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THE FIRST THING I saw when I woke up and opened my eyes next morning was a spider on the skylight trying to get out through the window, but it was closed. There he was walking along the glass upside down, walking for a while and falling, and going back and walking and falling again. But he never fell onto the floor cos there was a thread just like elastic holding him whenever he fell, and that’s how he could get back on the window each time.
It had only just gone six, and I was about to go and fetch the cattle from Tal Cafn. And suddenly, while I was lying there watching the spider, I remembered about Huw. In less than two hours, Huw would have set off for the South and maybe I’d never see him again. And I wouldn’t be able to go to the station to see him after fetching the cattle cos Mam was ill.
Dew, yes, Mam as well. I’d forgotten about her. I’d slept so soundly after that powder Gran had given me that I’d forgotten everything, and I hadn’t dreamt about anything all night. But Jesus, I’d dreamed enough in the afternoon to last me a lifetime. Sometimes, you dream backwards like I did about that angel with the black moustache, after seeing Uncle Harry’s picture when I was lying in Guto’s bed. And sometimes you dream forwards, like when I dreamt about us going in the motor to Caernarfon Jail to see Uncle Will get hanged, with Little Will Policeman’s Dad sitting in the front with the driver. But little did I think that the dream would come true so soon.
Our house was as quiet as the grave when I got out of bed and got dressed to go and fetch the cattle. But when I’d gone downstairs and opened the door to go out, I heard the sound of a cat miaowing. Grace Evans Next Door’s cat must have been left out all night, I said. But I went back and listened outside Mam’s bedroom door, where her and Gran were sleeping, and that’s where the sound was coming from. Grace Evans’ cat wasn’t there at all, I said. It’s Mam crying in her sleep. And I went out and closed the door very quietly after me.
It was drizzling and it looked like the rain had set in for the day. It was as black as night at the top of Nant Ycha and the clouds were just like steam coming out of a washing tub full of boiling water. But it was daylight by the top of the Foel with the mist rising from the ground and climbing slowly up the side of the Mountain as though it was tired. I must take my shoes to Cwt Crydd to be mended today, I said, but I was enjoying the feel of the drizzle washing my face cos I hadn’t had a wash before I came out. After crossing the Gorlan Potato Field, I climbed up on top of the Corn Field wall to see if there were any mushrooms there. And there they were, like white spots all over the place, as though the Tan Fron chickens had been busy laying eggs all night. Dew, I’ll have a capful of those on the way home, I said as I got down from the wall. And I did get a capful, too.
Gran was up by the time I got back to the house, and the kettle was on the fire.
Look what a good capful of mushrooms I’ve got, Gran, I said. How’s Mam this morning?
She’s asleep. Don’t you go into the bedroom disturbing her, said Gran. You get those mushrooms ready for frying, then you can have your breakfast.
Did Doctor Pritchard come last night? I said from the back kitchen as I cleaned the mushrooms.
Yes.
What did he say?
I’ll tell you in a minute. Wait till I’ve made breakfast.
I don’t want to go to School today, Gran. I’d rather stay at home to help.
Aye, you’d better not go to School today. There’s a lot to be done.
Gran didn’t say anything for ages when we sat at the table to have breakfast. She was forever up and down doing something, slicing bread or filling the teapot or poking the fire. It was as though she couldn’t stay still for a minute, and she didn’t speak a word.
Dew, these mushrooms are good, I said in the end. Is Mam very ill?
Yes. She’s quite poorly.
When does Doctor Pritchard say she can get up?
There was silence then for a while. Then Gran got up from the table once again and turned to the fire and put the kettle on it. Then she turned to me and said: Look, your Mam’ll be waking up in a minute, and there’ll be a lot to do. Doctor Pritchard says she has to be taken to hospital, and you’ll need to go with her.
How are they taking her to hospital with her ill in bed? Is there an ambulance coming to fetch her?
No. It’s the Corner Shop Motor that’s coming.
The Corner Shop Motor?
