by Dee, Cara
The “back” consisted of a paved lot packed with cars, old and new, and stacks upon stacks of tires. There was also a set of plastic lawn furniture, a grill, and two other men.
“Chase! Don’t burn my wings,” Landon hollered.
The man who was tending to the grill had his back to them but raised his middle finger in the air.
Landon introduced Darius to the other guy. “Cam, you got a potential buyer for the Wagoneer.”
“Sorry I’m late,” someone else said. Gray looked over his shoulder as a fourth guy joined them, carrying a takeout bag. “Austin’s not here yet?”
“You’re late,” the grill master, Chase, accused.
“That’s what I just said,” the newcomer laughed.
Gray was quickly getting overwhelmed. It was a fairly small space, and the summer heat suddenly wasn’t helping. Maybe because the smells of barbecue and motor oil were heavy in the air.
“Have a seat, boys.” Landon sat down and kicked out a chair for Gray. “You’re just passin’ through, I take it?”
Gray nodded absently as he saw Chase dip down and kiss the newcomer.
Were they all gay here, or what?
Not to mention rugged and tatted up. Only the newest guy seemed a bit younger.
Gray took a seat and scratched Jayden’s neck.
Jayden chose to step between Gray’s legs and half-sit on one of his thighs while he looked around curiously.
Darius and Cam were getting along fine, it appeared. One chuckled at something the other said, and then vice versa. It was all so casual, and it was a reminder that Gray wasn’t there yet. He couldn’t unclench and roll with the punches. Which he’d never struggled with before. He was social and outgoing. Well, he had been.
It was sobering, and it only got worse when a fifth man showed up. Unlike the others, this one wore a suit, sans jacket, and Landon called him Austin. Who apologized for being late and explaining tiredly that he’d had another fight with his ex-wife because their daughter wanted to stay with “us”—him and…Cam? Gray assumed so, because Cam excused himself from the conversation with Darius and joined Austin for a minute.
A waft of barbecue-scented heat washed over Gray, and he started tapping his foot restlessly.
“So, where’s my girl now?” Landon asked.
“At home with a friend,” Austin answered. Then he loosened his tie and caught sight of Gray and Jayden. “Hello.” He smiled politely.
“Oh, right.” Landon gestured to Gray and Darius. “They might buy the Wagoneer.”
“Ah.” Austin accepted a beer from Chase and was visibly relieved. “Thanks. Have you offered them anything?” he asked Landon pointedly.
Landon smirked and slid his gaze to Gray. “Austin and my wife help me be a better man. You want anything to drink, kid?”
Gray shook his head and felt his chest grow tight. “Thanks, I’m good.”
How long was this gonna take?
He heard Landon offer Jayden a soda, but the words sounded far away. Someone added insult to injury and put on music in the shop too. Rock music poured out. Everyone was having a good time. Through bits and pieces of conversation, Gray understood they were close friends and family, and they met up for dinner once a month. Landon mentioned last time at their place. Austin spoke of next month at their house. Jayden gulped down some Coke from a glass bottle and said something Gray couldn’t decipher. He stared at the boy; he saw his lips moving, but he couldn’t for the life of him hear any of it.
His heart started hammering.
He blinked and wiped sweat off his forehead.
Nausea crawled up his throat.
“Darius, come quick!” Jayden yelled.
Oh God.
Gray choked on a breath. It felt like someone had tightened a rope around his neck, and the edges of his vision were turning black.
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
“Hey! Everybody back off.” That sounded like Austin, but Gray wasn’t sure.
And then it didn’t matter because Darius appeared in front of him and cradled Gray’s face in his hands.
Darius was repeating something over and over, too quietly for it to rise above the rushing sounds in Gray’s ears. Gulping in some air, he did his best to focus on Darius. Panic threatened to overtake him—just you and me. Gray blinked, unsure if he had heard the words or thought them.
“Listen to my voice, knucklehead. It’s just you and me—somewhere else.”
