“That’s great,” Wilfred said, but then he caught sight of the look on her face. “I mean, that’s…interesting.” He put his hand to his mouth and coughed weakly into it.
“Not only was I accepted to go, but Captain Achard told me I would be the leader of the team, the commander.”
“That’s…wonderful?” He raised his voice at the end, like he was asking a question.
“No,” she said. “It’s not. I told the captain I am not going on the mission after all.”
Wilfred shook his head then put a finger into his ear and moved it around as if stretching out the ear canal. “You did what?”
“I can’t lead a group of experienced soldiers, let alone a team of the most elite soldiers in the Order. I’m just a young woman, one who joined the Order less than a year ago.”
“Wait,” Wilfred said, putting both hands up. “You have spent your whole life trying to get to exactly where you are right now, and when the commander of the Black asks you to be in charge of an important mission, you quit? That doesn’t really sound like you.”
“What do you mean it doesn’t sound like me?”
“I mean, you’re the one who single-handedly turned the tide of battle by killing a demon commander—one who had just viciously slaughtered one of the Black, no less. And then you cut a swath through the demon army to rally our forces and snatch a victory out of a crushing defeat. You are invincible, the most perfect warrior anyone I know has ever seen. And now, when you are being recognized for your excellence, you chicken out?”
Kate stared at Wilfred in shock.
His eyes widened, and it seemed to occur to him what he had just said. “I’m sorry, Kate. It caught me off guard, is all. I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything.”
Kate swallowed, then swallowed again.
“No, you’re right. I have trained for and looked forward to this exact thing. But now that it’s here, I’m scared. Not scared of demons or of getting hurt or dying. I’m scared I won’t be able to do it, that my failure will cost others their lives.
“What if I make bad decisions and my team gets killed? What if that happens, but I survive? How will I ever live with myself? I don’t know anything about command, and I don’t want other people’s lives riding on me figuring it out.”
Wilfred didn’t respond immediately. He looked at his feet, at the wall, anywhere but at Kate. Finally, he took a breath and set his eyes back on her. He seemed to be preparing himself for his own dangerous mission.
“Maybe you’re asking yourself the wrong question. Maybe you should be asking yourself what would happen to the mission and to your fellow Black if you don’t go with them.”
Kate opened her mouth, but then closed it when she realized she didn’t have an answer to that. Was it that simple? She was one of the best fighters in the Black, but she wasn’t sure about the mission suffering without her. Several of the men who volunteered did seem only to do so to support her. She didn’t want to let them down by not wanting to lead the team. Why did things always have to be so hard?
“Point taken,” she said. “I’ll have to think about it. Thanks, Wilfred. What you said really helped. Now I need to decide what to do. I’ll talk to you later.”
His hand raised to her, but she ignored it as she got up and walked away. She had a lot of things to think about, and a big decision to make.
12
When Kate told Molara about the mission later, the Purple was calmer than Kate was.
“You are one of the Black,” she said simply. “Your whole life is going on dangerous missions.”
“Yes, yes, but what about the captain giving me the command of the team? What about that?”
“Oh,” Molara flushed. “That is a little out of the ordinary. I mean, you just joined. It’s strange.”
“You’re not helping,” Kate pointed out.
“Sorry. It is different, though. The captain must really have faith in your abilities.”
“What?”
“The captain. He must really see something in you, that you could shoulder this responsibility.”
Kate sat silent for a moment. She raised her finger and opened her mouth, but then closed it without speaking. She cocked her head. “Do you think so?”
“Of course,” Molara said. “He’s too smart and experienced to give the lead to an important mission to just anyone.”
“I didn’t really think of it that way. I guess I could look at it as a compliment, as an honor.”
“You could. You should.” Molara’s mouth twitched.
“What’s so funny?” Kate asked.
“You. You were so caught up in trying to figure out what you were going to do about your circumstances that you didn’t see the captain’s faith in you. He wouldn’t leave you hanging like that. I’ve known him for years. He is as tough as they come, but he would do anything for the people under him. He’d never put a commander in place that would cause his soldiers to die.”
“Yeah, I guess he does seem to be like that,” Kate said. “Still, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“Do what Phrixus suggested. Pay attention to the men in your team and learn. You don’t have to have all the answers, you know. You just make the final decisions. I think I might have something that can help, too. When are you due to leave?”
Kate chewed her lower lip. “I’m not sure. A few days maybe. It’s urgent. We have just enough time to get prepared and then we’ll leave.”
“Fair enough.” Molara clapped her hands and then rubbed them together. “Come back in three days, and I’ll have something that will help in your mission.”
“I will. Thanks, Mole. I won’t forget this.”
“You better not,” Molara said with a wink. “You owe me.”
As she left Molara to her work and went into the main part of the restricted section, Kate realized that the Purple had assumed Kate had changed her mind and would go on the mission. In a way, Kate supposed she had, though she didn’t remember the moment the decision was made. Shrugging, she got to work.
