by E. L. Todd
What did that mean? “Why aren’t you happy?”
She sighed, suddenly getting sad. “He tortured me for so long, and then I never had a family… I’ve never felt safe. I can’t count the number of times I’ve gone to bed hungry…the drugs.” She sighed again. “It’s hard to be optimistic when the world is full of bad people…but I try.”
I processed her words, feeling my heart rate accelerate. What did she mean by any of that? Who tortured her? What drugs?
She turned her blue gaze on me. “Theo, do you find me attractive?” Her thoughts jumped so much I couldn’t follow them.
I let the question hang in the air.
“Because you’re so handsome…there’s no way you’re attracted to a girl like me. I’m a tomboy. I’ll always be a tomboy.”
I couldn’t deny her physical beauty, but that paled in comparison to who she was inside. “I think you’re beautiful, Alex.”
“Really?” Her voice was weak.
“Yeah.”
We sat together on my bed and let the silence stretch.
She breathed hard then stood up, her bare feet on my carpet. Then she slowly peeled her dress away.
What the hell was happening?
She pulled it down to her waist, revealing her gorgeous tits. They were perky, big, and round. My cock hardened at the sight of her. When she got the dress down to her waist, I realized I didn’t want her to stop. I wanted to see more of her, all of her. She was the sexiest woman in that bar tonight. Actually, she was the sexiest woman in all the bars.
But then my logic took over. “Whoa…” I grabbed my shirt then pulled it over her head, covering her. “You need to stay warm.” I got the shirt down to her stomach, relieved I’d found the strength to exert control.
“You don’t want me?” she asked sadly.
“Maybe another time,” I said. “Not tonight.” I felt bad for wounding her pride and embarrassing her. But I knew she didn’t really want to sleep with me. She was just wasted and depressed. I usually had no problem sleeping with drunk girls, but I couldn’t take advantage of Alex that way.
I handed her the shorts. “Put these on. I’ll be outside.”
She held them in her small fingers and didn’t speak.
Once I left the room and shut the door behind me, I took a deep breath. It was hard to turn down a gorgeous woman when she was naked and on my bed. But I somehow found the strength to do it.
A few minutes later, I heard her voice. “Theodore?”
I cracked the door and looked inside. She was lying under the covers. “It’s Theo.”
She sat up and pulled the covers over her. “Are you sleeping on the couch?”
“Yeah, I’ll be here all night. Don’t worry about me.”
She fidgeted with the blanket for a moment, trying to downturn her gaze. She seemed insecure, even afraid.
“What is it?” I asked hesitantly.
“Can you…sleep with me?”
People weren’t the same when they were drunk, but she was such a different person I didn’t recognize her. “Um, okay.”
“Thanks.”
I came inside and shut the door behind me. Then I pulled off my jeans and t-shirt. She’d seen me shirtless before, so I didn’t see the point in being clothed now. I got into bed then pulled the covers up.
The moment I closed my eyes, she snuggled into me and wrapped her arm around my waist. A quiet sigh escaped her lips, and the smell of her hair came into my nose. Her skin was soft and had the fragrance of flowers. When her strands touched my arm, it tickled. She was lighter than air and soft like a teddy bear.
For the past few months, all we’d done was hate each other. But she was in my arms and sleeping in my clothes. When she woke up in the morning, she might not remember any of this. Or maybe she would.
I just hoped our relationship had changed forever, that we would finally be able to get along.
And maybe we could even be friends.
111
Cayson
Even though six months had passed, it felt like time had stood still.
I was still in agonizing pain.
I still couldn’t breathe.
Skye wouldn’t leave my thoughts.
I concentrated on my studies and forced myself not to think about her. Whenever I went on my nighttime jogs, she came into my mind. But then my anger rose. When I thought about what she did, it made my lungs burn.
How could she hurt me like that?
Did I not mean anything to her?
I hated her. I hated her.
No…I loved her.
But that made me hate her more.
The best part of medical school was the rotations. It was nice utilizing my education on actual patients. Being in lectures and learning mounds of information was stressful, but I felt rewarded when I actually got to apply it. Being with my patients was what I enjoyed most. When I made them smile, I felt like I accomplished something.
Other than that, I was fairly miserable.
There were a lot of girls in my class, and most of them were cute. But they didn’t catch my attention. Anytime I saw a brunette, I thought of Skye. She wouldn’t leave my thoughts.
Suzie, a blond girl in my class, was always staring at me in lecture. Every time I caught her look, she turned away. She was nice, but shy and quiet. I could tell she was into me, so I steered clear of her.
When class was over, I ran into Mitchell in the hallway.
“How’d the midterm go?” he asked.
“I did okay,” I said with a shrug.
He rolled his eyes. “You mean you got the highest score?”
I shrugged again, unsure what to say.
He clapped my shoulder. “Well, congratulations. We should go out for a drink later.”
I didn’t like going out. I preferred staying in my room where I could be miserable without ruining anyone else’s day. “Maybe…”
Suzie approached us, looking nervous and fidgety. “Hey…”
“Hi, Suzie,” I said politely.
