And oh, fuck, that’s cold.
What the hell?
My eyes go wide, and when I look up, I can hardly keep my eyes open. The rain is so heavy. I can’t help it. A deep laugh rolls in my belly as the heavy drops wash over us. When I look back at Alex, his eyes narrow and he must think I’ve gone mad, but then his lips twist up and I forget my wet clothes sticking to my skin. I’m wearing a coat, but the rain is slipping down the back, and it makes me shiver.
When he begins to laugh, too, I kiss him because I can.
He’s mine, and I am his.
Completely.
Our kiss is wet, but his mouth is warm, and I never want to leave. My hand balls around his sweater and my fingers dance lower until they’re pulling at the waistband of his jeans.
“Baby.” He’s gasping, and I’m glad the rain is hiding my tears. Hearing him say he loved me pulled at something I buried deep. “I need to get you inside.”
I swallow and nod in agreement.
“The beach is no place for this. Sand gets everywhere.”
I stop, my shoes dangling from my hands.
“You’ve had sex here before?” I shout because the rain is pelting on the ocean so loud, I can’t hear myself think.
He stops walking and turns back. In two breaths, I’m over his shoulder and his big hand is groping my ass.
“My sweet, perverted, Mandy. I never said anything about sex. I need to get you inside because you’re soaked.”
Yes.
Yes, I am.
I blush because he’s right and my mind went to all the dirty places again.
“Asshole.” My arms are dangling down his back, so I take the opportunity and grope him, too.
“Pervert,” he retorts, laughing.
There isn’t a point in fighting him. He’ll insist on carrying me back to the house, and I’m getting quite fond of how he enjoys throwing me over things.
He only puts me down when we reach the house.
We scatter up the steps, toes flicking sand and shaking off our wet coats. I giggle and bump against him. The sudden burst through the clouds and wetness on my skin feels refreshing and my cheeks tingle. The ocean sounds angry against the shore, and the rain pelting against it proves unsuccessful in its efforts to chastise it.
I press my chin towards my shoulder, feeling his heat against my back as we both hang up our raincoats. My eyes meet his, and I swear I feel an electric current rush to my fingertips. He lowers his lips to my bare shoulder, keeping them there for a moment before rubbing his finger over the marked skin.
“You’re soaked,” he says, coating a finger over a drop on my brow. “Just like the first time I saw you.” He turns serious, his voice like velvet.
I turn my body to meet him, looking up at him, both of us remembering the day in Penrith Town Centre.
Gazing at him, I feel a shiver creep ever so slowly down along my spine, rounding at my abdomen and swirling inside. Somehow, I don’t think it’s from the rain. He feathers his index finger along the curves of my face; along my brows, over my eyelids, across my flushed cheeks, and he places a gentle thumb over the sensitive skin of my lower lip.
“You’re beautiful, baby.”
I suck in the air between us, hoping it will bring him closer to my lips. Instead, he places his mouth on the top of my head, breathing in my scent.
“You need to get out of those clothes. We should change. I’ll get the fire going.”
It’s August, but it has been unseasonably cold this week.
I’m not sure what to say. I’m happy to remain planted here, dripping wet, and his eyes locked with mine. Surely his heat will dry me, anyway. But I freeze momentarily.
What’s wrong with me? I was all but dry-humping him five minutes ago.
And it dawns on me. I’ve never stayed in Alex’s house. I’ve come here on dates, but I’ve always left, or he stayed with me at my house. It’s been four months and I’ve never even seen his bedroom.
It feels like I’m close to a line here, and any minute I’m about to cross it.
Sensing my unease, he squeezes my hand. “The weather is too bad to drive. We can get you into something dry and wait for it to pass. I can take you home then.”
“No.” I nod slowly, surprising myself. “I’d like to stay the night with you.”
I’m sure my eyes must be wild, and I probably look in a state. But the storm is down for the night, and although it’s only seven in the evening and should be still bright, it’s getting dark.
With that, a lightning bolt flashes far out at sea and the spark of light through the doors gives me the briefest glimpse of his bright blue eyes, his tight jawline, and how the dampness hangs on his t-shirt, contouring his biceps.
In truth, I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to leave the comfort of his side.
He kisses me lightly again, and his voice is a whisper when he says, “Now, let’s get you out of those wet clothes.”
He tangles his fingers with mine, leads me through the house and up the staircase. I pray, for once, I won’t be clumsy and clip my toe on a step. But he’s careful with me, as if leading me on a path I cannot see.
