by A. P. Moraez
“Yeah.”
“Some fifteen minutes after we cross there.”
Ash nodded. He was curious and excited beyond belief. What could it be that Logan wanted him to see so much?
In a few minutes, they reached the bridge and, a few minutes after that, Ash’s eyes glanced over a plate that read: benvenuti a Lecco. They’d probably reached a place called Lecco, since it was the only word written in upper case. As Ian — who had taken over driving for the day — rushed through the town, Ash couldn’t decide where to look first.
It wasn’t a big city like Denver by any stretch of the imagination, but it wasn’t small, either.
“Where are we?” Ash turned his gaze to Logan, dying of curiosity.
Logan had a content, serene smile on his face, and for some reason it touched Ash’s heart. It was good to see Logan so… happy.
“This is the Province of Lecco,” Logan explained. “The place we’re heading to is just some fifteen minutes from here, but it’s part of the city.”
“Right.” Ash shifted his gaze back to the windows, eyes peeled for anything and everything in sight. It was indeed a beautiful day, and people were clearly taking advantage of the little respite in the cold weather to do some outside activities. As they got out of the bustle of downtown and followed a coastal road that lined the whole side of a huge lake, they passed through several bikers and even some moms strolling their infants along the sidewalk that followed the lake.
Even though the town seemed large, it had kind of a small town feel to it that Ash liked. It reminded him of home. The buildings were all unassuming, mostly concrete and stone, but there were also a few houses here and there made of wood, and those were usually painted some bright color like red or yellow. He loved all of it.
“Come on,” he said, whirling around to face Logan, who was eying him with clear amusement, “you can tell me now. We’re almost there, anyway, right?”
“That,” Logan said, bringing Ash forward with an arm around his waist until Ash was straddling his lap, “is exactly why I won’t tell you.”
“You’re an asshole,” Ash whined, playfully punching Logan’s solid chest.
“And you’re cute when you’re anxious.”
Ash pecked Logan’s lips, because he just couldn’t resist, then fell back down on his seat.
They followed along the seemingly interminable asphalt road along the lake. At some point, they took a turn and entered the mountains, and it was then that Ash realized, for the first time, that the whole Lecco was surrounded by mountains. Some of them had clear snow caps, while others seemed grayish and lifeless against the pale blue winter sky. The more they followed the road up the mountain, the clearer it got that Lecco was embedded in the middle of them. The familiarity with home touched him, and Ash found himself reaching out for his phone.
He shot a few texts on their family WhatsApp group, just letting them know that everything was okay. He brought the phone close to the car window, then, and snapped a few photos of Lecco down there, then hit send. They were all probably still asleep, since Italy was eight hours ahead of Colorado or so. Ash couldn’t wait to see their reactions to the pictures once they woke up.
“We’re here,” Logan said at his side. Ash practically jumped from his seat in excitement.
When he shifted his eyes ahead, though, all he saw was a paved road lined with cypresses, nothing more. Through the gaps in the lines of trees, there was a field running towards the mountain. On the other side, the lake they’d been following for minutes now.
Ash turned his gaze to Logan, confused.
“Am I missing something?”
Logan smiled gently down at him, then jutted his chin forward, sapphires glinting. “There, love,” he said, prompting Ash to turn his gaze in that direction.
Ash gasped audibly, and ceased all motion.
The paved path had opened up to reveal a beautiful villa in the few seconds Ash had been talking to Logan. A solid structure made of stone and cement, all grays and whites. The car rushed under a tunnel that supported a garden up above, and they emerged on the other side to a parking area, very well kept.
“Logan, what—” Ash cut himself off, breath taken away once he took in the whole structure. It looked like… like a medieval castle or something. Only with modern gardens, well-kept windows and paved sidewalks. “What is this place?”
“This is our home.”
“Our… Home?”
“It was one of the first things I bought when my career skyrocketed. It’s more like a villa than a house, really. Come on. I have so much to show you.”
