Levi was leaving today and it made her heart hurt to think of him being gone. To know she wouldn’t run into him over at the lakefront or cross his path on the street. To know that he’d done what he always did and moved on.
Another city. Another club.
Another woman.
God help her, she couldn’t stomach the thought. Didn’t know what she’d do when she finally broke down and looked up the new club. Found the publicity shots of Levi wearing a few supermodels on each arm.
She had to stop. Distract herself and put Levi out of her mind altogether.
Only everything came back to him…and the same thought she couldn’t let go.
He’d wanted more.
Dex let out another wail, his tiny mouth rooting around her collarbone between heart-rending sobs.
“Shh, sweetie. Auntie’s got you.” She rubbed his small back in a slow circular motion. Felt his fragile body stiffen and then, a second later, a juicy gurgle had her pulling her chin back to look down—as a hot splash of partially digested milk went projectile across her throat and chest, pooling where she held Dex’s body against her own.
Her breath froze in her chest as the reality of what had just happened sank in with the sour liquid. Peering down at Dex, she saw he’d gone slack with relief.
So that’s what was bothering him. Now she got it.
Which meant time to swing into gear. Get them both cleaned up before the belly full of mid-digestion spit-up soaking through into her pants made it to the floor or anything else.
At that thought, Dex flailed his little arm, sending scattered drops of fetid formula in an arc across the hall.
Elise started for the bathroom, desperately trying to ignore the rancid cling of her clothes or the way the hot contents of Dex’s belly had already gone cold against her skin. All that mattered was getting them clean and getting the mess contained.
Only halfway down the hall, she heard the knocking at the front door.
Risking a shallow breath, she muttered, “Oh, sure, Mommy’s back now.”
Reaching behind, she cranked the knob, letting it swing open behind her.
“You missed all the action,” she called back over her shoulder. “Just come in and kick the door closed behind you. I need help in here.”
Dex’s little fingers splayed and slapped against her clammy chest, a curious expression on his face as Elise hustled into the bathroom and started the shower. At the creak of floorboards behind her, she said. “I’m thinking I just get in with him like this. Rinse and strip him while we’re in there, and then hand him off to you while I finish.”
She’d at least get the bulk of the spit-up rinsed out of their clothes and could leave them in the stall until she got a plastic bag or something to transport them over to the laundry—
“Okay.”
Elise froze with her hand under the tepid spray as the low-spoken word reverberated through the small tiled room—setting off an avalanche of emotions through her heart.
Not Ally’s voice.
Not even close.
Dex still clutched against her, she turned to the bathroom door—where Levi stood, dressed sharp in a pair of dark jeans and a midnight linen blazer over a white T-shirt, and looking as impossibly gorgeous and unavailable as ever with that black leather duffel hanging from his hand.
“I thought you’d be gone already,” she whispered, her voice breaking over the words.
“I’m on my way out.” Levi set his bag down and stepped into the small room, eyeing Dex warily. “This your nephew?”
She nodded, peering down at his little form wriggling against her and wondered what Levi would think of him. “I’m babysitting.”
Levi’s nostrils flared and he gave a short shake of his head. “Looks like fun. That water ready?”
It took Elise a minute to realize he was talking about the shower running behind her. And then another after that to figure out he was waiting for her to get in it.
That couldn’t be a good idea. When she’d made the suggestion, she’d figured it was Ally she’d be getting the assist from. “You don’t have to help, Levi.”
His brow drew down, darkening the blue of his eyes. “But it would be easier if I did.”
She didn’t want to admit it, but, standing there with Dex starting to squirm in her arms, she knew it would be. “Yes.”
Levi stripped off his jacket and hung it on the hook at the bathroom door. “Then get in before I pass out from the fumes coming off that kid and I’m no good to you at all.”
Elise chuckled lightly. Really, what else could she do?
Levi kept a hand at her elbow as she stepped gingerly into the tub, seeming reluctant to move away even once she was in and the water was hitting her back. He adjusted the stream at the showerhead, and then stood with her, one hand at the ready in case she lost her grip on Dex.
“Your jeans are getting soaked. I’m telling you, I’ve got him.”
“But once you start peeling him out of those clothes, isn’t he going to be all slippery?”
A single look at Levi’s face and she realized there wouldn’t be any talking him out of the assist.
As it turned out, the second set of hands made all the difference. And fortunately for all of them, Dex was the kind of baby who loved water. He cooed and flailed his arms beneath the soft spray, even giving up a giant toothless grin when Levi squirted the tearless baby-wash over his belly.
And then he was clean, too clean to stay in her arms as she was still wearing the contents of his stomach.
Levi’s brows furrowed in concentration as he took Dexter’s small weight in his arms, holding him close to his body as he carefully lowered himself to the floor and leaned back against the sink cabinet.
Standing beneath the tepid spray, she couldn’t take her eyes off the scene before her.
Levi was so careful. So gentle. Such a big man, cradling that little terry-wrapped body against his chest. His hands moving every couple seconds or so to readjust his hold, making sure he was supporting Dexter’s head just right.
