“Right. Of course. You let us know if you need anything, ya hear? Charles was a good man and helped a lot of people.”
“We will. Thank you so much.”
The older women finally parted, and the elderly gentleman moved on to my mother, kissing the top of her head before pulling her into a hug as well. That was another thing Chastity had missed about home, touch.
Walking around in New York City, it often seemed that everyone had a barrier around them that you weren’t supposed to penetrate, and if someone did dare to touch another human being, they were usually up to no good. It was exhausting to always be on guard, to be closed off and defensive. But here, back in town, everyone was so much more connected. It made her wonder why she was so determined to go back to the city anyway. It made her miserable.
Because if you want to be an actress or entertainment talent, you have to be in either LA or NYC, and that one was the farthest from your parents.
Ouch. That thought hurt, but it was true. Goodness, having a tenuous relationship with her parents certainly complicated things.
But then the next couple was up, someone she recognized as her fifth-grade science teacher and her husband. Chastity remembered that her mother used to be involved in the school’s PTA and drama club when she was younger, and that was how the two women had met.
“It’s so good to see you!” the woman said, rushing forward for a quick hug. “I’m so terribly sorry it had to be under these circumstances though.”
“I know what you mean,” Chastity said wanly, pulling away to give her husband a firm handshake. But he too reached out to gently pat her arm, even though they really didn’t know each other that well. Small town love was something else. “It’s wonderful seeing everyone, but it’d be nice if it wasn’t over something that makes us all cry.”
“Exactly.” She pointed to her husband’s other hand, and Chastity saw that he was also carrying a bag. “I don’t know about you, but when I’m stressed, I just get the worst sweet tooth, so I made you a couple of pies.”
“Thank you so much.” Chastity repeated the same set of directions that she had given the other couple, and the woman stood on tiptoe to give her a kiss on the cheek before going over to her mom.
And so, it went, person after person, couple after couple. Mostly elderly folk, but plenty of younger people too. If Chastity didn’t know better, she’d say nearly the entire town came out to wish them well.
That thought was overwhelming. All of these people were involved in her father’s life, and she was off galivanting across the country. And by galivanting, she meant failing at her dream and wondering if she could afford the extra dollar to get the spaghetti sauce that she really liked instead of the generic brand.
And for what? So she wouldn’t have to hear comments about how she should be having children already? Or that she needed to settle down and find a husband. Or that it was her job to submit to—
Okay, actually she had some pretty good reasons for leaving. So why did she feel so guilty about it?
She glanced to her mother to double check on her, and although her face was lined with tears, she seemed to be doing all right. Perhaps everyone’s kindness was helping her get through things. Or perhaps she was just showing that patented Parker stubbornness and refusing to completely break down in front of others.
Chastity crossed to her, grabbing some extra tissues along the way and placed them in her hands. Leaning in, she rested her head on her mother’s shoulder. “Do you need a break?”
“No, sweetie. I’m all right. There are a lot of people waiting still.”
“There really are.” Chastity straightened and returned back to her spot, squeezing another pump of hand sanitizer into her hand. Looking up, she saw who she recognized as the pastor of the town church.
But as he reached out his hand, a particular voice caught her attention. Somewhere between velvet and rumbling thunder, there was a timbre that tickled at the back of her mind, making her heart skip a beat.
Thoroughly distracted, Chastity looked past the man as he shook her hand, and she focused her gaze down the line. Just like the last ten minutes, there were faces she recognized, faces she didn’t, and some that straddled the line between recognition and faded memory.
But not him.
Her heart stopped the moment she laid eyes on him. He was taller and brawny, having filled out with the muscle of manhood, but there was no mistaking him.
Towering over everyone else around him, his sandy-blond hair was cut close to his head on the sides and groomed long on top. Even from the distance she was at, Chastity could make out his piercing green eyes surrounded by dark, dark lashes. He was wearing the same Sunday best as everyone else, but his muscles were filling it out so much it was borderline indecent.
His jaw was as sharp as ever, able to slay a thousand Philistines or cut through steel, and his cheekbones were as high as she remembered. All in all, it was like God had personally sculpted him to absolute perfection.
Before she could catch herself, Chastity took a step forward. It didn’t take long before those dazzling green eyes noticed her movement, and they landed right on her, staring through her like she was thinner than a sheet of paper.
Her breath caught in her throat, and it felt like her soul up and left her body. But while her mind was in shock, her mouth kept on moving right along without her brain.
“Benny?”
5
Ben
“Benny?”
Dear Lord, her voice was as enrapturing as he remembered, and he had to close his eyes not to get caught up in it. Ben couldn’t believe that she was here. Wasn’t she supposed to be in the city?
Her voice was low for a woman, with a very specific laugh that was just on the border of being salacious or unpleasant. But undercutting those potentially off-putting traits was an alto-tone that was smoother than honey, making each of her words hang in the air like forbidden fruit.
