by Helen Scott
“I know, I fucked up. I’m sorry. I really, really am. Everything is so messed up. We should’ve talked earlier, I was just…overwhelmed, with everything that happened and—” My voice cut out as my dreams sat on my tongue, waiting for their time in the conversation. The time didn’t feel right though, and something in my gut told me to wait.
“And?” Micah prompted.
“And I had a panic attack earlier,” I admitted. “There was a random woman that helped me with it. She was the one who gave me the money for the candy and drinks.”
Roman immediately released me, dropping to his knees as he turned me to face him. “Why didn’t you tell us, angel?”
“I just did.” I shrugged.
“You know what I mean,” he replied as he leveled me with his best “I’m not putting up with your shit right now” stare.
“I know,” I said quietly, not sure how to put my feelings into words. As I stared into his storm colored eyes, I felt like they were reflecting what was going on inside me. “I didn’t want to be weak, didn’t want you to think I was weak or that I couldn’t handle this.”
“A panic attack isn’t weak. It’s an expression of strength. You’d been so strong for so long that your body needed to reset. That’s all. You’re not weak, you’re incredible. Taking a moment to break, to cry, to do whatever you needed to do was your body telling you what it needed, that’s all.”
My eyes searched his, flicking between the two stormy orbs as I tried to figure out if he was telling the truth.
“He’s right you know,” Micah said from over my shoulder. “My mom was the strongest person I knew, and she had panic attacks occasionally. They’re nothing to be ashamed of. “
I blinked, my eyes suddenly burning with unshed tears. Roman pulled me into a crushing hug, one that allowed the tears to fall without anyone seeing them. The reality was that they could scent the saltwater, but none of them would bring it up if I didn’t, I knew that.
I cleared my throat and pulled away from Roman, giving him a kiss on the cheek before I turned so I could see Tate and Micah as well. “So what do you guys think we should do?”
“I think Nina should go with them. We know where they’ll be heading most likely and can follow behind,” Tate said, being the voice of reason. I looked over at him and noticed that his skin had some of the warmth back to it that it usually did, his eyes were brighter, and he seemed more awake. My heart filled with joy at seeing him look more like himself. I knew before we left he should shower as well, if we could sneak it in. Since we weren’t sure what was ahead of us on this path, taking advantage of opportunities as they presented themselves to us was important. Eventually, we would find somewhere stable to rest, somewhere where we could do normal things like buy groceries or read a book. Maybe, if we were extra lucky, we’d even be able to watch TV together, but that was all in the future. We weren’t there yet, though I believed we could and would get there. We had to. If we didn’t, then what were we fighting so hard for?
I felt Roman stiffen next to me. He had the reaction I knew he would and immediately shook his head. “No, that’s too dangerous. Jax could lock her up and surround her with guards and we’d never get her back. There has to be another option.”
“I don’t think there is,” I said as I looked over at Roman. He glared at me, so I added, “Don’t get me wrong. I wish there were, but I feel like I’ve been thinking about this every moment possible since I was first given the option, and I can’t see another way around it. Sure, we could try and follow him, but there could be other wolves waiting for us to step out into the open. If I say no, then Blake will die and I’m sure they’d come after us even harder than before. To be honest, I don’t think we’d survive that.”
“We should do it, I mean Nina should go with them,” Micah said. Roman just turned his glare toward Micah instead of me, so the other wolf continued, “We can’t leave a member of our family behind. If they had taken you instead of Blake, I’d be saying the same thing. This isn’t about one of us, but about all of us. And if I’m being honest, if it were me in there again, I’d still want you guys to come for me. That doesn’t mean I want Nina in any unnecessary danger, but she’s not a wallflower, she can handle herself. We’ve seen that multiple times firsthand.”
I offered Micah a smile as a silent thank you for his words. Roman had the opposite reaction. He pushed to his feet behind me and began to pace the room as much as he could. The space wasn’t huge, and it definitely wasn’t big enough for an angry wolf shifter.
“Jax won’t let you go again,” Roman warned.
“Maybe not willingly, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stay there,” I replied. I gave him a crooked smile as I said, “I can be very resourceful when I have to be.”
“That’s just it, angel. I don’t want you to have to be resourceful. I want you to be safe and protected.” Roman was exasperated, and I could tell he was reaching the end of his patience, based on how jerky his movements were becoming.
“I will be, once we get Blake back. I can’t just leave him behind though. My heart wouldn’t allow that, the mate bond wouldn’t allow that, and honestly, even if they both did allow it, I don’t know that I could live with myself afterward. I have to do this, Roman.” I tried to reach for him when he came close, but he avoided my touch like I had the plague.
He was angry that we were in danger, again. I understood that, and some part of me suspected that Roman was going to have a rough time of things until we spoke with the oracle and figured out what was going on, because we would constantly be in danger.
I wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay, to promise him that I’d be fine, that we’d get Blake and get away with no more trouble than leaving a restaurant after a meal, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t lie to him, not when I’d asked him to be truthful with me earlier.
“I need some air,” Roman growled out as he threw open the door to the room, making it open much faster and firmly than it was designed to.
