by E. L. Todd
“Cayson?” I called.
No response.
Where was he? I reached for my phone on the nightstand even though it wasn’t there. It was somewhere in my purse. But I found a note.
Went to get coffee and breakfast. Be back soon.
At least nourishment was on the way. I desperately needed a cup of coffee and something in my stomach. I rubbed my head again, feeling the thud crash against my skull.
I immediately opened his nightstand and searched for a bottle of painkillers. Condoms were littered inside as well as lube and Vaseline. I pushed them aside and kept looking, feeling the headache become worse with every passing second.
I found a stack of envelopes and tossed them on his nightstand. Finally, I found the bottle and twisted the cap off. I didn’t mess around and swallowed three pills without any water. Now I just had to wait for the pain to disappear.
I took a deep breath then tossed the bottle back inside along with his other items. When I reached the envelopes, I spotted the one on top. It was from Stanford.
Anger welled inside me when I remembered he was rejected. What were they thinking? They were the ones missing out on a phenomenal student, if you asked me. The letter was sticking out slightly and I noticed a random sentence.
It’s our pleasure to accept you to the Stanford Medical Program…
What? Did I read that right? I squinted and read the sentence again.
What. The. Fuck.
Invading his privacy, I snatched the letter and opened it, reading through it. When I got to the end, I felt sick to my stomach. Not only was he accepted, he was offered a full ride.
Why did he lie?
This was his dream school. He told me that when we were sixteen. He’d been working his ass off his entire life to get this opportunity.
Now he didn’t want it?
This wasn’t making sense.
I disregarded any morals I had and looked through the rest of his mail. Every single one was an acceptance letter to a medical problem. He wasn’t on a single wait list.
What was going on?
I finally reached the last one, the one from NYU. I opened it and read it.
He was rejected. It was the only one he wasn’t accepted to.
I processed everything, trying to disregard the pain behind my eyes. He was accepted into plenty of medical schools, including his first choice. But he told me he wasn’t accepted anywhere.
Why?
The front door opened and closed.
My whole body jumped and I quickly shoved everything back into his nightstand, trying to hide the fact that I went through his personal belongings. I shut the drawer and lay down just as Cayson opened the door.
“You’re awake.” He came inside then sat at the edge of the bed.
“Yeah…”
“You look horrible.” His hand moved through my hair, soothing me.
I knew it was because of what I just read, not the hangover. “Yeah…I’ve felt better.”
He kissed my forehead tenderly. “You need any aspirin?”
I didn’t want him to know I was in his nightstand. “No, I had some in my purse.”
“Okay. I’m going to get breakfast started. You must be hungry.”
“I am.” I stared into his eyes, unable to believe he would lie to me so easily.
“I’ll let you know when it’s ready.” He kissed my forehead again then stood up.
I watched him walk out, my mind full of confusion and pain.
What was going on?
80
Skye
I need to talk to you. Now.
Trinity texted me back immediately. What’s wrong?
Can you meet?
I’m in the library.
No! Not there. Somewhere private.
What’s with the secrecy?
I needed to go somewhere where we wouldn’t be seen or overheard. Meet me at the coffee shop down the road.
Should I bring my stun gun and night goggles too?
Shut up and meet me there ASAP.
Which one? You want me to shut up or meet you there?
God, I hated her sometimes. Both, if you can manage it.
I got to the coffee shop first, but I didn’t order anything. I was shaking with the nerves that couldn’t be stilled. My heart wouldn’t stop pounding.
Trinity arrived then joined me at the table. “Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant.”
“I’m not in the mood for jokes,” I hissed.
“I wasn’t joking.” She stood up then put her purse down. “I’m getting a latte. You want anything.”
“No. Now sit. This is serious.”
She sighed then sat down. “Serious, like the nail lady messed up on your pedicure, or serious like you think you failed an exam?”
“Neither.”
She leaned over the table close to me. “I’m all ears.”
“Okay…you know how Cayson said he didn’t get into school anywhere?”
“Yes…” Her eyes narrowed in suspicion.
“Well, he was lying.”
Both of her eyebrows shot up. “What?”
“He lied. I went through his mail and found all the letters. He was accepted everywhere. He even got a full ride from Stanford.”
Her eyes were about to fall out of her head. “But that doesn’t make any sense.”
“I know! The only school he didn’t get into was New York.”
She stared at me with wide eyes and shook her head slightly. “I can’t believe he would lie like that…and why?”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out…”
“Have you said anything to him?” she asked.
“No. I’ve been in shock.”
She covered her lips with her hands while she remained lost in thought. She stared out the window, looking at nothing in particular.
I stared at her, waiting for a response.
“You know who has the answers, right?”
“Who?” I blurted.
“Slade. We can talk to him.”
“You think Slade knows anything?” I asked incredulously.
“Oh yeah, definitely. I know they tell each other everything.”
