by E. L. Todd
She wiped her tears away and sniffed.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been this angry with you.”
“I’m sorry…”
I stood up so quickly my chair fell back. “I can’t believe you would lie to me just to get me to go. You actually think I’m going to believe that bullshit story? If I didn’t love you so fucking much, I’d dump your ass here and now. You insult my intelligence by making that up, and you disrespect me and the holiness of our relationship by trying to throw it away like that. Fuck you, Skye.”
She flinched at the anger in my voice. “Cayson, I’m not lying.”
I threw the table over, making a leg break off.
She immediately fell silent, breathing hard.
“Don’t. Lie. To. Me.”
Skye looked at me, the tears rolling down her face.
“You always say you don’t deserve me, that I’m the better one of the two of us. I never believed it. But you know what? Maybe you’re right. I don’t deserve this.” I turned around and stormed out, so pissed off I could break a light pole with my bare hands. I got into my car then headed home, wanting to crash it into a house or fire hydrant. As soon as I got home, I got into the shower and let the cold water run down my body. I needed something to calm me down. Anger didn’t come easily to me, and it took a lot to piss me off. But she pissed me the fuck off.
How could she lie to me like that? She really thought I’d fall for that? She would never cheat on me, not just because she loved me more than anything in the world, but because it wasn’t in her nature to do that. It wasn’t her—at all. No amount of alcohol would make her act like that. It was a slap in the face and an insult to my intelligence.
Fuck her.
Skye didn’t contact me for the next few days. Everyone was starting to move back to New York and Connecticut, moving trucks coming to get their things. I was leaving Cambridge for good, and the end was near.
Even though she didn’t speak to me, I packed my things and got ready to move in to our apartment. She’d shown me a picture of it last week, and it looked beautiful. I would have to discard all my furniture, because there was no place to put it. It was already furnished with everything we needed. I packed my things in boxes.
By the fourth day, I was shocked she hadn’t come to me and apologized. We’d fought before, but she always apologized to me within a day or two. Her silence was odd. I couldn’t count the number of times I picked up my phone to call her. I wanted to cave just to be with her. But then I put it down, knowing she needed to apologize to me. We were running out of time, and she needed to do it before we moved.
I waited and waited.
A knock sounded on my door.
“About fucking time,” I said with a growl. I opened the door without bothering to check who was on the other side. “I was wondering when you—” I stopped when I realized it was Slade. “Slade?”
His hands were in his pockets and he was staring at the ground. Judging by his posture and stiffness, he wasn’t in a good mood. He seemed depressed, like he’d lost his entire world. “Yeah…”
“Is everything okay?” I asked. “Did something happen with Trinity?”
He sighed then scratched the back of his head. “Can I come in?”
He’d never asked that before. He usually just barged inside.
“Sure.” I stepped aside.
He came into the living room and looked at all the boxes. “Almost done packing?”
“Yeah, I’m waiting for Skye to apologize so we can organize the move, but she’s being stubborn.”
He averted his gaze and didn’t look at me.
“Slade, what’s up?” I hadn’t seen him this down since Trinity’s accident.
He scratched the back of his neck again, clearly uncomfortable. “I need to talk to you…”
“Okay…” Isn’t that what he established already?
“Let’s sit down.” He moved to the couch.
I didn’t like that statement. That phrase usually meant something terrible had happened, like someone died or something. I sat beside him and stared at him.
He covered his face with both of his hands and sighed. “I just want you to know that I love you and I’m always here…”
This was getting worse and worse.
“And I always have your back, no matter what.”
“Slade…you’re really freaking me out.”
“I know…this is just really hard for me.” He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, like he was physically in pain. “I’ve never done anything more difficult in my life. Even hunting down Trinity’s dad and making him forgive me was a piece of cake compared to this.”
That didn’t make me feel any better.
He sighed again then ran his hands through his hair.
“Just say it, Slade.”
He didn’t look at me. He was more interested in staring at my bare wall. “Have you talked to Skye lately?”
“About four days ago. Why?”
“What did she say?”
I cocked an eyebrow. “She told me she slept with some guy at a party because she was drunk. But I know she only said it so I would go to Stanford. We haven’t spoken since. She’s done a lot of things to piss me off, but this, by far, is the worst.”
He closed his eyes for a long time like he was in pain then reopened them. But he didn’t look at me. “Cayson…” He shook his head. “She wasn’t lying, man.”
My heart immediately plummeted into my stomach. “What…?”
“I was there. I was at that party. Trinity and I were looking for a bedroom to hook up in and…I walked in on them. It was pretty clear what they were doing.”
My heart slowed down, but every beat was more prominent. The blood pounded in my ears, blocking out all other sound. My stomach clenched up in knots and I suddenly felt sick. Disoriented and dizzy, I blinked several times, wondering if this was real.
“I know this is hard…” Slade rested his hands in his lap. “But I’m here, man.”
I was still wrapping my mind around what he said. “Are you sure…?”