He brings me to the large bedroom, letting go of the grasp on my hand as he goes to his wardrobe to find some clothes. I pause, drinking in the sight of the large windows looking out at the ocean and his bed standing against the wall, dressed in white covers and all too inviting.
My heart plays uneven beats against my chest and my toes curl in on the soft grey carpet. Apart from Nick, I’ve never been in another man’s bedroom. And although for most women of my age, stepping into the bedroom of the person you’re in love with would bring great excitement, I feel something different. He stays in my bed, but I’ve never even stepped inside his room. We never discussed it, and he never said if it bothers him. Maybe it’s a comfort and security thing on my part.
My cheeks blush hot, and I brush my palms against my wet top. Of course, my belly aches in the best way possible, but a sudden pain knocks me back. The pain tastes of betrayal and something forbidden.
Nick’s bedroom was no secret. Before we dated, we spent most of our days there as friends and when we went a step further, our minds and bodies were young, innocent, squirming around in a nervous giggle.
Alex’s bedroom is none of those things and I imagine nothing about it would bring the innocence I remember, but more of a meeting of lovers, entangled with each other and knowing exactly what they are doing.
Will I be any different to the wriggling teenager I once was with the only other man I’ve ever been with?
I suddenly feel nervy and twist my finger around the material of my hanging shirt.
“Mandy?”
Looking up at him from out of my daze, he’s standing there with clothes hanging from either hand. He’s worried. I can see it in the creases on his forehead as he studies me.
As if reading my thoughts, in two strides, he takes me in his arms and brushes his lips against my ear. “Oh God, I hope you don’t think I brought you up here for any other reason than to make sure you get dry. You can change in the spare bedroom if you’d like? There will be no pressure, Mandy. I hope you know that. I take the lead from you.”
I breathe in his scent at his neck and bury my head against his shoulder.
“I know. Thank you,” I mutter, unsure if he can hear me over another clap of thunder.
Given my previous reservations, it surprises me to feel disappointed I may have to leave for the spare bedroom. I suppress the hunger I feel for him and squeeze him a little tighter into my body. I can still feel his heat through our wet and cold clothes.
“I’d like to change here.”
He nods, kissing me quickly on the cheek.
“I better get a fire going,” he says, pulling his sodden t-shirt over his chest and tossing it into a basket.
I like how his chest muscles move with the action, and I flush. He smirks, catching my embarrassment.
“I hope those
are okay.” He points towards the clothes laid out on the bed. “Everything I have will be far too big for you, but hopefully you can tie those pants tighter. Grab another sweater if you’re cold.”
“You mean you don’t have the clothes of other women here I can have?” I joke.
He sneers at me and shakes his head. “Just you, baby.”
My heart flutters.
I glance towards the t-shirt and check bottoms and thank him by delicately placing my lips on his.
When he disappears downstairs, I draw the strings as tight as I can, tie them in a bow at my navel, and pull the large t-shirt over my head. In the spacious bathroom with matching his and her sinks, I splash some water on my hot skin and brush my fingers through my curls. He didn’t leave me, but I feel unexpectedly lonely without him. I’ve grown accustomed to his heat, and without it, my skin prickles icily.
I grab my clothes quickly to place them by the fire to dry. As I put them in front of the burning logs, Alex is already entering the living room with a tray of food. My stomach rumbles, reminding me of my other hunger.
“This is lovely,” I mumble, taking a bite of the bread as he turns on some hushed music from a speaker. I sway happily and take a sip of wine he poured for me.
I’m comfortable, and I don’t think I’ve ever been this content.
After, he wraps me snuggly in his arms, laying on the couch, and we both fit perfectly together, as if two pieces of a jigsaw. He grazes his fingers along my arm. Enjoying the silence between us, we listen only to the sound of our steady breathing and the fire blazing strongly. He rubs his face against my hair, leaving chaste kisses along my head. I melt into him, and he tenses as I raise my leg along his thighs and rest it across his lower abdomen. He stiffens more but eases again as he repositions himself.
“I could stay like this forever.” I pull him tighter, exhaling.
His palm presses against my lower back, holding me here. “Me too.” He chuckles gently then. “But I won’t lie. Every time you move against me, it drives me a little crazy.”
A furious blush spreads across my cheeks and I lower my eyes. I may be naïve in the art of lovemaking, but I’m a woman, and I know exactly what I’m doing with my body.
Tease.
I smile to myself.
