by Dee, Cara
SOPS sweet as fuck. He gives a thumbs-up every now and then.
SOPS upset but giving thumbs-up.
SOPS resting.
SOPS ok.
Talked to a friend on the base at 29. Call me.
SOPS eating. Giving thumbs-up.
SOPS reading.
Gray exhaled in relief and dragged a hand through his hair. Be strong, Jackie. You can do this. “What, uh, what was the call about?”
“Ry just wanted to make sure the first face Jackie encounters in Twentynine is a friendly one,” Darius replied. “He’ll wait on the outskirts before taking Jackie to the nearest police station. No questions asked.”
“Oh. That’s kind.” Gray relaxed a bit more and wrung his hands in his lap. He felt unsettled because he’d slept for so long. “I should’ve set an alarm. I was supposed to check in with the boys.”
“I did that already.” Darius reached over and rubbed Gray’s neck affectionately. It felt a little too nice. The sleep was still clinging to his senses. “I stopped for gas and called Adeline. Said we’re feeling better and that the fever’s broken.”
“Thank you.” Gray closed his eyes and succumbed to the sensations. Goose bumps rose across his arms, and it would be so easy to fall back to sleep. His stomach grumbling in hunger was the one thing that kept him awake. “How am I still tired? I usually never sleep in the car either. But this is the second time this trip.”
“Is that so weird? We’ve been on high alert for days. I always sleep more after an extraction.”
True…
And Gray hadn’t slept last night, nor had he gotten many hours the night before.
“Where are we? I’m starving.”
“Just north of San Francisco,” Darius answered. “We can hit up the next diner.”
Oh, fuck yeah. The vision of a greasy cheeseburger appeared in Gray’s mind.
“Anything?” Gray asked as soon as he exited the restrooms.
A few hours north of San Francisco, they’d stopped at a truck stop that had shower amenities, which was definitely worth ten bucks.
Darius had showered too, and he was waiting by the truck, deliberately exposing himself to the cameras in the area. If they’d be forced to admit they had left Camassia, the timestamp on any surveillance would at least prove they hadn’t been anywhere near the fire in Joshua Tree.
If there would be a goddamn fire…
“Still waiting.” Darius checked his phone again. “I told Ryan to stay back until twenty-two hundred.”
“You can just say ten PM, dork.” Gray joined his side and peered at the screen.
Ryan’s messages were much the same as before. Jackie kept giving the occasional thumbs-up, and yet, something wasn’t right. It was past nine. It’d been dark for nearly two hours, and he was supposed to have set the fire as soon as the sun went down.
“I think he’s giving us extra time.” Darius scratched his jaw. “He seemed concerned about us getting home to secure our alibi.”
Hmm. Maybe. Hopefully. But it was still time. The alibi was freaking solid by now.
“I’m glad Ryan’s there, though.” Gray dumped his bag in the back seat, his hair still wet, and opened the door to the passenger’s side. Northern California was nothing like the desert, and sweats and a hoodie didn’t protect against the cold winds for shit. “Oh—you bought snacks?” His eyes lit up at the sight of the bag of chips between the seats. There were a couple candy bars too.
Nothing cured boredom like unhealthy eating.
They got back on the road, and Gray tried everything to distract himself. Darius looked perfectly delicious in his own sweats and hoodie, and it made Gray put “cuddlefuck” at the top of the list of things to do when they got home. After seeing the boys, obviously. It was the main reason they’d stopped to shower; Darius was gonna drop Gray off at the shelter right away.
The chocolate was good, though he kept coming back to Jackie.
“Maybe I should drive,” he said. “I can’t sit still.”
“You don’t say,” Darius drawled. “You’ll drive through the night, though.” He cleared his throat and checked the rearview. “There’s something we can discuss.”
“Yeah?”
“Mm. What would happen to the boys if we’d died in Joshua Tree?”
“What the fuck!” Gray shot him an incredulous look. “Why would you say something like that?”
