by Wendy Clarke
He came into the living room and stared in surprise. He was wearing his jogging bottoms and a running shirt that was covered in sweat.
‘Brian… Pamela… you’re early.’
Her parents exchanged a look. It was clear Gareth hadn’t been out to the off-licence. Her dad rose and held out his hand.
‘Good to see you, mate. We thought you had emigrated.’
Ria stood up, frustration and anger overwhelming her. He would need a shower and a change of clothes before they could go. She felt like a child who’d had her day spoilt. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were going for a run, Gareth?’ She couldn’t be bothered to pretend any more. ‘We’re going to be late. What were you thinking?’
Sitting down again, it was impossible to stop the tears bubbling to the surface. Gareth was by her side at once. ‘Sweetie, don’t cry. It’s just a misunderstanding. Remember, we changed the time of the booking to one o’clock to make sure you were properly over your morning sickness before your mum and dad arrived?’ He turned to her parents. ‘Ria said she’d let you know. I’m guessing she forgot.’
Ria looked up at him, wet-eyed. ‘We never said that, Gareth. We didn’t talk about changing the time.’
He swept her hair out of her eyes and kissed her forehead, the gesture reminding her of something her dad might have done when she was a child. ‘The pregnancy hormones are making you forgetful. Never mind. No harm done.’
Feeling ridiculous, Ria took a tissue out of her pocket and blew her nose, sensing her mum’s look of sympathy. She was sure they hadn’t changed the time, but Gareth was right, recently she’d been getting quite forgetful, misplacing things and having to be reminded of appointments she hadn’t remembered making.
‘Anyway, I won’t be long getting ready.’ He wiped a finger under Ria’s eye and whispered in her ear so that only she could hear: ‘Pull yourself together, Ria. You’re embarrassing me.’
Twenty-Three
Leona
‘And her family, Leona. What about them? Weren’t they concerned?’
Like mine are about me? I haven’t told Lisa about my meltdown in Beth’s bedroom. About the way both she and Scott have been tiptoeing around me, in case they say something that might set me off again.
‘I don’t think so. After Ria got pregnant, I think they were just relieved that he was going to stick by her. They were quite traditional like that. I reckon they liked the fact he was looking after her. If they were worried that he didn’t let her do anything or that they saw less of her, they didn’t let on. They probably passed it off as concern for her pregnancy. But a wedding without your family and friends… Is that normal?’
Lisa doesn’t answer, but pushes the water jug towards me. I shake my head. I want to get this over with – tell the story to the end, and then perhaps I can get back to some sort of normal life. Not that I’ve lived a normal life since it happened. On the outside, maybe, but not in my head. I just want it all to be over.
‘When the baby was born, did things change for Ria?’ Lisa pours herself some water and takes a sip, leaving a perfect imprint of her pink lipstick on the glass.
‘For a bit, yes. Gareth loved Lily – that much was obvious. I stopped being concerned.’
I should have known better.
Twenty-Four
Ria
The doorbell rang and Ria looked up, wondering who it might be. They weren’t expecting any packages and the health visitor had stopped visiting a while back. She’d grown used to the days being just her and Lily, seldom going out. Even the trips to the supermarket, which she’d once enjoyed, had been replaced with online shopping. It would be too much for her, Gareth said, with a baby to take care of.
Checking the Moses basket to make sure the baby was still asleep, she went to answer the door, surprised to find Leo standing there holding a big pink balloon.
‘I decided that if you weren’t going to ask me over, I’d have to just come uninvited.’
‘I’m sorry, Leo, it’s just that…’ Ria looked behind her, anxious to get back to the sleeping baby.
‘I just wanted to see her before I become a pensioner.’
Ria laughed. ‘It’s only been a few weeks.’
‘Three months actually.’ Folding her arms, Leo gave Ria a mock frown. ‘Anyway, aren’t you going to invite me in? I’m skiving lectures as it is.’