Their game…
They’d done it on the yacht. They’d done it after they’d been rescued from the island too. They’d pretended it was only them in the world. Just the two of them, somewhere else.
“Just you and me,” Gray whispered hoarsely.
Darius nodded and combed back Gray’s hair with his fingers. It was a soft touch that sent a shiver through the discomfort of everything else. “You and me, somewhere else,” he murmured. “You got this. You’re stronger than you think.”
Gray sucked in a shaky breath and held it, then let it out slowly. And he reached out blindly for Jayden, thankful beyond words when he wrapped his fingers around a small wrist. He needed them both close.
“It’s time to feel better now,” Jayden whispered in his ear. “I’ll hug you, okay? I’ll hug you. You gotta feel better.” His arms came around Gray’s chest, or almost, and he rested his head on Gray’s shoulder. “Please feel better now.”
Gray did feel better. He was starting to, anyway. Because these two guys knew how to steal his attention better than anyone else.
“Come on, let’s get you some fresh air.” Darius stood up and pulled Gray with him. “Focus on breathing. You have your anxiety meds in the car, right?”
He wasn’t a big fan of those but acknowledged now wasn’t the time to argue. He needed to clear his brain and power down.
On the way to the Jeep, Darius promised to take care of Jayden and that they’d be out of here soon.
Gray’s head was swimming, and he only resurfaced in an instinctive jerk when Darius went to open the passenger’s side door. Instead, Gray went with the back seat. He pushed some of their belongings down onto the floor and then collapsed across the seats, his feet sticking out.
Darius reached inside the car with a bottle of water and a pill.
Gray had no energy left. He merely stared unseeingly at what Darius extended to him.
It made Darius switch tactics, and he rounded the car instead. He opened the other door, coming closer to Gray’s head, and bent down to place the pill between his lips.
“Take this for me, baby,” Darius murmured. “You need to rest. I’ll handle everything else, all right? We’ll be out of here soon. I’m just gonna take the Wagoneer on a quick test drive.”
“I can watch him,” Jayden offered.
That gave Gray enough strength to shake his head and swallow down the pill. “I’ll be fine,” he croaked. “Go with Darius.” At this point, buying that car would take less time than going to a rental place. Besides, Gray was past the period where everything shut down just because he had a panic attack. He only needed to rest for a while. Life went on, and he had to accept setbacks along the way.
“We’ll hurry.” Darius pressed a kiss to Gray’s forehead. “You okay?”
Gray managed a small nod against the seat cushion.
“Christ.” Darius blew out a breath and straightened up. “You got my chest in a vise, knucklehead.”
Sorry.
Eleven
When Gray woke up, it was dark. His cheek was half stuck to the leather of a tan-colored backrest. He blinked and saw a moonlit landscape out the window. Barren hills that were yellow and brown in the sun were pale blue now.
He winced. The seats were pretty low, and his neck was sore.
Were they in Monterey yet?
He remembered feeling mortified when Darius had helped him out of the Jeep they’d borrowed and into the old one Darius had just bought. The Bakersfield guys, or three of them, had been outside the garage, with the
man in the suit, Austin, watching in concern. Gray also remembered that other guy, Cam, lifting his brows in surprise when Darius had wanted to pay with his debit card. Most people probably didn’t walk around with that much money ready to be spent, but most guys hadn’t just been hired to bring back a kidnapped person, and Darius hadn’t gotten around to transferring his payment to a savings account.
When all was said and done, Darius had driven Gray and Jayden out of Bakersfield in a new, very old car that he was ridiculously in love with already.
Gray, not so much. He grimaced and rubbed his neck as he straightened in his seat.
He scrubbed at his face, willing the sluggishness to fade.
“Hey.” Darius reached over and squeezed his leg. “You can sleep more. It’s only midnight.”
Gray frowned and looked over his shoulder. Jayden was asleep.
Facing forward again, Gray took in the pale interior and inhaled the new car smell…for this ancient car. Christ, the gearshift was behind the wheel, leaving the floor empty between them. There was only a soft-looking carpet.