Logan was tugging him out of the car, an impossibly radiant smile gracing his pink lips, when he seemed to remember himself.
“Guys,” he threw at Duke and Ian. The other three cars with the other teams were just parking all around them. “You can make yourself at home. All of you. There’s enough rooms for everybody. I had the whole place properly cleaned and stocked this week.” He tugged on Ash’s hand. “We’ll be off for a couple hours. The house is yours, make sure to tell the other guys,” he finished jutting his chin out to indicate the other security people getting out of the other Mercedes.
With that, Logan interlaced their fingers and pulled him to his side.
“You never told me of this place. How long have you had it?”
“Years. Close to a decade, really.”
“Wow. I… I don’t know what to say. It seems so… big.”
Logan chuckled. “You just wait to see inside, then.”
Ash didn’t know exactly what he’d expected he’d see after Logan pressed his palm to the digital panel and the main doors opened. From the outside, with all the blocks that varied in size, the structure looked very much like your typical European castle. All angles and turrets and seemingly endless windows and arches. Maybe he’d expected the inside would be something like that, too. Something vintage and medieval-looking; all stone walls and chandeliers. Maybe portraits and armors set along the walls.
Nope.
“I can’t believe this,” Ash gasped, shifting his gaze between Logan and all the white all around them. Logan was clenching his hand so hard, it hurt, and Ash could swear that glinting in the sapphires were tears, not just a peculiar shift in the light. “This is all so beautiful, Logan. What the hell.”
Logan barked out a laugh, tugging at his hand. He was behaving like a little child that… a little child that had been allowed to show his house to a friend for the first time.
Flashes of that morning, long ago, when Ash had been to Logan’s house for the first time for his birthday, invaded his mind. Ash stopped in his tracks, overcome by the memories.
So much had happened since that day. If someone had asked back then if he knew how much the little boy with the impossibly blue eyes would grow to mean to him in the following years, Ash’d never have believed them. And yet here he was, still in awe of those same eyes, still counting himself lucky to have that boy in his life. Only now, it was all amplified. It’d been a long journey. They’d both been hurt and they’d both lost to be together right here in this castle in the mountains. A castle that didn’t have anything to do with the dark, ominous labyrinth of their youth. A place Logan had called home, something he’d never said about that place.
“Hey,” Logan said, turning to face him, “what’s up in that head of yours?”
Ash smiled tremulously at him, trying really hard not to let his emotions show. “Nothing. Let’s keep going.”
Logan frowned, but let it go. They were in the middle of a foyer and Logan took his shoes off. Ash did the same.
Logan tugged him forward by the hand just a couple steps before Ash forced him to stop again. His eyes had caught on the real-size picture on the wall. Before he knew it, he was leading Logan to the wall where it was hanging, jaw dropped. It was Logan, alright, but… different. He looked more the boy that Ash remembered — the one he’d kissed in hidden spots all around Biscuits after classes, the one he’d hated for years for c
rimes untrue in his head — than the intimidating, bulky man standing at his side right now. He was wearing a black button down, light-blue jeans, a pair of expensive-looking ornamented brown shoes, and a silver wrist-watch. The sleeves and hems of his pants had been rolled up and he was propped against a red Ferrari, a scalding desert at his back. He was staring directly at the camera, all austere angles and challenging sapphires, as if daring anyone to try and be like him; as if trying to make clear nobody ever would.
Ash found himself stepping closer until his fingertips touched Logan’s face in the pictures, while flashes of a past long ago crossed his mind.
“It’s the best picture of my first campaign,” Logan explained, even though Ash’s words had totally escaped him. “The first one that really made me some bank.”
“So you hung it here as a memento.”
“Kinda,” Logan said, scratching the back of his head, as he’d do when embarrassed, “yeah. Kinda corny, I know.”
“You were beautiful,” was all Ash was capable of saying. “Devastating.”
“Were?” Logan teased, clenching the tips of his fingers of both hands around Ash’s waist.
