by Emilia Finn
Okay. So maybe I’m a tad drunk, because I bob my head and give her words serious consideration.
“So you’re looking for… a tour guide?”
She flashes a wide smile. “That would be convenient. I, uh… I notice the guy with the eight-to-one ratio looks an awful lot like you.”
“We were in our mom’s guts at the same time. But I,” I jab a thumb at my own chest, “was out first.”
“Overachiever,” Kelly laughs. “You ever put much thought into simple math?”
“I… you…” I close one eye, and when that doesn’t help, I tilt my head. “I don’t get it.”
Grinning, she sits tall, and brings the tip of her finger to the top of her strappy shirt. She draws my eyes down, and teases like she’s done this a million times before. “So, there are two of you, right? And you’re both sexy as hell. His eight and your three makes eleven orgasms… and then there’s little ol’ me.”
“Two of us?” I jolt back just a little, and try not to pay any mind to the bulge in my jeans. “You’re, uh… well. You ain’t shy, are you?”
She grabs one of the shots that sits forgotten by my arm and throws it back so she swallows in one go. Bringing her beautiful eyes back to mine, she touches her plump lips and holds me prisoner. “We only get one life, right? And I can’t say this isn’t on my bucket list.”
“Luke, I—” Rob stops beside me, mid-sentence, mid-whatever-the-fuck-was-on-his-mind. His eyes lock onto Kelly’s, and he does what I do – tilted head, full attention. “Hello.”
“Rob,” I look to him with a smile, then back to my new friend. “This is Kelly.”
Rob’s smile is replaced with a sour grimace. Though it’s possible I’m a little too tipsy to truly notice.
“She’s visiting our good town, will be gone tomorrow, and likes simple math. As in, two plus one equals thirteen orgasms.”
“Huh…” He purses his lips and seems to give it genuine thought. “You got a friend you want to bring in? Is it that other chick I just met near the bathrooms? Because she was just, wow.” He looks around like he has stars in his eyes. “Rhino’s doesn’t always have so many beautiful women in on the same night, but I guess tonight’s one of those unicorn nights.”
I throw my head back and laugh. “And they call me the crazy one.” I look to Kelly and offer my hand once more. “I don’t wanna fuck with my brother. I like him and all, but they already accuse us of being obnoxiously codependent, so this is a line we probably shouldn’t cross. However,” I add when her smile drops. “Rob is sweet, and much more generous than I am. Enjoy your eight orgasms, and if you’re feeling extra perky, maybe blow him twice so he knows what’s possible when a girl isn’t a selfish twat. As for me…”
A flash of color grabs my attention from across the room. I have to look past a stage, through a pair of open legs, and into a cloud of cigarette smoke, but I see her, and she’s calling me.
“I’m meeting up with a friend.” I release Kelly’s hand and clap Rob on the back. “Don’t drive. Enjoy your orgasms. Be as loud as you need to be, I won’t even get mad if I hear you guys later.” I push off the stool and remain close until Rob can slide in so no other fucker tries. “It was nice to meet you, beautiful Kelly. Let me know how he does.”
I move away from them, and make my way around a stage of female dancers – two thirds of which aren’t wearing anything above their thongs. High heels, long legs… some wear wigs, and others go au naturel. I scoot around a group of guys scamming on a group of women, and hold my breath as I’m forced to walk through a thick cloud of cigarette smoke.
The whole time I move, I use her hair like a beacon in the sea.
Red and beautiful, but it’s a darker red, mysterious and dangerous. In a fairytale, she would be the evil queen. But instead of that scaring me, it intrigues the shit out of me.
She’s dressed in a little black dress, skyscraper heels, and with the cat-like eyeliner thing girls do to their eyes. She’s a smart, Ivy League-educated, classy therapist during the day. But now, in this dark club, she could pass as an expensive girl for hire.
I stop by her shoulder, and grin when they both come up high. Defensive and unimpressed.