Thing was, Gray had grown up with old cars. Mom still drove her decrepit green Beetle with a big smile on her face. Gage loved old cars too, and this spacious monstrosity certainly fit Darius’s old-school personality. Maybe Gray was just being a bitch.
“Did we pass Monterey?” he asked.
“A while back.” Darius nodded. “Passed San Francisco too.”
Whoa. “Where are we?”
Darius hummed. “Santa Rosa’s about half an hour inland. I thought I’d stop to get gas and some snacks soon, then make it to Mendocino within the next couple hours.”
“Oh.” Everything dawned on Gray, and he chewed on the inside of his cheek.
It was time to end this road trip. Darius was taking them home along the shortest route. Maybe it wasn’t the quickest if they were planning to follow the scenic highway along the coast, but there would be no more detours. They were on their way to Camassia now.
It dropped a rock of nerves into Gray’s stomach, even though he knew it was the right move. They’d stalled long enough. He had stalled long enough.
“You miss the woods,” Gray murmured.
Darius smiled faintly. “I do. More than that, I miss getting shit done.” He paused. “We gotta kick it up a notch with your training as soon as we get back.”
That caused warning bells to go off. “Have you heard from Willow?”
“Not today, but it shouldn’t be long now,” Darius replied. “She’ll find him soon.”
If “him” was in reference to Jackie or his buyer, it didn’t matter. Willow was getting closer, and that shot determination straight into Gray’s gut. They were going to rescue Jackie, one way or another.
Gray wouldn’t rest easy until they had.
Northern California was nowhere near as warm as Bakersfield.
While Gray had bought them some crappy food and snacks, Darius had gotten gas and parked off to the side where there was a cluster of picnic tables at the edge of a small forest.
“I miss home-cooked meals.” Gray sat down at a table and handed over two hot dogs to Darius. In a plastic bag, he had sodas, chips, and water.
“Me too.” Darius took a bite of his hot dog, which Gray had made sure was drenched in mostly mustard. It was how he liked it.
Gray glanced over his shoulder to make sure Jayden hadn’t woken up. He was too cute, hugging a pillow to himself, a blanket thrown around him, and his mouth open.
“You’re gazing lovingly at my car, aren’t you?” Darius joked.
Gray chuckled and zipped up his hoodie. “Don’t you have a car already?”
Darius shook his head and uncapped a bottle of water. “I have a heavy-duty truck. Perfect for building a cabin in the middle of the woods, less perfect when you gotta park it at the marina before work.”
After everything they’d been through, it was difficult reconciling the fact that Darius was a restaurant owner. He ran a fish camp in the marina in Downtown, a hot spot for tourists and those who could afford the rent.
“Are you a good cook?” Gray asked curiously. He unwrapped the sandwich he’d bought for himself and eyed the turkey critically.
Darius turned pensive. “I don’t know. I’m not adventurous in the kitchen, but I can hold my own—I think.” He wiped some mustard from his upper lip. “I use the grill when the weather allows it. Meat, fish, baked potatoes. And now I won’t have to use the shitty one I had on the rooftop of my old apartment. I built a new one as soon as the main house was ready.”
Jeesh. How many cabins did he have up there?
“You’ll probably be surprised at my everyday routine,” Darius noted with a smirk. “It ain’t your average household with modern appliances and comfort.”
Gray had figured as much, but he was still dying to experience it. “As long as I get to see you bake bread again, I’ll be great.”
Darius coughed through a chuckle. “I set a loaf to rise before bed every night. Then it’s ready for the oven first thing when I wake up, and it’s done when I’ve finished my morning chores.”
Chores. Good God. Gray couldn’t help but smile and feel all warm. “I’ve been half-kidding when I’ve mentioned your proper homestead, but it’s legit, isn’t it?”
At that, Darius lifted a shoulder. “It’s the goal, anyway. Being self-reliant is good.” He finished his first hot dog in a final bite. “What about you? Do you like to cook?”