Yes, lad. Look, you’ve to go Next Door now. Ellis Evans has stayed home from the Quarry today and he and Grace Evans will tell you what wants doing. You go now, lad, and I’ll go into the bedroom and see if your Mam’s woken up. You go off Next Door now.
Even though Gran was speaking more kindly to me than she usually did, there was something in her voice that made me keep my mouth shut and do what she said without asking any more questions. And there was no need to ask anything else once I went Next Door. I found out more than I wanted to know there.
Come in, love, said Grace Evans when I knocked on the door, and she was talking much kinder than usual, just like Gran.
Come up to the fire, said Ellis Evans, in his stocking feet and about to light his pipe after breakfast. Have you had your breakfast?
Yes thanks, I said. A big plateful of fried mushrooms from the Gorlan Corn Field.
How’s your Mam this morning?
She was asleep when I came out. Gran says she’s really poorly and they want to take her to hospital. But they want to take her in the Corner Shop Motor, but I want to know why she can’t go in an ambulance with her being so ill.
Well yes, lad. That’s what we want to talk to you about, said Grace Evans, pulling her chair from the table to the fire. You want to go with her, don’t you?
That’s what Gran was saying. But why are they taking her in the Corner Shop Motor with her being so ill?
She isn’t ill in the way you mean, love, said Grace Evans.
She’s in a weakness, you know, said Ellis Evans, blowing tobacco smoke up the chimney and thumbing his pipe.
They’ll be very kind to her.
They’ll look after her properly.
She’s sure to be better in no time.
She won’t be there long, you know.
And they went on like this for ages, one after the other, until my head was spinning. And I didn’t understand what they were talking about until I asked: They’ll be taking her to Bangor, then?
No, you see, they both said together, and Ellis Evans coughed and cleared his throat after blowing some more smoke up the chimney. Then he put his hand on Grace Evans’ knee and turned to me.
Do you know where your Mam was yesterday? he said.
No.
Well, from all accounts, she’d gone up the Hill in the morning and had been wandering on the side of the Foel all day.
Good God, and it was pouring down.
Yes. Robin Gorlan saw her passing Tan Fron about twelve o’clock, and Owen Gorlan had seen a woman on Pen y Foel at about three in the afternoon. She was too far away for him to recognise her properly but he swears it was your Mam.
Good God, I said again, and started shaking like a leaf.
Will you have a cup of tea? said Grace Evans. There’s a nice cuppa left in the teapot, here.
No, no thanks. What happened then?
Well, nobody knows for certain, said Ellis Evans, tapping his pipe on the chimney corner. But the next time anyone saw her, she was walking down Allt Bryn past the Lockup.
What time was it by then?
About five, probably. And do you know what she did then?
No.
Threw a stone through the Lockup window.
Who? Mam?
Yes.
No.
Yes, honestly.
No, you’re just joking.
It’s as true as I’m sitting in this chair.
And although I was shaking like a leaf, I started to roar with laughter, with the pair of them staring at me.
Dew, I just can’t stop laughing, I said. Mam, of all
people, throwing a stone through the Lockup window.
Well, that’s what happened, said Ellis Evans. And our Grace saw her coming up the Hill about half past five, and she looked so bad that Grace went to see what she could do. But your Mam was telling somebody off something terrible, you know, and talking about your Uncle Will, wasn’t she, Grace?
Yes, said Grace Evans. And when I went to ask if there was anything I could do for her, she went into the house and slammed the door in my face.
She’s been talking funny for days, you know, said Ellis Evans.
She has, hasn’t she?
What she was saying coming up the Hill, said Grace Evans, was that your Uncle Will had been hanged in the Lockup.
Dew, my dream’s coming true.
What dream, lad?
Oh, nothing.
And suddenly I understood everything.
