CHAPTER SIXTEEN.
And oft his smooth and bridled tongue Would give the lie to his flushing cheek; He was a coward to the strong; He was a tyrant to the weak. SHELLEY.
My father, as soon as he had obtained my promotion, asked for my beingemployed; and having had a promise from the Admiralty, that promise,unlike thousands of its predecessors and successors, was too rapidlyfulfilled. I received a letter from my father, and a bouncing one fromthe Admiralty by the same post, announcing officially my appointment tothe _D---_ brig, of eighteen guns, at Portsmouth, whither I was directedto repair immediately, and take up my commission. In this transaction Isoon after found there was an underplot, which I was too green toperceive at the time; but the wise heads of the two papas had agreedthat a separation between the lovers was absolutely necessary, and thatthe longer it was delayed the worse it would be for both of us; inshort, that until I had attained my rank, nothing should be thought ofin the way of matrimony.
As the reader is, no doubt, by this time pretty well versed in all thedialogue of parting lovers, I shall not intrude upon his or her patiencewith a repetition of that which has been much too often repeated, and isequally familiar to the prince and the ploughman. I should as soonthink of describing the Devil's Punch-bowl on the road to Portsmouth,where I arrived two days after my appointment.
I put up at Billet's, at the George, as a matter of course, because itwas the resort of all the naval aristocracy, and directly opposite tothe admiral's office. The first person for whom I made my kindinquiries was my captain elect; but he herded not with his brotherepaulettes. He did not live at the George, nor did he mess at theCrown, he was not at the Fountain, nor the Parade Coffee-house; and theBlue Posts ignored him; but he was to be heard of at the Star and Garteron the tip of Portsmouth Point. He did not even live there, butgenerally resided on board. This does not savour well; I never likeyour captains who live on board their ships in harbour; no ship can becomfortable, for no one can do as he pleases, which is the life and soulof a man-of-war when in port.
To the Star and Garter I went, and asked for Captain G---. I hoped Ishould not find him here; for this house had been, time out of mind, therendezvous of warrant-officers, mates, and midshipmen. Here, however,he was; I sent up my card, and was admitted to his presence. He wasseated in a small parlour, with a glass of brandy and water, or at leastthe remains of it, before him; his feet were on the fender, and severalofficial documents, which he had received that morning, were lying onthe table. He rose as I entered, and showed me a short, square-builtframe, with a strong projection of the sphere, or what the Spaniardscall _barriga_. This rotundity of corporation was, however, supportedby as fine a pair of Atlas legs as ever were worn by a Bath chairman.His face was rather inclined to be handsome; the features regular, apleasant smile upon his lips, and a deep dimple in his chin. But hismost remarkable feature was his eye; it was small but piercing, andseemed to possess that long-sought _desideratum_ the perpetual motion,since it was utterly impossible to fix it for one moment on any object;and there was in it a lurking expression which, though something of aphysiognomist, I could not readily decipher.
"Mr Mildmay," said my skipper, "I am extremely happy to see you, andstill more so that you have been appointed to my ship; will you beseated?"
As I obeyed, he turned round, and rubbing his hands as if he had justlaid down his soap, he continued, "I always make it a rule, previous toan officer joining my ship, to learn something of his character from mybrother captains; it is a precaution which I take, as I consider that`one scabby sheep, etcetera,' is strictly applicable to our service. Iwish to have good officers and perfect gentlemen about me. There are,no doubt, many officers who can do their duty well, and with whom Ishould have no fault to find; but then there is a way of doing it--a_modus in rebus_, which a gentleman can only attain to; coarse manners,execrations, and abusive language, render the men discontented, degradethe service, and are therefore very properly forbidden in the secondarticle of war. Under such officers, the men always work unwillingly.I have taken the liberty to make some inquiries about you; and can onlysay, that all I have heard is to your advantage. I have no doubt weshall suit each other; and be assured it shall be my study to make youas comfortable as possible."