Ash laughed. “You know what I mean. Of course you’re still beautiful, but this… this reminds me of us back then, you know? Before… before—”
“Before life was a bitch to us.”
“Yeah.” It really had been. Ash had missed this. He’d missed Logan’s first steps. He’d hated him and had been too much of a coward to even take peeks online. And he’d never forgive himself and Logan’s father for that. God forgive him, but he hoped the old fucker was rotting in hell.
“There’s more, if you, uh…” Logan scratched the back of his head again, newly clean-shaven face clearly flushed. “If you wanna see later. Together, I mean. I kept all the old albums and keepsakes of my modeling career in this house.”
The insecurity and vulnerability in Logan’s body language and words punched Ash right in the stomach. Of course he’d be hesitant to propose that to him, after Ash having confessed that he’d never wanted to even look his name up online. It was high time he fixed that.
“I’d love that,” he said as he turned away from the picture and brought his hands to Logan’s neck, bringing him down until their noses touched. “I wanna see everything.”
“Really?”
“Of course.”
Logan smiled and pressed a soft, lasting kiss on his lips.
“Let’s go.”
The place really was incredible. It had to be at least three floors, judging from what he’d seen as they’d arrived there. This first floor, at least, was the stuff of dreams. The floor was made of some sort of decorated marble with streaks of soft-gray and deeper gray, while the walls and ceilings were all pure white. Logan walked them through a living space occupied mostly by rugs and different types of couches Ash didn’t even know the name of. All different tones of brown and beige. There was a huge screen mounted on the wall. He thought Logan’s TV back in Hoofslope was a monster. Ha! That one looked like a baby next to that beauty.
From one room to another they went, all arches and pillars; all white.
They got to a second living room which was probably also a dining room, where there was a large dining table where at least fifteen people could seat, chairs all upholstered with patterns of brown and beige, maybe black here and there. Around the table, more soft rugs and some chaise lounges. Lots of pillows and cushions. The place was open and had a certain oriental vibe to it. Mesmerizing.
Ash had taken his shoes off, following Logan’s example, as they’d entered. The rugs were so thick and soft that stepping on them felt pretty much like walking on packs of cotton-candy. This second living room was attached to an ample, large kitchen, all modern and expensive-looking, pretty similar to the kitchen they had back in Hoofslope. Ash itched to cook something in it, just to get to say he’d used it.
They finally reached a circular stone stair that led to the second floor. It had huge vases on both side, both containing some tall plants Ash had never seen before.
The second floor made his heart skip a beat. While the floor below had those three or four different environments, this one was all open and occupied by one more living room. Another monstrous TV mounted on the wall. Couches, chaises, pillows and cushions to no end. And rugs. Lots of rugs, including one or two hanging on the large walls. This one, though, had floor-to-ceiling windows that opened to three different terraces facing the lake right outside.
“Holy shit,” Ash gasped out, tugging on Logan’s hand toward the first door that led to the first terrace.
Logan barked out a laugh. “So you can curse in other occasions that don’t include me fucking you.”
Ash laughed, embarrassed that he’d said that word. “Shut up.”
The crisp morning air hit his face once they stepped outside.
Fog was lifting slowly from the vast lake, like a veil of smoke. Ash’s jaw was dropped. He’d never seen such a wonderful view before. He thought being able to see Hoofslope from up there in his spot in the mountains was cool. It had nothing on this. Absolutely nothing. From where they were standing, the other villas and houses across the lake looked tiny, even though some of them could probably rival Logan’s in size. If they looked just a bit to the right, there was Lecco, an assortment of little buildings between mountains. There were also mountains close by; the bigger of them was to their left, and its enormous shape against the clear winter sky only added to the magnificence of the view.
“Does this lake have a name?” he asked Logan, voice low. “It’s so beautiful.”
“Yeah. It’s called Como.”
