She liked that they were walking, that all of Anders’s intense focus wasn’t on her right now. “It quickly blew up. The groom was furious at me. I’d worked through the night to see what I could get set up for them somewhere else. But the distillery hall wasn’t safe. Electricity and so much water made it dangerous. And the fridges and freezers lost power when the circuits tripped. We couldn’t use anything we’d got to cater the event. The flowers were ruined. I did find a venue they could use, but it was just a chain hotel. Nothing special. The couple didn’t take the news well.”
She left out the parts that followed. The groom’s arrest. The missed wedding.
“Anyway, we had to cancel a lot of weddings. The repair and renovation were dependent on the insurance coming through. Brides and grooms were rightly frustrated. Many took to social media, targeting their anger. Angry mobs gather trolls. The comments became worse, more personal. They found my personal social media and started harassing me there. It all became too much and . . .”
This was it. The moment of truth, and she didn’t want to tell him.
Anders stopped and turned around to face her. He pulled his glove off one hand and placed it on her cheek. It was warm to her cool skin and she let it soothe her for a moment.
“And what, Liv?”
“I had a breakdown. I’m supposed to be trained in this kind of crisis management, and I handled it terribly until I couldn’t handle it at all. Everything made me highly anxious. Leaving the house. Going to work. Doing my job. Then depression followed until, finally, I couldn’t get out of bed, couldn’t function. For months, Anders. For fucking months.”
She pressed her head against his chest. He was bound to be looking at her with the same worry and nervous edge that Emerson and Jake watched her with. Like she was going to fall apart on them again at any minute.
What most people didn’t understand about her depression was that she had been there, alert, for the whole fucking thing. Olivia had spent months watching herself do absolutely nothing all day while her brain had screamed to get off her ass. Ranting at herself about how hard could it be to take a goddamn shower? Being disgusted that she could go to bed with a plan for how tomorrow would be different, only to wake up at eleven and feel like the day was already gone.
If she couldn’t make sense of it herself, how could anyone else understand?
Anders wrapped his arms around her tightly, pulling her close against his body. His strength filled her, even if what she’d told him changed the way he thought about her.
After a few more breaths to savor the comfort he offered, she stepped back and looked up at him. There wasn’t time to process the look on his face before his lips were on hers. His hands cupped her face, holding her exactly where he wanted as he kissed her tenderly. The comfort he offered was reassuring as it flowed through her.
He pulled his lips from hers. “Did you need medication?”
“Yes.”
“The weight gain?”
“Increased appetite from the medication. Lack of willpower to exercise. Emotional eating.”
Anders simply nodded. No judgment. No look of sympathy. He looked curious.
“Are you still on meds?”
She shook her head. “I stopped taking them in December. It was time, and I felt like I could function without them. I weaned them down until New Year’s Eve. You can’t come off them too quickly because you get headaches. I had terrible spins as it was.”
“Why Christmas to sleep with someone? Why me?”
“You were the first person to look at me like I wouldn’t break in a long time. You didn’t know what had happened. You saw me as the woman standing in front of you . . . not the woman who’d been through shit. There wasn’t sympathy or concern in your eyes. You didn’t question my motives. You liked the way I looked.”
Anders kissed her softly. “That’s a lot about me. What about you?”
“I wanted to feel normal. I wanted feel like a woman again. Depression takes everything away. Everything that makes you who you are. It strips you right down to the basics. Sleeping. Sometimes eating. But the night of the wedding, I’d put on my dress and done my make-up. It was the closest I’d felt to being myself in months. And I enjoyed the way you looked as me as if I was desirable. When I said to you at the club that being with you that night changed me in a good way, I meant it. It was the first step to . . . my way out of the bleakness of it.”
“Kämpe,” he said. “A champion fighter. Right?”
Tears stung her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. “Don’t be nice to me, Anders.”
“I intend to be a lot more than nice.”