“That’s perfect, the way you have him,” she said, pushing a wet tendril back from her face. “He’ll let you know if he wants to move.”
“I think he’s good. His eyes are closing.”
The sound of quiet triumph in Levi’s voice had her smiling—until he looked up at her, his gaze darkening as it ran the length of her body and back again.
Suddenly she was all too aware of the way her clothes clung to her like a second skin, their pull and weight, and the fact that she was going to have to take them off before she could get out of the shower and take Dexter back from Levi.
“I’m just going to finish in here,” she said lamely, wishing she’d opted for some cute patterned shower curtain instead of the plain clear one that allowed more light into the shower. And Levi’s unobstructed view.
Maybe he would be cool about it. Keep his eyes averted and his mouth shut.
“Take your time. I’ll be right here,” came the cocky response that was pure Levi and too much of a challenge for her to ignore.
“Big of you, Levi. Especially considering that little bundle of boy you’ve got there isn’t wearing a diaper beneath his towel.”
Five minutes later, Elise had broken the land-speed record and was scrubbed, fully dressed, and gently extracting her sleeping nephew from the cradle of Levi’s arm and chest.
She didn’t want to think about how well they’d fit together, or the tenderness she’d seen in Levi’s every touch and movement. She didn’t want to think about how well he could fit into the kind of life he didn’t want for himself.
She wanted to get Dexter into a diaper and then down for the rest of his nap. Then she wanted to get through the last minutes with Levi before her sister returned. And after that, she wanted a few minutes to herself to cry. Because there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that was how this was going to end.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
LEVI followed a few paces behind
as Elise carried Dexter into the living room and then knelt down beside the mat laid out as some sort of diaper changing pit stop. The little guy was out for the count, sleeping hard in a way that Levi envied.
He hadn’t slept right since Elise stopped sharing his bed.
Diapering like a pro, Elise wrapped Dexter up like a football-sized burrito before putting him down in the pen set up in her bedroom. She moved with confidence—as if taking care of an infant was the most natural thing in the world to her. Just as he’d known she would if—
“So today’s the big day?” she asked in a hushed voice as she took his hand and led him out to the hall.
Levi wasn’t much of a hand holder. It had always been too intimate for the kinds of relationships he had. But with Elise, he just couldn’t resist the temptation of taking more than he should. Even now, as she tried to step back, he didn’t relinquish his hold—instead shifting his grasp to thread their fingers together.
It was selfish, no probably about it. But he wanted the connection through these last minutes.
“Not so big, but today’s the day.”
She offered a nod and a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.
The ache he couldn’t get out of his chest intensified until there was nothing to do but pull her into his arms and hope the proximity made it better. Only it wasn’t enough. He didn’t feel better and the quiet sobs that racked Elise’s shoulders told him it wasn’t helping her either. And yet he couldn’t make himself let go.
Couldn’t do anything but hold her against him and press his mouth to the top of her head.
“This is so silly, I know,” came her muffled words from against his chest. “You’d think with almost two months to get used to the idea that you were leaving, I’d have done better than this.”
His hand cupped the back of her head, fingers sifting through the soft curls he liked best when they were spilling over his pillow, caught in the early morning sun. How could he tell her how much it meant to him that saying goodbye was so difficult? The last thing he’d wanted to do was make her cry, but as her shoulders trembled in his arms each tear was like a gift.
He’d spent so many years holding himself back from the possibility of any kind of emotional entanglement, he’d forgotten what it meant to be cared about by someone.
Though that wasn’t entirely true.
You couldn’t forget something you’d never actually had. And this, what he felt with Elise, was like nothing he’d ever known. Seeing her cry for him—it was heartbreak and heaven all at once. A selfish kind of torment, and his reveling in it only added merit to his assertion that he wasn’t the kind of man she deserved.
Was this why he’d needed to come over here? To see if she’d actually cried over his leaving? What was wrong with him that he could need something so hurtful from another person.
From someone he cared about.
Levi ran his hand beneath the fall of her hair to catch her jaw in his palm. Gently, he tipped her head back to meet her gaze. Only when her face was exposed to him, and he saw the shimmering wells of hurt overflow her eyes, trailing heartbreak down her satin cheeks—there was no relief to be had. No satisfaction.
Just the sharp, sudden awareness that his chest had been ripped open.
Another salty tear spilled free, cutting a fresh path of pain through the next layer of his heart, exposing a part of him he’d never let free.
Brushing at the wet streaks, he muttered a vicious curse. “I don’t deserve your tears. I’m not worth even one of these.”
She shook her head as if she couldn’t believe what he’d said. “I think maybe you’re worth a few.”
Levi took her hands in his, held them against his chest. “I came here to say goodbye to you, but I don’t know how.”
“Kiss me,” she whispered, her words feathering warm and soft over his knuckles.
