by Jessica Ames
“Usually, I’m not, but this man who is threatening Natalie is different. He’s not like any of the others I’ve dealt with. I hate to say it, but I’m out of my element with him.”
“Babe, you couldn’t have predicted he’d go psycho. The man clearly is a few bikes short of a rally.”
I snort. “A what?”
He tickles my side. “You taking the piss out of me?”
I assume that means am I teasing him. I giggle and try to get away from his fingers. “Would I do that?”
He brings his mouth down on mine and I stop struggling, melting like chocolate in his arms. Shane makes my world calm, makes me feel in control, even if I’m not. For that, I love him.
“Get some sleep, babe.” He kisses the side of my head and I feel so cherished in his arms.
“Goodnight.”
“Night, Amy.”
I don’t think I can sleep, but I close my eyes, hoping it will come. I don’t know how long I lie there, but eventually, I hear Shane’s breathing even out and I relax a little more. I’m just on the edge of sleep when he twitches behind me. It pulls me out of my daze and I twist a little to see what’s wrong. He jolts against me and tightens his arms around me.
“Shane? You’re having a nightmare. Wake up.”
He doesn’t. His grip around me goes tighter still until I can hardly draw air in. I grab at his wrists, trying to pry him away from me, but he doesn’t move. Panic starts to attack me as I realize his vise-like grip isn’t lessening.
“Shane!” I say louder this time. “Let go!”
He doesn’t, but he whimpers in his sleep. It’s a noise that makes my heart clench.
“Shane!” I yell this time and he jolts, coming away.
Instantly, his grip on me loosens and I take a much-needed breath.
“Fuck,” he mutters.
I sit up, switching the bedside lamp on, my chest sore.
“You were dreaming,” I say, my hands roaming over his face as his breath rips out of him.
His eyes are haunted as he stares at me. “Did I… hurt you?”
I shake my head, letting the lie stand. He doesn’t need guilt right now. He needs love and assurance.
“What were you dreaming about?” I ask, my voice soft as he pulls me against him, his movements jerky.
“I was back in Afghanistan, trying to save—” He breaks off, his breath ripping out of him shakily.
“What happened?”
“Babe, this shit gives me enough nightmares without giving you them too.”
“I want to help you.”
He kisses me. “You already are.”
“Shane…”
“Maybe one day I’ll be ready to talk about it, Ames, but that’s not now. It’s still too fresh, too raw.”
I understand that. I know what it feels like to want to bury yourself in your pain.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
“Don’t apologize. When you’re ready we can talk. If you’re never ready, that’s fine too.”
I can’t fathom the horrors he’s seen in his life. I saw a lot of carnage working in the ER. I’d seen things that haunted me for a time, but Shane lived through hell and came out the other side. The injuries seen in war zones are nothing like the trauma I deal with. I’ve never seen limbs blown off or worse. If he doesn’t want to talk about it, I’m not going to force the issue.
We lie in silence for a little while before he speaks again. “I have a run to do tomorrow night. I want you to stay at the clubhouse while I’m gone.”
I peer up at him. “A run?”
“A job for the club. You’ll stay?”
I’m not sure about staying here alone, but I don’t want him worrying. I also don’t want to go home without someone there. I might act like I’m not scared, but I am. I know Rick is dangerous.
“Okay.”
“Thank you. I don’t want to worry about you while I’m out there.”
“I don’t want that either.”
We snuggle together and eventually, I fall asleep, Shane wrapped around me.
28
Whizz
I hate leaving Amy when shit is so hot, but I don’t have a choice. Tonight, we’ll expose Mac. He’s the only one we’ve told about the run me and Havoc are going on, so if we get there and the Fallen Demons are waiting, we know he set us up. I’m fucking nervous. A lot could go wrong.
Havoc is antsy too as we get in the van. I can feel the tension coming off him. He settles into the driver’s seat and then looks at me. “You ready to do this?”
I nod.
He starts up the engine and we head to the drop off point. We’re not carrying any cargo. The boxes in the back of the van are empty, but these fuckers won’t know that—if they show. Part of me is hopeful that we’re wrong, that Mac isn’t a traitor. It’s never a good feeling to know someone you trusted, someone you put faith in is stabbing you in the back, but at least we discovered his treachery before he patched in. It’s harder to root out poison when it’s already flowing through an organization.
“You think he’s a rat?” I ask Havoc.
“Yeah, brother.”
“Fuck.” The club will kill him. His only saving grace is the fact he’s not a fully patched member. That’ll make his punishment less severe, though I can’t imagine Omen going easy on him.
He still slipped the knife in and twisted it.
We get to the meet and Havoc cuts the engine. I pull my gun out and check that it’s loaded before sitting it on my lap. The waiting is the worst. The scheduled time we set up for the meet comes and goes and there’s no sign of the Fallen Demons. I start to hope we’ve got Mac wrong, that he’s not the culprit, when I see the headlights in the side mirror.
Fuck, he did this. He sold us out. That little fucker sold us out to an enemy. Rage roars through my veins as I clench and unclench my hands. This kid should never have been sponsored. It’ll destroy Crank knowing a kid he brought into the club betrayed us.
