“I guess that’s something we’ll just have to wait and see about. But I hope so.” Looking down to where their hands met, she thought about what there was between them. It was uncomplicated. Honest. Easy. Good. She could talk to him. She could tell him the rest. Maybe even tell him what was happening now—only there was a sort of freedom in his not knowing what she wasn’t prepared to give up. When they were together, she could forget. And so for now, half the story was all she wanted to give.
“I’d like to finish that degree some day. But until then, this studio is everything. Life isn’t perfect. It never will be. But I just want something that’s mine. Something I can commit to. Invest myself in and watch grow. God, I just want this to work so much.”
Levi pulled her into his chest, stroking a hand down her back. “You’ve made a good start, sweetheart.”
Drawing a slow breath, Elise melted into all the warmth and strength surrounding her.
She felt so good within his arms.
So safe and secure.
This was what Ally always talked about, she realized. Having someone to lean on. Someone there to just hold her when she needed a little extra support.
That was all that was happening, though. It was gratitude and a kind of empathetic understanding flowing between them, not some misplaced emotional connection. Levi knew what it was like to be starting out. He was offering his experience and support, because, no matter what he thought, he really was a good guy. Just not the kind of good guy she was going to keep.
But so long as she kept what they were doing and where they were going straight, she could enjoy this and no one would get hurt.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“I’M JUST saying, it’s weird, is all.” Ally folded a few slices of turkey onto a small wheat roll, covered them with a layer of bib lettuce and glanced over her shoulder. “I mean, I get not wanting to abuse Levi—your boyfriend, who hung up in my ear—with a bunch of forced proximity to the fam…but is meeting him really too much to ask?”
Playing with Dexter’s feet as he lounged down the length of her thighs, his heavy lids creeping closer to closed with each breath, Elise shook her head, answering in a quiet singsong voice. “Don’t try to work me over, Ally. I’m not going to give.”
A plate with the sandwich, a few baby carrots and a pickle spear slid in front of her. “It’s not like I’m asking for his social security number. I just want to meet the guy. Lay eyes on him so I know he’s on the up-and-up.”
“No.” Keeping her eyes on Dex, Elise gathered his slumpy body and handed him off to his waiting mommy.
“Down we go, little man. Mobile time.” Ally deposited him on his back in the small bassinet beside the kitchen table, tucked a light blanket over his chest and stroked his fuzzy head.
Returning to her seat, she leaned on one arm, stretching over the table. “When you keep me in the dark like this, my mind starts to wander. Wondering why? I’m thinking drug addict, ex-con, grifter—”
“Grifter? As in con man?” Elise laughed, picking up a baby carrot. “Nice try, but, seriously, you know exactly who he is and what he does. His clubs make the entertainment news enough that he’s practically a public figure.”
“That’s what he does, Elise. Not who he is.” The cajoling, half-teasing tone was gone as her sister looked her straight in the eye. “We’ve always talked to each other. Been there for each other, when no one else could understand what we were going through. The stuff with Mom and Dad—no one got that but you and I. Not David. Not Eric. It’s always been you and me. But with Levi, you tell me less and less every time I see you. What gives?”
“It’s not that I’m trying to exclude you.” She shifted, uneasy with what wasn’t exactly the truth. “I’m just trying to figure a few things out.”
“Like where the relationship is going?” Ally asked, her tone pitching toward hopeful. “Because it’s more serious than you thought?”
No and yes. She knew exactly where the relationship was heading. Straight for a dead end. But it was more serious than what she’d planned.
They’d spent every night together for a week now. And the night before, when she’d been waiting for him to finish at HeadRush, all she’d been thinking was how good it would feel to sleep with his arms around her. Sleep!
So wrong.
She’d known from almost the start, this wasn’t just sex. What she hadn’t been prepared for was just how much more it would be…to her. And to try and explain that to someone else, when she didn’t even want to admit it to herself—no.
This thing with Levi was…different. But he was exactly what she needed—what she wanted, right now. She just couldn’t let the emotions that were ready to run get away from her.
Still, Ally didn’t deserve to be shut out. Fortunately, she had a bone to throw. “I’ll tell you this. Levi thinks he’s got someone who wants Bruno. We’re meeting him this Saturday.”
Ally’s eyes lit up, welled around the edges as she reached out and grabbed Elise’s hand. “Really? Do you know anything about him?”
“He likes to run. Lives about an hour out of the city—”
“Wait.” The hand gripping hers squeezed tight. “This isn’t like you telling me that Bruno’s going to live ‘on a farm’ or something, is it?”
Elise shook her head, laughing at a typical Ally response. “No, I swear. Levi said he’s an older guy…early fifties maybe. Divorced. He works from home and had a Great Dane that died this past year. He’d been waiting to get a new one, but thinks he’s ready now.”
“Oh, my God, he sounds perfect!”
Elise’s heart swelled at the memory of Levi sweeping her around in a half circle and laying that triumphant kiss on her before telling her about his busboy’s dad, and the whys and why-nots of the people he’d talked to about Bruno already and how this guy seemed to be the best fit. “I know. I couldn’t believe he’d been looking for someone like that.”
