I can feel my skin flush as I take him in. I bite my lower lip and feel my heart beat rapidly as he comes closer.
He lifts his thumb and pulls my lip away from my teeth.
“You look beautiful,” he whispers, “are you ready to get this night over with?”
I nod and swallow the lump in my throat.
How am I going to get through tonight? My feelings are getting in the way of the plan. The more time that I spend with him, the more I like him and that could become an issue when this relationship ends.
The car ride over to his parent’s house was nerve-racking. I wanted to take back what I said earlier. I don’t want to be just friends. I don’t want to pretend anymore. I wanted to see what could happen. But deep in my gut, I know that separating myself is the right thing. This faux relationship will be over in less than a year anyways. I take a deep breath and feel Devin’s gaze on me.
The car pulls up to the front gates, Devin gets out first, then reaches back for my hand. I place my hand in his and smile up at him adoringly.
“Are you okay?” he asks as I stand in front of him.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be” I ask him, leaning into him while we walk up the massive stairs to the front door of his parents’ house.
“Something felt off on the way here. You seemed faraway, or something.” He replies as the front door opens.
“Ah, you two are here!” Devin’s mom gushes stepping forward and holding out her arms to me.
We embrace and then she turns her attention to her son.
“Everything alright?” She asks looking between us
“Of course, just a little bit on the hungry side. What’s for dinner?” he responds patting his stomach.
“Something divine, I’m sure. Come. The party is in the back of the house.” She motions her arm in the direction of the back doors and we make our way to the event.
Much of the evening is walking around and shaking hands. Smiling, nodding, and polite conversation is also part of the night. Along with a constant connection with Devin. Something that I wasn’t bothered with until now.
Although, I’m not exactly bothered, I’m conflicted.
We have just taken our seats at the table, as soon as dinner was announced when someone approaches our table.
“You two must be bored of all these political events, not much of a honeymoon,” a man asks taking a seat beside him.
Devin fixes his napkin on his lap and smiles before turning toward the voice.
He doesn’t respond, instead it looks as if he’s in shock. I look around Devin and see a young man, about our age and he looks quizzingly between us.
“Pete, how nice to see you. What are you doing here?” Devin finally asks.
“Oh, I got the invite from one of your father’s intern friends. You know, how I usually always get my invites to these things. Now, I guess congratulations should be in order?” He quirks his eyebrow.
“Ah, yes. Um, thank you.” Devin responds quietly, looking nervous.
“It’s been a bit since I’ve seen you. I was wondering what you were up to, and I guess now I can see that you’ve been busy, the rumors must be true. Hello, I’m Pete, and you must be the wifey?” He throws his hand past Devin and I place mine in his.
“Nice to meet you, Constance Richards.” I say with a smile.
“Ah, you’re taking his last name, how very 1950’s of you. How well do you know this guy?”
“I, um, would say that I know him pretty well. After all, I did marry him. I mean, who would marry a complete stranger?” I laugh awkwardly.
“Oh honey, you’d be surprised. But maybe you should ask your hubby here about his past relationships, you might learn a little something that you weren’t expecting.” Pete looks between the two of us awaiting my answer.
“Oh, I know all about his past relationships,” I smile. Realizing that this conversation has taken a jealous turn.
“Yeah, there are no secrets between the two of us.” Devin states taking my hand in his.
“Oh, so all of a sudden you’ve decided that you’re going to put on a mask and hide who you really are?” Pete asks nastily.
“That’s not at all what I’m doing, but this isn’t the place or time to have any sort of conversation about this. Please stop, or I will have security escort you out.”
“Tell me that you aren’t in love with this woman.” Pete asks.
“I can’t do that.” Devin shakes his head.
“You don’t love her. You told me that you could never love a woman,” Pete stares at him.
“Things change, and despite what you think, I do love her and nothing you can say will ever change that.” Devin’s tone is steady, and his eyes are pinned to Pete, with his hand still in mine.
“Time will tell, in the meantime, you still have my number, use it for when you tire of her.” Pete sneers, stands, and walks away.
Chapter Twenty
Devin
Well that was embarrassing. Thankful that no one else overheard the tense conversation or was sitting already at the table, I take a deep breath and turn to Connie who has unshed tears in her eyes. Her hand is still in mine and she’s biting her lower lip again.
“Are you okay?” I ask her, leaning toward her.
She shakes her head. “That was someone you’ve been with in the past, I assume?”
“Yes.” I answer with a nod.
“How recent?” she asks.
“A few months, maybe? His brother is an intern for my dad’s office and always comes with him.”
“And you guys…were nothing serious?”
“I will tell you this, I’ve not had any serious relationships with any of the men that I’ve been involved with. Being bi, or gay is not part of my father’s agenda. I would not be allowed to be in a relationship openly with a man. That’s why it’s all been discreet. But I don’t want you to listen to anything that he was saying.”