“I told you to go away.” Ally doesn’t even look at me. Rather, she holds onto her drink of – I lean closer and smell – vodka, and watches the dancing girls like the lights and movement truly entertain her. “I don’t want this to be a thing where I have to ask you to leave,” she continues, “and when you don’t, I’m forced to kick you in the nuts and put you on the ground.”
I scoff and wish I’d brought a drink over with me. My hands are empty, and the fact is, I’m entirely too drunk to not wanna touch. “You won’t kick me in the nuts.” I sidle up beside her, lean against the wall, since I guess no one is giving up their seat for her, and smile when her shoulder touches my arm and her breath stops for just a moment. “You look beautiful, by the way.”
“Uh huh. Thanks. You’re drunk.”
“Not, like, sloppy drunk. Just fun drunk. It’s the kinda drunk that usually gets me a mugshot, but the good news is, I’m always smiling in those shots.”
“Awesome. Did you change your shirt since I last saw you? Are you the kind of drunk who spills their alcohol and goes home smelling like an old bucket of slops?”
“I mean…” I lean closer and sniff her hair – strawberries and hot sex. “I showered. But I don’t spill. I never spill. This ain’t bush week.”
“I don’t…” Finally, she turns her head and glowers. “I have no clue what you just said.”
“Don’t worry about it. Wanna dance?”
“Nope. I’m still mad about the lake.”
“Wanna come with me to the bar, then? I need a drink, and I feel awkward standing here with you like this.”
“You can go to the bar.” She waves me off with a polite smile. “I’m not stopping you.”
“I want you to come with me. If he ain’t busy, I could even introduce you to my brother. You’d have a field day analyzing us both at the same time.”
I’m cracking her grumpy exterior, because she grins and looks toward the bar. “Tempting. Is he as weird as you?”
“Some would say weirder.” I lean away from the wall and gesture in that direction. “Coming?”
She chews her bottom lip for a moment, likely wondering how much harm this could do.
“Come on.” I take her hand and wrap it in mine until her eyes snap down. But before she can make it weird, I yank her away from the wall and head back in the direction I came.
“Are you here to party?” I have to shout to be heard over the music. “Fun, or work?”
“I’m not getting sloppy, if that’s what you mean.” She has to shout too, but better yet, she moves closer so the hand-holding turns to me placing a palm on the small of her back. “I never get sloppy. It’s unladylike.”
“Unladylike?” I snort, and slow at the bar when we reach it and Rob and Kelly are nowhere to be found. I let my gaze go left, along the bodies and couples, then right, and do the same. “Huh. They’re gone.” I look down to Ally and shrug. “He met some chick as I left and found you, so maybe he’s getting busy.”
“They just met, and now they’re having sex?” She gives me her best look of derision and snootiness. “Wow. They sure respect themselves and their bodies.”
“Oh please.” I scoff and lift my hand when the bartender catches my eye. “If you haven’t had a one-night stand, then you ain’t living. The knowledge that you can get all your freak shit going, and you won’t see them again after tonight, the fact you can be selfish – or generous, depending on your mood – and you both know it’s purely a physical act, and has nothing to do with feelings…” I look down and study her beautiful eyes. “Babe, if you haven’t had that yet, then you’re missing out.”
“And of course, you’re available, should I choose to want to try new things.”
“It’s the gentlemanly thing to do. The club scene can get dicey
if you happen to meet the wrong guy. Maybe his freak and your freak just aren’t compatible, and maybe he’s a little too rough. I couldn’t, in good conscience, send you off to fuck just any old freak and hope you’re gonna be alright tomorrow. Honestly, me helping you out would be the chivalrous thing to do. And I can almost guarantee you’ll come three times before I pass out and smother you while we sleep.”
“Three times?” Her eyes go wide, but I think it’s a lot less because she’s thinking what Kelly thought, and whole lot more that she’s calling me a liar. Or mentally challenged. “And then you just assume a woman will stay with you all night while you sleep? I thought a one-night stand was supposed to be about screwing and then going your own way?”