Within a half second, he was gone, out of the room and nowhere in sight. I knew because I started to follow him, but he was already out of sight by the time I got to the door of the room.
I turned back to Micah and Tate, pulling the door shut mainly so that we stopped getting strange looks from the nurses that were passing by. They both looked as concerned as I felt.
“I’m going to go and find him. Once I talk to him a little more, I’m sure he will come around, but for now, I need you two to wait here.”
“You really shouldn’t go alone,” Micah said.
“I know, but if it’s more than just me, then he’ll feel attacked or cornered and that’s the last thing I want. You should both know that I’m going to do this, I’m going to get Blake back. I know it might seem stupid, like in the girl in the horror movie who trips over her own feet as she’s running away and then just stares at the killer as he approaches, but that’s not what this is. I know what I’m doing, I understand that there’s a risk, but it’s one I have to take. I just want you both to know that I don’t do this lightly and if I thought there was another reasonable option, then I’d take it, but I can’t see it for the life of me. I wish I could.”
The both nodded sadly at me.
“I’m going to go after him. You two should rest, clean up, eat, whatever it is you need to do, because I know once this goes down, everything is going to go haywire. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and chase down the big bad wolf.” I grinned at them once more before I turned and headed out the door. Roman was angry, that much was obvious, but I wanted to make sure he was angry at the situation, not with me.
24
Nina
When I finally found Roman, it was on a bench outside, almost as far away from the room Tate was in as possible. If I didn’t know him better, I’d worry that there was some kind of symbolism in that decision, but with Roman being who he was, my guess was that this was where he ran out of steam, nothing more, nothing less.
; If it hadn’t been for the mate bond, I probably wouldn’t have found him at all with how out of the way he was. I’d been able to use it to guide my way though, and eventually, after a few wrong turns, I found him.
It was no surprise that he was outside. He loved being in the woods, running as his wolf, and just being in nature in general. Being around Roman in nature had reminded me of my own love for it. Even though the city had overpowered everything around me and I’d all but forgotten how being alone in the woods could smell or feel, he’d brought it all back.
“Roman?” I called his name softly, not wanting to startle him or make him think he was being attacked. We were all on edge these days, but with the way Roman had taken on responsibility for protecting everyone, I thought he was probably more on edge than the rest of us.
“Come and sit with me, angel,” he said as he patted the empty area of the bench next to him.
I moved toward him, sliding on the faux wood planks that made up the seat, until I was directly next to him, my thigh pressing against his. “I know you’re worried—”
Roman cut me off. “I’m always worried, but with everything Tate and Blake have told us about Jax, I’m terrified that if he gets his claws in you, then you’ll never be free of him again.” He paused, but it was obvious that he had more to say so I stayed quiet. A few moments later, he continued, “I love you more than anything, more than the moon that pushes and pulls our lives, more than nature and solitude. I love you so much that I’m willing to share you with your other mates. I love you so much that I’m willing to kill to protect you. I don’t want to take a life, but I will if I have to, if it means keeping you safe. If you go with them today, then blood will be spilled when we get you and Blake back. I don’t want that to change how you look at me. The fierceness inside my wolf can be terrifying to those who haven’t seen it before, and I know he would happily watch the world burn if it meant that we got a few more minutes with each other.”
“I love you too, Roman, but if you’re trying to say that I’m not terrifying in my own right, then I’m going to have to respectfully disagree.” My tone was joking, for the most part. I had meant it as a joke, somewhat, but I also knew that there was a thread of truth in there as well.
“I know you can be terrifying, my love, I just don’t want you to have to be.” He turned so that he could face me more, and I mimicked his movements so we were both able to watch each other.
“And what if I want to be?” I asked, tilting my head to the side.
“Then we can be terrifying together.” He grinned, but there was a sadness to it. “I’m not trying to pull rank on the others or anything like that, but I’ve been with you the longest. I know how hard it was for you to trust someone other than yourself. All I’m asking is that you don’t trust what any of Jax’s pack members say, at least outside of your mates. Not completely. They aren’t trying to help you or us, just themselves.”
“I know,” I said as I reached out and took his hand, squeezing it in my own. “The only people I trust are my mates, but even though I don’t trust the guy that found me by the vending machines, I have to try and get Blake back. If I don’t, then I’ll never be able to think about anything else. My guilt will follow me and only grow with time. I need you to trust me, Roman. Trust that I know what I’m doing, that I’ve tried to think of every available option and I can’t find a way out. I need your support in this, otherwise I’ll never be able to focus completely on what’s ahead of me. If I’m going to be dancing around Jax, then I need to focus.”
“You have my support, angel. Always will, but that won’t stop me from worrying about you. The only thing I ask is that you don’t keep these things from us in the future. I know there weren’t a plethora of opportunities for you to tell us about it, but even if it was just the basics, it would’ve given us time to think about it, to try and help you come up with alternative solutions.”
“I understand, and I’ll try not to keep things from you in the future, but sometimes, I also just need you to trust me. I know this sounds hokey, but I truly believe that there’s a reason all of this is happening. Why it’s happening to me, I have no idea, but I have to believe there’s a reason behind it, otherwise my life is too randomly crappy.”
