All these details have plagued me every day since it happened. Little changes could have made a difference. If only the radio hadn’t been damaged. Then Gavin could have called for reinforcements when the Humvees exploded.
Nothing can bring back the lives lost that day or take away the scars you carry both physically and mentally.
Please forgive me for not being upfront. You deserved that from me and I let you down. For that I’m terribly sorry.
Thinking of you,
Daniel
Chapter Fifteen: Past Resurfaces
Daniel had been there. He saved me. Emily’s hands shook over the keyboard and the laptop screen blurred in front of her as she tried to take a deep breath. Lightheaded she leaned back against the sofa. The past was pushing down on her, making her lose her grip on reality.
“Gunny” Her words were cut off as insurgents opened fire on them.
“Fall back. Get cover.” Gunnery Sergeant Gavin ordered.
Returning fire, she glanced around, looking for the young man who’d joined their team only weeks ago. He was as green as they came, making her worry about him more than the others on the squad who’d she’d been with since their deployment started.
“Damn it, Sharp, go!” Gavin snapped, stepping back beside her.
“Oh hell!” Emily’s gaze shifted from the insurgents firing upon them, to Lance Corporal Hall who ducked behind the trashcan, his eyes wide with fear. He clutched his rifle to his chest, not firing.
“What the fuck is he doing?” Corporal Lee shook his head. “He’s going to get all of us killed.”
“Move. Grab him and get inside.” Gavin tipped his head toward the Humvees.
“Cover me.” She moved quickly knowing the others would give her cover as she got Hall on his feet. They only had a few minutes to get into a better position before they became outnumbered.
“Get up, Hall.” She ordered.
“What the hell was I thinking?” His voice screechy as he stared straight ahead with wide eyes. “I’m a coward.”
“You will get your ass up now!” Adjusting her weapon so she could still fire if necessary, she reached down and grabbed the kids uniform. “Get it together and we’ll get out of here. Otherwise you’re going to get us all killed. Now let’s move.”
Seconds ticked by as she kept her hand on Hall’s collar, practically dragging him toward the far building for cover. Every step seemed to take longer. The Humvees were just up ahead. The team surrounded them watching for more insurgents. Hall was frozen, barely able to get his feet to move as she tugged him forward. “Damn it, Hall, let’s go. I’m not leaving you.”
“This is really happening. I’m going to die here. Oh God, help me!”
“Shh.” She snapped. “You’re going to give our position away.”
As they came up long the side of the Humvee, she shoved him toward the door, while keeping guard around the side. There had been incidents where soldiers froze in battle before, but she’d never witnessed something to this extent. How did he make it this far?
Movement from above one of the buildings caught her attention, forcing her to look up. Instead of being an insurgent ready to shoot the squad off one by one, it was a bird. He flew from one building to the next. Where was the enemy? They hadn’t killed all of them, yet none had followed. Her stomach twisted. Something felt wrong, yet she wasn’t sure if it was her reaction to Hall or if something else going on.
Before she could put her finger on it, the Humvee exploded, sending her flying through the air. Her back slammed into the building fifteen feet away. Only sheer will kept her head from meeting the same fate. Pain exploded through her body and her ears rang but she had to get up. Holding tight to her rifle she tried to stand, only pain radiated through her.
“Don’t move.” The team’s medic, Corporal Willow, placed his hand on her shoulder.
“Why?” She followed his gaze down to her just below her hip. Metal pipe protruded from her thigh, blood seeping out coating her uniform pants and the sand beneath her. “Oh fuck!”
“Just say still.”
“We’ve got to move, they’ll be coming to see if they wiped us out.” She reasoned. “Just go. Get the others out of here.”
“No.” Gavin came to stand next to her. “He’ll take care of you. The rest of us will keep guard.”
“Sir”
“That’s an order Sergeant.” Gavin turned his attention to Willow. “Get her bleeding under control, then do what you can for the others.”
“Willow, leave me. Help the others.” She argued.
“We’ve got our orders.” Digging through his kit beside her, he gathered the equipment he needed. “I won’t lie, this is going to hurt like a bitch.”
“Great.” She leaned back against the wall. “What can I do to help?”
“Not scream.” Willow looked up, his gaze meeting hers. “I could give you something for the pain but we’re going to need you to be able to walk once we get you up. Too many injured and not enough of us to carry them and still shoot.”
“No drugs. Just get this out of me.” She grabbed hold of her rifle strap, folded it in half and brought it to her mouth. She’d bite down and do her best to keep quiet. “Let’s do this before I lose my nerve.”
Pulling herself from the memory she ran her hand over her thigh. She could almost feel the pressure of the pipe sticking out of her. The pain Willow had mentioned was nothing compared to what it was like. It took every ounce of her strength to grunt and not scream for mercy as he pulled it from her body. Even now reliving the memory spots danced before her eyes as she teetered on the edge of consciousness.
Before she could even catch her breath the memory grabbed hold of her again, pulling her deeper.
“Gunny, leave us. You need to get the others out of here.” She whispered to him as he carefully laid her on the floor of one of the abandoned buildings.
