Bouquet of Regret (Angel's Shifters Book 1)

by Lenai McGoveran

  Alas, I digress. Ask Dakota to take you to meet my parents. They live on the border, so most pack members don’t visit without warning. Don’t let them know you’re coming and keep your hood up as you approach. I will be with you, Angel, I promise. I’ve waited for this moment your entire life, my little bunny. They will protect you from the domineering ways of Evan, and won’t let him bully you into anything. He’s a good alpha, but he is stifling for omegas. I never realized how sheltered I was until I saw you living freely. Yes, there was pain, sadness, and despair. But you were free to experience these things. Ryker once told me I needed to let you fall, so you knew that you could pick yourself back up without relying on everyone around you. Jazzy lived like that, free to do as she desired, and Molly learned from her. Thus, you could be you without worrying about anyone surrounding you in cotton and denying you the chance to live. Evan will try. Not out of malice, but because he fears someone hurting you. Yes, you’ll get hurt, but that’s your decision to make. I almost admitted your existence to him once, after seeing the bruises a too drunk to care Peter left on your cheek. Molly believed his lie that you fell, but I knew from the look in his eyes it was him. Anyway, Evan jumped my ass, demanding to know where I was, what I did, and why I shook the wolves following me. I tried to imagine your free spirit stifled like that. Angry at what I knew would kill you inside, I snapped I was old enough to make decisions, and he made it harder for me to sneak away.

  So, while I know you can take Evan on, all by yourself, seek my parents, Angel. While you can handle yourself just fine, Marcus can only do so much before he starts a war between the packs. My parents will prevent that, I promise. I can’t tell you why they will, only that this is the right path to take. If you forge your own way, I understand. Just, please, be careful, bunny. I love you so much it hurts. May the moon guide your way.

  Swallowing the lump in my throat, I closed the otherwise blank card while tears clung to my lashes. After a shuddering breath, I picked up the folded paper that fell from the card, sniffling as I did so. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Dakota watching me, and offered the card to him. His eyes widened, and I smiled sadly while shrugging. I saw no reason to not let him read it. If mom was Jaxy’s stepsister, and I’m his niece, then Dakota and I are cousins by marriage. My heart ached once that realization struck, and I stared at the paper for several moments while I tried to comprehend that I had another family member. A soft noise from Dakota let me know he discovered Jax called himself my uncle.

  With a rueful smile, I unfolded the paper, my eyes staring at it uncomprehendingly for several moments. “I had one hell of a lawyer,” Jax chuckled in my ear. “So, once you sign some paperwork, this is yours. You’ve got several acres of land, a house big enough for those dear to your heart, and a place to call home. I tried to set it up how I thought you might enjoy, but change whatever. All I cared about was getting a permanent roof over your head. I knew if Peter died, that bastard would seek to snuff Molly’s life as well, so I wanted to be prepared. However, I hoped she would live here with you too. I loved my little sister. She may not have been blood, but she was family.”

  The tears filling my eyes while he spoke escaped with a vengeance, pouring down my cheeks like rivers of sorrow. A soft sob preceded ghostly arms wrapping around me while a haunting lullaby filled my ears. I had a home. God, for years I never thought I would have a place to permanently call home, yet here was a piece of paper claiming Jax left his house to me. He wrote a will and hid it somewhere I would discover it, trusting it would be here when I arrived.

  After a ghostly kiss on my forehead, Jax’s presence disappeared with a soft laugh that did nothing to stop my flood of tears. Dakota replaced him, hugging me so tight I wondered if he feared I would fall apart without his arms around me. Perhaps he needed this hug as much as I did. After we cried together for several minutes, he read the paper in my hand, scoffed, and cried some more.

  Riff found us a few minutes later, still crying while we hugged each other as tight as we could. Concerned, he stepped into the master bedroom, only for his footsteps to falter while he looked around. “If Jax wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him,” Dakota growled or at least tried to. There was so much grief in his voice, and tentative happiness, that his voice sounded thick yet watery.

  “What, er, has he done now?” Riff asked hesitantly, his eyebrows shooting up once he saw the mini zoo on the dresser. “Is that?”