“Kind of hard not to, when what he says is true.”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Well, we have an expiration date, and then there is the topic that we talked about earlier, about you and other…men.” She lowers her voice after looking around.
“Can I ask you a question and expect that you will be absolutely honest?” Do I want to know the answer to this? Will it change everything to hear what she says?
“Yes, I’ll always be honest, you should know that by now,” she tells me.
“Does it bother you, me being with another man?” I hold my breath in anticipation of her answer.
She doesn’t immediately answer me, but I see the warring of her mind in her posture, the fact that she won’t look at me, and that she’s pulled her hand from mine.
“Con, if you’re not okay with it, then I won’t.” I tell her.
“Ah, there are the newlyweds! Congrats on the marriage, you sure as heck surprised all of us!” One of my mother’s friends comes up to the table and pulls out a chair.
I see Connie blow out a breath and fix her frown to a smile as she turns her gaze to our new table companion.
“Thank you,” she says, as if we weren’t about to have a serious conversation about sex.
“And Constance, is your family here this evening?” She asks.
“No ma’am, they’re not big on large events. They’ll attend some smaller ones here and there. But they have their plates pretty full.”
“Oh nonsense. Half of us come here for the free food and booze, isn’t that right, mister?” The woman elbows me.
“That’s actually quite true.” I say looking between the women. “It’s the main reason that I do.”
A waiter with a cart places plates full of food on the tables and my mother’s friend stands up quickly.
“I better get to my seat before my husband eats my plate, very nice to meet you Constance. You kids enjoy the free food!” she winks and walks away.
We ate and mingled a little bit but, the evening wouldn’t be complete without some slow dan
cing. My parents like to put on a full event and never leave out anything you would expect from an event. And so far, we’ve checked each mark off of the list for tonight.
She sways in my arms to the beat with her cheek resting on my shoulder. My arms are fastened around her waist tightly as we move around the small space we’ve commandeered on the dance floor.
“Can we finish our conversation from earlier?” I ask quietly.
“I don’t think this is the right place to have such a conversation,” she replies.
“True, but I don’t want to waste a moment, I don’t want to have anything lingering.”
“Why?” She picks up her head and looks up at me.
“What if it is something that can change the future of our situation?”
“The future of our situation is easy. I’m your fake wife. I’m your beard. I am here to satisfy a specific role and at one point that role will end.” Her tone is even – without any emotion
“What if it doesn’t?” I ask for what I feel is the millionth time.
“Everything ends.” She says sadly.
Why does she feel that it is the case? What makes her think that there’s no happy ending?
We’re walking into the apartment when she finally breaks the silence.
“So, I think it’s going great, you?”
“My parents seem to like you.”
“I think that they do too.” She nods.
“What about you?” I ask.
“What about me?” she looks at me with confusion.
“Do you like me?” I figure why the hell not.
“Of course, that’s a weird question” she shrugs.
We both remove our jackets, when I turn around, she’s leaning against the back of the couch. I approach her, place my hands on the edge of the couch on both sides of her caging her.
“No Connie. Do you like me?" I pause. "Because, I’m finding that I like holding your hand, that I like kissing you, and that I like being wrapped up in you while we’re in public.”
I’ve shocked her. She stares at me not exactly knowing what to say, but isn’t pushing me away.
“I’m going to kiss you again.”
“Why are you telling me?”
“I’m giving you the chance to tell me no.”
“What if I don’t want to?” she whispers.
My hands go to her back as her hands go to the nape of my neck, her fingers running through my hair. Our lips press together, our tongues tangle and our breaths become one.
Without breaking our connection, I turn her and move her in the direction of the bedroom.
Chapter Twenty-One
Connie
My mind is racing, we’re making out. Not just a peck, but full on making out. My tongue is in his mouth, his in mine. Our hands running all over each other as he steers me to his bedroom.
We’ve crossed the boundaries and I’m not going stop it from happening. All the pent-up tension from all of the events, constant touching, and the kisses that weren’t supposed to mean anything. But they are more and more.
Someone knocks on the front door. Quietly at first, then louder as we continue to ignore it.
Knock! Knock! Knock! Pound! Pound! Pound!
“Ugh!” He groans. “Ignore it.”
“Devin! I know you’re in there! Answer the door!” a voice yells from the front door sounding like his father.
His movements freeze from the voice and I hear him expel a “fuck.”
I take the opportunity to break free from his embrace and rush from his room to mine. I press my back against the door and let out a shaky breath.
I know that I’m not getting out of the conversation that Devin wants to have. But I did put it off, so that way the conversation could be had while we were at home and not at his parents, in the middle of the event or hell in the middle of mistakenly making out.