Anders looked at Olivia dozing in the passenger seat of his car. She’d taken her coat off but was using her scarf as a blanket. Dark lashes fluttered against her cheeks, and her lips had never looked more delicious. Unable to resist her, he’d spent the day kissing her whenever the mood had taken him. Sex might have been off the table, but it had given him a new appreciation for the simple intimacy of a really good kiss.
Eight fucking days since he’d seen her in the nightclub, adamant he couldn’t have her in his life. And now he couldn’t imagine what his life would look like without her.
The trust she’d placed in him by telling him her story was overwhelming. She’d been right. People didn’t understand mental health issues. Heck, he didn’t. There had been a part of him that thought depression could be overcome if you just put your mind to it; but hearing more of Olivia’s lived experience as they’d walked had completely changed his perspective.
And it had changed his perspective of her.
His little fighter.
They’d stopped at a local pizza place on the way home for dinner, and they’d talked about the internet, how it was supposed to be this great source of good, but instead it became a cesspit of keyboard warriors determined to tear down instead of lifting up. His heart cracked for her a little.
As he pulled up at a parking spot outside her condo, Anders reached over and stroked Olivia’s thigh. “Älskling. Darling. Wake up, we’re home.”
She flinched and then opened her eyes, looking a little lost until she realized where they were. “I’m sorry I fell asleep.”
Anders leaned forward and kissed her lips softly. “Emotional day.” He stepped out of the car and walked to her door, opening it for her as she gathered her coat and hat from the footwell. “I know you’re tired, but can I see you up to your apartment?”
Olivia let out a big yawn and nodded. “I’d like that.”
Once the car was secured, they made their way to her apartment. “Is Natalie home?” he asked.
Olivia shook her head. “No, she’s on night shift again.”
Even better for what he had planned.
Olivia shrugged out of her coat and hung it on the hooks in the hallway, and Anders followed suit. Olivia looked at him with a mixture of lust and nerves on her features. It was a heady combination. “Don’t worry, I’m not staying. I’m putting you to bed.”
“I haven’t been put to bed since I was nine,” Olivia said.
“Which way to your room?”
“Down the hall, second on the left.”
Without waiting for further instruction, Anders picked Olivia up, grinning as she laughed and wrapped her legs around his waist.
“I didn’t realize it meant I’d get carried.” She snuggled her nose against his neck, pressing teasing kisses against his skin.
When he reached her room, he sat her down on the edge of the bed, where he got down on his knees and began to unlace her hiking boots.
“I can do that,” she said, stretching her hands above her head.
Anders glimpsed an inch of skin but resisted the urge to lean forward and kiss it. There would be plenty of time for that later. “Where’s the fun in that when you’ve got me here? There aren’t many people I’d get on my knees for.”
Olivia ran her fingers through his hair, her nails deliciously scratching his scalp. �
�I’ll remember that.”
Once he’d removed her boots and socks, he playfully pushed her down on the bed. The way her hair spilled out on the bedding reminded him of the hotel room at Christmas. How her hair had looked across his thighs, how it had looked in his hand as he’d taken her as vigorously as she’d wanted, no, as she’d needed him to.
“Watch the way you’re looking at me, Liv. A man only has so much control.” He wanted her to be one hundred percent sure of his intentions and to have plenty of opportunity to tell him to stop.
He reached beneath her butt for the waistband of her leggings and wiggled them down her thighs until he could drop them on the floor. The skin beneath his fingers was so soft and smooth, and he placed a wet kiss to the inside of each knee.
“I thought we said clothes needed to stay on.”
“The important ones are going to, I assure you. Do you want me to stop?”
Olivia shook her head. “No. I was just teasing.”
Anders reached for her hands and lifted her so she was sitting again. With a swift move, he pulled her sweater and T-shirt over her head. “Goddamn, Liv.”
Naked apart from a black bra so sheer he could see her nipples. Nipples so pink and perfect he’d feasted on them during the night they’d spent together. Now they were erect and inviting him to play.
He shook his head.
Her panties were the same. Sheer, with obvious signs of dampness. Arousal for him.