“Well, I mean, there are different kinds of girls, right? Thanks.” I grab my drink when the bartender sets it down by my elbow. “There are the right-this-very-second-but-not-a-minute-more kinda girls. They’re the crazy ones who’ll probably cut a lock of your hair while you sleep, then either claim you’re meant to be, or replace your shampoo with bleach.”
“Neither outcome is ideal, especially if she’s crazy.”
“Right! The next level of girl is the full-nighter. She’s beautiful, and her voice doesn’t make you want to get a lobotomy. Her smile is nice, and maybe you kinda want to snuggle all night. You don’t want a relationship, you definitely don’t want her hanging out past breakfast, but for as long as it’s dark, she’s a good place to rest.”
“This is like poetry,” she mock swoons. “Please, go on.”
I take a sip of my drink. “Then there are the girls you marry. They’re funny and smart and beautiful. They have the wide-set hips for baby-making, and their cooking is better than mine. It’s not necessarily good, but it’s passable, and better than mine. Those are the girls who deserve decency and a big house. But at this juncture in life, a person ain’t looking for forever.”
“So when in a club like this?”
“You aim for the all-night girl. You don’t want your hair bleached or removed because she’s cray, and you don’t want a white picket fence either. So you do good, and you look around till the right one comes along. The chick my brother was talking to, I suspect she’ll be around till breakfast, Rob won’t lose his hair, and he won’t be buying a diamond ring.”
“It’s perfect, really.”
“Right! And that concludes today’s lecture. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.”
“So who am I?”
I pause with my drink halfway to my lips, falter when her words register in my brain. “Huh?”
“What kind of girl am I?” she pushes. “Am I crazy? Am I all-night material? Are you worried I might bleach your hair while you sleep, so you look like nineteen-ninety-nine Justin Timberlake?”
I let the shiver overtake my body. “Please don’t. Not the bleach blond. I’m begging you.”
“So who am I, Luke?” Maybe she’s a smidge drunk too. “Which kinda girl am I?”
“Well…”
I lean my hip against the bar, and grin when a woman trying to get a drink bumps into Ally’s back and inadvertently pushes her closer to me. The club is dark but illuminated by flashing lights. The music is loud, but not so bad that we can’t talk. There are hundreds of people crammed into one room, but right here, packed into our tiny space, it feels like we have privacy.
I study her eyes, and the soft smattering of freckles on the top of her cheek. Either she missed those when she was putting makeup on tonight, or she’s not wearing anything on her face, because she knows she’s beautiful without it.
“I think you’re a forever chick. I think you are physically and emotionally unable to have a one-night stand, because you catch feelings too easily – despite your ice queen impersonation. But I think there’s a part of you who wishes you could have a filthy one-night fuck and then be able to walk away and forget he exists, because that would be wild and… well, not Ally.”
She scowls and brings her drink up. “I can be wild.”
“I think you’re extremely selective about who you take to bed, and if you chat with a guy more than once, you basically declare that a monogamous relationship.”
“Not true.”
“I think you daydream about being a hoe, but you can’t do it. You can’t go through with it, because by the time you’re both done and getting dressed again, you’ve already caught the bug.”
“I think you’re wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.”
“I think you wish you could be like the chick Rob already walked away with. She was offering herself up to the both of us, and she’d already told me that she was only passing through town. She’ll be gone tomorrow.”
“She offered herself up…” Allyson’s cheeks turn a little paler. “To two guys?”
I smile and help her when her drink rests in the general vicinity of her lips, but she can’t quite get it there. “She wanted us both, and she wanted us to be rough about it. But alas, I saw a flash of red across the room, and here I am. With a girl who will inevitably marry her casual fuckbuddy.”
“I will not marry my… anyone. I literally have zero room for a relationship in my life right now. So your assertion is ludicrous.”
“Prove it.”
“Prov– prove what?”
“That you can have a one-night stand, and still walk away tomorrow without feelings.”