  “Yes, that’s exactly who you think it is, standing in the middle. Had I come in this room years ago, I would have known to look for Angel. The asshole knew my grief would be too strong, that I wouldn’t manage on my own. Fucking prick. But Angel’s mom was Jax’s stepsister,” Dakota answered, sounding pissed off, albeit his arms tightened around me comfortingly.

  “Wait,” Riff gasped. “That makes you guys cousins, doesn’t it? I mean, not by blood, but still. You’re family. Holy shit, Angel, you have more family than Matty! That’s wonderful! Hell, this means Matty is your cousin too!” In his excitement, Riff bounced on the balls of his feet, at least until he yawned and stumbled a step. “Can we celebrate later?”

  I smiled at the tired werewolf, nodding before I yawned myself. “We should go to bed,” I told him. We had school in a few hours, and I needed all the rest I could get to face the hotshot who hated me. Plus, if we visited Jax’s parents I’d need my wits, and there was Marcus to deal with too. My head and heart ached at the thought of the emotional mess I had to look forward to. If this was the cost of having a home, I’d gladly pay. Matty could use the stability of a family too because Dakota’s parents would be our grandaunt and granduncle. That’s if they would have us. What if they hated us, because why else would they never look for us when mom died? Or… well, if Dakota didn’t know about Matty or me, then perhaps they never knew we existed? Getting some real answers made me giddy, but also caused a hollow pit of dread to replace my stomach.

  “I believe it would be best if you and Dakota spent some time together, while Char and I pass out somewhere else,” Riff announced, pulling me from my inner musings. When alarm coiled through my soul, he chuckled and tiredly kissed my forehead. “Sweetheart, you need some time with the family you never knew you had. Plus, if you think Char or I could take you from Dakota now that he knows you’re his cousin… Well, I’m honored you think we’re strong enough to take him on when he’s protective, but hell hath no fury like that boy when it comes to his family. I almost feel sorry for Marcus. Almost. Hah. Kyler’s in for a rude awakening. Damn, he forced Dakota to stare at you in pain, you who looked identical to Jax, and it hurt him. Kyler knew and didn’t care. But now that Dakota knows you’re his cousin? Marissa may be the enforcer, but Dakota could be a beta if he desired.” Riff looked pleased, and my cheeks heated while I dropped my gaze. Hopefully, Dakota wouldn’t get himself hurt because of me. I wouldn’t forgive myself.

  Chuckling, Riff gave me a two-finger salute before backing out of the master bedroom, a wicked grin curling his lips. He left the bag in his hand just inside the door, waggling his eyebrows, then he walked off, whistling a cheerful tune. Before I could protest, Dakota hugged me from behind, his breath blowing on my ear before he murmured, “come. Bedtime cousin.” When I looked into his eyes after he released me, I expected to see the turmoil that nearly ripped him to pieces. Instead, there was an odd calmness to the boy I shared a love of drawing with. I tried to understand where the chaos went while he gently led me to the master bathroom, handing me the bag Riff left behind.

  Swallowing nervously, I stared at the closed door for a moment, then did my nightly ritual. By the time I returned, Dakota sat on the edge of the bed in a gray tank and a pair of black shorts. I tugged at the hem of my t-shirt, wary of the cousin I never knew I had. Dakota smiled so sweetly I found the courage to make my way to the enormous bed in the middle of the room. I suspect werewolves expect to sleep in every bed as a wolf.

  I feared my awkwardness would send the werewolf running away. I mean, was it all r
ight to share a bed with your cousin? Or was that taboo? What did you do with your cousins? Fight? Face the world together? Was this a colossal joke where I was the punchline? With each thought, my anxiety rose until Dakota chuckled under his breath, tapped my forehead, and ordered, “stop mulling. You are your worst enemy, Angel Draven. Now, let’s get some sleep so I can enjoy Kyler’s shock when I kick his ass tomorrow.”

  A smile tugged at my lips, and I found myself pulled into a hug before Dakota grinned and flopped onto the mattress. He brought me with him and looked pleased with himself. “Jax and I slept like this all the time. If he and I could do it, then anybody who wants to protest can suck it,” Dakota murmured with a yawn. By the time I thought of a response, Dakota was a little boy, he was already asleep. Loathe to wake the exhausted teenager, I sighed, and snuggled a little closer before closing my eyes. I had enough brainpower left to remember to think of what time I wanted to wake up, but then I was gone.