To this very sensible and polite address, I made a suitable reply. Hethen stated that he expected to sail in a few days; that the officerwhom I was to supersede had not exactly suited his ideas, although hebelieved him to be a very worthy young man; and that, in consequence, hehad applied and succeeded in obtaining for him another appointment; thatit was necessary he should join his ship immediately; but, of course, hemust first be superseded by me. "Therefore," said he, "you had bettermeet me on board the brig to-morrow morning at nine o'clock, when yourcommission shall be read; and after that I beg you will consideryourself your own master for a few days, as I presume you have somelittle arrangements to prepare for your cruise. I am aware," pursuedhe, smiling most benignantly, "that there are many little comforts whichofficers wish to attend to; such as fitting their cabins and looking totheir mess, and a thousand other nameless things, which tend to pass thetime and break up the monotony of a sea-life. Forty years have I trodthe king's planks, man and boy, and not with any great success, as youmay perceive, by the rank I now hold and the life I am leading; for hereI sit over a glass of humble grog, instead of joining my brothercaptains in their claret at the Crown; but I have two sisters tosupport, and I feel more satisfaction in doing my duty as a brother thanindulging my appetite; although I own I have no dislike to a glass ofclaret when it does not come before me in a questionable shape--I meanwhen I have not got to pay for it, which I cannot afford. Now, do notlet me take up any more of your time. You have plenty of acquaintancesthat you wish to see, I have no doubt; and as for my yarns, they will doto pass away a watch, when we have nothing more attractive to divertus." So saying, he held out his hand, and shook mine most cordially."To-morrow, at nine o'clock," he repeated; and I left him, much pleasedwith my interview.
I went back to my inn, thinking what a very fortunate fellow I was tohave such an honest, straightforward, bold British hero of a captain, onmy first appointment. I ordered my dinner at the George, and thenstrolled out to make my purchases, and give my orders for a few articlesfor sea service. I fell in with several old mess-mates; theycongratulated me on my promotion, and declared I should give them adinner to wet my commission, to which I readily consented. The day wasnamed, and Mr Billet was ordered to provide accordingly.
Having dined _solus_, I amused myself in writing a long letter to mydear Emily; and with the assistance of a bottle of wine succeeded incomposing a tolerably warm and rapturous sort of document, which Isealed, kissed, and sent to the post-office; after which, I builtcastles till bed-time; but not one castle did I build in which Emily wasnot the sole mistress. I went to bed, and slept soundly; and the nextmorning, by seven o'clock, I was arrayed in a spick-span new uniform,with an immensely large epaulette stuck on my right shoulder. Havingbreakfasted, I sallied out, and, in my own conceit, was as handsome chapas ever buckled a sword-belt. I skimmed with a light and vigorous footdown High Street.
"Boat, your honour?" said a dozen voices at once, as I reached NewSallyport; but I was resolved that Point-Street should have a look at meas well as High Street, so I kept a profound and mysterious silence, andlet the watermen follow me to the Point, just like so many sucking fishafter a shark. I had two or three offers for volunteers to serve withme as I went along; but they were not of the right sex, so I did nottake them.
"Boat to Spithead, your honour?" said a tough old waterman.
"Ay, you'll do," said I; so I jumped into his wherry, and we shoved off.
"What ship is your honour going to?" said the man.
"To the _D---_ brig."
"Oh, you are a-going to she, are you? To belong to her, mayhap?"
"Yes," I replied.
The waterman gave a sigh, feathered his oar, and never s
poke anotherword till we came alongside. I did not regret his taciturnity, for Iwas always more amused with my own thoughts than in conversing withilliterate people.
The brig was a most beautiful vessel. She mounted eighteen guns, andsat on the water like a duck. I perceived that the pendant was up forpunishment, and this I thought rather an unusual sight at Spithead: Itook it for granted that some aggravated offence, such as theft, ormutiny, had been committed. Seeing I was an officer, I was admittedalongside; so I paid the waterman, and sent him away. As I went up theside, I saw a poor fellow spread-eagled up to the grating, "according tothe manners and customs of the natives," while the captains, officers,and ship's company stood round witnessing the athletic dexterity of aboatswain's mate, who, by the even, deep, and parallel marks of the caton the white back and shoulders of the patient, seemed to be perfectlymaster of his business. All this did not surprise me--I was used to it;but, after the address of my captain on the preceding day, I was verymuch surprised to hear language in direct violation of the secondarticle of war.
