publius and Valeria both thought so.
If he chose Jesus, he knew what he would lose, but what would he gain?
Surely the price was too high to pay without proof. He couldn’t make that choice based on logical argument. He needed some undeniable proof.
Decimus rubbed the back of his neck before turning his face up to scan the sky.
He’d always thought it strange the way Valeria and her family spoke with their god as if he was a person in the room, but he was ready to try it. After taking a deep breath, he uttered his first prayer.
“God of Valeria and Publius, I don’t know if you’re really who they say, but if you are, send me the proof I need to believe and follow you.”
He relaxed in the saddle and nudged his horse into a trot.
Her Jesus had said to seek and he would find, to ask and he would receive. Well, he was seeking and asking. Now he would wait to see if he would find what he was looking for.
Decimus was sitting by the window in his bedchamber. He’d begun reading Publius’s scriptures and had reached the section where Moses was describing the Jewish god’s laws for blood sacrifice when his father entered.
He set the scroll aside as his father approached.
Father was beaming. “I have excellent news. We’ve been invited to dine tonight with Quintus Flavius Sabinus. He’s one of the men I especially wanted you to meet while in Rome, so this is most fortunate. He has great influence in the Senate and with the Emperor.”
“I don’t have any other plans for the evening.”
His father’s eyebrows rose, then dipped. “Quintus Flavius Sabinus is a man you would cancel any other plans for. This is a superb opportunity, and I hope you’ll make the most of it.”
“Of course, Father.”
“Since you’ve already completed five years as tribune with great success, it’s time for us to start positioning you to become a quaestor based in Rome in three years. Sabinus can be a great help to us in accomplishing that.”
Decimus nodded his head but said nothing. Father obviously expected him to be delighted by the chance to attract the patronage of a man like Flavius Sabinus. Before the ambush, he would have been.
“Sabinus always serves superb food and has other entertainments as well. Dining with him is usually a memorable experience.”
“I’m sure it will be an interesting evening.”
His father’s eyebrows dipped further. “It will. Also, I think tomorrow we should go to the games. They’ll provide a good opportunity to run into some of the other people who can help with your rapid promotion.”
Go to the games―the mere thought made Decimus’s stomach knot. The roar of the crowd as lions tore Publius to pieces―he couldn’t bear that. Before Valeria, he’d considered the games one of the best ways to spend an afternoon. How could he ever have thought watching men die brutal, bloody deaths was fun? She’d shown him a better way, and that had ruined the entertainments of Rome for him. He wanted no part of them now.
“I have something else to do tomorrow.”
Tiberius was shocked by that response. He made no effort to keep the irritation from his voice as he replied.
“There is nothing more important than meeting as many key people as you can while you’re here. We’ll be going mid-morning. Anything else you’re planning can wait. I’m going out. I’ll be back in time for us to go together in the chariot to Sabinus’s.”
Tiberius turned and strode out of Decimus’s room. As he walked through the atrium, he shook his head as he replayed their conversation in his mind. What was wrong with his son, and how could he help him return to the way he used to be?