  In the morning, Dakota was super excited, bouncing off the walls, and I smiled halfheartedly. I feared the reactions my return would spur, but couldn’t fathom dampening Dakota’s excitement. I was happy to note my hesitance didn’t affect him.

  “Dakota is over the moon,” Char chuckled, leaning against the doorjamb. I spun around to face him in shock, and he laughed under his breath. “Short of you disappearing, there’s very little that will bring that boy down from cloud nine. Jax was Dakota’s best friend and his confidant. Alas, Jax didn’t tell Dakota everything he got up to, or we would have known of you ages ago. Still, Dakota has a cousin again, two actually, and can do the thing that has him so excited.”

  Tilting my head at his intentional vagueness, I eyed the older werewolf warily. “Omegas are known for their distaste about protecting themselves. So, if one has, say, I don’t know, a cousin, that person can challenge any who attempt to hurt them. Dakota is your protector now, and no one can deny his right. Other than you. However, you must tell him to his face while looking him in the eye, and Dakota’s superb at looking like a kicked puppy when he wants something.” A slight smile tugged at my lips, and I sighed before shaking my head. I didn’t even need to look at Dakota to know he was pleased with himself, and a soft chuckle escaped my throat. Sadly, I believe that only encouraged him. Still, knowing it made him happy, I didn’t have it in me to protest. Much.

  “Don’t go causing trouble or getting yourself hurt because of me,” I whispered, unable to say the words any louder. I wanted to but didn’t know how to ask someone to not show they cared. I didn’t want Dakota hurt, and I didn’t deserve his protection, but I wanted it. That made me selfish and horrible, but, god, I wanted someone to care. Wasn’t that why I ran away? Because I didn’t feel like anyone showed they cared in a way I appreciated? Geez, I’ve gotten selfish in this place. Demanding even.

  Instead of responding to my words, or declaring he could do whatever he wanted, Dakota chuckled. Moments later, gentle fingers tilted my chin up, and I tried to blink away the tears in my eyes before he saw them. I didn’t want him to realize how horrible I’ve become since I came here, that I’ve developed selfishness and a desire for things I didn’t deserve. The more I fought my tears, the bigger the lump in my throat became until they escaped to roll down my cheeks. This announcement I let myself become corrupted hurt, because how could they ever love me now?

  Another chuckle caused my eyes to focus, and Dakota wiped my tears away. “What are we going to do with you, cousin? You were feral when you arrived. Poor thing. We’ve called you our stray from the beginning, or at least Marcus and Ava did. It’s all right to let yourself be tamed a little, bunny. I know it’s confusing, and you’re learning you have needs you didn’t know about, which I bet is terrifying. You’re projecting despair, fear, and self-hatred, Angel. You haven’t asked a single thing of us, not aloud. Everything we offered, we did so of our volition without asking what you want. To us, we understand you in a way you don’t. In our world, that’s normal, because we adore those with your gift. To you, well, I can only imagine how disconcerting and terrifying it is to have people you don’t know telling you what you need only to discover they’re right. I’m told you said we reminded you of a pack of puppies, and as you now know, you weren’t wrong. We get overexcited and forget you’re skittish.”

  Mutely, I stared into Dakota’s eyes, the skin between my shoulders beginning to itch, and he chuckled again, dropping his gaze for a moment. “You’re not selfish.” His voice became firm while the smile left his lips, and his eyes grew serious when they met mine again. “You’re not a horrible person, nor do you demand anything of us. We have to beg you to let us comfort you, or we did. Your instincts are taking over, which is kind of scaring you too because you don’t understand them. I promise we won’t decide you’re too needy, or we don’t need you. I understand only time will prove that to you. Breathe, Angel, and trust that we love you. Don’t worry about the rest of it or the pack. Trust that Riff, Char, and I love you. We’ll figure out the rest on the way.”

  He made it sound so simple, and I chuckled. I knew firsthand that life was rarely ever that easy. Laughing under his breath, Dakota brushed my bangs back to tuck them behind my ear. “How do you know I’m wrong? What proof do you have? That I, in this exact situation, am wrong?”