He nodded. “A hundred percent.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, hating the confidence in his voice. “But it can’t—”
“It is.” He closed his eyes again. “I hate this just as much as you do. Believe me…it hurts. You’re the best guy I know, and you don’t deserve this. Drunk or not, she shouldn’t have done that. I still can’t believe it…”
I leaned forward and rested my chin on my hands. “But it’s Skye…”
“I know, man. I know.”
I stood up and started to pace my empty room. “She wouldn’t do that.”
“I wouldn’t have believed it unless I saw it myself…I’m sorry, Cayson.”
I kept walking, my hand running through my hair then gripping it. “But…she loves me.” I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I kept searching for an explanation, for a reason why this had happened. It couldn’t be real. There must be a miscommunication somewhere. I couldn’t accept this. This wasn’t real. She was everything to me. No, she wouldn’t do that.
Slade stood up and faced me. “I wish there was something I could do…”
I wasn’t listening to him. I was barely aware of him. Without thinking, just acting, I grabbed my keys and left my apartment, heading for Skye.
I walked through the door without knocking then slammed it shut. When I saw her living room, all her things were gone. It was nothing but hardwood floor. Her couches and TV had disappeared. When I stepped farther in and searched the room, I spotted her sitting on the floor against the wall. She didn’t look at me when I walked in. It was like she was expecting me. Her purse was beside her and so were her keys.
I marched to her then stopped, looking down at her. “I just talked to Slade.”
Tears fell down her cheeks and she didn’t wipe them away. “I’m sorry…”
I breathed hard, unable to process reality. “It can’t be possible.”
/> She covered her face with both hands. “I’m sorry, Cayson. I understand if you hate me…I understand if you never want to see me again.”
I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this. I can’t believe this.
No. No. No.
I breathed hard, my heart suddenly letting in the pain. “You…really did it?”
She nodded, her hands still hiding her face.
“You slept with someone else?”
Skye started to sob. “Yes…” Her body heaved with the tears.
I froze, feeling dizzy. The idea of her being with someone else made me physically sick. The idea of her kissing someone…letting someone inside her…it killed me. My eyes burned and my chest started to rise and fall quickly.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “Nothing I say will change what happened or make it better. Nothing I do will ever earn your forgiveness. I don’t know what else to say, Cayson…”
I’d never been in this situation before. I’d never had a partner cheat. And she was the last person I expected to have the experience with. I always assumed I would be angry, livid. I should be screaming at her, breaking everything I could get my hands on.
But I didn’t.
So much pain flooded my body, so much agony. It wasn’t just the betrayal that stung, but the fact that I was losing Skye forever. She was my happily ever after, the destiny I picked over every other one.
And she betrayed me.
I stepped away, breathing hard.
Skye finally dropped her hands and grabbed her things. When she stood up, she didn’t look at me. “I’m sorry for everything.” She turned away and headed to the door. Then she walked out without looking back.
I stood there, unable to move.
She didn’t beg me to take her back. She didn’t make excuses for what she did. She didn’t try to justify her actions by saying she was drunk. She just let me go. Maybe if she begged for another chance, I’d scream at her. I’d strangle her. But she didn’t. She stuck the knife in my chest, pushing it in as far as it would go, and then she walked away, leaving it stuck in between my ribs.
When she was gone and all I heard was my own breathing, the tears erupted and formed. I tried to still them, refusing to cry over someone who would hurt me like that. I gave her everything—more than everything—and she fucked me over like this. How could she?
When a tear fell down my cheek, I wiped it away then controlled my emotions. I forced my breathing to slow down, and I tried to remain calm. Having a breakdown and giving in to the soul-wrecking sobs wouldn’t do anything but make it worse.
Unable to stay in the apartment that only made me think of her, I walked out and headed back to my apartment, even though there was nothing waiting there for me.
Slade was sitting on my doorstep when I arrived. He got to his feet and looked at me with sad eyes. “I’m sorry.”
I didn’t feel like talking. I walked inside and ignored him. Then I sat on the couch, unsure what to do with myself.
Slade sat beside me but didn’t speak.
My conversation with Skye kept replaying in my mind. Over and over, it echoed like a broken record. My chest would heave but I combated it, refusing to cry in front of Slade. He was my best friend, but I didn’t cry in front of people. I didn’t cry at all—period.
I stared at my blank wall where my TV once sat. All I had was the silence to comfort me.
Slade cleared his throat. “I know you don’t want to talk about it, and that’s fine. But…I already accepted the offer from Stanford and got you an apartment. They are expecting you in a week.”
I turned to him, unsure if I heard him correctly. “What?”
He stared straight ahead. “I accepted the offer from Stanford just in case you changed your mind…I went to the orientation and everything. You’ll have to retake your picture for your ID because we look nothing alike…”
I still couldn’t wrap my mind around it. “Why did you do that?”
“I already told you. I thought you might change your mind. And if you didn’t, no harm would come from it. So…you can still go if you want. It’s not too late.”