The corner of Ally’s mouth shifted up in line with her brow. “I wasn’t talking about Levi…but knowing you think he’s perfect might be enough to satisfy my curiosity about the guy. At least for another day or so.”
Elise’s throat went tight and dry, choking back the denial surging within her. Only even if she’d been able to force the words free, what would it get her? Her sister wondering why the heck she’d be trying to convince her Levi wasn’t perfect…or if Elise might be trying to convince herself.
* * *
“You going to be on your best behavior, boy?”
Levi crouched in front of Bruno, nose to nose, rubbing the short hair of the canine’s neck as he gave him a little man-to-man.
Bruno huffed at the air, his back paws shifting over and again.
“Yeah, you’re going to be good.”
Elise watched the exchange, uncomfortable with the way her heart kept doing that little flipping business and her arm kept moving as though to reach out for Levi.
“You going to be okay?” she asked, trailing her fingertips across one strong shoulder.
Levi glanced back at her, braced his palms on his thighs and pushed himself to stand. “He’ll be fine.”
Elise cocked her head at him, noting how, even now, Levi was rubbing his hand over Bruno’s knobby head. “I meant you.”
That gruff laugh and wry smile were pulling at her again. Making her want to step into his arms and soak up his warmth.
Instead, she turned away. Walked the few feet down the paved path by Museum Campus, watching the waves of Lake Michigan while she tried to put her head back on straight. She wasn’t supposed to like him this much. She wasn’t supposed to get attached. And yet, how could she fight it when every time an opportunity arose—and half the time one hadn’t—Levi was there, showing her what a wonderful guy he was. Tempting her to imagine him in all the places she’d thought he’d never fit.
Down a ways, two little boys lined up by the water fountain. One trying to boost the other up to reach it, but not nearly big enough to do so.
A couple stood a few paces off, hands linked together, matching smiles stretched across their faces. After watching a handful of unsuccessful attempts, the man dropped a kiss at the woman’s temple and stepped in, sweeping the boys into one arm each to hold them up for their drinks.
A family.
To have one of her own had been her dream. For the longest time, if anyone asked her what she wanted from life…the scene playing out across the park would have been a piece of it.
She’d had the chance to make it happen with Eric. But the timing hadn’t been right and, when faced with what it would cost her, she hadn’t been willing to make the sacrifice.
“You can’t ask me to choose.”
“And you can’t ask me to spend my life coming in second place in yours. If you love me, you’ll come with me…you’ll pick us.”
Levi’s wide hand wrapped over shoulder, drawing her back a step into the solid strength of his hold. His breath teased into her hair.
“What are you thinking about?”
What another man who’d been leaving had offered her. Something she’d been telling herself for the last year she didn’t want—didn’t have time for—but seemed to be thinking about more and more over the past two weeks regardless.
Pulling out of Levi’s grasp, she smoothed a smile into place and turned to face him. “Nothing. Doesn’t matter.”
Levi’s brow drew down, his mouth firming into a flat line as those deep blue eyes tried to probe the thoughts she didn’t want him to see.
A hoarse call of Levi’s name had his attention reluctantly shifting over her shoulder. Tightening the leash looped around his wrist, he stroked Bruno’s head with his free hand. “This is it, boy. Whole new life ahead of you.”
* * *
The exchange hadn’t taken long. It was clear from the minute Bruno and his new owner laid eyes on each other, they were going to hit it off just fine. A half-hour later Levi and Elise were walking back to her place alone.
She’d seemed withdrawn afterwards. Her arms wrapped tight around herself and Levi’d experienced the unpleasant sensation of Elise shutting him out. Though it drove him nuts that she didn’t want to talk to him, he understood how hard saying goodbye to Bruno had been. And unfortunately there was nothing he could do to fix it. Short of going out and buying her a new puppy, that was—which didn’t make a whole lot of sense considering the whole point had been to get rid of this one.
Regardless of the attachment they might have had to him, neither he nor Elise was ready to be a full-time dog owner.
Sure, he hadn’t exactly looked forward to giving Bruno up, but once he’d done it that same sort of freeing relief washed over him he experienced every time he signed the papers handing off one of his clubs or turned in the keys to the place he’d been living or put another state line behind him.
A weight lifting. A bind loosening.
Maybe one he hadn’t even registered…yet. Eventually he would have though. He always did. And then whatever comfort he’d been taking from whatever it was he’d been trying to hold on to would start to suffocate him like a blanket he couldn’t kick loose.
That was just the way he was.
Slanting a glance to Elise walking beside him, he knew it would be the same with her. Yeah, she’d affected him differently than the other women he’d known. Because she was different. In a million ways…so many he hadn’t even begun to figure them all out yet. And that had to be part of it. This crazy pull between them.
He hadn’t exhausted the challenge. Hadn’t unraveled the mystery.
Elise was constantly giving him something new to work out. Keeping him on his toes. And putting him on his knees.
But eventually the challenge or whatever it was that kept him coming back for more would fade, and he’d need to walk away from her—whether there was a convenient excuse like moving out of state to start the next job, or not.