His dick throbbed, shifting quickly from interest to full-blown erection. “You might just cause me an industrial injury,” he said, rearranging himself so his jeans didn’t cut him in half.
“I can fix that,” Olivia offered.
“Go do whatever you need to do to get ready for bed. I’m going to wait here.”
Olivia grinned and walked past him. The view from the back was almost as entertaining as the view from the front.
He groaned and fell back on her bed. Date two done. He wondered how quickly he could cram the rest in. The toilet flushed and he heard the tap run. When Olivia walked back into the bedroom, she was fresh faced.
Instead of climbing under the covers as he’d planned, she climbed over his thighs until she sat astraddle them. Her fingers teased the waistband of his jeans. It tickled and his dick twitched. “Liv,” he warned.
“Just to clarify the rules. Important bits remain clothed at all times. Closer to second base than third. That’s what we said, right?”
Anders rubbed his hands up her thighs, savoring the way her skin felt against his. “That’s right.”
“Well, I looked it up. Second base can include skin-to-skin touching of the upper body and kissing of the breasts.”
He licked his lower lip and took a deep breath before sitting up, placing his hand around her back to hold her on his lap. Her grin told him she knew that wasn’t true, but he was only human. “Well, if those are the rules, who am I to argue,” he said. With one tug, he pulled his hoodie and T-shirt over his head and threw them onto the chair that sat in the corner.
He placed his hands on her waist, sliding up her ribs until his thumbs brushed her nipples. “So fucking pretty.” He placed his lips over one of them while cupping her other breast.
Olivia gasped, the action caused her to rub her dampness along his desperately hard cock. Fuck. This was not a good idea. A few more minutes and he’d throw the control he was known for out of the window. He wasn’t known as the Iceberg just because it rhymed with his fucking name. He was unmovable and deep.
Fuck. Deep. Wasn’t that just where he wanted to be with Olivia? Deep inside her, encouraging orgasm after orgasm.
He gripped her hips and shifted her down his thighs a couple of inches.
Despite the edge he was riding, he unfastened her bra. “You said skin-on-skin, right?” The words were mumbled against her lips.
Her hands were now fisted in his hair. “I need more.”
“Rules, Liv.” He stood and threw Olivia back down on the bed, then climbed alongside her. He took her hand and led it between her legs. “Just because I can’t hit third base, doesn’t mean you can’t. Touch yourself, Liv. It was so fucking hot to watch you do it before.”
He glanced down between them, saying a fucking prayer when she followed his instructions. The sheerness of the underwear was such that he could see how she parted her lips, how she tentatively circled her entrance before sliding her finger deep inside. The way her body arched against him had him close to coming in his jeans.
Never had he been so turned on.
“Anders,” she gasped, and he responded.
He took her lips exactly how he wanted to, with a need that verged on violent. Wet lips, teeth, tongues. He groaned as she bucked against him. “Use two fingers,” he encouraged, and he looked between them to see her slide a second finger so deep inside her. When her fingers came out, they were drenched.
He grabbed her wrist, snatching them away from her pussy, and put them into his mouth, sucking them clean. Using his tongue between each finger to get every last bit of juice. “Put them back,” he ordered.
A flush of red covered Olivia’s chest, and he lowered his head and sucked a nipple into his mouth. He held nothing back, biting then sucking harder than he suspected she was used to.
Her actions became less controlled, more frantic. He reached down and squeezed his dick. He was harder than iron, but this was all about Olivia, about proving he was here for her, not for what he could gain for himself.
“Anders,” she gasped. “I’m going to come. I’m—”
Her lips pressed against his, open mouthed, so fucked she couldn’t move them. While he wasn’t inside her where he wanted to be, he could feel every spasm of her orgasm as it coursed through her. The way her legs straightened, the way her stomach muscles clenched beneath his fingers. The way her breath momentarily stopped with the headiness of it all.
