“Sweetheart.” Naked except for boxers, Daniel stepped out of the bedroom and into the living room. “What’s wrong?”
“Just thinking.” She shook her head. “It’s nothing. Let’s go back to bed.”
“Something’s on your mind. You wouldn’t have gotten out of bed, plugged in the tree, and been sitting there staring at if it was nothing.” He leaned against the arm of the sofa, his hand tracing along the curve of her arm. “Talk to me.”
“I was thinking about Margaret and how to get her to come around. I know you want to fix it.”
“Okay, so that got you out of bed but what were you thinking about when I came out here? From the look on your face I know it’s more.” He pressed.
“The Gavin family.” She rubbed her temples, doing the best she could to push back the headache pounding beneath the surface. “A couple months after I was released from the hospital I dropped by the Gavin’s place. It was unannounced, and I hadn’t planned it. I had just cleaned out my apartment, all of my belongings were in the car, and I was headed out of town. I went to turn on the interstate and suddenly I turned around and was headed toward their house. I couldn’t leave town without seeing them. I needed the closure. I hadn’t thought of what I was going to say to Mrs. Gavin, or even if I should visit them.”
“What happened?”
“She opened the door and I lost it.” She leaned forward placing her elbows on her knees and stared at the floor. “How screwed up is that? I’m standing on his widow’s doorstep crying. She should have slammed the door in my face. Instead, she put her arm around my shoulder and led me into the house.”
“Mrs. Gavin is southern through and through. She’d have never slammed the door in someone’s face. She’s even nice to door to door salesman no matter what they interrupt or what they’re selling.” He rose off the arm of the sofa to come around to sit next to her.
“You described her perfectly. You must know her.”
“I knew her husband, I’ve only met her a few times, but she makes an impression.” Sliding his arm around her shoulders he pulled her back against the sofa. “Tell me why after all this time are they on your mind.”
“The boys…his sons. I can’t help but think about what Christmas is like for them now that Gavin’s gone. It’s not the first Christmas without him but I’m not sure it ever gets any easier. As a kid I remember hating the other girls at my school for having parents. I didn’t even need both, I just wanted a mother. All the girls I knew were having mother-daughter days as they prepared for dances, spent days shopping together for back to school clothes. I wanted that. His sons have their mother, but they deserved to have their father there. If things had been different he might still be here with them.”
“You’re not to blame for this. I know it’s easy to blame yourself because you’re here. You need to remember you didn’t blow up the Humvees, you didn’t shoot him or the others on your squad. The person who pulled the trigger is responsible.” He tugged the blanket up around her shoulders as she shivered, not from cold but emotion. “In reality, no one should have survived that day, the odds were against all of you. Still here you are. War comes with a great cost, one that the warriors are left to carry. You don’t have to carry that burden alone. I’m here.”
“Can we stay here in front of the tree for a bit longer? Just hold me.” She rested her head against his shoulder, enjoying the security she found in his embrace.
“We’ll stay here for as long as you like. After…” He pulled back, reaching toward the side of the tree. A moment later he leaned back with a hand wrapped package. “I’d planned to wait to give this to you until Christmas, but I think you should open it now.”
“I don’t think this is the time.” She stared down at the package he held out to her.
“Trust me, it’s the perfect time.” He pressed it into her hands. “Open it.”
She ran her hand over the smooth wrapping paper. Her thoughts were tangled with the past and present yet the gift in her hand made her want to forget all about it for the moment and open it. “It’s not Christmas yet.”
“It’s close enough.” He urged.
She slid her finger under the wrapping paper, careful not to tear it. As sentimental as it sounded, this was the first gift from him and she wanted to save the wrapping paper. It would go in her keepsake box with other cherished items from her life. Sliding the wrapping paper off she realized it was a book.
My Father. My Hero. Gunnery Sergeant Gavin’s face stared up at her from the cover, bringing tears to her eyes.
“Gavin’s oldest son wrote it. It comes out in January, but I was able to get a copy for you. Open it up.”
This is for my father, Gunnery Sergeant Stephen Gavin.
To the men and women who serve in our armed forces. My dad would tell you to keep fighting, never let your guard down. So, from him to me and now to you. Thank you.
Also, to Sergeant Emily Sharp. May you continue to tell the world what an amazing man my father was. We’re the ones left to carry on his memory. He was so proud of you, don’t let him down now.
Below the dedication was a handwritten message. Thank you for visiting after my dad died. The memories you shared with us meant more to me than you could know. He was my hero, one who is greatly missed. Keep living your life. He’d want that for both of us. Come visit again soon. Stephen Gavin II.
“He wrote a book about his dad.” Tears strolled down her face as her chest tightened.
“He did.” Daniel pulled her back against him. “It’s a story about the greatest man who ever lived, at least in Stephen’s eyes. There are parts that are touching, others where you find yourself laughing, and moments when you think your heart is being torn from your chest. It’s full of communications between Stephen and his father, memories, and so much more. It’s worth a read, but not tonight.”
“No, not tonight.” She wiped the tears from her face and turned to him. “Thank you. This means so much to me.”