“Como,” Ash tested the name, rolling it on his tongue, trying to imitate the Italian accent Logan had while saying it. “Looks like something straight out of a movie.”
“Right? It’s what sold me on buying the place. Nowhere I’ve ever been comes even close to this view.”
“It must have been incredible,” Ash mused, “living here while you worked. I mean, you lived here right? After you bought it. It’s so close to Milan.”
Logan was hugging him from behind, so Ash could feel the man nodding against his shoulder, where he was propping his head. “Yeah, I lived here most of the time.”
Ash turned in Logan’s arms, and Logan walked him backwards until Ash’s back was pressed against the railing running along all the terraces. He laughed, then brought his hands up to circle Logan’s neck. Logan smiled down at him and they kissed tenderly.
“I get it now,” Ash said, “why all the secrecy. No word or picture could do justice to this place. It’d only have spoiled my surprise.”
Logan smiled lazily as their noses touched, then his eyes dropped for a moment, sad. “I just wanted to be here, in the actual property, with you, the first time you laid eyes on it.” He paused for a second, just breathing, nose to nose. “I just… I love surprising you. I want to give you everything in the whole world, Ash. I wish… I wish I could always be there for your firsts, since I…” Logan trailed off, jaw locking and neck tensing under Ash’s hands.
“Since what?”
Sapphires darkened, filled with sorrow, and it stung Ash’s heart.
“Since I missed the most important one.”
Shattered, Ash bit his bottom lip and, with a hand behind Logan’s neck, brought their foreheads together. Logan had closed his eyes and Ash used his other hand to massage his shoulder for a moment, sliding it from shoulder back to his neck, repeated times.
“A lot of first were taken from us, it’s true,” Ash finally said, “but we can’t dwell in the past, right? All we can do is move forward.”
Logan sniffed, eyes still closed, but nodded tiny nods. Ash loved this man. How sensitive he was, despite his fame and power. How gentle, despite his strength. How beautiful and he his heart was; how vulnerable. He rubbed theirs noses together, then pressed a gentle kiss against Logan’s pink lips, which had turned into a fine line. It helped. Logan visibly r
elaxed, but still kept his eyes closed. Ash wanted his sapphires back.
So he found himself saying, “Plus, you’re wrong.”
Eyes still closed, Logan frowned. “How am I wrong about that? We both know it’s true.”
Ash squeezed the back of Logan’s neck. “No, it’s not. You were there for my most important firsts.”
Sapphires coated in pain and loss revealed themselves to him, and Ash wanted to go back in time and just punch Logan’s dad in the face himself. He wanted to fucking shoot a hole through his head, like his actions had eventually led Ash to do to so many others, so that none of their shitty pasts would have happened; so that Logan would never have a reason to be sad like that again. All he could do, though, was move forward. And he’d keep on the moving forward they’d started doing months ago right now, by convincing Logan that he hadn’t missed any of the important things in his life.
“The first time I learned to trust someone, after being alone my whole life,” Ash started, and keeping his voice from wavering was hard as hell, “you were right there.”
Logan sucked in a breath, the arms he had around Ash’s waist tightening just slightly, bringing their bottom-halves closer together. He wasn’t even blinking, sapphires burning right through Ash, they were so beautifully open in that moment.
“The first time I found myself going hungry and needed someone to notice and help me…” Ash couldn’t keep his voice from breaking off right in the end. He cleared his throat before he continued, not missing how impossibly tight Logan was holding him as he continued with his explanation, “you were right there.”
Logan’s jaw was locked so tight, Ash feared he’d break it, but he found the courage to continue. “The first time I found out my own dad hated me; that he blamed me for my mother’s death, and I needed a shoulder to cry on, someone to just hug me and let me cry,” he whispered, since speaking in a normal tone of voice and keeping his voice from cracking was beyond him at this point, “you were right the— there.”
Logan’s lips quivered and a few tears escaped their sapphire confinements. It broke Ash’s heart, but he wasn’t done.