“Because it’s a valid question,” Darius told him firmly. “I’ve said this before, Gray. There’s a reason guys like me rarely settle down—”
“I don’t wanna talk about this,” Gray interrupted, instantly irritated and uncomfortable. He rubbed at his chest; it felt all tight and spiked his anxiety.
“Jayden and Justin would most likely not get adopted together,” Darius went on. It was a kick in the fucking gut. “They’d be lost in the system—”
“Can you shut the fuck up?” Gray snapped. “This isn’t even our job! We’re not PMCs. You’re retired. It was one time! We had to get Jackie out.”
Darius inclined his head, unaffected as ever. “That’s what I was getting at. I wanted to get Jackie out too, but we’re done now. We’re done. You’ve promised Jayden to be there for him, and we’re gonna take care of Justin too. That’s a huge responsibility, and we can’t do this again. We can’t fuck off for several days to rescue someone.”
Gray swallowed uneasily and clenched his jaw. “I know that.”
“It includes vengeance, knucklehead.”
“What—”
“We leave the case to the authorities now,” Darius stated. “We’re not gonna chase after anyone. We walk away.”
Those words deflated Gray, and he exhaled. He understood Darius better now. Because no one knew Gray as well as Darius, who was fully aware of how badly Gray wanted the higher-ups in the criminal organization to suffer. To die. To get wiped from the surface of the earth so they couldn’t do this to more innocent people.
“I get it,” Gray responded quietly. “We don’t get involved. The heads of the trafficking ring will get away, because you said the Feds will never be able to pin anything on them, but it’s not our place to play judge, jury, and executioner. We walk away, they walk free. I get it.”
“Yeah, I can hear that,” Darius sighed. “I’m gonna need your word on this one, Gray. You have to promise me.”
Gray scowled at him. “What the fuck am I supposed to do? Call all my friends with decades of experience in intelligence and extractions behind your back and…oh, wait. I don’t have those.” He rolled his eyes and turned his scowl out the window. “I’m gonna be there for the boys. I fucking love them.” It hit him that he was offended Darius would imply Gray was taking his promise to Jayden lightly, and it started a new fire. “You know, I’ve always wanted a family of my own. You can call me a kid all you want, but I was fucking born responsible. Not all young people are reckless and undependable.”
“Have I said that?” Darius frowned. “If I didn’t believe you’d make a great dad, I wouldn’t have agreed to this, ’cause God knows I won’t be wonderful at it. I’mma need a shit-ton of help. But,” he stressed, “I also believe you have a heart that’s gonna bleed you dry if you don’t enforce limits on who you’re gonna help. You can’t be there for everyone. You can’t save everyone. Because you will never be satisfied. You’ll never reach a point where you feel like you’ve done enough.”
They weren’t talking about Gray anymore, and it took the fight out of him.
This was what Darius had done for years and years. He’d been chasing something. He’d wanted to restore the world in some way; he’d wanted the good guys to win. When, in reality, both sides would always exist.
Darius had hunted innocence like drug addicts went after their next fix.
Gray blew out a breath and grabbed Darius’s hand. “First of all, you’re gonna be a terrific father. I mean, you focus on logistics and everything.” He’d hoped that would’ve made Darius smile, but there was just a smal
l twitch. “Baby, you’re gonna be amazing.” He squeezed his hand. “You’re practical, protective, nurturing, and supportive. And…you understand me. You can predict my reactions better than I can—which is only mildly annoying—but it means you can check me when I need it. Because you’re right. After everything I went through this past winter, I’m desperate to see good in the world.” Actually… “Actually, I’m desperate to defeat the evil, which won’t work. There will always be a new target—one that would take me away from home. From you, from the boys.”
Darius threaded their fingers together and held on tightly, while keeping his eyes on the road. It was hard to see because it was dark, but Gray was fairly sure he saw Darius’s eyes get a bit glassy.
Darius cleared his throat. “I’m terrified to wake up one morning and see you gone because you wanna chase down the heads of this organization.”