‘Of course. I’m sorry.’ Seeing Leo’s open arms, Ria stepped into them, the warmth and familiarity of her friend’s body making tears well in her eyes. She’d missed this.
‘Hey, don’t cry. You’re a new mother. You should be happy.’
‘I am,’ Ria said, taking a tissue from her pocket and dabbing at her eyes. ‘I don’t know what’s got into me. It must be the hormones. Come in, I’ll make us some tea.’
Leo’s ripped-at-the-knee jeans and unruly hair looked out of place in the apartment. It made Ria feel that she’d moved on. Left her old life behind.
‘Goodness. She’s gorgeous.’ Leo bent to the Moses basket. ‘And so tiny.’
‘You should have seen her when she was first born.’ Ria stopped, feeling her face redden. She knew Leo would have been round like a shot had she asked. Camped out at the hospital if necessary – but, in those first days, Gareth had said it should be just the two of them – their own little family. Even her parents had had to wait a few weeks to meet their first grandchild. Although her mother had offered to come and stay, Gareth had said they didn’t need her. He would take care of them both.
‘You look tired, Ria. When was the last time you had a break?’
‘A break?’
‘From the baby… From domesticity.’
‘You say it like it’s a dirty word. I like my life. I’m happy.’
Leo stood up and flung an arm around Ria’s neck, pulling her cheek close and kissing it like in the old days. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I just mean that Lily is Gareth’s baby as well as yours. Is he doing his bit?’
‘Of course he is.’
Ria had been pleased when Gareth had agreed to take some time off when the baby was first born, surprised at the bond that seemed to have formed between father and daughter. In those first few weeks, he’d taken his turn to change Lily’s nappies and got out of bed to fetch her from her Moses basket when she needed a feed at night. He’d been considerate of Ria’s feelings, not pressuring her for sex when she was clearly exhausted.
Then, one night, a month after Lily was born, things had changed. Lily had been fractious all day, not wanting to settle, and at ten o’clock Ria had fallen into bed, craving sleep. Gareth had been out with some clients and when he’d climbed into bed, she could smell the drink on him. She’d felt his hand slide around her body, cupping her breast, and she’d taken it and kissed it. Moving it to her hip. Sure he’d understand.
The next night, he hadn’t come home, and she hadn’t asked where he’d been. Afraid of what his answer might be.
The ringing of her mobile phone made her jump now, and she snatched it up from the coffee table. Turning away so that Leo couldn’t see her face.
‘Hi, Gareth… What am I doing?’ She glanced at Leo and moved away into the hall. ‘Nothing much, just some housework while Lily naps.’
Tucking the phone under her chin, she went into the kitchen where she couldn’t be heard. Lifting the teapot from the cupboard, she added a heaped spoonful of tea from the caddy. It was a long while since she’d bought tea bags. In the background she could hear voices, the sounds of Gareth’s office.
As she listened to what Gareth was saying, her hand hovered above the teapot. ‘I didn’t know you were going to be away tonight.’
Peering at the calendar on the wall, she saw nothing written there. ‘There’s nothing on the calendar. Are you sure you told me? No, I’m not calling you a liar, Gareth. Of course, I realise one of us has to work.’ She paused, embarrassed. ‘It’s just that I’ve got no money. My bank card’s not in my purse. I must have left it somew
here. Yes, I do need it. It’s Mum’s birthday and I thought it would be nice to take Lily to see her tomorrow. I’ll need money for the bus and I want to get her a present.’
In the other room, the baby had started to cry. Moving to the door, she listened to hear if Lily would settle without her going to her, and was relieved when the crying stopped as quickly as it started.
‘Yes, I’ve looked everywhere.’ Why was he being so difficult? ‘No… No. Please don’t get cross. I understand. No, there’s no one here. Why would there be? Of course I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow evening.’
Wondering why she’d lied, Ria switched off the phone and pushed it away from her. She sunk her head into her hands. It was the fourth time Gareth had called her that day.
‘I’ll lend you the money. How much do you need?’