Which was why, when it was time to leave, he’d go, packaging his goodbye within the neat confines of this temporary affair they were both prepared to have end.
Until then…
He reached for Elise, tucking her beneath his arm as they walked. Offering her whatever comfort she’d take from his just being with her.
CHAPTER TWELVE
BACK stiff and feet aching, Elise untied her black barista apron and tucked it under the pick-up counter. Sagging against the sink with a wan smile, she counted her tips. Thought again about finding a second job that paid better and then reminded herself that the flexibility was the primary reason she worked this one. And really, the tips weren’t that bad. They served food all day and the Dearborn Park patrons were a generous lot, with a good turnover. Besides, it was walking distance from her place. Which meant she wasn’t blowing coin on transportation to work there.
Definitely a benefit.
Normally the energy of the popular coffeehouse was enough to get her through a shift, even after working five to two at the athletic club, but today the cacophony of whistling steam, clanking ceramic, and shouted orders had grated from the moment she’d walked through the door.
The situation at home was deteriorating.
Ally had mentioned it the week before, but, being a bit of an alarmist, her street credit wasn’t what it could be. Elise figured her sister was making more of a missed call or off day than she should. But when Elise had dropped by with groceries the evening before, she’d been greeted at the front step with a tentative smile and news that it wasn’t a good day. That a visit would be too disrupting and they’d talk on the phone later.
Of course it wasn’t the first time a bad day had kept them from seeing each other. It was just that Ally had met with a similar response two days before. And when Elise had talked to her mom this morning, all of her questions had been shut down with the most minimal response and her mother had asked her not to come to the house for a few days.
An anxious knot tightened Elise’s stomach.
It wasn’t as though her mom weren’t entitled to her space or privacy. It was just that she’d been systematically shutting herself off from the world for nearly six years…and she needed a life. If she wouldn’t even let her daughters in—
“Elise?”
Jerking upright, she scanned the crowd of customers. Caught on the man in the twill shirt and khakis, cleaning his glasses on the end of his tie in front of her. Sandy hair, clipped neat. Handsome in a lanky sort of way.
Oh, God, not now.
“Eric?”
Her thumb moved to that touch point at the base of her fourth finger.
This was the last thing she needed today. He was the last person she wanted to see.
“I know. Surprise, surprise. I didn’t realize you’d started working here,” he said, taking in the coffee shop with a subtly disapproving stare that gave her the impression he was revisiting the conversation from a lifetime ago when he’d told her to quit working. That, married to him, she wouldn’t need a job.
What a mistake that would have been.
“Finally get over the whole yoga thing?”
She bristled at his easy dismissal of her dream, but then pushed it down, reminding herself that she was already on edge. And Eric hadn’t done anything to put her there. No doubt he was as uncomfortable seeing her as she was him, and was simply struggling for something to say.
Still, she hadn’t expected to see him.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, digging deep to find a smile that matched her civil tone.
At the cheeky toast of his whipped mocha, she nodded, smiling a bit. “In town, I mean.”
“I told you I’d be back,” he said, eyes trained steadily on hers as if to gauge her reaction. Her remorse maybe. “That it probably wouldn’t be more than a year and a half. Turns out it was less. The transfer went through last week.”
He must have worked himself to the bone—but he looked good for it.
“Congratulations, Eric. You earned it.” Finding she truly meant it, she added a sincere, “I’m
happy for you.”
He waited a beat. Stepped closer. “You could have been happy with me, Elise.”
Then, shaking his head with a wry smile, he asked, “How have you been? How’s your dad—your family?”
She swallowed, taken aback by the bold statement and the questions in the warm brown eyes that had never truly held her. And she realized he was wrong. She wouldn’t have been happy with him. Not the way people committing to a life together were supposed to be. Their relationship had been nice. Pleasant. Convenient.
Tepid.
They’d gotten along.
Shared interests.
Enjoyed the other’s company.
But never had there been even a fraction of the intensity she experienced with Levi. This man had been her friend.
And the reason his forcing her to choose between moving for his career and staying near her family had been so crushing was that it had felt like a betrayal from someone who should have understood.
So they’d both made the right decision. Marriage would have been a terrible mistake.
“I’ve been good, Eric. Busy. I’m trying to open my own studio, so I’m working even more than before, if you can believe it.”
That chagrined expression said he could.
Skimming over the details of her parents, she filled Eric in on her family. Primarily, the adventures of Ally pregnant, and the joy of her new nephew Dexter. When she’d finished, she found Eric watching her with something that might have been pity in his eyes.
Something she didn’t like. Crossing her arms, she took a step back.
“Sounds like the life we’d always talked about. Only it’s someone else’s.”
Deflated, she shook her head. “I just want different things these days. A studio of my own. Working toward that goal has taken up most of my time.”
“Sounds lonely.”
Lately it hadn’t felt that way. But once Levi left…
Eric set his mug on the counter between them. “Just take care of yourself, Elise. I want you to be happy. I want you to have the life we couldn’t have together.”
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