  Opening my mouth, I tried to say something, anything, but my traitorous throat refused to offer a single word. I mean, I’ve never been in this precise situation before, or even one similar, so I don’t have any concrete proof, but still. When life kicked you down, it seldom refrained from kicking you in the teeth for the fun of it in my experience. Furrowing my brow, I wondered if perhaps that was what cousins did. They shoved the hulking danger away before it could kick you while you were down. Friends might help, too. Biting my lip, I debated whether that might be the case, or if I forced myself to see what I desired. I mean, I’ve gotten into a lot of scrapes since I moved here, but I also got into plenty of them on my own too. So, there wasn’t any proof that having friends made my life worse.

  However, when I’ve cried, there’s been someone trying to comfort me. If I felt lonely, someone moved closer to prove I was anything but alone. Riff gave up going to school to keep me company and attempt to cheer me up. No, having friends made my life so much better. I haven’t suffered alone since I met them. Arctic risked Ryker’s ire to save me from the images my mind couldn’t stop replaying. I know deep in my heart, I’m worth this, but my mind rebelled. But was it because I genuinely felt that way, or was it the way my monster taught me to think? Oh god.

  With a sob, I hit my knees, sitting so I could bury my face in my knees and cry. How did I never see it? How did I let him do this to me? He isolated me, mocked me with my sad history, and drove home how alone I was. That bastard.

  “Do you know how you defeat someone like that?” Tyger asked, kneeling beside me, and I raised my head to stare at him with tears trailing down my cheeks. I shook my head, and he chuckled. I noticed Arctic blocked Char and Dakota, who were displeased judging by their dark expressions and emotions. “You let the people in your life love you,” Tyger continued gently. “Even though it’s scary, and you risk being hurt, you let those who adore you bring you from the darkness into the sun.” Without looking at the wolves, he added, “Angel just realized what you put together forever ago. It’s hard to see the forest for the trees when you’re surrounded by them.”

  Sniffling, I stared at the shifter who smiled tenderly. Arctic moved closer to nuzzle his head against mine and kissed my cheek. Seconds later, the pair of shifters had trouble shining in their eyes, and I swallowed nervously. Uh oh.

  Before Char or Dakota could protest, they whisked me away and told me to shower, or Tyger would wash me himself. I did not doubt him in the least and hurried to escape to the safety of the bathroom, locking the door with a sigh of relief. Humming, I took a quick shower while trying not to dwell on how I was conditioned to think. Now that I knew, it was obvious. However, I never saw it until today. So, I n
eed to learn to trust a little more. I can do that because Dakota will be patient, as will Riff and Char. I doubt I could scare Tyger and Arctic off if I tried my hardest. As for Snow, well, I have a better chance of developing gills than getting her to abandon me because I’m skittish.

  After wrapping a towel around myself, I stepped out of the shower only to yelp. Tyger sat on the closed toilet with a grin so full of mischief I gulped. I should have realized the bastard knew how to pick locks. His smile widened, and a soft whimper escaped my throat while I edged towards the door. Naturally, it was locked when I reached it. My fingers couldn’t unlock it fast enough, and the menacingly laughing shifter put his hands on my shoulders while the door was still closed. Oh no. “Oh yes,” Tyger chortled with wicked delight in his voice.

  One of these days, I will throttle Ryker for telling Tyger I’m his doll. He may not have used those words or even implied them, but it was still his fault. And, after I finish throttling the vampire lord, I’ll hug him in thanks. Tyger scared me a bit, yes, but he also made me feel confident at the same time. It was just disconcerting since I wasn’t used to the attention. Still, I got to wear one of his punk rocker outfits to school, which should be interesting. I had black jeans with ripped knees, but no chains. I was a grasshopper and must earn my chains. I snorted when he told me that. My black boots had tiny spikes on the back of them, however. So, I wondered if I’d fall backward and impale myself on them. Tyger’s laughter wasn’t encouraging. Bastard. Anyway, I had an orange t-shirt that was ripped in several places over a blank tank, so the black showed, and it looked cool. Can’t forget the fingerless leather gloves with studs on the knuckles.