But as I lie there in his arms, listening to our heartbeats pound in perfect sync, I feel it fill every frozen crevice of my damaged, delusional heart.
Bring on the destruction.
CHAPTER TWENTY
WE TAKE A PROPER SHOWER, afterward. Carter soaps my sore muscles with meticulous care, not saying much of anything. But I feel his eyes on me constantly. Roaming over my skin, tracing the angles of my face. Even after we dry each other off and climb back into bed, I feel him watching me.
“What is it?” I ask, wrinkling my nose at him.
He leans in and kisses it. “Nothing.”
“I don’t believe you.”
He shrugs.
I sigh and close my eyes, still half splayed across his chest. “Fine. Don’t tell me. I’ll just be forced to torture it out of you later.” I pause to yawn. “After I sleep for approximately a thousand years.”
“And what, exactly, will this torture entail?”
“Ha. Like I’m going to reveal my best interrogation tactics to you. Nice try.”
He lets out a sleepy grunt.
We’re quiet for a long moment. I’m nearly asleep when he murmurs something in a soft voice that bears no resemblance to his typical brooding sarcasm.
“I’m exhausted. I don’t think I’ve ever been this tired in my life. But I’m worried I’ll fall asleep and wake up to realize this was all a dream.” He clears his throat. “That this one night is all I’ll ever have with you. One stolen moment together out of an infinity apart.”
I lift my head to look at him. “Then let’s make our own infinity. Let’s find our own path, like you said we would. We can walk together through the chaos, Carter.”
His eyes go soft. He keeps his tone gentle, but the words slay me anyway. “And how are we going to do that? These lives we lead… We’ll always be in the public eye. Always under scrutiny. Especially you.” He pauses. “A queen doesn’t have the luxury of choosing her own fate, Emilia.”
“Why do we have to talk about this now?” I ask, feeling unpleasant realities begin to take hold of me, bursting the bubble of denial I’ve been living in for the past few hours in his arms. I’m not ready to think about the real world yet. Everything that exists outside that door can wait until the morning, as far as I’m concerned.
“I won’t be queen for a very long time,” I murmur. “We don’t have to have it all figured out just yet. As long as we’re alive, and we’re together… those are the only things that really matter. Right?”
Carter’s eyes are troubled. His mouth opens, then closes again without a word.
“What?” I ask.
“Nothing.” He leans in and kisses me. Hard. Like he’s committing me to memory. “Let’s just go to sleep now, love.”
Confused, but too tired to argue, I curl up against his chest again and close my eyes. I’m asleep within seconds. So fast, I miss the words murmured into my hair in a rasping voice, thick with the sadness of an impending farewell.
“For what it’s worth… I would’ve given you all my infinities, Emilia. Every damn one.”
I WAKE UP ALONE.
There’s a note on my pillow that makes me smile.
* * *
Snuck back to my suite before the maids began to gossip about your highly questionable virtue.
See you later.
C
* * *
KISSING THE NOTE, I tuck it inside my nightstand for safekeeping and sit up. I have no idea what time it is. Since the truck attack, my world has been turned completely upside down.
It’s time to right it.
Time to get some answers about why this happened, who’s responsible, and how they’re going to be brought to justice.
I dress quickly and hobble out of my rooms. I consider knocking on Carter’s door, but there are two guards standing at the end of the hallway, watching my every move with intent focus. As though some rogue agent of terror is going to run up and attack me here, inside the castle walls.
I wonder fleetingly where Galizia and Riggs are. Hopefully getting some much-needed rest, though I doubt even a trauma would slow them down much.
The unfamiliar guards nod deeply as I walk past, struggling to keep my face composed. Inside, I’m wincing in pain. My body is somehow even sorer today than it was yesterday, which keeps my pace at the approximate speed of a snail. I make my way slowly through corridor after corridor, leaning on bannisters for support, stopping whenever I need a break.
I’m certain the two guards trailing after me would be happy to help. Luckily, they’re also smart enough to know I’d never accept the offer.
When I finally reach the main floor, I follow the sound of raised voices from the Great Hall to the small sitting room off the library, where Simms often spends his days. The door is open a crack, allowing conversation to flow out into the corridor like an echo chamber. Reaching for the knob, I freeze just outside when I hear my name. It’s probably impolite to eavesdrop, but I can’t help myself.
“…to tell Emilia,” a familiar voice is saying. Chloe. “This isn’t right.”
“Are you sure she’s strong enough?” Lady Morrell asks, sounding nervous. “She’s been through so much already…”
“And I suppose you think we can just hide this from her?” Chloe snorts.
“Not hide. Delay,” Simms jumps in. “For her own good.”
“She is a fragile girl — I’ve seen it firsthand.” Bane. “Too emotional for her own good. Some might even call it unstable. She won’t be able to handle this.”
“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” Chloe volleys at him. “I don’t even know why you’re in this room. You have nothing to do with this.”