They want to take her away, don’t they? I said, looking into the fire. And though nobody spoke the words, they were racing through my head like the little Quarry train. Denbigh. The Asylum. They’re taking Mam to the Asylum, the Asylum, the Asylum. Emyr, Little Owen the Coal’s Brother. In his coffin with his mouth open. Beaten and battered. Emyr thirsty. They’ll be very kind to her. She’s in a weakness. Uncle Will being hanged. Throat pouring with blood. The Asylum. The Asylum. The Asylum.
Drink this while it’s hot now, lad.
No thanks, Mrs Evans. I can’t swallow. I’d better go now, to see if she’s up.
By this time, Ellis Evans was busy putting his boots on. And when he’d finished, he got up and came over to me and put his hand on my shoulder, and called me old chap for the first time ever.
You listen to me, old chap, he said. This is a pretty trying time for all of us, but we’ve got to accept whatever God sends us, you know. And we’ve got to make the best of things as they are.
Don’t frighten the lad, Ellis, said Grace Evans. His Mam’s just a bit fragile at the moment. She’ll be back home good as new in about a fortnight, for sure, as long as everyone does right by her.
You let me speak, Grace, said Ellis Evans really sharply, then he turned back to me. We’ll do everything we can to help, but we’re depending on you now, see.
I’ll do everything that needs doing.
That’s it. The Corner Shop Motor will be at the bottom of the Hill at half past nine, and you’ll have to take your Mam down the Hill to it. Maybe she won’t be all that keen to go, but you’ll have to persuade her.
I know what to do.
That’s it, lad. You go now. It’s quarter past nine.
Alright then.
And tell your Gran to come here when you’ve gone.
I will, Mrs Evans, I said, and out I went.
Hello, Mam, are you better? I said in a high voice as I went into the house. And there she was, sitting in the rocking chair, dressed, and Gran was brushing the chimney corner and taking the kettle off the fire. But Mam didn’t say anything, she just looked at me as though I’d been stealing apples.
Dew, Gran made me a good breakfast, I said then, as though nothing was wrong. A big plateful of mushrooms.
Where’ve you been? she said, looking at me with her steel pin eyes.
Just to fetch the cattle and then to Next Door to see if Grace Evans wanted anything. Huw and his Dad have gone away to the South on the eight o’clock train, and I’m not going to School today. You and me are going for a ride in the Corner Shop Motor because we’re on holiday. You’d better put your best hat on, Mam.
Yes, you’d better wear that black hat, said Gran.
And she got up without saying a word and went to the bedroom to get her hat.
Gran ran to the window and looked outside.
They’re there, she said to me, quietly.
I’m ready now, said Mam, coming out of the bedroom with her best hat on.
We’ll go then, I said, when I’d put my topcoat on and got my cap from the back kitchen.
Grace Evans wants you to call Next Door for a minute, I said to Gran as we were going out and she was standing in the doorway watching us go down the Hill.
It was still drizzling, and I was holding Mam’s arm in case she slipped and thinking about the first time we ever walked down the Hill together, long ago. It was her that was holding my arm then. It was a freezing cold day in the middle of winter and everywhere was frozen solid and I was going back to School after being ill with a cold. And the Hill was shining like glass and we were walking by the side of the wall in case we fell over. Mam was holding onto the wall and I was holding onto her arm. And we’d both put a pair of socks over our shoes, so we wouldn’t slip. But I fell over twice, and Mam lifted me up each time I fell.
Good God, my dream’s coming true again, I said to myself and squeezed Mam’s arm even tighter when we got to the bottom of the Hill and saw the Corner Shop Motor.
Who was sitting in the passenger seat in his ordinary clothes but Little Will Policeman’s Dad and Little Davey Corner Shop’s Dad was standing by the car, holding the door open for us and smiling from ear to ear.
Here we are at last, he said. I hope you’re not wet. Fairly middling weather we’re having, isn’t it?
And into the car we went, and Davey Corner Shop’s Dad shut the door behind us and went back to the front end, to the driver’s seat next to Little Will Policeman’s Dad. And who was sitting in the back with us in the far corner but a lady I’d never seen before. I’m coming with you as well, she said, and smiled at us nicely.