Cursings and execrations poured out of his mouth with a volubility equalto that of the most accomplished lady at the back of the Point.
"Boatswain's mate," roared the captain, "do your duty! or by God I willhave _you_ up, and give you four dozen yourself. One would think, damnyour beard, that you were brushing flies off a sleeping Venus, insteadof punishing a scoundrel with a hide as thick as a buffalo's, and bedamned to him. Do your duty, sir, damn your soul."
During this elegant address, the unhappy wretch had received four severedozen, which the master-at-arms had counted aloud, and reported to thecaptain. "Another boatswain's mate," said he. The poor creature turnedhis head over his shoulders with an imploring look, but it was in vain.I watched the countenance of the captain, and the peculiar expressionwhich I could not decipher at my first interview I now read mostplainly--it was malignant cruelty, and delight in torturing his ownspecies; he seemed to take a diabolical pleasure in the hatefuloperation which we were compelled to witness. The second boatswain'smate commenced, with a fresh cat, and gave a lash across the back of theprisoner, that made _me_ start.
"One," said the master-at-arms, beginning to count.
"One!" roared the captain, "do you call that one? not a quarter of aone. That fellow is only fit for fly-flapper at a pork shop! I'lldisrate you, by God, you damned molly mop; is that the way you handle acat? that's only wiping the dirt off his back. Where's the boatswain?"
"Here," said a stout, gigantic, left-handed fellow, stepping forward,with a huge blue uniform coat and a plain anchor button, holding his hatin his left hand, and stroking his hair down his forehead with hisright. I surveyed this man, as he turned himself about, and concludedthat the tailor who worked for him had been threatened with a specimenof his art, if he stinted him in cloth; for the skirts of his coat wereample, terminating in an inclined plane, the corners in front being muchlower than the middle of the robe behind; the buttons on the hips werenearly pistol-shot asunder.
"Give this man a dozen, sir," said Captain G---; "and if you favour him,I'll put you under arrest, and stop your liquor."
This last part of the threat had more effect with Mr Pipes than thefirst. He began to peel, as the boxers call it; off came his capaciouscoat; a red waistcoat--full-sized for a Smithfield ox--was nextdeposited; then he untied a black silk handkerchief, and showed athroat, covered like that of a goat with long brown hairs, thick aspackthread. He next rolled up his shirt-sleeves above his elbow, andshowed an arm and a back very like the Farnese Hercules, which no doubtall my readers have seen at the foot of the staircase at Somerset House,when they had been to the exhibition.
This hopeful commentator on articles of war seized his cat: the handlewas two feet long, one inch and three quarters thick; and covered withred baize. The tails of this terrific weapon were three feet long, ninein number, and each of them about the size of that line which covers thesprings of a travelling carriage. Mr Pipes, whose scientific displayin this part of art had no doubt procured for him the warrant of aboatswain, in virtue of which he now stood as the vindicator of the lawsof his country, handled his cat like an adept, looked at it from top tobottom, cleared all the tails by the insertion of his delicate fingers,and combing them out, stretched out his left leg--for he was left-leggedas well as left-handed--and measuring his distance with the accurate eyeof an engineer, raised his cat high in the air with his left hand, hisright still holding the tips of the tails, as if to restrain theirimpatience; when, giving his arm and body a full swing, embracingthree-fourths of the circle, he inflicted a tremendous stroke on theback of the unfortunate culprit. This specimen seemed to satisfy theamateur captain, who nodded approbation to the inquiring look of theamateur boatswain. The poor man lost his respiration from the force ofthe blow; and the tails of the cat coming from an opposite direction tothe first four dozen, cut the flesh diamond-wise, bringing the blood atevery blow.
I will not wound the feelings of my readers with a description of thepoor wretch's situation. Even at this distance of time, I am shocked atit, and bitterly lament the painful necessity I have often been under ofinflicting similar punishment; but I hope and trust I never did itwithout a cause, or in the wanton display of arbitrary power.
The last dozen being finished, the sum-total was reported by themaster-at-arms, "Five dozen."
"Five dozen!" repeated Captain G---; "that will do--cast him off. Andnow, sir," said he to the fainting wretch, "I hope this will be awarning to you, that the next time you wish to empty your beastly mouth,you will not spit on my quarter-deck."