“You’re going to be fine. Just stay up here with Hall. Keep him quiet.” Gavin glanced to the young man before turning his attention back to her. “I’m going to get you out of here.”
“The longer you sit around here with us the more likely we’re all going to end up dead.” She lifted her legs as he shoved one of the packs under her, to keep her thigh elevated. “You and the others can get out of here without leaving a trail. Hall’s in no shape to move and I’ll leave a bloody trail right to our doorstep. You have to leave us behind. Go and send help back for us.”
“I’m not leaving anyone behind.” His tone was deeper than normal leaving no room for argument. “King is working on the busted radio. We’ll be able to make a call for help soon.”
Without another word he left, leaving her alone with Hall in a drugged sleep next to her. She took off her helmet and placed it beside her as she laid there looking toward the staircase. If anyone besides another Marine came up those steps she had her rifle to defend them, but she didn’t stand much chance if there were more than one. Hall was too bad off to offer any help. The sound of gunfire would give their position away, but if she didn’t try to defend them, they wouldn’t even have a chance.
She glanced at Hall. What chance did he have? So young and now he was lying there next to her, clinging to life with a fraying rope. The burns needed immediate medical attention, more than Willow could provide. He sedated Hall in the hopes of making him comfortable, but the drugs would only last so long. They had to get him out of there for him to have any chance to live.
“Listen to me, I’m not even worried about myself.” She glanced down at her blood covered thigh. Willow had done what he could for her but without all of his equipment, he hadn’t been able to completely stop the bleeding. Her head was already swimming and there was no telling how long it would be until she passed out from blood loss. “If it wasn’t for us, Gavin would lead the squad out and come back with reinforcements.”
If they had only known what they were driving into, they’d have been more prepared. They have come with more firepower and M
arines. Things changed by the second in a war zone, but this town…it wasn’t what they had left only days before. The village had been one of the friendly areas. Now the town residents had been forced out or killed, leaving insurgents in control of the area.
She wasn’t sure how long she laid there, watching the staircase, while straining to hear anything from downstairs or outside. It seemed like forever. Had King fixed the radio? Where they able to get a call out? Questions raced through her thoughts, but no one had come upstairs to update her and she couldn’t call out to them without risking someone hearing her.
Hall let out a soft moan as his body twitched in his drug induced sleep, pulling her attention back to him. She wanted to reach out and touch him to let him know he wasn’t alone, but she couldn’t find a place on his body that the flames hadn’t licked. The red and blistered skin made her chest tighten and her eyes watered. The pain she was in was nothing compared to the pain he must be feeling. Even sedated, she knew from his moans he was uncomfortable.
“Please let the drugs hold on a little bit longer. Keep him asleep.” Squeezing her eyelids shut she prayed for help. They hadn’t reported back to base on time so even if King hadn’t been able to fix the radio the platoon would be looking for them.
She thought she only blinked but the next time she opened her eyes the baking sun was now streaming through the window on the westside of the building. It wouldn’t be long before night was upon them. Night was always more dangerous in a war zone. There were more threats hidden in the darkness that couldn’t be seen without night vision. The positive side of the dark was it also gave them cover. For her, the cover wasn’t worth the price. She’d rather be able to see everything that was happening around her.
The stairs creaked under someone’s weight sending her heart rate skyrocketing. As quiet as she could she adjusted her rifle, aiming it at the stairs. Her fingers were near the trigger, ready to pull. She hoped it was Gavin or someone else from the squad, or better yet the rescue team, but she was ready if not.
Her body jerked as she pulled herself from the flashback, nearly sending her laptop to the floor. “I know you.” Even as her hands shook, she adjusted her laptop on her legs and pulled up Hazel’s social media. She needed to see another picture of Daniel to confirm what her subconscious had already known.
Chapter Sixteen: Looking Back
Minutes were all Daniel could spare to slip into the computer tent. He had a list of things he needed to get done as he and the platoon prepared to head home. Home. South Carolina wasn’t home any longer. It wasn’t even where he wanted to be now. Before writing Emily, he’d been happy there, content at least. Now spending a day there, let alone weeks as he worked through his discharge from the Marines was as daunting as the last several weeks had been. He’d be in the same country and still couldn’t see her.
“Maybe she’ll let me call her.” He mumbled to himself as he waited for his e-mail to load. That was if she was still talking to him. After his last e-mail there was no guarantee. She could have sworn him off. Though once he made it to Blessing that would change. He could explain himself in person and he’d find a way to make her listen.
Anxious he shifted in his seat, the slow internet was something he thought he got used to but today it was working his nerves as his inbox took longer than normal to load. Come on. He needed to know she replied. No, he needed to know if she was angry at him. He cursed himself for taking Barrett’s advice. If he hadn’t listened, he wouldn’t have been on edge for the last two days.
Seconds ticked by until the inbox loaded, and Emily’s name stood out in bold letters. No matter what it said it wasn’t over. He wasn’t willing to give her up without a fight. With a deep breath he clicked the e-mail.
Daniel,
I remember…I remember you.