Kate spent much of that day researching Hell, the types of demons in general, and specifically the name of the demon lord they were to hunt. After thousands of years, she would have expected more information. Demons apparently lived forever, unless they were killed. There were too many questions and not enough answers.
The books told of demons that had not ever been seen in the human world, but only glimpsed by Black who had gone into Hell itself. Yet others were legends from before the time the gate was found.
“As far as we know,” Molara had told her, “demons have always been around. Though the gate is a relatively new thing, there are records from before the time it was found, maybe before the time it was made. No human knows who made it or why, but apparently, there were always little doorways, holes in the barrier between worlds. Some types of demons used to access these to visit the realm of mortals. These spawned some of our oldest legends.
“Succubae, incubi, imps, and other monsters that people think are just myth came to our world and did their foul deeds. It seems that when the gate went up, though, all those little breaches closed. None of those demons have been seen in nearly a thousand years.”
“It’s like a whole other world there,” Kate said. “As big as our own but different.”
“From what I’ve read and the conversations I’ve had with those Black who have gone there, yes. It’s a dark, foreboding place, but it’s still a place. Time passes, denizens make their way however they choose to do so. I’d love to go with you on this mission, though I’ve no taste for assassination. I would pay dearly for a chance to go on a survey expedition of Hell.”
Kate laughed at her friend. “Only you would choose to go to Hell for the pure, academic virtue of it.”
Late that day, Kate found her way to Captain Achard’s office. He was there, though his secretary was not at his desk. She knocked lightly on the half-open door and peeked her head in.
“Ah, Kate,
” he said, almost as if he were expecting her. “Come in. What can I do for you?”
Kate stood at attention, staring straight ahead. It was easier than looking into the captain’s eyes. “I was wondering if I could talk to you for a moment, sir.”
He frowned in her peripheral vision as she remembered, too late, that he didn’t expect his soldiers to call him sir.
“Of course,” he said, smoothing his face. “That’s what I’m here for. You can be at ease, Kate. Would you like to sit down?” He gestured to the chair facing his desk.
“No s…no. Thank you, but I would rather stand.”
“Very well. If you want to be formal, that’s fine. Please don’t mind me if I slouch in this chair.” He smiled at her, and she understood it was not a rebuke. As if the man ever slouched. His spine was ramrod straight. She had never seen him with anything but perfect posture.
“I…I wanted to apologize, Captain. I acted rashly and immaturely before, in the meeting.”
“I understand. In under one year, you’ve been thrust into single combat with demons that should have been bound in cages, scrutinized by officers, treated like an outcast by your squadmates, faced down a demon commander after it had just killed one of my men, and were injured doing so. Then you joined the most elite fighting force in Telusium and have been asked to lead a team of veteran soldiers. If anyone has an excuse to feel out of their depth, it’s you.”
She looked at him then, really studied him. His dark blue eyes were intense, but kind. She had no doubt he was a vicious opponent, but he was not her opponent. He cared about his command, about his people. He had found out all that about her? And he still wanted her in his command? The set of his granite jaw said he would wait for as long as she needed to speak. This man was what an Order soldier should be, what an officer should be.
“Yet, despite being ‘out of my depth,’ you want me to lead the team into Hell.” The firmness of her voice surprised her. It didn’t sound like a question, which was good.
“Yes.”
He paused. Was he waiting for her to speak? She let the silence hang for a moment.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because you have within you the makings of someone great. You are so young, Kate, so new to all of this, yet you have waded through it and shine like a star. I know talent when I see it, and I’m not just talking about your combat ability. We need you, Kate. The Order, the Black, all of us. But there’s not much time.
“Things are bad right now, as even the need for this mission will tell you. I would love to give you time to slowly get used to what needs to be done, acclimate to gaining responsibility, to command. I would like a lot of things, but I don’t think we have that time. So I want you to cut your teeth on this mission. I want you to get used to the dynamics of a team and, more importantly, I want you to become accustomed to making decisions and leading others.
“It’s dangerous—all our missions are—but you’re up to the task. I promise you that when you come back from this mission, you will be a changed person.”
“If I come back,” she said, a little too firmly.
“Yes,” he said. “If you come back. I won’t try to deceive you. There is a good chance none of you will come back. Yet I know you will do whatever you can to accomplish the mission even if you don’t return.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because,” he said. “The entire world is depending on you. You are not the sort to give up or let people down.”
“I think you have too much faith in me,” she countered.
“I think you don’t have enough faith in yourself.”
Emotions warred within her. Only Dante had ever shown such total faith in her. The thought of the old sword trainer made her chest ache. Would she see him again, be able to tell him she had made the Black? Her mouth turned into a smile as she thought of what he’d look like when she told him.
“Does that strike you as funny?” the captain asked.
“No sir. I thought of my old sword trainer and the look on his face when I tell him I made the Black.”
“Ah, yes. Dante will enjoy hearing that from you,” he said. “Make sure you’re in uniform, maybe even wearing your death mask when you tell him.” He winked.