Leo was standing in the doorway, holding Lily, the baby’s sleeping face half-obscured by her fair hair.
‘You don’t need to do that. It’s fine.’
‘Your husband’s happy to leave you with no money and you think it’s fine? Don’t you have any other cards, Ria? What about a credit card?’
Ria took Lily from Leo’s arms and kissed her, embarrassed to answer the question. ‘Gareth has one. He doesn’t think we both need one and I agree. It would only be a temptation to spend, and things are a bit tight at the moment.’
Ria looked at the kitchen, seeing what Leo was seeing: the large kitchen island and the shiny black cupboards with their marble worktops. Her words sounded ridiculous. ‘He’s not always like this.’
Leo held out two twenties. ‘Take it. You can pay me back when you next see me. Go and see your mum, Ria, and talk to her.’ There was a pause. ‘Are you sure you’re all right?’
‘Of course I am. Why shouldn’t I be?’
‘You just seem different somehow. Not the happy-go-lucky Ria who used to go clubbing with me on a Friday night. I haven’t forgotten how you blew me out that time.’
‘I told you what happened. Gareth had planned something special for my birthday. I couldn’t let him down.’
‘But you were happy to let me down. You’ve dropped your friends, given up your singing… What other parts of your life is he controlling, Ria?’
Ria felt her hands clench. ‘Nothing. Gareth’s right. You never liked him.’
Leo looked shocked. ‘That’s not true, Ria. It’s not him I don’t like. It’s what he’s doing to you.’
‘He isn’t doing anything. You’re just jealous because we’ve made a nice life for ourselves. A lovely apartment. A baby. What have you got? A rented flat and a boyfriend who’s a waste of space.’
Ria stopped and bit her lip, wondering what had come over her. She’d never spoken to Leo like this before.
‘Listen to yourself, Ria. Listen to whose words these really are. I don’t for one minute believe that’s what you think, but, if it is, then I’d better go. Don’t bother giving me the money back. Gareth probably wouldn’t let you come round anyway… That’s if you even dared to tell him.’
The need to defend Gareth was stronger than her friendship with Leo. Nobody understood him like Ria did. Nobody saw what she saw when he was in one of his good moods. She drew herself up. ‘How dare you talk about my husband like that? You don’t know anything about my marriage. If you can’t be civil about him, get out of my house, Leo, and don’t bother coming back.’
‘If that’s what you want.’ Placing the money on the worktop, Leo turned and walked out of the kitchen, leaving Ria wondering if they’d ever see each other again.
* * *
Ria had been watching television when the front door slammed. Pointing the controller at the television, she muted it.
‘Gareth?’
He appeared in the doorway, swaying slightly. ‘Who else would it be?’
‘It’s just that you said you wouldn’t be home tonight.’
Folding his arms, he leant against the door frame, a smile on his lips. ‘Aren’t you pleased to see me?’
Ria’s heart started to beat a bit faster. He was unpredictable when he’d been drinking. She’d only just got Lily to sleep and she didn’t want a row. ‘Of course I am. I’m just surprised, that’s all.’
He held her gaze a moment, then turned and went into the hallway. She heard his footsteps as he went into the kitchen and found she was holding her breath. She hadn’t done anything wrong, yet she felt guilty. There was the sound of the dishwasher being opened and the rattle of crockery as the wire racks were pulled out in turn. It was then that she realised what he was doing. He was checking. In the silence that followed, Ria imagined Gareth counting the cups and plates; working out how many they’d used since the previous evening. She could see the mug with the blue and white stripes around the rim – the one they only used for visitors – sitting with the others, and knew what he’d be thinking.
She was right. He strode into the sitting room, the mug in his hands.
‘Who the fuck used this?’
His voice was low. Menacing. There was no point in lying. It would only make things worse. ‘It was Leo.’
‘You’re lying!’
The mug smashed against the wall by Ria’s head, chips of white china covering the wooden floor like confetti.