I’m not mad at you. I wish you would have told me sooner, so you wouldn’t have carried the burden alone.
There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t remember what happened. I wonder why I survived when others didn’t. It’s something I’ve had a hard time with since the incident but most days I’ve made peace with it. Even if it’s only for the reason that it’s not my place to decide who died that day. Though there are days where the guilt is overwhelming.
Your reasoning for holding back what you knew was sound. There are pieces I don’t remember, but I remember you coming up the stairs. I was ready to shoot. I refused to let us die without a fight. Hall was too bad off to help, so it was up to me. When I saw your uniform, my mind refused to believe it at first. I almost convinced myself that they stole United States military uniforms to come capture us. I wanted to shoot before you turned around and spotted us, but something told me to hold off, to let you turn so I could see your face. I wanted to look you in the eye before…
Guess my thoughts were working overtime there. I was so relieved when you turned.
Thank you, Daniel. I wanted to meet those who saved me that day, to thank them for what they did. Don’t give me that crap about it being your job. It might have been why you were there, but it wasn’t why you held my hand when the medics were tending to me. Or why you ordered the medics to give me something to ease the pain when we were in the Humvee on the way to the rendezvous point for the medevac. Daniel, you saved my life and for that I’ll always be thankful.
You know over the years I’ve seen both Barrett brothers yet neither of them said anything. Maybe Christopher didn’t know, but Lawrence knew. Though I’m glad you told me, he shouldn’t have hounded you when he also never confessed his role in my rescue. Be sure to bust his chops for that.
Don’t beat yourself up over the mission. Nothing can change it. Trust me I know. While you question if Lance Corporal Hall could have been saved if you were a few minutes earlier, I question what would have happened if I hadn’t grabbed him and forced him toward the Humvees. We were under fire and he froze. Instead of ordering one of the others to get him, I went to him. He was young, so young, and I wanted to protect him. My attention was so focused on him that I didn’t realize something was off until it was too late. Seconds before the Humvees exploded I noticed none of the insurgents followed us. I knew we didn’t kill or injure all of them, but instead of following us they retired. Before I could voice my concerns, I was thrown through the air from the explosion.
Gavin couldn’t call for reinforcements after the Humvees exploded because our only remaining radio was damaged. Corporal King was working on repairing it when Gavin took me upstairs. From there it’s unclear what happened. I lost track of time. I don’t know how long it took for him to repair it, or even if he did. I never asked how your squad found us.
When I woke up after surgery, I remember inquiring repeatedly about the condition of the rest of the squad. Everyone sidestepped the question, but with the pain medication it was impossible to stay awake long enough to fight them for an answer. At that time, I hadn’t realized how bad the explosion was. I knew we lost three men initially from the explosion. The rest succumbed to their injuries or were killed in the aftermath.
I was in that room with Hall, while my team was out there. I knew we were under fire, I could hear the gun battle as it raged on outside. Hall and I were in one building, while some of the others, who I thought were less critical, were in another building. Enemy fire came shortly after the explosion, which is how the team got separated.
I wouldn’t learn of my team’s fate until I made it back to the States. The guilt…that was the worst. They should have left Hall and me, maybe then they could have survived. Even as I waited for death to come for me I didn’t think the whole squad could be wiped out. I hadn’t fathomed I’d survive the mission alone. Why me? Why had I survived when there were others more deserving? No matter how hard I try that’s a question that can’t be answered.
The past…there are so many things I wish I could change about it but like you said there’s nothing we can do about it. We can’t focus on it or we won’t be able to live our lives. The moment
we stop living we disgrace those who died. We must look to the future. Looking into the past is only for time travelers.
Thank you again, Daniel.
Love,
Emily
A weight lifted off his shoulders as he read her e-mail. The fear that had his stomach in knots was gone. It almost seemed too perfect, making him wonder when the other shoe would drop.
She remembered him, but he wasn’t sure he wanted that. Concerns raced through his thoughts. Would seeing him remind her of the horrors of the mission? If that was the case it could limit the connection developing between them. He could be stuck in the friend zone before he even had a chance to express the feelings he had for her.
He’d have to wait until he was back in the States to see where this was going, possibly not until he was in Blessing. He hadn’t waited his whole life for someone like her to allow her to slip through his fingers before he even had a chance to kiss her.
Chapter Seventeen: Blossoms
While her students were at lunch Emily sat behind her desk, writing out her plans for the Christmas project each of her students would create for their parents. It was the biggest art project she did every year and each year it was different. This way parents with multiple children who had her as a teacher wouldn’t receive the same gift. The excitement about the project always brought everyone together and within a week she’d be elbows deep in glue and glitter.
“Miss Sharp.” Mallory’s soft voice called out from the doorway.
“How many times do I have to tell you to call me Emily when the students aren’t around? You’re part of Blessing Elementary family now. We don’t use titles.” Last semester it was a different story, the young woman was a student teacher, but now she was a full-fledged member of staff. Setting her pen down on the paper she glanced up at the other woman. “Oh Mallory, those are breathtaking.”
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