“But Slade didn’t tell Cayson about you,” I argued. “Cayson probably didn’t tell Slade because he knew Slade would tell you, who would tell me.”
“It’s worth a shot,” she said. “Because I can’t think of an explanation. Maybe he’s scared or something?”
“Cayson isn’t scared of anything,” I said quietly.
She looked out the window again, thinking. Suddenly, her eyes brightened like a light bulb went off in her head.
“What?” I demanded.
“He didn’t get into New York.” She said it like she’d found the cure for AIDS.
“Your point…?”
“Every other school is on the other side of the country—away from you. He isn’t going because he doesn’t want to leave you, and since New York rejected him, he’s going to apply again next year. It all makes sense.”
“You think?”
She nodded. “He lied to you because he knew you’d make him go anyway.”
I covered my face while I processed her words. Was that the truth?
Trinity sighed. “That has to be the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard. Cayson is giving up his dream just to be with you.”
I was still in shock, processing it.
“Cayson literally loves you more than anything, including the thing he’s been working toward his entire life.”
I didn’t know what to think. My heart hurt just thinking about it. It did sound like something Cayson would do. “I can’t believe he did that…”
“I can.” Her eyes were full of confidence.
“That’s so sweet.”
“Really sweet,” she agreed.
My head was pounding with the revelation.
“What are you thinking?” she whispered.
“A million things…”
&nb
sp; “Why don’t you guys just do a long-distance relationship?” she asked. “You both get what you want.”
“For three years?” I asked incredulously. “We’ll grow apart and become different people. Then we’ll resent each other. And then we might lose our friendship altogether. I love our relationship, but I love our friendship more. If I lost him completely, I wouldn’t know what to do.”
“I guess I understand that. Why don’t you move to California and find something there?”
“I guess I could do that…” Even though I didn’t want to—at all. “But my dad is depending on me. He’s been preparing to give the company to me for years. He’s excited to retire. And if I don’t take it, who will? Roland is doing his own thing, you’re in fashion, and no offense to Conrad, but he can’t do it…”
“Yeah,” she agreed.
“It’s what I’ve been working my whole life for…”
“But isn’t Cayson more important?” she whispered.
“Of course he is,” I said immediately.
She stared at me for a long time, watching the sadness in my eyes. “Then you need to have this conversation with him…not me.”
I nodded but kept my eyes glued to the table. This wasn’t a conversation that could be resolved immediately. I knew it would push us and hurt us. Our relationship would be tested.
And I was scared.
I waited for Cayson to come over, feeling nervous. I wasn’t sure what to say. How would I bring it up? What would he say? The anxiety was killing me.
He finally walked through the door and pocketed the key I gave him. “Hey, beautiful.” He headed to the couch and looked at me.
I sat on the couch, my knees pulled to my chest, and stared at him.
Cayson studied my body language, and then concern moved into his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
I didn’t move from the couch. “Sit.”
He eyed me for a moment, concern deep in his eyes. He suddenly became guarded and tense, preparing for whatever I was about to say. He slowly moved to the couch then sat beside me, his eyes glued to my face. He patiently waited for me to speak first, immediately on the defense.
“Cayson, why did you lie to me?”
The only reaction he gave me was a dilation of his eyes. He blinked and his eyes returned to normal. “I’m not sure of your meaning.”
“I know you got into Stanford…and all the other colleges you applied to.”
A quiet breath escaped his lungs and he looked away, staring at the hardwood floor beneath his feet. After he held his silence, he turned back to me. “How did you know?”
“I saw the letters in your nightstand.”
“And why were you looking in my nightstand?” There was no accusation, just curiosity.
“I was looking for aspirin, when I spotted a sentence from the Stanford letter, saying you were accepted—with a full ride.”
He didn’t deny it or make excuses. He leaned back into the couch and rested his ankle on his knee, his expression blank and difficult to decipher. He closed off from me, hiding his heart as well as his mind.
“Cayson, talk to me.”
He held his silence for minutes, his jaw clenched tight.
“And you didn’t get into New York…”
He turned in my direction slightly. “No. No, I didn’t…”
“Cayson, I can’t let you do this.”
Cayson looked at me, his full attention directed at my face. “What?”
“Give up your dream school just for me.”
He sighed then looked away, clearly annoyed and irritated. “Which is why I lied to you.”
“You should have told me and talked to me, not made this enormous decision on your own.”
“It’s mine to make,” he said quietly.
“Cayson, this is crazy.”
Emotion broke his cold exterior. “Living without you is crazy. I won’t do it. I’ll apply again next year and attend NYU.”
“NYU is a decent school, but it’s not Stanford,” I snapped. “If you want to do Doctors Without Borders, you need to be at the best school.”
“You think I’m not aware of that?” he snapped.
“Don’t you realize how crazy you sound?”