And Mam started roaring with laughter. What are you doing with us, you old devil? she said to Little Will Policeman’s Dad. It was you who hanged my Brother Will, wasn’t it?
He didn’t say anything. He just turned his head towards us and half smiled. Then everyone was quiet for a long time, and the car was going like the wind. And the only talking there was, was Mam talking to herself or to someone she thought was behind her, and laughing and arguing in turn.
Dew, those people from the South are good singers, Mam, I said in the end. You didn’t hear the South Choir singing on the side of the Headland on Sunday night, did you? Dew, it was just like the Revival there, with all the people singing with the Choir and not being able to stop, they’d got themselves worked up to such a pitch. Dew, you should have heard them singing The Man who was Crucified Long Ago.
Then Mam started singing while I was still talking to her, so I started singing along with her, with the motor still going like a bat out of hell.
Dew, Mam had got carried away too, and I was singing bass with her cos my voice had broken. And the two in the front were still talking to each other and taking no notice of us at all. And there we were, Mam and me singing at the tops of our voices:
The Man who was crucified long ago
For a sinful man like me
who drained the cup completely
Himself on Calvary
By this time, the two in the front had stopped talking and the next thing I heard was the pair of them singing with us, with Little Will Policeman’s Dad singing tenor. And then the five of us, the nice lady as well, were singing:
The source of Everlasting Love
That peaceful home all minds do crave
Takes me to that covenant
Ne’er broke by death nor broke by grave
And Little Will Policeman’s Dad struck it up then and everyone was getting more and more emotional until I almost forgot where we were going. But everyone went quiet after that, and the sound of the engine was making me feel sleepy. And I had a bit of a doze as we went along the road, listening to Mam talking to herself and then telling someone off and then talking to herself …
At last we came to a big gate by the side of the road and the Corner Shop Motor turned through it and went along a wide gravel drive to the door of a huge building about four times as big as Salem Chapel, with stone steps on each side going up to the door.
The Asylum, I said to myself.
Davey Corner Shop’s Dad came to open the motor car door for u
s, and Little Will Policeman’s Dad stayed exactly where he was, not moving from his seat. Mam was shaking like a leaf as she got out of the car, but she didn’t say anything, and the nice lady was very gentle with her.
You come with me now, she said, taking her by the arm. We’ll go and see the doctor and everything will be alright.
And I walked behind them like a pet lamb.
There was a man in a white coat waiting for us at the door when we’d gone up the stone stairs, and he was nice too and he was smiling a big, friendly smile as he welcomed us.
Come through here and sit down while I go and fetch the nurse, he said, and he took the nice lady and Mam and me to a place like a parlour, with lots of chairs in a single row against the wall, and a table in the middle with a flower pot on it, full of flowers; and a big window that nobody could see through on the left-hand side, and a big cupboard on the right-hand side with two doors in it. And the three of us sat down on the chairs to wait.
And we waited there for a long time, and the only thing that happened was that Mam told the nice lady that she wanted to go to the toilet. You come with me, she said kindly, I’ll show you where it is. And out they went and left me sitting on my own.
Then this little fat man came in and went to the cupboard without taking any notice of me. And when he tried the door, it was locked, and he started to look in his pocket for the key. He tried his trouser pocket first but it wasn’t there; then his waistcoat pocket then his coat pocket and then his inside pocket. But the key mustn’t have been there cos he went out again without opening the cupboard door.
Dew, he looked just like Uncle Will, I said to myself. But I was imagining things, of course.
When Mam and the nice lady came back and sat down, a pretty little girl in a nurse’s uniform, about the same age as me, came in and gave us a big smile. Dew, she was a pretty little thing too, with blonde hair and blue eyes and rosy cheeks, and when she smiled at us her teeth were shining white. And she had a lot of keys hanging on a piece of string in her hand. She was exactly like Little Jini Pen Cae.
One Moonlit Night Page 17