Hmm. Yes and no. He hesitated as he tried to come up with the most truthful response. “I like taking care of people,” he said. “I’ve cooked with Mom my whole life, but I prefer to do the extra things that go on the side. Appetizers. Desserts—I make a mean apple pie. And with all kinds of fruits and berries.” He watched Darius’s eyes practically glow for a beat. “At the place I shared with some buddies from the team, we could only fit two appliances, so we went with a microwave and my ice cream maker.” He took a bite of his sandwich and chewed slowly, thinking. “I’m not the most resourceful when it comes to putting together dinner every day,” he admitted. “My go-to for years has been chicken, rice, and broccoli.”
Darius grimaced.
It made Gray laugh. “You’re gonna eat more vegetables, Dare.”
“Make me,” Darius replied and spilled mustard on the table. “Help me grow them and I’ll eat them, but broccoli will be shot on sight as soon as it enters my property. Nothing green.”
Gray shook his head in amusement.
“Except for sprouts,” Darius said. “I grow sprouts in my windows. That’s enough.”
It was a start.
“You’re cute as fuck sometimes,” Gray said.
Darius shot him a wolfish grin around a mouthful of food. “You’re always cute.”
Gray smirked, even though the comment heated up his face. He didn’t quite know how to interpret it—if it was a dig or a compliment. Probably a dig.
They decided to keep driving.
Gray felt more clearheaded now and took the next shift behind the wheel, and he had to admit, the car was fun to drive.
Darius leaned against the corner where the backrest met the door, and he was watching Gray with a tired smile.
“Do I have something on my face?” Gray checked the rearview.
“I’m just lookin’.”
“It’s weird.”
“You’re weird.”
Gray burst out a strangled laugh, almost like a fucking giggle.
Darius grinned and pulled up his knee on the bench seat. Then he turned his head and glanced at a sleeping Jayden, and his expression sobered.
“He’s a good kid,” he murmured.
Gray nodded slowly. Whenever Jayden was the topic, he got this sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew why too. Every mile they put behind them meant less time to spend with the boy. A boy who—other than having had an amazing brother in Jonas—had never experienced the real meaning of family.
“I don’t know how I’m go
nna act tomorrow,” Gray confessed. “I feel like I’m betraying him by leaving him with Adeline. Despite that it’s a great place.”
Darius hummed.
“But what’s the alternative?” Gray genuinely didn’t know. He was by no means ready to take care of someone permanently; he was only twenty-one, not to mention fucked in the head after the past several months of agony he’d been through. And even if he were capable, no one would allow it. The state sure as fuck wouldn’t deem him fit to be…what, a foster parent?
“I don’t know,” Darius replied, frowning. “We’re gonna have to come up with a temporary solution if we want him to keep his trust in us, though.”
“What do you mean?”
“He needs a family,” Darius stated. “For that to happen, he’s gotta be able to trust someone who can be there during the transition. Otherwise, with his track record, he’ll split.”
Gray felt queasy at the thought.
“He trusts you the most, knucklehead. So that means—even if he puts on a front tomorrow—he’ll probably want some reassurance. That we’ll come visit him, that we won’t desert him.”
“Oh God.” Gray put a hand over his stomach and shook his head. “How can I fix this? How can I be what he needs when I’m not what I need?”
Darius had no response to that.
Contradicting his desire to turn around and hide with the kid forever, Gray continued driving farther north. Darius fell asleep when the first light touched the horizon, but Gray just drove. Temporary solution, Darius had said. Reassurance. Well, Gray could promise visits. Maybe they could set up some structure in the unknown.
As Gray drove them into the forests of Oregon, he checked the rearview every few minutes. He was happy that Jayden had gotten a good night’s rest, but he was beginning to worry about the boy’s reaction when he learned how quickly they were approaching Washington.
Would he shut down? Was he resigned? Had he ever entertained the idea of maybe Gray keeping him? The kid was hardly one who lived on hope, and he’d never really experienced enough good things to dare dream. At least, that was what Gray suspected.