“Yes,” he snarled. “I’m fully aware of it. But I won’t change my mind.”
“But—”
“Would you consider a long-distance relationship?” He turned his burning gaze onto me. “Would you?”
He had me cornered. “Cayson, we both know they never work…couples always resent each other down the road, and then they break up. I don’t want that to happen to us. We can’t risk our friendship, the thing we agreed would always be unconditional. That’s not an option.”
He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Then there’s no other option. Because I’m not letting you walk away.”
I didn’t want to offer this, but I couldn’t let Cayson make the sacrifice. My dad would be disappointed in me, but I could make him proud later. Everyone was relying on me, but I couldn’t let that dictate my decisions. “I’ll move there.”
Surprise flashed across his eyes. “To California?”
“Yeah…”
“And do what?” he snapped. “Work as an intern somewhere and slowly work your way up? Be someone’s assistant for three years until you actually make a decent wage? Be someone’s bitch? We both know you’re above that, Skye. You belong with your father, running the company that belonged to you the moment you could speak your first words. I’m not going to let you sacrifice that…which is why I lied to you to begin with.
“If I stay in New York, I can volunteer at the hospital and clinics and still improve my resume then apply again next year. This time, I’ll apply to more schools nearby so we can be together. It makes more sense for me to stay to keep us together.”
I shook my head. “But that’s not fair.”
“So what?” His voice was cold. “Life isn’t fair. I’ve been thinking about this for six months. When I had my interview, that was when the thoughts started. I kept going back and forth, trying to figure out a way I could get everything I want. The more I thought about it and the more I fell in love with you, the more I realized I couldn’t possibly leave you. We’re staying together. End of story.”
I crossed my arms over my chest while I thought about what he said. “But you’ve wanted to go to Stanford since junior high.”
“And I’ve wanted to marry you my whole life. Which is more important, Skye? Where I go to school or whom I spend my life with? If you were some other girl who didn’t mean anything to me, I’d pick Stanford in a heartbeat. But you’re my soul mate, you’re my one and only.”
“Your parents will be so disappointed…”
“You think I care? It’s my decision, not theirs.”
“But what if you don’t get into Doctors Without Borders?”
“There are tons of Americans who are lacking the health care they need. There’s plenty to do in my own backyard. I can still help people. And I will.”
I stared at the opposite wall and tried to control my breathing. I didn’t know what to do.
Cayson kept his silence and didn’t touch me, staying on the opposite side of the couch. We were so close together but so distant at the same time. If I was going to be honest, I didn’t want Cayson to leave. I wanted him to stay so I could see him every day and be this happy forever. I wanted to have him and the company at the same time. He would get into medical school next year and still achieve his goal. But I knew it wasn’t what he really wanted. But being selfish, I accepted it.
We sat in the dark for nearly an hour. Neither one of us spoke. When I got cold, I pulled a blanket over my legs.
Neither one of us was mad at each other, but we didn’t want to be close either.
Finally, Cayson turned to me. “Skye?”
His words echoed in my mind before I turned to him. “Yes?”
He stared at me, emotion in his eyes. “I don’t have any regrets. A
nd I don’t resent you. This is what I want. I’m making the decision on my own. Believe me, this isn’t an impulse. I’ve talked to Slade about it several times. I’m sure.”
“I…I just…feel terrible. I want you to go but…I also want you to stay.” I couldn’t believe I said that out loud.
He scooted closer to me. “I want to stay, Skye. I’m not lying.”
“But you’re giving up so much for me…”
“You’re worth it.” He pulled me into his lap then held me close. “Absolutely worth it.” He pressed his face close to mine. “I wouldn’t have it any other way. This is what we’re doing.”
I knew I should argue and fight. I knew I should force him to go. But instead, I curled up against his chest and closed my eyes, being selfish and weak. But happy at the same time.
81
Cayson
The conversation with Skye went better than I thought it would. She cornered me when I had no idea what was coming, and I expected our relationship to take a turn for the worse.
But we survived.
I knew she wouldn’t let me give up my dream easily. I had to debate her logically and make her accept the decision. Because there was no way in hell I’d make her go to California and twirl her thumbs while I became a doctor. She was meant to be in New York, doing what she loved, with her parents by her side. When her parents left her apartment months ago, she’d turned to me and asked, eyes full of tears, if we could live in Connecticut. So how could I force her to move so far away?
I couldn’t.
Not going to Stanford sucked. It did. But it wasn’t the end of the world. I’d be busy working in a lab and volunteering at the hospital, applying my degree and strengthening my resume at the same time. It put me back by a year, but it also secured a lifetime with Skye.
In the end, I won.
Slade cornered me on campus. “I heard through the grapevine Skye found out the truth…”
I nodded. “Yeah.”
Slade studied me warily. “Is everything okay…?”
“Yeah, Skye and I talked about it.”