“There’s more.” Taking the book from her hands he flipped to the back and pulled out a single folded piece of paper. “It’s from Mrs. Gavin.”
Emily,
I hope you don’t mind me calling you Emily. It’s just I feel like we got to know each other so well during your visit and Sergeant Sharp, or even Miss Sharp, as your students call you now, seems too formal.
Daniel reached out to me when he learned Stephen’s book was being published and told me of his plans. I’m glad he did because Stephen wanted to send you one, but we didn’t know where you were. After your visit, we exchanged a few calls but beyond that you vanished.
I told you then and you didn’t believe me, but I hope you will now. Stephen wouldn’t want you living with the guilt haunting you. He’d want you to be happy and go on living the life that you were meant to.
This is something I’ve never shared with anyone before, but I’m going to share it with you now. Stephen and I were high school sweethearts. I loved him more than anything in this world. He was my world. Joining the Marines was something he always planned, and I was so committed to him that I knew we’d make it work. Graduation night he proposed and two weeks after we graduated he boarded the bus for boot camp. It nearly broke me, but I refused to give in. Boot camp was just the start. If I was going to be a Marine wife I needed to have a backbone, I had to be prepared for deployments, secrets, and everything else that came with military life.
During his first leave he came back to our small town. We were supposed to get married while he was home. It was going to be a small family event, nothing big. We didn’t care about anything but being together. I’d move wherever he was stationed at and we’d start our lives together.
Only things didn’t go as planned. He came home on leave but instead of coming to my house the first second he was in town he went to his parents. I was hurt but even that I wouldn’t let crush me. I went to him and demanded to know why he was distant.
Long story short he told me he couldn’t
marry me. My world shattered. I thought I lost him. I ranted and raved for a good ten minutes and he stood there taking it. After getting my anger out, tears running down my face I asked him why. It was all I wanted to know. If he could give me the truth I’d walk away and never look back. If it was another woman I wanted to know. I deserved to know what changed.
At first he was quiet, but I was determined. He finally told me he couldn’t marry me because he didn’t want to leave me widowed. See he was on his way home for a short leave and I don’t know what possessed him but while he was waiting for his bus he got this bright idea to visit a fortune teller. Let me back up to add, we made the choice I wouldn’t go to graduation that way the day after he arrived back home we could get married. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but if I’d have been there he wouldn’t have been visiting this fortune teller who almost screwed up our lives together.
I never believed in fortune tellers or anything like that, but maybe now I…I don’t know. It could have been a freak thing. I wasn’t there, I only heard about it afterwards. The fortune teller told him he’d die in combat. He was convinced.
I loved him so much I didn’t care. I’d rather be Mrs. Stephen Gavin for one day than never have him as my husband because of some fortune teller. There was no proof it would happen, even if it did it didn’t mean we couldn’t spend years happily together. I wanted him as my husband and I wanted to be his wife. It took me nearly his whole leave to convince him but finally I worked him down. The night before he had to return to base we were married.
Still when his first deployment rolled around I was terrified. I tried to keep it to myself, but the fortune teller’s words ran through my thoughts. It was the longest deployment of our marriage. I worked myself into a nervous wreck, but you know what? Nothing happened. At the end of the deployment he returned home. With every tour of duty, I started to worry less. Then it happened.
Still I wouldn’t change it. I got to spend the best years of my life with him. He was the greatest man I knew, and I can see him in my sons. He died for his country just like the fortune teller said but he left me two amazing sons who are spitting images of him. He won’t be forgotten as long as the four of us live because he touched our lives in ways no one else could.
Remember the man he was and know he would never want you to live with the guilt you’ve been carrying with you. He lives on through us.
Visit us again when you have a chance. Keep in touch and Merry Christmas.
Love,
Savannah Gavin
Tears streamed down her face as she stared down at the letter. Having this from Gavin’s family felt unbelievable. She expected them to blame her, as she blamed herself. If she had made different choices that day, Gavin and the others might still be alive. If one of the other soldiers had gone to assist the frozen Lance Corporal Hall, she’d had been focused on the mission at hand. Maybe then she’d have sensed the insurgents had fallen back before it was too late. A few steps back from the Humvees could have made a world of difference to the squads’ survival. At the very least the four who had already loaded into the Humvees wouldn’t have died on impact, they might still be alive.
“Sweetheart?” Daniel’s fingers trailed along her arm as he waited for her reaction.
“Thank you.” She glanced back at him. “I’m serious, thank you. This means more than I could put into words.”
“Barrett is the one who told me about the book deal.” He snuggled her closer to him and let out a deep breath. “Years ago, Gavin and I were stationed in Germany together. I think it was a year or two after he and Savannah married, she was pregnant with their oldest. Outside of our line of work our lives couldn’t have been more different, still we connected. We kept in touch, exchanging e-mails every now and then. Savannah has kept that tradition alive, mostly at holidays but I still hear from her. So, when I heard about the book release I reached out to her.”
“Did you attend…” Her voice broke as she fought hard against the emotions threatening to swallow her. “Never mind, you couldn’t have.”
“You mean the funeral. No, I was still deployed. My first leave after I returned stateside I made a point to visit. I wanted to check on her and the boys. Gavin would have done the same if it was the other way around.”