Anders reached for her hand. And this time when he put her fingers to his mouth, he licked them clean gently while Olivia lay, eyes closed, gasping for breath. He’d never get enough of the taste of her. He ran his fingers through her hair, along her hairline, down her cheek. Her breathing slowed and her eyes remained closed.
“Up, älskling,” he said. “Let’s get you into bed before you fall asleep.”
“But what about you?” she murmured sleepily, opening her eyes.
“I’ll manage,” he replied, dryly, as he tugged back the sheets and helped her roll beneath them.
“I had a great day today, Anders. For a second date. It was a pretty intense one.”
“Come over to my place tomorrow morning at seven. Date three. Wear workout clothes. We’ll test the gym and I’ll make you breakfast.”
“Okay.” With a deep sigh, Olivia seemed to fall back asleep.
He kissed her forehead gently. “Night, Liv,” he whispered.
After he’d pulled his clothes back on, Anders let himself out of her apartment. The drive home was fast, frenetic even. If a cop had stopped him, he’d have been screwed. He abandoned the car askew on the driveway and jogged into the house.
Without turning on the lights, he slammed his back to the door and unzipped his jeans to grab his dick. Fuck, he ached. He ached for her. For Olivia. The way she’d exposed herself to him emotionally, the way she’d revealed more of her sexuality. He needed her more than his next breath.
Squeezing hard, he ran his hand along his length, feeling the agony in his balls turn into the tingling telltale signal. He was close to coming. God, the way she’d fingered herself, the way she’d done as he’d asked, adding another finger. The way she’d groaned when he’d licked her essence off her fingers.
He came where he stood and gasped for air at the intensity. The image of her in bed, sleepy under the covers, sprung to mind.
And he wished he’d never left.
8
Anders woke the following morning to an erection that throbbed worse than being body checked against the glass. Lying in his bed alone, his thou
ghts drifted to Olivia. Being around her, watching her purse those goddamn lips of hers when she was thinking drove him nuts. Being an ass guy, it was no small hardship to watch Olivia in the leggings she seemed to prefer. Hell, hiking boots and wool socks shouldn’t be that arousing, except it meant Olivia was happy to be outside and be active with him without worrying about how mussed up and muddy she’d get.
And now he had a problem.
A big problem.
He gripped his dick and gave it two firm strokes. Seemed that last night’s hallway release was just an appetizer. The obvious thing would be to jerk off, ease the pressure in the pipe so he could handle the rest of the day.
But he had a game tonight. And he never got off on game day. Well, perhaps after the game on game day. But never before. Anders groaned and threw his arm over his eyes, just as his alarm went off. Why had he suggested she come over to his for breakfast and a workout? The last thing his dick needed was Olivia in spandex for an hour.
“Lugna ner dig,” he grumbled, hoping his dick got the message to ease up and quit complaining.
He pushed the covers off and walked naked into the bathroom. Vigorously, he ran his hands over his face in a bid to wake up. Desperate times called for desperate measures, so he jumped into the shower, one so cold it almost gave him brain freeze.
Once done and dressed, he walked to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. While it brewed, he grabbed a handful of knäckebröd and topped the crisp bread with some eggs he’d boiled the previous evening and a liberal squirt of the Kalles Olivia had bought him. He’d offer her some later and see if she liked the smoked roe spread.
He munched on them and sipped his coffee. Six thirty. He was up too early for a game day, so early he’d have to take a longer nap later. Unease crept through him. This wasn’t right. He shouldn’t be making arrangements with Olivia without thinking about how it would affect his game day routine.
But damn. He wanted to see her.
When he was done, he placed his dishes in the dishwasher and jogged upstairs to brush his teeth. He couldn’t let the disruption to his game day routine put him off. He needed it to work for him. He’d suggested breakfast, but if he turned it into brunch and they worked out first, he’d be fit for training. Then, after practice at the training facility, he could come home and get a couple hours of sleep before heading back to suit up for the game.
Love In Moments: An opposites attract hockey romance (Love Distilled Book 2) Page 10