by E. L. Todd
I rested my hands on my knees and tried to remain calm. I shouldn’t have barged out of there like that, but I needed a moment. I’d apologize when I returned and make sure they understood how grateful I was. I wanted to shake her father’s hand and thank him for raising Silke. She was a gift.
Footsteps approached behind me, but they were too heavy to belong to a woman. I knew it wasn’t Silke coming after me. She understood me well enough to know I needed to be alone. I’d already made a scene, and she knew leaving her family would just draw more attention to it.
Feet appeared beside me then someone sat down.
When I glanced to my left, I recognized her father.
Shit, he followed me.
Now he was going to hate me like everyone else, think I was a rude punk because I’d run away—again. Why did I have to fuck this up? That was all I ever did, reject the things that were best for me because I didn’t think I deserved them.
He took a deep breath and sighed. “The holidays are hard…”
I cocked an eyebrow, not expecting him to say that.
“I used to dread them every year. All it did was remind me of what I didn’t have, what everyone else had, and why I was so unlucky in this life.”
I stared straight ahead, not sure what to say.
“Believe me, I get it.” He turned his face toward me and examined my profile. Then he dropped his gaze.
“You seem pretty happy,” I said quietly. “You have a beautiful family.”
He nodded. “I do have a beautiful family. They’re my whole life. But they weren’t always around…”
Should I ask what that meant?
“You and I aren’t that different, if you can believe it.”
No, I couldn’t.
“I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told my kids. If you want to continue having my respect, you won’t mention anything I say to them.”
I nodded in agreement.
“I have a sister. Her name is Scarlet. She and I had a reasonably nice childhood. But our father passed away when I was twelve. Our mom was our sole guardian.” He cleared his throat. “And she was the devil. Abuse isn’t an accurate word to describe what she did to us. It was borderline torture. She used to burn cigarettes into our skin. To this day, I can’t stand to be around someone who smokes, and it’s not because of the smell.” He rubbed his palms together when he spoke. “I’ve had an ashtray thrown at my head, listened to my sister cry because of all the bruises, and lived in a great depression for a very long time. I’m older than my sister, but I stayed in the house until she graduated high school because I honestly feared for her life. Once she started college, I left and started my own life.”
I had a hard time processing what he said. He just seemed like a happy person, someone who’d never known pain like I had.
“It took me many years to finally let go of the pain. Many, many years. My sister struggled with it more, and one day, my mom came after her and tried to kill her.”
My heart stopped beating.
“Everything worked out in the end,” he said quietly. “My sister is fine. And she’s still my best friend. Anyway, I know how you feel right now. Whatever happened to you as a child sticks with you wherever you go. But I promise, one day it will end. One day, the pain will stop. You’ll be able to accept love because you know you deserve it. And you’ll be able to return it.”
I stared at my hands, trying to control my emotions before they slipped out. “How did you know?”
“I can just tell.” He rested his elbows on his knees.
“When did you let it go?” I asked.
“When I met my wife. For the longest time, I didn’t think I deserved her. She was too good for me. Well, that’s still true to this day. But it took her a long time to finally convince me that I was good enough for her. She didn’t care that I inked for a living or that I was abused. She loved me for me. And one day, finally, I let her.” He turned toward me, giving me a gentle look. “And someday, that will happen for you.”
“I think it already has,” I whispered.
He smirked then looked away. “Silke is a wonderful girl. I’m not just saying that because she’s my daughter. She’s exactly how I raised her to be. She’s strong and sassy like her mother, not putting up with anyone’s bullshit, but she’s also compassionate and sympathetic. I wanted her not to judge people by their appearance, but to get to know the person underneath. She’s done that and never stereotypes people. She loves everyone. It doesn’t matter where you come from or what you used to be. And I’m glad she’s bringing you joy.”
“She’s…everything to me.”
“I can tell.”
“You can?” I asked.
He nodded. “All it takes is a look. Those old songs say you can tell if a man loves a woman by their kiss.” He shook his head. “That’s wrong. It’s the way he looks at her. It says it all.”
I cleared my throat. “I was really nervous about coming here today.”
“I understand. I was the same way when I met my wife’s parents. I assumed they would hate me because I was an uneducated tattoo artist.”
“Did they?” I asked.
“Nope. They didn’t have a problem with it.”
“Well, that’s nice.”
“But I have to admit, selling weed is a little different.” He chuckled. “For one, it’s illegal. And two, well… Let’s just say I hope you keep my daughter away from that aspect of your life.”
“I never bring her around that stuff,” I said. “I keep her safe.”
“But you will need to find something else someday. At least if you want Silke to stick around…”
“I do want her to stick around.”
“Then I’m sure you’ll find your way.” He clapped my shoulder and squeezed it. “Not all of us are born into the same playing field. Some are born in trenches and others are in palaces. But that doesn’t mean you can’t change where you end up.”
I looked at him and noticed the blue color of his eyes. They looked like Silke’s.