“It won’t happen,” Gray vowed quickly. “Not even if I had your skills, all the favors you could cash in, or all the friends who could help. I promise you, Darius. I’m done. Jackie’s free. Now I’m going to focus on building a good future with you, Jayden, and Justin. We’ll prepare them, you know? We’ll take our experiences and teach them everything they need to know to be independent one day. You can teach us all to be zombie preppers.”
That worked, finally. Darius chuckled quietly and kissed Gray’s fingers. “We’re gonna scar them for life.”
Gray grinned. “I can make us tinfoil hats.”
Darius let out a laugh. “Christ, I fucking love you, knucklehead.”
Whoa.
A shiver ripped through him, the sensations making his goddamn heart soar.
“You do?” His stomach felt tight with nerves. “You didn’t just say that in the—”
“Oh, shut up. No, I didn’t.”
“Oh.” Fuck drugs; this was the best high Gray had ever experienced. He smiled like a dope and wondered if he’d sprouted wings or some shit. “I love you too. To bizarre measures, really.”
Darius exhaled and smirked. “Thank fuck.”
The joy that coursed through Gray was bordering on ridiculous. Part of him wanted to commemorate the moment with a lovey-dovey picture they could post on social media, but then he remembered that, one, he wasn’t on social media anymore—finding Jackie on Facebook would be his first visit since last fall—and, two, Darius’s opinion on social media was…well, very him.
Speaking of Jackie… Gray grabbed Darius’s phone and activated the screen, and the first thing he saw was a string of messages from Ryan. His pulse kicked up.
“Unlock it, please. We have updates from your brother.”
Darius side-eyed the phone. “Password’s sixty-four, forty-two.”
“Dude. That’s trust.” Gray inserted the code. “If I ask if there’s any significance to the digits, will you give me a spiel about how stupid people are when they get sentimental about choosing passwords?”
“Absolutely.”
Gray snorted. “Figures.”
“Significance can be okay,” Darius amended. “But keep birthdates and first letters of family members’ names outta there.”
Welp. Gray would have to change his passwords before sharing them, in other words.
The topic died as he scrolled down the several messages.
SOPS is a go, I think. Thumbs-up, porch cleared.
Fire started. SOPS running up the highway.
In pursuit.
(I have a rattlesnake story for ya later.)
House is engulfed.
SOPS walking. My buddy’s in position.
Buddy spotted, SOPS in sight. Contact initiated.
SOPS safe in car toward the station.
Proceed with standard protocol. I’m out.
Gray read the messages out loud to Darius and felt the happiness and relief bubbling up with each update. By the end, his eyes were full of unshed tears. Jackie was free. It had worked. He was going to see his family soon. In a matter of hours, they would get a call. They’d find out that their son was alive.
Gray sniffled and touched his lips. “He did it. He’s going home. We fucking did it.”
Darius gathered his hand and kissed the top of it.
“What’s standard protocol?” Gray wondered.
“That we delete the messages and speak later on a secure line,” Darius answered. “In this case, the conversation will consist of a two-minute briefing followed by an hour-long review of his binocular goggles with night vision.”
Gray spluttered a laugh, remembering that Ryan was fond of gadgets. He wasn’t as, uh, technically disadvantaged as Darius either.
“I can finally relax,” he sighed contentedly and sank into his seat. “We actually pulled it off, Dare.”
“Don’t sound so surprised. We make a good team.”
They fucking did.
Twenty-Two
“Are you going straight home?” Gray unbuckled his seat belt and peered up at the shelter.
“Almost. Gotta make a quick stop to pick up new tires for the ATV.”
Gray sent him a frown. “Is there something wrong with them?”
That made Darius quirk a sly little grin. “Tire tracks are practically like fingerprints.”
Oh Christ. Gray chuckled, leaned over the center console, and kissed him quickly. “I love you.” Man, it felt good to say that. “Pick us up in a few hours.”
“Wilco.”
What Gray really wanted involved a movie marathon with the boys in the cabin, where Jayden and Justin would be distracted by cartoons so Gray could get some sleep. But that would have to wait. Today was gonna be a long day. A day that had only just started.