Dozens of feelings hit Ben at once. Revulsion, desire, heartbreak, shock. It was a kaleidoscope of thoughts and emotions that left him breathless.
“Are you all right?” He heard Ma say the words, looking up at him in concern.
However, he couldn’t put together the words to answer her. His mind was one hundred percent occupied by the woman staring at him from across the room with wide eyes as dark as the night sky.
For a moment, he thought that he would turn around and run right then and there, but then she was moving toward him. Before he could get his mind in order, she was repeating his name again.
Goodness, the way she said it was either a sin or a prayer, he couldn’t tell which. Her voice almost plunged him into memories he had long since buried, and he had to breathe in deeply through his nose to stay in the moment.
She was even more beautiful than his memory told him. Her body had filled out with her womanhood, her hourglass figure no doubt tempting many a man to think things they wouldn’t want their mother to overhear. Her hair was long and a glossy obsidian, done up in a braided crown about her head, as if she needed further proof of her naturally royal elegance. Her features were aquiline, blending into each other like they were carefully painted by a master artist. Those ruby red, full lips were parted slightly in her query, and her rounded cheeks were flushed the faintest pink.
What was that expression on her face? Hopeful? Happy? Upset? He couldn’t tell, his mind was so occupied in observing every minute detail about her that he could.
What is she doing here? He couldn’t help but wonder. She’s supposed to be almost a continent away.
She said his name one more time, and his mother gently elbowed him, stirring him back to reality and the woman who was standing before him.
“Actually, it’s Ben now.”
There. That was neutral. Neutral was good. He wasn’t screaming at her and asking how dare she come back after breaking his heart, and he wasn’t mocking her for being back. He wasn’t falling to his knees and begging her to come back to him.<
br />
“Oh. Right, of course. I suppose it would be weird for a grown man to go by the name Benny.”
“It would.”
Thankfully, Ben’s mother stepped forward and offered her hand. “Hello dear, how are you?”
“Not the best,” she answered with a wan smile. It was hard to stay mad or aggressive with her, considering the situation. They were at her father’s funeral, and although Ben didn’t know if they’d had a chance to reconcile since she left them, he figured it was a difficult situation nonetheless. “But I’m glad to be here so Mom’s not alone.”
“Oh, you don’t have to worry about Ruby, dear. She’s got all of us to care for her.”
“I know.” Although she was talking with Ben’s mother, her eyes kept flicking to Ben.
So dark and focused that they were almost pitch black, he had no idea how she was able to convey so much emotion with only a glance. He remembered how those same eyes looked as they gazed up at him with affection, the stars in the sky above reflecting in the pools of onyx.
“But I want to be here for her. It’s been a long time since I’ve visited, and I figured… well… I’ve already put it off long enough.”
“Well, it’s lovely to see you back in town again. If you need anything, you just let us know. I’d love to hear all about New York!”
“Hah, that’s definitely a story.”
“I’m sure. Oh, and I brought some food for you,” Ma said before quickly continuing on. “You don’t have to worry about telling me where to put it. Unfortunately, I’ve had enough of these events lately that I know to put it in the other room.”
“Ah, I see. Thank you. And, um… I’m sorry?”
“Dear no, you don’t have to apologize to me. That’s the consolation prize for getting to my age. But today is about your father.”
It was all too much. Standing there, looking at the woman who snapped his heart into so many pieces was impossibly painful. It made him want to curl into a ball, or punch a wall, or go for a horse ride until the sun set and all of his frantic thoughts went away.
“Excuse me,” he heard himself say. “I think I left the windows open in the truck.”
With that, he turned on his heel and quickly walked out. But as fast as he strode, he couldn’t outwalk the memories that were flooding his mind.
“So what college are you going to? Have you filled out any applications?”
There she was, laying on a blanket beside him, the sun shining down while the tall grass waved all around them. He could still smell the lavender shampoo in her hair and the vanilla hand lotion she always used. It was burned into his mind for all eternity.
“Actually, I don’t think I’m gonna. There are a few tradesmen in town who are willing to teach me what I need to know to keep the ranch running smoothly, so I figure I might as well save the money.”
She sat up suddenly, giving him a curious look. “You’re not going to college?”
He knew her well enough to recognize that was not a good tone. “Yeah. Just seems like it would be a waste of money since I’m going to be taking over the ranch.”
“Oh… I thought…”
“You thought what?”
“That we would be going together. You know, get out of this place and actually experience something other than Blackfish County.”
Oh.
Oh no.
Sure, they had daydreamed about running away from the small town and all the small minds that surrounded them, but to him those had always been starry-eyed stories that they used to vent and cope with the drama of being teenagers.
“You’ve always known that I was going to take over the ranch. I’m the eldest.”
“Who cares if you’re the eldest. You’re my boyfriend! No one’s saying you can’t come back here, just that you could at least experience some of the world before deciding that this is your destiny for the rest of your life.”