“I’m the Commander of the Royal Guard,” he spits back. “I’d say I have plenty to do with this, little girl. Though why you’re here, I have no earthly idea.”
My heart is pounding.
What are they talking about?
What are they hiding from me?
The room goes quiet. I keep waiting to hear other voices chime in — Linus, Octavia — but they never come.
“If her composure is hanging by a thread, one more weight might snap it entirely,” Lady Morrell says finally.
Bane sounds smug. “I’m happy to pick up the slack, in the meantime. I consider it no less than my patriotic duty.”
“I’m sure you do,” Chloe practically hisses.
“Please, fighting amongst ourselves will not make this any easier,” Lady Morrell says, sounding worried. “I tend to agree with Gerald and Ramsey — she needs time to come to terms with this.”
“She doesn’t need time, she needs the truth!”
“We hear you quite clearly, Miss Thorne. There’s no need to yell.” Simms sighs. “We are simply asking for another day or two, until we can control the situation…”
Control what situation?
What scenario could possibly have all of them in the same room, conspiring against me?
“I won’t lie to her again. I refuse.” Chloe’s voice is resolute. “I already did it once, back at Fort Sutton, when she asked about him.”
Him?
I try to remember what I said to her when I woke after the truck attack, but it’s all a blur thanks to the heavy dosage of painkillers. My heart squeezes painfully, hearing Chloe admit she’s lied to me about something. I have to clench my hands into fists to keep from shoving my way into the room and demanding answers. The sad reality is, eavesdropping may well be the only way I’ll ever get the full truth from these people I’d begun to see as my friends.
As my family.
“You’re suspiciously silent over there,” Chloe snaps at someone, shattering the strained atmosphere. “What do you think about all of this? Huh? Are you honestly on board with this plan to hide the truth from her?”
There’s a long pause. Then, I feel my heart splinter as a familiar voice rasps out something that changes the course of my life.
“Hiding the fact t
hat Linus had a stroke when he heard about the truck attack won’t undo it. There is nothing you can say that will make this better for her. Her father is dead. The king is dead. So, whether or not she knows it yet… Emilia Lancaster is now your reigning queen. Quite frankly, Bane, I don’t give a fuck about your patriotic duty; this decision is out of your pay grade.” Carter pauses, his voice lethally soft. “You answer to your Queen. Not the other way around.”
My mind spirals in a thousand directions all at once as I try to process the words I’ve just overheard.
Linus had a stroke.
Her father is dead.
The king is dead.
Emilia Lancaster is your queen.
Images flash before my eyes, an undeniable confirmation of what I already, in my heart of hearts, know to be true.
Chloe and Carter exchanging a glance when I asked about Linus.
A line of soldiers saluting me at Fort Sutton — a gesture typically reserved for the king.
The household staff waiting to greet their new sovereign at the front door in full formal dress.
He’s dead.
King Linus is dead.
Not in one of my nightmares — for real, this time.
The worst part is, they knew. They’ve known for days. And they kept it from me.
They let me live for two days, unaware my father was dead.
It’s unimaginable.
It’s unforgivable.
My hands lift like they belong to someone else. I push open the door with a rough shove and step across the threshold, into the small parlor where they’ve gathered to discuss me.
Poor, pathetic Emilia.
An innocent to be handled with kid gloves.
A pawn to be moved around a chessboard.
Every head whips toward the door, identical looks of surprise and regret carved across their faces. I let my stare drift from person to person, lingering until they’re practically shivering from the chill of my cold stare.
Bane.
Simms.
Lady Morrell.
Chloe.
Carter.
My eyes linger on him the longest. I hope he can see the betrayal brimming over in my eyes.
I hope it haunts him.
Only when the silence is absolute do I finally say the words aloud. “My father is dead.”
Lady Morrell lets out a sound of distress.
“Emilia—” Chloe breathes.
“Your Majesty—” Simms starts.
I flinch at the new title — a stark reminder of this strange new reality — and lift my hand to signal for silence. My voice sounds nothing like my own. Stripped raw of emotion. So cold, it’s almost inhuman.
“King Linus is dead. I am your new Queen. And for my first order of business…” My eyes move from Bane to Simms to Lady Morrell. “You’re fired. All three of you. Effective immediately.”
“Excuse me?!” Bane roars.
“My Queen, please—” Lady Morrell titters.
“But, Your Majesty—” Simms begins.
“Silence,” I hiss, holding up my hand again. “Or you’ll receive no severance for your — what is it you’re always bragging about, Simms? Twenty-four years of devoted service?”
Simms pales, but stops speaking.
Lady Morrell starts to weep.
Bane is red-faced and seething, but silent.
“Emilia,” Chloe says, taking a cautious step in my direction. “Please, let’s just talk about this. We can—”
I throw my head back and laugh. A crazy sound. Unhinged. A mad woman’s cackle. When I finally stop, everyone in the room is staring at me with concern.
“Talk?” I gasp, still chuckling. “You want to talk? Oh, Chloe. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t even want to look at you.”