"Heavens!" thought I, "is all this for spitting on the quarter-deck?And this from the moralist of yesterday, who allowed neither oaths norexecrations, and has uttered more blasphemy in the last ten minutes thanI have heard for the last ten weeks!"
I had not yet caught the captain's eye--he was too intent on hisamusement. As soon as the prisoner was cast loose, he commanded to pipedown, or in other words, to dismiss the people to their usualoccupations, when I went up to him, and touched my hat.
"Oh! you are come, are you? Pipe belay there--send everybody aft on thequarter-deck."
My commission was then read--all hats off in respect to the sovereign,from whom the authority was derived. After this, I, being dulyinaugurated, became the second lieutenant of the sloop; and the captain,without condescending to give me another word or look, ordered his gigto be manned, and was going on shore. I was not presented by him to anyof the officers, which in common courtesy he ought to have done. Thisomission, however, was supplied by the first lieutenant, who invited medown into the gun-room, to introduce me to my new mess-mates. We leftthe tiger pacing up and down on his quarter-deck.
The first lieutenant was of the medium stature, a suitable height for asloop of war, a spare figure, of about forty years of age; he had butone eye, and that eye was as odd a one as the captain's. There was init, however, unlike the captain's, an infinite deal of humour, and whenhe cocked it, as he constantly did, it almost spoke. I never saw threesuch eyes in two such heads. There was a lurking smile in thelieutenant's face, when I told him that the captain had desired me tocome on board and read my commission, after which I might have two orthree days to myself to prepare for sea.
"Well," said he, "you had better go and ask him now; but you will findhim a rum one."
Accordingly, up I went to him. "Have you any objection to my going onshore sir?"
"Shore, sir!" bellowed he; "and who the devil is to carry on the duty,if you go on shore? Shore, eh? I wish there was no shore, and then,damn the dog that couldn't swim! No, sir; you have had shore enough.The service is going to hell, sir! A parcel of brats, with lieutenant'scommissions before they should have been clear of the nursery! No, sir;stay on board, or damn me, I'll break you like an egg-shell, before youhave taken a shine out of that fine new epaulette! No, no, by God; nomore cats here than catch mice. You stay on board, and do your duty;every man does his duty he
re; and let me see the --- that don't do it!"
I was in some measure prepared for this sublime harangue; but stillthere was sufficient room in my mind to admit of great astonishment atthis sudden change of wind. I replied that he had promised me leaveyesterday, and that, upon the strength of that promise, I had left allmy things on shore, and that I was not in any way prepared to go to sea.
"I promised you leave, did I? Perhaps I did; but that was only to getyou on board. I am up to your tricks, you damned young chaps: when youget on shore, there is no getting you off again. No, no; no catchee nohavee! You would not have made your appearance these three days, if Ihadn't sugared the trap! Now I have got you, I'll keep you, damn myeyes!"
I repeated my request to go on shore; but, without condescending tooffer any further reasons, he answered--"I'd see you damned first, sir!And observe, I never admit of expostulation. Nothing affords me morepleasure than to oblige my officers in everything reasonable; but Inever permit reply."
Thought I to myself, "You certainly have escaped from hell, and I do notsee how the infernal regions can do without you. You would have beenone of the most ingenious tormentors of the damned. Domitian would havemade you admiral, and your boatswain captain of the fleet!"
Having made this reflection, as I took a turn or two on deck, thinkingwhat was best to be done, and knowing that "the king could do no wrong,"the officer whom I had just superseded came up the hatchway, and,touching his hat very respectfully to the captain, asked whether hemight go on shore.
"You may go to hell, and be damned, sir!" said the captain (who hatedbad language); "you are not fit to carry guts to a bear!--you are notworth your salt; and the sooner you are off, the cleaner the ship willbe! Don't stand staring at me, like a bull over a gate! Down, and packup your traps, or I'll freshen your way!" raising his foot at the sametime, as if he was going to kick him.
The young officer, who was a mild, gentlemanly, and courageous youth,did as he was bidden. I was perfectly astonished: I had been accustomedto sail with gentlemen. I had heard of martinets, and disciplinarians,and foul-mouthed captains; but this outdid all I ever could haveconceived, and much more than I thought ever could have been submittedto by any correct officer. Roused to indignation, and determined not tobe treated in this manner, I again walked up to him, and requested leaveto go on shore.