Even that couldn’t cheer me up. But at least I didn’t sacrifice it for Skye, who ended up fucking me over. And Stanford was on the other side of the country, away from her and everything her beauty touched. I just wanted to run away, to be somewhere where the pain wouldn’t hurt. But in my heart, I knew there was nowhere I could ever go to escape the pain.
“I wish I’d never loved her…”
Slade didn’t look at me. And he didn’t speak.
“I was in pain before when I couldn’t have her, but this…this loss…I can’t bear it.”
Slade rested his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it. “I’m here for you.”
I looked the other way, not wanting him to see my face, to see the agony in my features.
Slade scooted closer to me. “It’s okay to be sad, man. You know I won’t think less of you. I can’t even imagine how this must feel…”
I took a deep breath and my eyes started to water.
Slade pulled me into a hug then clapped my back. “It’s okay…it’ll be alright.”
I let the tears fall. I sniffed as the pain shot through me and almost crippled me. I tried to catch my breath, but I couldn’t. After I released the pain, I forced myself to stop. Then I pulled away. “Thanks, man.”
“No problem. I cried my eyes out when I thought I lost Trinity. And if she did this to me…I’d be a wreck.”
I nodded, appreciating the effort he was making to make me feel better.
“This is what’s going to happen. You’re going to Stanford, your dream school, and you’re going to get everything you ever wanted. I know Skye was everything to you, but this is better anyway. This is what you’ve wanted since you were a kid. Chicks come and go, but saving lives isn’t something just anyone can do. I know things are hard right now…but you’re going to be happy again. I promise.”
I nodded even if I didn’t agree with him. I was in so much pain I knew it would never change. I stared at the wall again, trying to block everything out. But there was no point.
I was dying inside.
Slade stayed by my side and never left. He made all the arrangements to move my stuff and then he explained to my parents that I was accepted at the last minute. He told them I was really sick and couldn’t make it down to Connecticut, but they could come visit me in California in a few weeks. Then he took care of moving everything and packing the rest of my things.
As weak and lame as it sounded, I was so depressed I wasn’t myself. I wasn’t even excited about going to medical school. I’d hit rock bottom, and everything seemed pointless to me.
In a twisted way, I waited for Skye to call me. I wanted her to beg me to take her back. Why? I didn’t know. After what she did, even if she was drunk and the guy took advantage of her, I couldn’t just forgive her. But I wanted to at the same time. I wanted her to beg for my forgiveness and never give up, so I’d be forced to take her back. Did that make me weak? Yes. Did it make me pathetic? Oh, yes, it did.
But it was the truth.
I moved like a snail and hardly ate. I was never hungry, and the only time I had meals was when Slade encouraged me to. When everything was finished and the key had been handed back to the landlord, we both headed for California.
I knew Slade had his own responsibilities, like finding an apartment and getting ready to work for his dad, but he dropped all of that for me. He didn’t even see Trinity. He stuck to me like glue. He never talked about Skye, and whenever he did talk, he mentioned music, movies, sports, or TV—nothing related to Skye.
I appreciated it more than I could ever express.
When we arrived at the apartment, it was right next to the campus. I wouldn’t even need a car. There were tons of shops and food places nearby, including a grocery store, and the campus itself was huge. The affiliated hospital was also in walking distance.
I couldn’t
believe I’d be here for the next three years.
“I like the place,” I said quietly. “It’s close to school.”
“It was the only one they would pay for,” Slade explained. “With your scholarship.”
I nodded.
We headed to the door then walked inside.
“Hey.” A guy came to the door. He had brown hair, was about my size, and seemed friendly. “I’m Mitchell. Pleased to meet you.” He extended his hand to shake mine.
“Hi…” I shook it. “Um…are we in the wrong apartment?”
Slade looked at the paper then back at me. “It says you have a roommate.”
Oh. I’d never had a roommate before, but he seemed nice. It shouldn’t be a big deal.
“Don’t worry, our rooms are on the opposite sides of the apartment,” Mitchell said. “So I won’t keep you up when I have guests.” He winked.
“I like him,” Slade blurted.
Mitchell laughed. “Can I help with your things?”
“Sure,” Slade said. “Thanks.”
Together, we moved everything inside. Once we were settled, we sat down on the couch together and drank a few beers.
“Is it cool if I sleep on the couch before I fly out tomorrow?” Slade asked.
“Sure,” Mitchell said. “I like your ink, by the way.”
“Thanks.” It seemed like Slade liked my roommate more than he liked me.
Mitchell studied me. “Harvard, huh? Wicked.”
I nodded. “Where did you go?”
“USC.”
“Cool,” I said weakly.
He eyed me for a while. “Homesick or something?”
Slade cleared his throat. “Cayson is going through…a bad breakup.”
“Oh.” Mitchell nodded slowly. “I gotcha. I won’t bring it up again. And I know a ton of chicks that would be more than happy to help you get over her.”
I’d never get over her.
Slade looked like he was in love. “Why did we have to meet so late in life?”