“That was the kind of man he was.” With her chest tight she fought to take in her next breath. “He was one of a kind.”
Carefully folding the letter from Savannah, she slid it back into the book and clutched it to her chest. “Most days I accept what happened and can continue living without it plaguing me. Then days like this, I think about Gavin’s sons and it tears my heart to shreds. So many have been lost, so many families who have had to bury their loved ones. I don’t know how to keep living as if nothing has changed. After this happened, I wanted nothing more than to heal and get back over there. I wanted to get revenge for what happened.”
“Revenge can be freeing in the moment, but it does nothing to bring back the lives lost or heal the injured.”
His words sounded so reasonable, it was something she had told herself before too, but it didn’t stop the need. Instead of arguing she leaned her head back against his chest and relaxed into his embrace. The world was full of so much hate while in his arms, there was only love. She could close off everything that was happening outside, turn off her memories and enjoy this moment.
Live in this moment. The next one isn’t guaranteed.
Chapter Twenty-Nine: Christmas Intimidations
Mayor Santos and the Christmas event committee had outdone themselves this year. Emily stood near the entrance with Daniel’s arm around her waist as she took everything in. Blessing Elementary gym was decorated from top to bottom with decorations. Lights were strung from the rafters. A fifteen-foot tree stood to the right of the entry way. It seemed as though every branch held a row of white twinkling lights, while red ornaments where hung around the tree. At the top instead of a normal Christmas angel, there was a custom bear with a Santa hat and a shirt that read: Blessing Bears. It had been a gift from one of the local artists and the school had used it to top the tree for years.
“All of Hazel’s work for this party is paying off. Everything is going smoothly.” Emily leaned into Daniel’s embrace.
“You know she couldn’t have done it without you taking her spot on the cross-country trip.” Daniel let out a light chuckle.
“Sounds like a copout. Good thing she proposed it to me while we were getting drunk, otherwise I don’t think I’d have fallen for it.” She tipped her head back so she could look up at him. “It was an unforgettable trip, one I’m glad I was able to take with you.”
“There’s no one else I would have rather spent it with.” He pressed his lips to her forehead.
“Your sister did a fantastic job.” Margaret moseyed up next to them.
“She did.” Daniel agreed. “We were just commenting on the success of the party.”
“You should be out there dancing, not standing around talking about the event. Live it,” his grandmother urged as she raised her hand to wave as the mayor and his wife headed the door. “Excuse me. I must say goodbye to the mayor and his wife.”
“No wonder Hazel ran herself ragged trying to make sure this event was perfect. She’s trying to live up to your grandmother’s social life.” She shook her head. “I hope Mrs. Fitch will tell Hazel what she thinks of the evening.”
“Knowing Grandma, she’ll be sure to point out the flaws to Hazel. She doesn’t want to admit her granddaughter’s first affair as president of the event committee was a success and she certainly doesn’t want to admit it was better than any she ran. She was on the committee for more than thirty years, only the last ten as president. Now to see Hazel in that position after only five years with the committee is no doubt a hard pill for her to swallow.”
“Then we’ll have to make sure she knows it was a success.” Emily scanned the crowd for her friend, only to find Hazel surrounded by a group of women.
“Later.”
“Emily!” A woman’s voice called to her, forcing her to turn from Daniel’s embrace.
“Mrs. Henry.” As the older woman neared, Emily mentally kicked herself for not staying alert. Mrs. Henry was the one woman she’d been avoiding all evening. Instead of fighting it she forced herself to give the older woman a smile. “Mrs. Henry, I’d like you to meet Daniel Fi”
“I know both of the Fitch children.” Mrs. Henry shook her head, dismissing Emily’s introduction. “Daniel, it’s good to see you again. I hear you’re back in town to stay.”
“Yes ma’am. It would seem like I have reason to stick around now.” Daniel’s arm came back around Emily, drawing her close.
“I’ve heard.” Mrs. Henry’s eyes darkened as she stared at Emily. “Welcome home. Now if I may have a moment alone with Emily. There’s something rather important I need to discuss with her.”
“Mrs. Henry this is a party, surely”
“How about I get us a drink?” Daniel squeezed her arm lightly, reassuring as he nodded toward Mrs. Henry.
Before Emily could argue Daniel was moving away from her, leaving her alone with the one woman she’d rather not deal with. Whatever Mrs. Henry wanted to say would no doubt put a damper on her festive mood.
“Now dear, I know it’s Christmas Eve, but I was hoping if I spoke to you tonight you could work this out of your system before the new year.”
“And what’s that?” She eyed the woman before her, refusing to backdown.
“This nonsense with Daniel. Surely you realize how silly it looks.”
“Excuse me?” Of all the things she was prepared for this wasn’t it.
“I’ve been a friend of the Fitch family since before Hazel and Daniel were born. I know he’s much older than you. You’re a teacher with a standing in this community. We can’t allow for this to happen.”
“My personal life is none of your concern.” She kept her voice low, her gaze never leaving the other woman’s.
Touch of Home (Blessing Montana Book 2) Page 15