Mitchell nudged me in the side. “She’s cute.” He pushed me forward, encouraging me to talk to her. “Invite her for drinks tonight.” He walked away and winked at me.
Suzie smiled, but it was forced and uncomfortable. “So…how’s it going?”
“Good. You?”
“Good.” She nodded. “I did well on my midterm, so I’m happy.”
“Congratulations.” I didn’t know what else to say. I just wanted to walk away.
She played with a strand of hair. “Do you…like…want to get coffee…or something?”
I felt cornered and awkward. I knew it took a lot of confidence to ask someone out. It was clear she didn’t do it often. But I couldn’t imagine being with anyone. And I didn’t want to waste her time. “I’m sorry, Suzie. I’m going through a breakup right now, and I’m not…in the right place to date.”
“Oh.” Sadness and disappointment came into her eyes. “Oh, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay. But thanks for the offer.”
“Well…see you later.” She drifted away, her shoulders looking heavy.
I felt like a jerk for turning her down, but I didn’t know what else to do. I decided to head home and barricade myself in my room. Like a bat, I preferred the silence and solitude.
I lay in bed and stared at the ceiling. Whenever I tried to study, Skye came into my mind. My phone was full of pictures of her, but I hadn’t deleted any of them. It was too hard.
But I couldn’t stop staring at them either.
Whenever I looked through them, I saw her smiling. My arm was around her, and we were sharing an ice cream cone. Was she really happy? Or was it a front? Why did she have to tell me she loved me if she didn’t?
There were even a few dirty pictures of her. She sent them to me when we couldn’t be together. As ashamed as I was, I still looked at them. I couldn’t imagine being with another woman, even in my fantasies. As unhealthy as it was, I thought of Skye when I touched my
self. It only made me feel worse when I was done.
Mitchell knocked on the door. “Yo. You got company.”
I stirred at the sound. “Who is it?” Who the hell would be visiting me? I didn’t have friends. Whenever someone came to the door, my heart always hoped it would be Skye. Hoped she came to apologize and fight for me. But it was usually one of Mitchell’s friends or a girl he was seeing. I’d given up on my wishful thinking months ago.
“Slade.”
Slade? Why was he here? I got out of bed then headed down the hallway.
Slade was sitting on the couch watching the game. “Damn, did you see that play?”
“Seahawks are going to be in the Super Bowl. I’m telling you,” Mitchell said.
“You wanna bet?” Slade challenged. “My money is on the Broncos.”
“You’re on.” Mitchell extended his hand.
Slade shook it.
“What are we betting?” Mitchell asked.
“A dime.”
“A dime, it is.”
I came closer to Slade. Seeing him made me feel better. I could be myself around him, and he was the only person who could cheer me up.
“Hey, man.” Slade stood up. “You’re looking…better.”
Without thinking, I hugged him. We hardly ever embraced each other, but I missed him. I missed home. I missed my old life. I missed my life with Skye.
Slade returned the embrace and didn’t tease me. “I missed you too, man.”
I pulled away and tried to act normal. “What brings you here?”
“I miss my best pal,” Slade said. “I was starting to go crazy.”
“Well, thanks for flying all the way out to see me. I appreciate it.”
“Sure.” He fist-bumped me. “Have you eaten?”
No. But I wasn’t hungry. “I’m starving.”
“Let’s get some Chinese food. My flight attendant was Asian, and I’ve been craving it ever since.”
I laughed. “That’s not racist.”
He shrugged. “Well, it’s true. But now that I’m thinking about it, I could go for Mexican, instead.”
“Mitchell, you want to come?” I asked.
“No, you girls have some alone time,” Mitchell said with a smile. “Cayson needs some cheering up.”
“Cool,” Slade said. “Let’s head out.”
“This is the best Mexican food I’ve ever had.” His plate was wiped clean, and the chip bowl was empty with the exception of a few crumbs. “They don’t make it like this on the East Coast.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty good.” Food wasn’t that enjoyable when I was depressed. Most of the time, I forgot to eat entirely.
“Shit, I’m going to move here just so I can eat that every day.”
“But there’s no Mega Shake.”
“Hmm…that’s a toughie.”
I smiled for the first time in months. “How’s Trinity?”
“You know, sexy like usual.” He downed his beer then rested his elbows on the table.
“So, everything is good between you?”
He shrugged. “For the most part. She’s still annoying and stuff.”
I smirked. “You don’t have to downplay your happiness because of me.”
His eyes filled with sadness. “She’s everything to me.” His voice was serious.
“That’s better.” Living without Skye was hard, but I didn’t want people to walk on eggshells around me. That wasn’t fair. I wanted to ask about Skye, to see how she was doing, but I refused to. No good would come of it. She was probably dating other guys. She was the leader of the Preston empire, running it like a pro. She was having the time of her life while I…lived a pathetic existence. “How’s life in the parlor?”
Slade rolled his eyes. “I’m a damn janitor.”
I chuckled. “Sounds perfect for you.”
He threatened me silently.
“Your dad will give you more responsibilities as you go on. You can’t just start off on top without learning the basics. He’s just trying to teach you.”