“And you can end up wherever you want.”
“Yeah…that’s true.”
“Come back up when you’re ready.” He stood and headed up the stairs.
“Sir?”
He stopped then turned around. “Call me Ryan. When you call me sir, I sound like a douche.”
I chuckled then faced him. “My dad left my mom when she was pregnant. Then she became a prostitute. Then she left me altogether. I lived in an orphanage until I was eighteen…because no one wanted to adopt me. I’ve been on my own since I was eleven.”
He stared at me, but his face was unreadable. I knew my words hurt him.
“You shared something personal with me…I wanted to reciprocate.”
He descended the stairs until he was close to me. Then he pulled me in for a hug. “You make your own family, Arsen. Remember that.”
No man had ever hugged me before, especially in a familial way. It took me a moment to process what was happening. Then I returned the embrace, feeling my heart slow down. I was practically a stranger to him, but he gave me more love than I’d ever known.
He pulled away and patted me on the shoulder. “You’re a good kid. I know it.”
“Thank you for raising Silke,” I blurted. “She…saved my life.”
He smirked. “I know she’s great. I couldn’t be prouder.”
“And thank you for…everything.” I took a deep breath and kept a straight face. “For the gifts, your generosity, your warmth, not judging me for what I do for money, and…giving me the best Christmas I’ve ever known.”
“Arsen, that joy is only beginning.” He winked then walked up the stairs.
I stood still, feeling my heart slow. For the first time, Christmas didn’t hurt so much.
When I returned to the apartment, they were gathered in the living room watching a Christmas movie. Mugs of hot cocoa were on the coffee table, marshmallows floating on top.
I moved to the spot beside Silke.
She turned her eyes on me and examined my face. Her gaze lingered on mine for a long time before she dropped it. Then her arm hooked through mine, and she rested her head on my shoulder.
The second we touched, I felt warm inside. The constraints around my heart loosened every single time. With her, I felt hope. With her, I actually believed I could start over. I could be happy.
“Have you seen this movie?” she whispered.
“No.”
“It’s good.”
Slade was lying on the other couch, texting on his phone. His feet were propped up on the armrest. Her parents both snuggled into a recliner with a blanket over them. The lights from the Christmas tree twinkled in the corner.
I didn’t care about the movie. All I cared about was the moment. I knew I’d look back on this someday and cherish it. It was my first Christmas.
When it became late, Janice fell asleep on top of Ryan.
“My wife can never stay awake.” He chuckled then picked her up. “Night. We’ll see you in the morning.”
“Good night,” I said.
Slade ignored them and kept playing on his phone. When they were gone, he stood up and walked into his bedroom without saying a word. Now it was just Silke and me on the couch.
“Ready for bed?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
She sat up and yawned. Then she turned off everything.
After we walked into her bedroom, she locked the door then undressed.
“Should we leave the door open?” I didn’t know the rules for this type of thing.
“No.” She pushed my jacket off my shoulders then yanked my shirt off.
“Maybe we should…”
She pulled my shirt over her head then ran her fingers through my hair. “No.”
“They’re cool with that?” I asked incredulously.
“I’m an adult.” She pulled the covers back and got inside. “They understand that.”
Her parents were the mellowest people I’d ever known. I eyed my bag then opened it.
“Come to bed,” she whispered.
I pulled out a package then got in beside her. “Merry Christmas.”
She eyed the red wrapping and gold bow. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“I know.” I waited for her to open it.
“Maybe I should do this in the morning.”
“It’s midnight,” I whispered. “Now just open it.”
She gave me a bright smile then ripped it open. When she pulled out the black leather jacket, her eyes were wide. “Oh my god…”
“Look at the back,” I whispered.
She turned it around and examined it. In gray letters just under the collar, it read, “Beauty.” She stared at it for a long time, her eyes softening and her breathing increasing.
I watched her, hoping she loved it. “You can wear it when you ride around on the back of my bike. Now we match.”
She put it down and gave me a look full of emotion. Her eyes were bright like orbs, and a distant coating of moisture was noticeable. She took a deep breath then squeezed the material in her fingertips. “Arsen…”
“Do you like it?”
“Do I like it?” she scoffed. “No, I adore it.” She left it on the bed then wrapped her arms around my neck. “It’s perfect.” Her face was pressed into my chest, and she squeezed me.
“I’m glad.” I rested my chin on her head.
“You’re so thoughtful.”
“Well, you’re my lady. I want everyone to know that.”
She kissed my cheek and gave me a look full of affection. “They already do.”
I did something I’d never done before and rubbed my nose against hers. It was something I’d seen other couples do but never understood. But it made sense when I shared the touch with Silke.
She stared into my eyes for a long time like she was reading a book. “Are you okay?”
I nodded.
“What did my dad say to you?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
“Things…not worth mentioning.” I’d keep her father’s secret. The fact that he shared it with me at all was meaningful. I wouldn’t betray his confidence.
“I told you my parents would love you.”