It burns my gut, like a fucking cattle prod in the center of my stomach, when she looks around the club as though in search. “With who?”
“With me!” I grab her jaw and bring her eyes back to me. “Let’s go back to my place, let me rock your world. Then tomorrow, I’ll watch you struggle to collect your things and leave, because you’ll already be dying a little on the inside. You claim you’re wild, right? You claim you’re ready to do something crazy.”
“Nice try, Hart.” She tosses the last of her drink back and plops the glass on the bar, then turning back to me, she wipes the back of her hand over her lips. “Apart from the fact I already said no to sleeping with you, there are ethical issues with you and I sleeping together. Can’t do it.”
“Ethical?” I jolt back a little and try to puzzle out her words. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m your therapist, Luke. I could probably lose my job if we slept together.”
“Well, first of all, you’re not my therapist. Sonia is. Second, you don’t have a job. You have an internship that pays you…?”
“Nothing,” she admits with a rosy blush filling her cheeks. “I don’t get paid for these hours.”
“Ha! So really, you have nothing to lose. Get wild, Allyson. Fuck me.” I lean a little closer. “Put my cock in your mouth and show us your skills.” Her face turns whiter and whiter. “Swallow me down and make us both explode.”
“You are exceptionally crude. And I already said I would not sleep with you. But pick someone else.” She turns back to the crowd and studies the guys who move around.
It pisses me off that dozens of them study her back even though I stand right here beside her. They still look.
“Pick a guy,” she pushes. “But be nice. Make him taller than me, and sort of assertive. Like, I’m here, and I’m willing to play your game, but I can be a little shy too, so he can’t be bumbling or too quiet, otherwise we’ll both freak out.”
“You want assertive?” I grind my teeth and study the top of her hair while she studies her smorgasbord of suitors. “Taller than you.”
“Nice teeth,” she adds with a smile. “He can’t be dumb. Like, I’m not looking for Elon Musk-type genius, but he can’t be pulling on a push door either. That would send me insane. Oh, that guy is cute.”
I suspect the alcohol in her brain has her acting braver than usual, more ballsy than she normally would be. Because first of all, she’s fucking sassing me and describing another man right in front of me. But second, she points, and some tall motherfucker with a glistening white smile sees.
And then he starts i
n our direction.
“Oh damn.” Ally turns nervous in an instant. “He’s coming this way.”
“You just summoned a stupid motherfucker.” I grab her hand and trot away from the bar before I get myself another appointment in front of a judge.
Dragging Ally through the club and straight out the front doors before the smiler reaches the bar, I slingshot her forward until her walk turns to a trot, and then her trot results in belly laughs and our hands linked together while we run.
“He was coming over to us, even while I stood there!” I run beside her, and when she stumbles twice on her heels, I place my hand on her hip as a kind of safety net for when she begins to topple over. “He was coming over!” I exclaim. “When I was standing right there! He would have tried to pull a push door, Allyson.”
Laughter bubbles along her throat until she snorts like a pig. “I’ve never done that before. Just…picked out a guy. Is it really that easy?”
“When you look like you?” I drag her around the corner at the end of the block and keep running. Because why the fuck not? “You literally just have to stand there, Ally. Do what you did just now, search for the one you want, and he’s yours. Then if you want ten more, they’ll line up and wait.”
“Well that’s unsanitary. Wait. Hold up.” She pants and tries to peel my fingers from her hip.
I stop us on a dark street, and press her against the brick wall until her breath bursts out and bathes my face.
“I can’t run that far.” She breathes like she just ran some kind of world-record-breaking mile. “Heels… and a dress.” Then she presses her head against the brick and looks up at the starlit sky. “Alcohol is sloshing in my tummy."
“Probably shouldn’t run after drinking.” I move in closer, closer, so our hips touch and the fact she’s looking straight up becomes beneficial for me when I stand over her and replace her view with my face. “You aren’t wearing makeup, are you?” I bring a hand up and stroke her freckles with the pad of my thumb. “This is just you.”