Twenty minutes later, I’ve come out of my bedroom and into the living room and Devin isn’t anywhere in sight. I can hear the voices from the hallway beyond the front door and fight putting my ear to the door to listen. Instead, I move to the couch and take a seat with a book in my lap. I’m too nervous to really read, but as soon as the door opens and slams closed, I have my eyes to the pages. He looks annoyed, but when I look up he offers me a small smile before he walks into the kitchen, and a moment later, returns with two glasses.
“My father wanted to me to tell you ‘hi’,” he smirks.
“I highly doubt that’s what he was saying, is everything okay?” I ask setting my book down.
“Just work stuff. He’s asking me to make more of an effort and to not be a slacker.” He sighs. “Can we continue our conversation?”
Devin hands me a glass of water and takes a seat a cushion away from me.
“You can’t have your cake and eat it too.” I reply setting my glass on a coaster.
“What was that then, we continue to have these ‘oops’ moments?” He looks at me with a blank expression.
“A mistake.”
“A mistake? Connie, this shouldn’t be this hard. I like you and I think that you like me too, in that way. It seems like anytime that we’ve stepped over the lines, it’s only for you, then you run away once you think it’s going to go further.”
“That’s not fair,” I shake my head.
“What are your honest thoughts on me being with someone else?” he sets his glass on the table in front of us.
While I pick at my cuticles. I mull over the question for a few moments. I look anywhere but at him, because I don’t want him to see the emotion that my eyes hold.
“Con?” he probes.
“Remember, this relationship has a plan. I’m sorry, I’m honestly not sure. Our relationship is not a real relationship.” I shake my head.
“But isn’t it?”
“You know what I’m talking about. I’m talking about a romantic relationship.”
“What if our relationship was?”
“Devin.” I pin him with a look.
“Constance.” He counters.
“A relationship anything more than what it currently is, would be blurring the lines of the relationship.”
“I think that every day is blurring the lines. We go to these events, we kiss, we continuously touch, it’s only when we come home that we go our separate ways in the means of a relationship. But then there’s the few times where we’ve kissed and then we’re still hanging out together, we just don’t sleep together.”
“And is that what you need? I thought that was what you would be getting from your” -cough- “extracurriculars.”
“I would give that up, hell I basically have aside from that one time the other day, and that wasn’t really anything significant, that was a blow job. I couldn’t go through with being with him, not when I’m thinking of someone else.”
I’m silent.
I’m not sure what to say to that.
“I’m just going to come out and say it, there’s no point in even hiding it. I didn’t want to sleep with him, because you were in the forefront of my mind. I would rather be making love to you, rather than fucking him.”
I’m silent again, and not just because I don’t know what to say, but because of what his statement implies.
What do I really want?
I look at him and his eyes are searching me, for any give of my thoughts and where I stand.
Should I just give in and see where this can take us?
Will I be hurt when this all ends, or grateful that we tried?
I lift my palm up and cup his face, as he leans into my hand.
I smile.
“Please don’t hurt me,” I whisper leaning closer to him.
“Never.” He promises closing the distance between us.
We’ve kissed so many times, but those have all been for show. This kiss is for us.
It’s slow and sensual. There’s no space between us on the couch anymore, our bodies are reactive, our hands are roaming, and our tongues are t
wisting. The kiss is exploratory, it’s soft and how a first kiss should be.
While it’s not a first kiss in the time we’ve known one another, it feels like it’s a first kiss right now.
We pull away from one another with him nipping at my lower lip. When our eyes connect, his are glazed and burning into my soul that I feel between my lips when he licks his upper lip and runs his tongue across the top of his teeth.
My breaths are shallow and I stand up, hold my hand out to him, and lead him toward the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. I pause outside my door, look back and him and decide against going inside, then move a down to his room.
Wordlessly, I drop his hand and then pull my sweatshirt over my head to drop onto the floor. I’m not wearing anything underneath, and when I turn to Devin, his nostrils flare and he steps forward. His hand lifts and cups my bare breast, the pad of this thumb brushes against my hardened nipple, before he lightly pulls at my nipple. I gently push him away to give me additional space and then grab my waistband and slowly move my shorts and panties down, baring myself fully to him. Devin watches each movement as I step out of my shorts. He takes the moment to pull his shirt over his head, a moment later, his pants are beside mine on the floor and we’re both naked, standing in front of one another, admiring each other.
“You are gorgeous,” he says.
I say nothing as I step forward and press myself up to him and place my hands on his shoulders.
We walk in tandem backwards until the back of my knees hit the bed and I fall backward. Devin hovers over me, his erect cock grazing against my center.
He leans down, presses himself against me, and brushes his lips against my collarbone, then up to my neck, across my jaw, and meets my lips.
“This means that there will be no one else?” I ask hesitantly.
“Only you, there will be only you.”
I lean up and kiss him, I add as much passion as possible, all the pent-up energy that I’ve felt melts away the past few weeks as his cock nudges my entrance.
“Condom.” I say against his lips.
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