A slight smile stretched my mouth. “I guess you were right…for once.”
“I’m always right,” she argued.
“Don’t gloat.” I got comfortable in her childhood bed then hooked my arm around her waist.
She left the jacket and box at the foot of the bed then lay beside me. “Since it’s Christmas, I’ll let it go.”
“How kind of you.” My hand moved up her shirt and felt the skin of her ribs. I liked it when she wore my clothes. It turned me on in an inexplicable way. The sight always made me feel warm. My hand moved down to her smooth legs, feeling the softness. Silke was the most gorgeous woman I’d ever been with. I’d taken a lot of girls, but none of them compared to her. I’d never shared more than a few sentences with them either. With Silke, I told her everything, even things I vowed I would never speak of again. She was my treasure, a fortune that men searched for to no avail. But she was mine, and mine alone. I didn’t know why she gave herself to me, why she picked me out of every other guy in the world, but it didn’t matter. As long as I got to keep her, I wouldn’t question it. “Can I make love to you?”
She wrapped her leg around my waist and found my lips with hers. Her warm kiss answered my question. She even pulled me on top of her, making it clear what she wanted. Then she broke our kiss and looked up at me, her eyes glazed over with passion and adoration.
I watched her face as I inserted myself. That affection only grew the farther I moved. She clung to my shoulders with her lips slightly parted. Her eyes shone brightly just for me. A quiet moan escaped her lips, telling me she loved the way I felt.
“You’re the greatest gift I’ve ever had,” I whispered.
She cupped my face and brought my lips to hers. “Merry Christmas, Beast.”
I started to move inside her, feeling her bare skin. “Merry Christmas, Beauty.”
106
Conrad
I decided to call Mom because she wasn’t as annoying as Dad. “Hey.”
“Hey, honey.” Her loud voice echoed over the phone. “I’m so excited to see you soon.”
“Yeah, whatever. Do you mind if I bring someone?”
“Who?” she asked.
“A friend. She doesn’t have anywhere else to go for the holidays.”
She paused. “A girl?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yes, she has boobs. But she’s just a friend.”
My mom moved away from the receiver. “Conrad is bringing a girl,” she whispered.
I growled in annoyance. “Don’t tell Dad!”
“Is he now?” His voice was heard in the distance. “Let me talk to him.”
Fuck.
“So, is she cute?” he asked.
“You’re way too old for her,” I said. “Don’t be gross.”
“I don’t know…the ladies like me.”
“And you shouldn’t be so thrilled about that,” Mom said with a threat in her voice.
Dad ignored her. “Is she staying with us?”
“If that’s okay,” I said.
“She’s more than welcome.” There was a smile in his voice. “We’re excited to meet your…friend.”
“I’m serious,” I snapped. “She’s just a friend.”
“That you stalk?” he asked incredulously.
“I never said it was the same girl,” I argued.
“But we both know it is.” His smile was still evident.
“Don’t make her uncomfortable. I mean it.” I hated my parents sometimes.
“No fucking in the house,” Dad barked. “She stays in her room, and you don’t go in there.”
“For the last time, we’re just friends,” I hissed. “And secondly, I’ll do whatever I want.”
“Not on my w
atch,” he growled.
“Whatever. I have to go.” Actually, I didn’t. I was just sick of talking to them.
“We’re excited to see you and Ms. Satini.”
“Call her Beatrice,” I said firmly.
“Why isn’t she spending the holidays with her family?” he questioned. “If she’s just a friend?”
I didn’t want to pass on her personal issues. “She just…doesn’t want to.”
“Well, we look forward to seeing her. Your mother can’t stop smiling. She’s been waiting for you to bring a girl home for a long time. Me too. I was worried you were gay.”
“Shut the hell up.” I hung up before he could talk more shit.
When I picked up Beatrice, she seemed nervous.
“Don’t stress about anything,” I said. “You’ll like my family.”
She held a pie in her hands. “I made this…”
“They’ll love it.” I gave her an encouraging smile then carried all her things to my truck. After we got inside, we headed down the road.
I watched the neighborhoods disappear the closer we got to home. Beatrice was quiet and thoughtful, her eyes glued out the window.
“They said it was okay for me to join?” She looked to me for confirmation.
“Yes,” I said firmly. “They’re excited to have you.”
She nodded then looked out the window again.
“We do take an ugly sweater picture every year. So, be ready for that,” I said with a laugh.
“An ugly sweater picture?”
“Yeah, it’s a stupid tradition.”
She smiled then looked away. “Your family sounds fun.”
“They’re okay…sometimes.”
“Will your sister be there?”
“Yep,” I said. “She’s living there for the time being.”
“What’s her name?”
“Trinity,” I answered.
“Pretty,” she whispered.
We spent the rest of the drive in silence until we reached my house. It was a three-story place with a large roundabout driveway and a backyard that led to the beach. I loved growing up there. And chicks always loved my house.
“Wow.” Beatrice stared at it out the window. “It’s beautiful.”