“Well, he’s taking his sweet-ass time,” Slade said bitterly. “I’m making minimum wage right now. I can’t even afford my own place.”
“You don’t have any money saved?”
“I do,” he said quickly. “But I don’t want to blow it on rent when I don’t know when I’ll be making more.”
I nodded in agreement.
“So, how’s saving lives?”
I went into a detailed account of my life at Stanford. Slade seemed bored most of the time, but he listened anyway, knowing I needed the support.
“Cool,” he said. “Have any of your patients died?”
“Not yet, thankfully.”
“Will you be kicked out if they do?”
“No,” I said immediately. “We aren’t given critical patients until further down the road.”
“Well, that’s a relief.”
The tab came and Slade paid it.
“Let’s split it.”
“I got it, man.” Slade left the cash in the sleeve.
“Slade, you don’t have to baby me,” I said firmly. “I’m okay.”
“You don’t look okay,” he said bluntly.
Sometimes I hated having a best friend. It was impossible to hide anything. “I’m hanging in there…”
He nodded. “So…are you seeing anyone?”
I laughed even though it was an inappropriate response. “No.”
“You aren’t…fooling around with someone?”
“No,” I said immediately. “You know that isn’t me.”
He nodded then looked away.
“Why do you ask?”
“Just curious.” He became quiet and cut off.
He was acting odd. He wouldn’t look at me, and he was tense. Why was he being weird?
“Ready to head out?” he asked.
“Yeah…”
We headed to my car then drove back to my apartment. My mind was thinking about Slade’s odd behavior. When we pulled into the parking lot and I killed the engine, it hit me.
Skye was seeing someone.
He was hoping I was seeing someone so the blow wouldn’t hurt so much. Thinking about Skye moving on and forgetting about me was nauseating. I wanted to blow my brains out just to escape the pain.
Getting out of the car and walking to the apartment was harder than it ever had been. I just wanted to fall to the ground and curl into a ball. I couldn’t believe how pathetic I was. Why did Skye still affect me like this? Why did I still love her? She’d betrayed me in the worst way possible, and my heart still beat for hers.
When we reached the top of the stairs, Slade sat down. “Let’s sit out here for a moment.”
I stilled, realizing he was about to drop everything on me. I took a deep breath then sat beside him, feeling sick to my stomach. I wasn’t ready to face reality, to hear about Skye and her happy life.
Slade was silent next to me, staring into the night. His pleasant mood was gone, replaced by a solemn silence.
I decided to make the first move. “She’s seeing someone, isn’t she?”
Slade turned his head toward me. “Why do you ask?”
“Is she?” I pressed.
“No.”
When I breathed a sigh of relief, I felt shame. I shouldn’t care. I wasn’t supposed to.
“You still love her?” he asked quietly.
I didn’t look at him. “Would you judge me if I said yes?”
“I would never judge you, man.”
“Then what do you want to tell me?” I asked.
“What makes you think I want to talk about anything?”
I rested my arms on my knees. “Because we’re sitting outside in a stairwell.”
He didn’t deny it. He rubbed the back of his neck while he gathered his thoughts.
“Just tell me,” I whispered. “You can’t hurt me more than I already am.”
Slade stared at the night sky for a while then rubbed his knuckles together.
“I’ve been dreading this conversation because I have no idea how you’ll take it. If it’s anything like my reaction, you’ll be livid.”
My pulse sped up.
Slade kept trying to find the right words. He would open his mouth to speak then abruptly close it again.
“It’s okay,” I said. “Just blurt it out.”
He took a deep breath. He closed his eyes as he said it. “Skye didn’t cheat on you.”
I stilled and listened to the echo of his words. I wasn’t sure if I heard him right. Did I just hallucinate that? Did my deepest and darkest wish come to the surface, and I pretended he’d said the words I longed to hear? “Sorry?”
He said it again. “Skye didn’t cheat on you. She lied.”
My chest rose and fell quickly. My pulse hammered in my ears. Air was suddenly hard to come by. I felt elated but sick at the same time. My brain hurt. A migraine was forming. My heart was fluttering, treasuring the idea that she didn’t hurt me. “I…why do you say that?”
“Trinity told me. She said they staged everything so you would believe it.” He stared at his hands while he spoke. “Skye was determined to make you go to Stanford, and she decided to do anything to see that through—even hurt you.”
I stood up even though I had nowhere to go. I just needed to move. I gripped the rail then relived my last conversation with Skye.
It was all a lie.
There was never anyone else.
It was always just me.
Then I replayed the last six months in my mind. She hadn’t called or reached out to me. She’d let me suffer in unspeakable pain. I could barely get out of bed every morning. I cried in the shower because I couldn’t control my emotions.
Slade stood up slowly and watched me.
“Why are you telling me this and not her?” I whispered.
“She doesn’t know I’m here. She refused to tell you herself. Trinity intervened and came to me.”
“So…she still wants me to believe her lie?” My teeth ground together.
“Yeah…” He watched me with a worried expression.
The fact that all this pain could have been avoided made my skin burn in anger. The fact that she threw us away and made me believe such a lie made me want to destroy my building. I could have gone the rest of my life not knowing the truth.