He knew Dante trained her? Did he know what she used to eat for breakfast, too?
“Don’t worry, I don’t know what you ate for breakfast or anything,” he added.
Her mouth dropped open and he laughed.
Kate snapped to attention. “Captain Achard, if you would still like me to lead the team into Hell, I would be honored to do my best in the position, though I expect to lean heavily on the knowledge and experience of the men.”
“And that,” he said waving his hand in a flourish, “is why you are the perfect choice for this task. Yes, I would like you to lead the team and yes, you should learn from the men. They will not resent you for your leadership. Each person in the Black takes a turn at one time or another leading a team. It makes us well-rounded and more effective. Remember what I said. You will come back changed.”
“I hope so, because right now, I’m scared to death.”
“Then you are wise indeed.”
13
Kate told Wilfred about accepting the command of the mission team and that she would be going away for a little while.
“You…you’re coming back, right? I mean, you just started. They’re not sending you on a mission where you’ll die right away.”
“I’ll do my best to come back,” she said, fidgeting at the awkwardness of the conversation. “It’s war. You never know what could happen.”
“I see. Please, Kate, be safe. As safe as you can be for what you’re doing.”
She smiled a sad smile at him. “I will. As safe as I can be.”
Leaving Wilfred, Kate hurried through the halls so she wouldn’t be late to her first real briefing. She took a corner at nearly a full sprint and almost ran head-first into an older man coming the other way down the hall. She slid to a stop, mere inches from him.
She met his grey-blue eyes, the color of a shallow pond on an overcast day. His neatly trimmed beard was almost all white, and his head had only a sprinkling of brown along with the grey. The most striking thing about him, of course, washes gold cloak and the insignia on his left breast.
Kate snapped to attention and saluted. “Field Marshal Sena. I am so sorry. I should have paid more attention to where I was going.”
He made a half-hearted attempt at a salute and then waved at her. “No need to stand at attention, girl. It’s fine. You can relax.”
Kate wasn’t sure what that meant, so she dropped into parade rest. “Yes, sir. Thank you.”
“No, no,” he said. “I mean truly relax. Not attention, not parade rest, just standing.”
Kate relaxed her stance a little, but was still in a formal posture. The man blew out a breath but seemed to accept that she wouldn’t relax further.
Antoni Sena, the Field Marshal of the Order of the Fire, sat on the Guiding Council of the Order. He was responsible for all combat strategy, and all the field commanders reported to him. This man occupied the second or third highest position in the entire organization.
“You’re that new Black, Kate something or another,” he said.
“Courtenay, sir. Yes. In fact, I was hurrying because I have a briefing for a mission shortly.” As much as it was an honor to be speaking with him, she did really need to get going. He hoped she took the hint.
He didn’t.
“Ah, yes. You put on quite a show at the battle a few weeks back. I’ve heard the tale often since then. And so young. What other heroics will you amaze us with, I wonder.”
“I was just doing my duty, sir. The wall was failing and someone needed to act.”
“Yes, yes.” He smacked his lips as if he was chewing something. “Very fine job, indeed. Too bad, really, that Phrixus took you away to the Black. Waste of talent, really. Someone should have earmarked you for
command. That’s where the heart of the Order is.
“The Black, you see, is really nothing more than men playing games they should have left alone long ago. There’s no room in the Order for individuals or small groups. It should be about the shield wall and the companies of soldiers. That’s how we’ll win this war, not by some stealthy method known only to a few. Do you understand what I mean, young woman?”
“I…I suppose so, sir.”
“Mark me. If some of the actions afoot come to fruition, maybe there won’t be a Black Command for long. Then I can groom you for Gold Command, teach you how to think like a proper soldier.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Good fortune on your mission, soldier Kate. Perhaps we will speak again soon.”
“Thank you, sir.” Kate took off down the hall before he tried to speak to her again.
As Kate charged through the door to the meeting room, Aurel Brunn smiled at her in the shy way he normally did. His huge two-handed sword was in the scabbard on his back, the hilt that could have accommodated at least four of Kate’s hands sticking up past his shoulder. He ducked his head, that reverent thing he did to most people he met, but especially those he was fond of. Kate looked into his brown eyes and smiled back. The huge man brought both his prowess as a warrior and his likeable demeanor to the group, for which she was glad.
“Ah, Kate, good,” the captain said. “We’re only waiting for—”
Jurdan sprinted through the door, nearly bowling into Kate. When he saw her, he stopped so quickly he slid fora pace on the floor. His green-tinged hazel eyes found her and a wry look crept onto his face.
“Jurdan,” the captain said. Jurdan gave his commander a little wave.
“As I was saying,” Captain Achard said, “we’re ready to get started with the briefing.” He stepped over to the door and, swiveling his head to look up and down the hallway, he closed it. “Your team needs to be prepared to leave on a moment’s notice, day or night. You will leave when the gate has opened and I give the command.
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