“I want to help run the ranch. I know you hate this town, but I don’t. I like seeing the animals every day. I like growing things and building with my own two hands. I don’t want to spend thousands of dollars on college when I can learn what I need to know from experienced workers here in town.”
“What do we do then?” The way she looked at him, so heartbroken and betrayed, it made him feel like he was in the wrong. But what was so bad about loving his family and the life they provided?
“I… I don’t know.”
“Dang it, Chastity,” Ben hissed to himself, slapping the roof of his truck. Normally, he wasn’t one to hit anything—not a lot made him angry enough to physically react. But there were so many emotions running through him that he needed some way to get them out, and his trusty gelding Manchester wasn’t around for a good run.
He heard light footsteps behind him and whipped around, almost expecting to see her appear out of thin air. But thankfully it wasn’t the specter of his past, but instead his mother, looking quite concerned.
“Did you know that she would be here?” he asked, gathering his thoughts enough to form a coherent sentence.
“No, darling,” she answered, laying her wizened hand on his arm. “I sincerely thought she was still busy galivanting around in the city. Ruby never told me that she was expecting her back.”
Ben relaxed, heaving a large sigh and leaning against his truck. Despite the uncanny coincidence, he did believe his mother. She was never one to lie, and he knew she would have asked his younger brother Benji instead if she thought there was any chance of Chastity being around.
“You know, it has been a long time…”
Ben looked over to his mother, who was gazing up at him with a soft expression. It seemed that no matter how old he was, she’d always have an eye out for him.
“It’s been years, but I still feel it like it was yesterday.”
“Aye, first loves are often that way. They can completely change how you look at the world.”
“I guess that’s what happened to me. Are you ready to go?”
She hesitated as if she wanted to say something more, so Ben waited patiently for her to get the words out. “Is it really so bad that she’s back in town?”
He thought about it, trying to rifle through all of the frantic and disjointed ideas going through his head. But in the end, he was caught somewhere between happy and horrified at her sudden appearance.
“I guess I don’t know, Ma.”
“That’s fair.”
She reached up to pat his cheek, and he opened the truck door for her. Once she was in, he shut the door then headed to his own side. Without a single look behind him, he turned on the vehicle and sped out of there—perhaps a little faster than he should of. But as he drove, he couldn’t help but look in his rearview mirror. Whether he wanted to see Chastity’s reflection appear there or not was a mystery even to his own self.
6
Chastity
Chastity stood there, staring at the air where Ben had just been standing. Had she really just seen her high school sweetheart? The first and only man to hold her heart for any length of time.
Even after all these years, she knew it was him. It was like her body had sensed him and whipped her head in his direction, drinking him in like a tall glass of water that she was so incredibly thirsty for.
No!
Stop that!
She couldn’t afford to think about him that way. Now was a time to be hard—to be strong. She had trusted him with everything once, and then he had gone back on his word, blaming it all on her.
She wouldn’t be the villain in this story. She had way too many important things to do.
…even if he was still as drop-dead gorgeous as ever.
She couldn’t say what she liked the most about him. Whether it was his strong jaw, or the serious way in which he gazed at people. Or maybe it was his rumbling bass of a laugh. Who knew? Was it possible to be even more attracted to him—even after a decade apart?
…It seemed so.
How uncanny.
S
haking her head, Chastity forced her mind back on track. With everything that had been going on, she hadn’t even thought about him coming to the wake. But of course, he would. Events like this were often town-wide events. She should have known better.
Maybe her subconscious had figured that he would hate her forever and never want to have anything to do with her family again.
“But I don’t understand why you have to go.”
He was staring at her with those intoxicating green eyes again, his strong, thick brows knit together with concern. She stood on her porch, an acceptance letter in each hand, feeling shocked by his displeased reaction.
“But I’ve told you about my dream for years. We even talked about a way to make it work with you staying here and me getting my degree.”
“I thought you would change your mind since you’ve been doing so poorly this semester.”
“I had meningitis! But I’d already sent my transcripts and everything else to colleges. They don’t know about this semester’s grades because we haven’t gotten them yet.”
He stared at her, and she could tell his heart was breaking, but she didn’t want any part of it. “Why won’t you stay with me?”
“I can’t,” Chastity answered, her voice cracking. “Please don’t make me choose between you and what I’ve always dreamed of.”
“Are you all right, sweetie?”
Chastity pulled herself from her unpleasant memory, wiping at her eyes. How selfish. Her father was dead, and they were literally at his wake, yet she was making this all about some silly romance from when she was sixteen. It seemed that skipping two years of school through advanced placement hadn’t prepared her for such emotional troubles.
“I’m fine,” she answered, calming down and forcing herself to put on the correct face. “It was just Benny. Ben, I mean. Ben Miller.”
“Oh, is that one of your friends from the city? Did you not come alone?”
Chastity gave her a curious look, raising one of her eyebrows. “What do you mean, Mom? You know who Ben is.”
Her Second Chance Cowboy: Brothers of Miller Ranch Book One Page 3