They’d made it home in record time, and they’d recently stopped serving breakfast at the shelter. So, Gray would hang out with the boys while Darius went home for a short nap. Then he had an early shift at the restaurant, and Gray would take the boys there. At least, they’d get some time together. It was what mattered.
Gray jogged up the steps to the shelter and opened the door.
His being exhausted hopefully helped give him that “I just survived the flu” kind of look.
About a dozen people were gathered in the downstairs common room. Some talk show was on, and a handful of kids were playing on the floor.
Gray went straight to Adeline’s office and knocked. He couldn’t see any other staff nearby. Or the boys, for that matter.
“Come in!” Adeline hollered.
Gray opened the door and smiled. “Hi.”
Adeline lit up. “Oh, I know two little someones who’re gonna be freaking ecstatic.” She left her desk and came over. “How’re you feeling, hon? You look better.” She snuck in for a quick hug.
“I feel like I’ve been body-checked on the ice for two weeks.”
Adeline chuckled and winced. “I’m glad it’s over. Sounded like a nasty bug you two caught.” She glanced at the door. “Is Darius here too?”
“No, he has work later, so he wanted to rest,” Gray replied. “He’s picking me up before his shift, and I would like to take the boys for a late lunch slash early dinner if that’s all right.”
“Of course, of course.” Adeline returned to her desk and searched through a stack of papers. “I won’t keep you, but I think you wanna see this before you head upstairs.”
Gray trailed over to the desk as Adeline extended a piece of paper.
He furrowed his brow and read it, unsure of what it was until he saw…
Carol Chapman—deceased.
Gray’s heart jumped up into his throat, and his gaze flashed to a smiling Adeline. “This is Jayden’s mom, isn’t it?”
She nodded. “She died of a drug overdose, and I know I shouldn’t find any pleasure in it, but fuck it. It means she can’t contest the foster care procedures once we get you an application. Which should be soon, for the record. Jayden should get back into the system so he can begin catching up with his peers. He needs to be in school.”
Gray nodded and pinched h
is lips, grinning. This was the best goddamn news.
He couldn’t remember if Jonas had told him about their mother’s fate, but now it didn’t matter. They knew the truth.
This was gonna be a good day.
It was a feeling he brought with him upstairs a minute later. He stopped in the doorway to the boys’ room and saw that they were playing on the floor. They had a bunch of action figures, dinosaurs, and LEGO pieces out.
Gray’s heart felt like it was gonna explode. They were still in pajamas—at this hour. And he happened to know that after breakfast, the staff told the children to get ready for the day.
“I’m gonna destroy you,” Jayden said in a whispered growl, holding his action figure over Justin’s two raptors.
“No, you won’t! We will eat you up!” Justin hissed.
Gray grinned.
Jayden was about to respond, but he must’ve caught some movement. He glanced up, and his eyes went wide. “You’re here! You’re not sick no more!” He scrambled up to his feet, and then he flew right into Gray.
“Oomph.” Gray laughed and gave no fucks about boundaries for affection. He picked Jayden up with a grunt and hugged him tightly. “I missed you so damn much.”
“Yeah.” Jayden sniffled and buried his face in the crook of Gray’s neck. “Good. You gotta miss me.”
Wanting some room for one more boy, Gray walked over to Justin’s bed and sat down. “Come here, sweetheart. We can’t have a family hug if you’re not here.”
Justin was tense with anxiousness but wasted no time crawling up in his bed.
“Much better. You belong with us too, you know.” Gray pulled him close and kissed the top of his curly bed head. “We have so much catching up to do. I wanna know what you’ve been up to while Darius and I were sick and couldn’t get out of bed.”
“We got into trouble—not yesterday but the day before,” Jayden admitted sheepishly.
“Uh-oh.” Gray pretended to look like he was bracing himself. “What did you do?”
Justin giggled behind his hands.
“We got pudding after dinner and brought them up here, and we hid them under our pillows,” Jayden said. “We forgot them! So we had pudding in our hair when we woke up.”