“Look, E, I know you’re upset—”
“I’m not upset. Why would I be? Because you lied to my face? Because you went behind my back and conspired to hide the truth from me about my father’s death?”
All the blood drains from her face.
I shake my head and smile frigidly. “I guess it’s true what they say — the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Octavia would be so proud.”
“E… Please…”
I look at Carter. His face is grave, his stare intent as he watches my every move. Studying me with atomic-level precision. I thought my heart was already broken to pieces after the truck attack but, when our eyes meet, I find I still have some breaking left to do.
“You,” I say, my voice trembling with a hint of emotion. I quickly smother it with icy fury. “You knew. Yesterday. Last night… you knew and you didn’t tell me. ”
He doesn’t say anything to defend himself. Even his eyes are empty — no pleas for understanding, no wordless rationalizations to explain away this duplicity. To justify this breach of trust. To vindicate his decision to spend the night between my thighs before inserting a dagger in my back.
I replay the words he whispered to me in bed as I stare at him.
This one night is all I’ll ever have with you.
One stolen moment together out of an infinity apart.
“I can’t even look at you,” I whisper, feeling my eyes begin to sting. I tear my gaze from his too-blue one and scan the room one last time. “I can’t look at any of you. I want you out of this room. Out of this castle. Out of my life.”
“Your Majesty, please!” Simms.
“My Queen, no—” Morrell.
“You’ll regret this, you foolish bitch!” Bane.
“Emilia! Don’t do this!” Chloe is yelling at my back, screaming for me to listen to reason, but I’m already gone — turning away from them, striding into the hallway where four guards I vaguely recognize are stationed. They snap to attention as soon as I step into view.
“Please ensure that they are all removed from the castle immediately. Anything they need from their chambers will be sent along by courier.”
“Yes, Your Majesty.”
I nod gravely and keep walking, too numb to care about anything.
Not the ache of pain in my battered body.
Not the scars on my wounded soul.
Not the scuffle I hear unfolding behind me as the guards prevent Chloe and Carter from chasing after me.
Not the fact that my father is dead.
None of that has room in my head. It’s been overridden by a singular thought. One overreaching revelation, that echoes in my every step.
I am no longer a little girl seeking the approval of those who hide behind half-truths and pretty lies.
I am no longer a puppet whose strings will be manipulated without consequence.
I am no longer a pawn to be maneuvered across this torrid chessboard.
I am the motherfucking queen.
THE END
* * *
…for now.
Don’t miss SORDID EMPIRE, the thrilling final installment of THE FORBIDDEN ROYALS TRILOGY, coming May 2019.
* * *
P R E - O R D E R
PLAYLIST
Fire — Sara Bareilles
Heartlines — Broods
Yours — Ella Henderson
I Will Be There — Odessa
All Along the Watchtower — Afterhere
Youth — Daughter
I Wanna Dance With Somebody — Bootstraps
Closing In — Ruelle
Bolder — Anna Dellaria
The Night We Met — Lord Huron
What If This Is All The Love You Ever Get? — Snow Patrol
Don’t Let Me Down — Joy Williams
Turning Page — Sleeping At Last
Clean — Taylor Swift
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
JULIE JOHNSON is a twenty-something Boston native suffering from an extreme case of Peter Pan Syndrome. When she's not writing, Julie can most often be found adding stamps to her passport, drinking too much coffee, striving to conquer her Netflix queue, and Instagramming pictures of her dog. (Follow her: @author_julie)
She published her debut novel LIKE GRAVITY in August 2013, just before her senior year of college, and she's never looked back. Since, she has published more than a dozen other novels, including the bestselling BOSTON LOVE STORY series, THE GIRL DUET, and THE FADED DUET. Her books have appeared on Kindle and iTunes Bestseller lists around the world, as well as in AdWeek, Publishers Weekly, and USA Today.
You can find Julie on Facebook or contact her on her website www.juliejohnsonbooks.com. Sometimes, when she can figure out how Twitter works, she tweets from @AuthorJulie. For major book news and updates, subscribe to Julie's newsletter: http://eepurl.com/bnWtHH
Connect with Julie:
www.juliejohnsonbooks.com
[email protected]
ALSO BY JULIE JOHNSON
STANDALONE NOVELS:
LIKE GRAVITY
SAY THE WORD
FAITHLESS
THE BOSTON LOVE STORIES:
NOT YOU IT’S ME
CROSS THE LINE
ONE GOOD REASON
TAKE YOUR TIME
SO WRONG IT’S RIGHT
THE GIRL DUET:
THE MONDAY GIRL
THE SOMEDAY GIRL
THE FADED DUET:
FADED
UNFADED
THE UNCHARTED DUET:
UNCHARTED
UNFINISHED
THE FORBIDDEN ROYALS TRILOGY:
DIRTY HALO
TORRID THRONE
SORDID EMPIRE
Torrid Throne: The Forbidden Royals Trilogy, #2 Page 19