Lowering his head, Levi closed the distance between them and pressed his mouth to hers. Over the past two months, he’d had the soft give of her lips beneath his too many times to count. He’d tasted and taken her with his tongue. Crushed and caressed her when he’d finally gotten her alone. Brushed against her with whisper kisses meant to drive her wild and make her beg for more. But this was the last, and it was too brutal to bear.
Levi broke away at the feel of Elise’s fists balling in his T-shirt. It wasn’t passion curling her fingers against him, but pain.
Pain he felt as if it were his own. Pain he wanted to take away.
Eyes the color of a sullen sky peered up at him. “Tell me you won’t be back. That you won’t call. That if you come through Chicago again, you won’t look me up.”
Levi felt the twist of his gut. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Everything felt so wrong, like maybe this time—
“Because if there’s any chance I’ll see you again, I won’t be able to put you behind me. I’ll wait.”
Levi drew a slow breath, then asked the question he hoped like hell he didn’t know the answer to. The one that scared the life out of him. “Why would you wait for me?”
Helplessly, she shrugged. The look in her eyes was the most devastating he’d ever seen. “Because I love you.”
Running his thumb across the swell of her bottom lip, he shook his head. She’d gone and fallen in love with him. “Why would a smart girl like you go and do something like that? Haven’t I taught you anything?”
Elise nodded. “Yes. You have.”
She might have said more, but three rapid knocks sounded at the front door, and instead she smiled that crooked, tough little smile of hers and said, “Tell me goodbye.”
He knew he should.
Only when he opened his mouth it wasn’t what came out. “Say it again.”
Her eyes welled anew as if the knowledge that her words meant something to him hurt her all the more.
Blinking back her tears, she repeated, “I love you.”
That organ in his chest that had been suffering a slow dissection turned over, starting to beat anew, and suddenly he couldn’t keep his hands in one place. Couldn’t stop himself from taking her shoulders in his grasp, from running his palms over her back, from cradling her cheeks and brushing her lips, and threading his fingers through the sodden mass of curls and closing his hands to fists as he held to her.
“Then come with me,” he urged, possibilities suddenly spinning through his mind faster than he could keep track of them.
He couldn’t let her go.
Whatever semblance of acceptance she’d been managing crumbled under the blow of Levi’s words.
“What?” she choked, her heart ripping to shreds as those deep blue eyes searched her face.
“We can make it work. I’ll buy out the studio. We can—”
“No.” She cut him off, her voice echoing the conviction. “We can’t. I can’t leave. I can’t leave my family.” Not when her father had just been moved, her mother was trying to find her way through this new stage in her life, and she’d finally brought all her plans to fruition.
And he wouldn’t stay. Levi would never stay with her.
The seconds ticked past as he stared at her, that wild connection she’d never been able to resist flowing hot between them.
Another knock at the door. This one louder than the first and accompanied by Ally’s muffled voice. “Elise…”
“Elise,” Levi said, his voice gone gravel rough with intensity. But there wasn’t anything left to say.
“You need to go.”
She moved to pull out of Levi’s grasp, felt that instant of indecision when he wasn’t sure he’d let her. The sorrow-tinged relief when he finally did.
Turning toward the door, she forced enough strength into her words to ensure Ally would hear. “Hold on. I’m coming.”
She needed to be strong.
Just a few more minutes.
Once he was gone, it would get better. Her body would stop screaming to go with him when her mind knew she could never be happy if she did.
&nb
sp; Her bare feet padded over the hardwood she’d trodden a thousand times before, each step feeling foreign, uncomfortably numb. At the door, she reached for the knob—only to have Levi grasp her arm and tug her full against him. Taking advantage of her gasp of surprise, he took her mouth in a kiss so devastatingly possessive, so intense, she couldn’t begin to muster a defense against the claim of it.
Knock, knock, knock! “Elise!”
Breaking the kiss, Levi looked her square in the eye. “This isn’t over. And I will be back.”
Then hoisting his bag from the floor, he pulled open the front door. Elise barely registered Ally’s squeak of surprise, or the way Levi dropped a quick kiss on her sister’s cheek as he brushed past her and ducked into the stairwell.
Ally was in her face, fingers snapping in rapid repetition before Elise’s eyes. “What the heck was that? And…oh, God…Elise, look at you. Are you okay?”
Okay? Aside from the fact that the man who’d just left had taken her heart with him? No. Not even close.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
LEVI had been driving the streets for hours, moving through one neighborhood after another, keeping a mental tally of what was there and, more importantly, what was not. Every new start he made, this eyeing for opportunity was a critical part of the process. One he began immediately and then would spend another few days on, taking notes, asking questions. Making plans.
It got him grounded.
Got his head working in the right direction.
But block after block, the tension in his gut grew. The doubts whispering through his mind multiplied, until at last the streetlights flickered to life and a glance at the illuminated clock on the dash confirmed he’d waited long enough.
Levi’s fingers tightened over the wheel as he signaled a lane change and then headed back the way he’d come.
Reaching his destination, he pulled into an open spot and stared across at the building, already under renovation. The front door swung open wide and a couple of guys covered in the grit and dust of construction walked out, apparently through for the night.
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