"You have had your answer, sir."
"Yes, I have, sir," said I, "and in language that I never before heardon His Majesty's quarter-deck. I joined this ship as an officer and agentleman, and as such I will be treated."
"Mutiny, by God!" roared the captain. "Cock-a-hoop with your newcommission, before the ink is dry."
"As you please, sir," I replied; "but I shall write a letter to theport-admiral, stating the circumstances and requesting leave of absence;and that letter I shall trouble you to forward."
"I'll be damned if I do!" said he.
"Then, sir," said I, "as you have refused to forward it, and in thepresence of all the officers in the ship's company, I shall forward itwithout troubling you."
This last shot of mine seemed to produce the same effect upon him thatthe last round does upon a beaten boxer; he did not come to time, but,muttering something, dived down the companion, and went into his cabin.
The first lieutenant now came up, and congratulated me on my victory."You have puzzled and muzzled the bear completely," said he; "I havelong wanted a coadjutor like yourself. Wilson, who is going to leaveus, is the best creature that ever lived: but though brave as a lionbefore an enemy, he is cowed by this incarnate devil."
Our conversation was interrupted by a message from the captain, whodesired to speak with me in his cabin. I went down; he received me withthe benignant smile of our first acquaintance.
"Mr Mildmay," said he, "I always assume a little tartness with myofficers when they first join," ("and when they quit you too," thoughtI), "not only to prove to them that I am, and will be, the captain of myown ship, but also as an example to the men, who, when they see what theofficers are forced to put up with, feel themselves more contented withtheir lot, and obey more readily; but, as I told you before, the comfortof my officers is my constant study--you are welcome to go ashore, andhave twenty-four hours' leave to collect your necessaries."
To this harangue I made no reply; but, touching my hat, quitted thecabin I felt so much contempt for the man that I was afraid to speak,lest I should commit myself.
The captain shortly after quitted the ship, telling the first lieutenantthat I had permission to go on shore. I was now left at liberty to makeacquaintance with my companions in misery--and nothing conduces tointimacy so much as community of suffering. My resistance to thebrutality of our common taskmaster had pleased them; they told me what atyrant and what a disgrace to the service he was, and how shameful itwas that he should be intrusted with the command of so fine a vessel, orof any vessel at all, except it were a convict ship. The stories theytold me of him were almost incredible, and nothing but thetoo-well-founded idea that an officer trying his captain by acourt-martial had a black mark against him for ever after, and was neverknown to rise, could have saved this man from the punishment he sorichly deserved: no officer, they said, had been more than three weeksin the ship, and they were all making interest to leave her.
In my report of what occurred in this vessel during the time I belongedto her, I must, in justice to the captains and commanders of HisMajesty's navy, observe, that the case was unique of its kind: such acharacter as Captain G--- was rarely met with in the navy then, and, forreasons which I shall give, will be still more rare in future. Thefirst lieutenant told me that I had acted very judiciously in resistingat first his undue exertion of authority; that he was at once a tyrant,a bully, and a coward, and would be careful how he attacked me again."But be on your guard," said he, "he will never forgive you; and when heis most agreeable there is the most mischief to be dreaded. He willlull you into security, and whenever he can catch you tripping, he willtry you by a court-martial. You had better go on shore, and settle allyour business, and, if possible, be on board before your leave is out.It is only your threat of writing to the port-admiral that procured youleave of absence. You have nothing to thank him for: he would have keptyou on board if he dared. I have never quitted the ship since I joinedher; and never has a day passed without a scene similar to what you havethis morning witnessed. And yet," continued he, "if it were not for hiscruelty to the men, he is the most amusing liar I ever heard. I amoften more inclined to laugh than to be angry with him; he has a vein ofwit and rich humour that runs through his composition and never quitshim. There is drollery even in his malice, and, if we cannot get clearof him, we must take the best of him."
I went on shore, collected all my clothes and the other articles ofwhich I stood in need, and was on board my ship again the next morningbefore eight o'clock.
Frank Mildmay; Or, the Naval Officer Page 16