“Show time,” I say to Havoc.
We climb out of the van and we’re quickly surrounded by bikes. My heart should be pounding as I take in the fact we’re clearly outnumbered. There’s at least five of them to one of us. Not good odds.
They’re not wearing kuttes, no colors that identify who they are and they have ski-masks on, hiding their faces. Sneaky fuckers.
The lead biker stops near to us and pulls a gun at the same time we raise our own weapons.
“Kick your weapons over here,” he demands, and suddenly we’re facing off more guns.
That kicks my heartrate up a notch. I glance at Havoc and toss my gun over. He does the same. Four guys move over to the back of the van and open the doors. I growl under my breath, I can’t help it. I know there’s nothing in there, but the fact they’d take from us pisses me off.
“Do you know who the fuck we are?” I sneer.
“You’re the guys getting robbed,” the lead guy says. This earns a laugh from the others.
“Sons won’t take this shit lying down,” Havoc snarls. “You’re all fucking dead.”
Havoc’s whole-body jolts back before I hear the shot. He goes down, his legs folding beneath him. I make a grab for him and manage to grab him by the shirt as he hits the ground. Blood spreads across his white tee like spilled ink. Fuck.
I press my hands over the wound. I’ve seen so many gunshot wounds over the years, enough to know this one hit him high on the shoulder. Thank fuck the guy is a bad shot.
The fuckers unload the van into their own.
“Thanks for the goods,” the lead guy caws and then the bikes and van take off again.
I don’t watch them go, my attention on Havoc.
He’s still alert, but the glassy pain in his eyes worries me. While he’s still conscious, I pull him up to his feet and get him into the van. I strip my tee off and roll it into a ball, pressing his hand against it and slamming it against the wound.
“Keep pressure on it,” I order.
&n
bsp; I run around the front of the van and climb in, my heart hammering in my chest. Havoc ain’t dying, not on my fucking watch. I’ve never driven automatic before, so it takes me a second to realize there’s only two pedals and that I don’t need to change gear.
I press the accelerator to the floor and peel the van out of there.
The drive back to the clubhouse feels like it takes ten eons. I should take him to a hospital, but I know a gunshot wound will raise flags and we can’t have the police sniffing around. Besides, I know how the fuck to fix a gunshot wound. I’ve patched up more brothers in the army and MC than I can count. The dangers of our world, of the worlds I chose to put myself in.
“You still with me, Hav?”
Havoc groans. “Unfortunately. Fuck, getting shot hurts.”
“Just hold on, brother. We’ll be there soon.”
Relief floods me as I see the clubhouse come into view.
I don’t breach the gates, though everything in me screams to get inside as fast as possible. It’s a one-way ticket to dead. The brothers would open fire immediately, so I have to get out of the van and run to pull it back. I get back in the van, ignoring the blood coating my hands, ignoring everything. The back tires squeal as I hit the accelerator again and the van lurches forward.
I slam it to a stop in front of the back doors and come around to the passenger side just as I hear voices behind me. I ignore them and open the door. Havoc’s still conscious, but his eyes are getting glassier by the moment.
“The fuck happened?” Crank’s voice reaches me first.
“Help me get him out,” I order and together we manage to slide Havoc out of the van.
Chains gets his legs while Crank and I take him under each arm. Carrying him inside, we place him on the only surface big enough and strong enough to hold him. The pool table.
Instantly, I go to work.
“I need shit.”
“Tell me,” Crank says.
I reel off the supplies I need, supplies I know Omen keeps on site. Crank rushes off to get what I asked for as I pull out my knife and slice Havoc’s tee off. There’s blood everywhere. It’s hard to see where the wound actually is because there’s so much of it.
I turn to Chains. “I need Amy. She’s in my room.”
He doesn’t say a word, just disappears to find her.
“Don’t you let me die, fucker,” Havoc jokes, his words slurring a little.
“It’s barely a fucking flesh wound, so shut your fucking mouth and let me work.” I’m hoping that’s true.
“Can’t believe that cunt shot me.”
“Shane?”
Amy’s confusion laces her voice. “Jesus,” she mutters and comes to the side of the pool table.
“What happened?”
I don’t want to get into that, so I hedge the question. “I need your help.”
“Of course.”
Crank returns back with the supplies I asked for and dumps them at the bottom of the table, near Havoc’s feet.
Amy moves to it and finds what we need and together we work to save Havoc’s life. It’s not as easy as it would be if we were in the ER with everything we needed, but I’m used to field medicine. I’m used to making do with what I have and still saving lives and I’m not letting Havoc die, even if it kills me.
I meet Amy’s eyes as she hands me a pair of surgical tweezers and I see the concern in them, the uncertainty, and I hate that it’s there.
Fuck.
29
Amy
I can’t believe I’m treating a gunshot wound on a pool table in the dirty common room of the clubhouse. How is this my life? I try not to focus on that as I help Shane patch up Havoc. He moves with confidence, even though he’s been out of the field for a while now and I’m impressed with his skill. He could keep up with any of the doctors at my hospital.
As soon as the wound is stitched and covered, he steps back and wipes his forehead with the back of his arm.