Ria bent to pick up the pieces, her hand shaking. ‘I’m not lying, Gareth. Why would I?’
He stood over her and she could sense he was deciding whether or not to believe her. ‘Why was Leo here?’
‘To see Lily. Why else?’
‘Even though we agreed…’
‘No. I never agreed to anything.’ Indignation made her brave. She stood up and faced him. ‘Leo is my friend… About the only one I have left.’
He moved so quickly, she didn’t have time to react. She felt the pressure of his thumb and finger as he grabbed her chin. ‘Come to talk about me behind my back, more likely. I bet the two of you had a fine old time discussing what a sorry life you have. How you’d have been better off if you hadn’t met me.’
‘That’s not true. Why would we do that? Stop it, Gareth, you’re hurting me.’ Pushing his hand away, she glanced at the door, praying Lily wouldn’t wake.
As if thinking the same thing, Gareth stepped away and Ria felt her body unclench. Relieved that the storm had passed. But it hadn’t. Without warning, her husband’s fist flew towards her face, making contact with her jaw. She fell back against the wall, the shock stopping her from crying out.
Almost immediately, Gareth was beside her. Crouching next to her, he pulled her to him, rocking her backwards and forwards in his arms.
‘Baby, I’m sorry. Sometimes I think you want me to lose my temper. It will never happen again. I promise. I love you. You must believe me.’
Ria felt his tears on her face and she knew what it had taken for him to apologise. It was her fault. She should have told him about Leo, been more sensitive, not let him find out the way he had. Even though the pain in her jaw was excruciating, she reached up a hand and stroked his face.
He loved her and it would never happen again.
‘Let’s go to bed,’ she said.
Twenty-Five
Beth
Beth had hoped that by arriving late, she would avoid Carina, but as she went through the gates and the wide wings of Lady Edburton came into view, she knew it was never going to happen. Most of the students had gone in, but Carina was leaning against the wall by the steps. There was no doubt in Beth’s mind that she was waiting for her as, ever since she’d seen her in the car, she’d known it would only be a matter of time before Carina would use what she’d seen to her advantage.
This morning, unusually, Carina wasn’t surrounded by her girlfriends, but was standing on her own. Maybe she could go in one of the side doors and avoid her, or push into one of the last groups of girls who were going in, and hope she wouldn’t be seen? It was hopeless, though. From her vantage point on the steps, there was no way Carina wouldn’t see her as she walked up the drive. Beth would just have to
face what was coming to her. Get it over with.
Ducking her head, Beth walked as quickly as she could, hating the sound of her feet on the gravel as she walked towards the entrance. A few stragglers were climbing the steps and she slipped in behind them. As they jostled forward, one of the girls stopped and said something to Carina. This could be her chance. Only a few more feet and she’d be able to duck into the school. Taking her bag off her shoulder, Beth unzipped it and pretended to be looking for something. If she was lucky, she might just get past.
It wasn’t to be, though. Just as she reached the door, she felt a hand on her arm, the fingers pulling at her maroon jumper.
‘Beth. How are you? I’ve been worried about you.’
Carina’s smile was friendly, her tone concerned, but Beth wasn’t taken in by it. Sometimes she thought she preferred it when Carina was openly hostile; at least, then, she knew where she was with her.
Beth pulled her arm away. ‘You don’t need to be.’
‘It’s just that I haven’t seen anyone that sick in a long time. What was it? Tummy bug? Food poisoning? No, don’t tell me… You just can’t take your drink.’
‘It’s none of your business.’
She tried to move forward, but Carina caught hold of the strap of her rucksack and pulled her back. ‘I wonder what Mummy and Daddy would think if they knew their precious daughter was out drinking. Do you think they’d be pleased to hear she vomited most of it back into a hedge?’
‘It wasn’t that bad.’
‘If you say so. Lucky for you, Dad was too busy watching the road to notice. He might have felt the need to mention it to your dad this morning otherwise.’
Beth decided to bluff it. ‘Even if he did, my dad wouldn’t care.’