“So finding your mates is crappy, is it?” Roman demanded, but I could see the twinkle of humor in his eye and knew he was teasing me.
“You know what I meant,” I said as I swatted at his arm.
His hand caught my wrist, and the next thing I knew, I’d been pulled into his lap. His gaze was devouring me, and I felt the flush of desire through the mate bond.
“I need you, Nina. Whatever has happened or will happen between us, I can’t survive in this world without you, not anymore. You’re more than my sun. You’re my moon, my stars, the very air I breathe. I need you to be okay.” His hands cupped my face as he spoke, and I leaned forward until my forehead was resting against his.
Roman’s head tilted toward mine, his lips brushing against my own in question. I answered, pressing back against him as he leaned further into me. His hands were around me a moment later, lifting me and turning me in his lap. As I knelt on the bench, straddling him, it felt like the world froze for a moment. It was just the two of us, just our touches, our emotions, our hearts talking to one another, our bodies telling each other what we needed.
He trailed his fingertips down my back, over my spine, cupping my ass once he got there and squeezing as he pulled me even closer. The hard ridge of his cock pressed up against me through the all too thin scrubs. Everything faded into the background as I lost myself in his touch and the way his wolf called to my own.
“Nina, I need you,” Roman growled out when his lips pulled away from my own.
“Someone could catch us,” I whispered back. He wasn’t one for PDAs, even my kiss in front of the nurse had made him uncomfortable, but I felt like I needed to remind him how exposed we were.
“I don’t give a flying fuck. Let them watch, let the whole world see what true pleasure is. I just need to feel you.” From his words, I knew that his need was a visceral thing. He wouldn’t be into public sex, so this had to be on a different level. It was the most he’d ever asked of me in terms of our physical relationship, and as much as I was worried that we’d be caught and kicked off hospital premises, I couldn’t find it in me to say no to him.
I pulled farther away, and the disappointment in his eyes almost broke my heart. Part of me wanted to tell him what I was about to do, but I figured why ruin the surprise? His eyes went wide when I dropped to my knees in front of him and quickly undid his pants, pulling his cock free. It stood tall and proud, and my core ached and clenched with the need to feel it inside me. Everything about me was sensitized. My nipples were hard peaks against the rough fabric of the scrub top, and I could feel myself soaking the crotch of the pants with how much I wanted Roman.
As I wrapped my fingers around the base of his manhood, he let out a groan that went straight to my pussy, and I knew in that moment, there was no way I was going to walk away without feeling him inside me. My original plan had just been to suck him off, but my body was practically shaking with my need for him. I flicked my tongue out, licking up the bead of moisture that had formed on the head of his cock, the salty musky taste washing over my tongue as I took him in my mouth completely.
My lips suctioned around him as I swallowed him down, and I ran my tongue over the underside of his cock and swirled it around the tip when I pulled back, repeating the motion until he was thrusting into my mouth and his hands were in my hair. I looked up at him, watching as he stared down at me, his eyes hooded and his lips parted slightly from his heavy breathing.
When I took him down as deep as I could, pushing myself to touch my lips to the very base of his cock, it unlocked something and he said, “I’m going to fuck you, angel, unless you have any objections.” I shook my head, even though his cock was still in my mouth. “Good. Stand up, step up onto the bench, and pull your p
ants down.”
I did as he asked and realized that standing like that put my pussy at just about eye level for him. He looked up, watching me as he swiped a finger through my folds and then drew it to his mouth, sucking my wetness off it. “You taste like heaven, Nina. Absolute fucking heaven.” He licked his lips before he said, “Turn around and bend over.”
I moved to get down from the bench, but he stopped me.
“Did I tell you to get down?”
I shook my head, a grin playing at my lips, before stepping over him so one foot was on each side and my ass was in his face as I looked out over the grounds that surrounded the hospital. When I bent over and grabbed onto my shins for stability, a groan of satisfaction left Roman.
With anyone other than my mates, I would have been too self-conscious to do something like this, to have myself completely exposed, but with them, it was different. I knew they thought I was beautiful and would continue to think that no matter what, just like I couldn’t imagine ever finding them unattractive.
Roman’s hands came up and grabbed my hips, holding me in place while his tongue swiped the entire length of my pussy, making me gasp. He easily found my clit from this perspective and sucked on it just as thoroughly as I’d been sucking on his cock a moment before, making my body shiver and shake with pleasure. One hand released my hips, and I felt his fingers push between my folds. A moan escaped me as they thrust inside my needy core.
“Do you trust me, angel?” he asked.
“Yes,” I said, my voice breathy.
“If you want me to stop, just say so and I will immediately,” he replied before I felt his face press up against my core, his tongue pushing in next to his fingers before withdrawing and flicking against my clit. His hands left my hip and pussy respectively and reached under the scrub top until he’d captured my breasts. His fingers found my nipples a moment later and rolled them, pinching at them as he squeezed the rest of my breast. He kept his attentions up on my nipples and clit, occasionally lapping up my juices from my pussy, until he took me right up to the edge of my orgasm.