“You want to tell me what happened now?” I ask as we both move away to clean up. I peel off my gloves as he shakes his head.
“It’s club business, babe. I can’t tell you.”
I frown at his words. “You’re really not going to tell me?”
He winces. “There’s shit in this life that can’t be discussed. I know that’ll piss you off. It pisses most old ladies off, but it’s the way of this world.”
I want to ask more questions, but there are other brothers still in the room and I don’t want to embarrass him by pushing things, so I let it go.
Omen steps up to me. “Thanks for helping to save Havoc. Guy’s an ass, but we’d miss him if anything happened to him.”
I grin. It’s a bit of levity in an otherwise strained situation. It’s appreciated.
“Don’t mention it.”
I follow Shane out of the room and into the small bathroom down the hall. He washes his hands first and I go after him. While he’s drying his, I can feel his gaze on me and I want to squirm under it.
“You okay with this shit?” he asks and I can hear the fear in his voice that I might not be.
“Am I okay with doing back room surgery?” I shake my head. “No, but we saved his life, which is what matters.”
“Amy.”
“I get it, Shane. You’re part of this big bad world. I can’t say it doesn’t scare me, because it does. It terrifies me wondering if you’re going to get hurt. It terrifies me knowing that could have been you lying on that pool table, not Havoc.”
He grabs my neck and drags me into his arms, wrapping me tightly in his embrace.
“Know it’s scary, know it’s dangerous too, Ames. I’m not a fucking idiot. I know I’m asking a lot of you here, but I need you to be okay with this. This is my life. It’s the reality of what can happen. It’s not all the time, but shootings, stabbings, they are par for the course. This is my life. Never expected to have someone I care about, who I would die for before I let get hurt. Never expected to have that, babe. I’ll always keep you safe. I promise you that. Club life won’t ever touch you.”
He sounds so sincere, so sure, it’s hard not to believe his words.
“I am scared,” I admit.
“I know, but there’s no reason to be.”
“Shane, your club is dangerous. I didn’t really believe that until tonight.”
“Yeah, there are dangerous elements. Babe, you don’t need to worry.”
Telling me not to worry feels rather redundant, since I already am.
“Whizz.” Omen’s voice breaks through the moment.
“Fuck, I need to go, babe. Promise me you won’t run out or leave.”
“I promise. I’ll sit with Havoc.”
He kisses me. “Thank you.”
I watch him walk off with Omen, my heart starting to pound. I don’t go straight back to the common room. Instead, I head out to the courtyard, a small enclosed area off the main corridor. There are no brothers here, which is a relief. I don’t have the strength to talk to any of them right now and pretend things are okay.
I sit on the nearest picnic bench, letting the fresh air clear away some of the fear circling me.
I pull my phone out and dial the one person I know will understand. Harmony. She picks up on the second ring.
“I was wondering where you were. I haven’t heard from you in a while. Give me all the gossip.”
“I just patched up a man who was shot, on the pool table in the common room,” I blurt.
There’s a long pause then she says, “Having second thoughts?”
“Yes. No. I don’t know. I don’t want to walk away, but his lifestyle is crazy.”
“I know July’s had to do some crazy things for Wes, but for the most part, their club life doesn’t touch us. Harlen has always protected me and I’m sure Shane will be the same.”
“He does protect me,” I say, thinking about how he’s been helping me with all this Rick shit. “I’m just worried.”
“I think that’s n
ormal. Do you love him?”
“Yes,” I say without missing a beat.
“Can’t breathe without him?”
“Yes.”
“Then you can work around the lifestyle, Amy. Harlen and I manage it, Wes and July manage it.”
“Are Wes and Harlen bringing gunshot victims around?”
“Not for a while,” is her surprising answer. “Babe, you’ve got the BOOM. No matter what you do, you’ll always end up with him. I was worried when I first started dating Harlen too, but now, I can’t imagine being without him.”
“How do you keep the club stuff and him separate?”
“I don’t. Club is as much a part of him as I am. I accept it. You have to be able to do that with Shane. You have to make peace with this part of his life. It’s dangerous, yes, but what you do is dangerous too. You could be attacked by a patient at any point or a gunman could come into the ER.”
She’s not wrong. I’ve already attracted someone dangerous into my life, someone who Shane isn’t shying away from. He hasn’t run from the danger in my life. He’s run headfirst into it, in fact. He’s done everything he can to protect me, including keeping me at the clubhouse, picking me up from work and making sure I’m safe coming out.
“I’ve never doubted he loves me,” I say quietly.
“That’s all we need in life. To be loved. You can’t change who he is, all you can do is love him as he is. Love him and the rest will fall into place.”
“Thanks for talking me off the ledge.”
“You’ve done it for me more times than I can count.”
“What are friends for?”
I see Shane standing in the doorway and I can’t stop from taking in that well-muscled body. He makes my stomach somersault when he looks at me like I’m his reason for breathing, which is what he’s doing right now.
“I’ve got to go,” I tell Harmony and hang up.
Shane walks over to me and brushes my hair back from my face. “I got worried when I couldn’t find you.”
“Sorry. I needed some fresh air after…” I let my words trail off.