Alex tucks a finger under my chin and tilts my face to meet his gaze. Fiercely, he leans in and kisses me with so much fire my lips burn with passion as he leaves them.
My eyes grow heavy and heat from the fire washes over my body before I give in to my sleep.
***
I wake with a start, my breathing frantic, and I desperately fight away the heavy fleece blanket covering me. I can’t have been asleep long as the fire is still throwing sparks and glowing a dark amber. My shoulders slump when I realize I’m alone. I wanted to reach out for him, to feel his warmth and his touch.
I’m unsure of the details of this nightmare. All I know is I need him. The yearning quickly sets through my body in ripples and tears dust my cheeks. I brush them away with the back of my hand and pull the blankets aside. My breathing escapes in heavy pants and I can’t calm my pulse. This isn’t some fleeting thought, because I knew from the moment I met him. It’s much more than a simple attraction. We’ve become entwined with each other before ever sharing a bed. We share a gravitational pull I can’t quite understand.
I catch sight of his strong silhouette, sitting up straight on the sun lounger outside, protected from the storm under the shelter. My fingers pull at the oversized sweater and I know if I don’t go to him now, I will lose all confidence and regret it.
Before sliding the double door open, I take a moment to study him. He seems lost in thought, staring out at the black ocean. The only light is coming from the moon, highlighting one side of his face. His hair is rustled, and he brushes his fingers over his eyes.
When I can’t stand there any longer without touching him, I pull back the door. The cool breeze and light mist blowing onto the porch do little to extinguish my heat. He looks over at me, a smile edging on one side of his face.
Christ, that face is so handsome, and my legs suddenly go weak.
“Hey, gorgeous. I hope I didn’t wake you?”
I shake my head, and he sighs with relief.
“Come here.” He taps his knee, beckoning me forward.
I don’t move. I think my feet have become one with the floor.
“What are you doing out here?” I ask.
His lips set in a hard line as he looks away momentarily. He seems a little embarrassed.
“Alex?”
He blows out a long breath. “I needed to cool off. As much as I wanted to keep you in my arms forever, you’re hard to sleep with in such a small space.”
The knot that forms in my chest feels hard, and I look away. Every inch of skin on my body flushes, and I’m grateful it’s dark.
“I’m sorry. Was I thrashing around again?”
As if realizing his mistake, he shakes his head. “Mandy, you were as still as a statue. That’s not what I meant. Honestly,” he begins, rubbing his hand down his dark jeans, “You turn me on something crazy, so I thought some air would be better than torturing myself.”
The blush in my cheeks is furious now, but for a different reason. And that’s when I see it: the ravenousness of need reflecting on his blue orbs like the moon dancing its light on the ocean. And I recognize it. It devours every cell in my body.
My legs move towards him before I can register what I’m doing. He parts his knees so I can stand between them and he rubs his hands down the small of my back and along the back of my thighs. Allowing myself to enjoy his touch, I close my eyes for a moment. My heart is pounding, and my chest feels tight.
“Mandy?”
I look down at him but say nothing. Instead, I gently press my hand on his shoulder and push him back. I climb on top of him, my knees on either side of his hips, straddling him, and I bring my face close to his. Something’s changed, and he knows it. He’s panting now too, our breathing a frantic union across each other’s faces. I press my lips closer, and ever so softly pressure my mouth over his. They move together, a bare brush of skin at first, and as my pulse quickens, so does my kiss. It’s greedy, aching, and helpless.
I break away, breathless, and I can’t help but smile at the shocked expression on his face. But his eyes are dark, and his features become serious.
“What is it?” He’s searching over me as he brushes my hair away from my face and over my shoulders.
We lock eyes on each other, and our gasps of breath and frenzied heartbeats drown out the sounds of the storm.
Shocked that I’ve not yet lost all courage, I’m spurred on by my newfound confidence.
“Alex, I want you to take me inside.”
His eyes widen, and his mouth parts slightly, but enough for me to notice his surprise. I don’t want to be taken inside, out of the cool air, and away from the elements of the storm. That’s not the reason.
With a wild huff, his hands find their way into my hair, his thumb stroking the base of my throat, and he pulls me into a kiss of pure infatuation.
“Mandy?” he groans; the sound coming from deep within his chest.
I know he’s about to question if I’m sure, but I cut him off.
“You told me to take the lead here. I’m giving it back because I’m in love with you too, and I’m asking you to take me inside.” My voice is soft but assertive, and when I say it, all doubt shifts, leaving my body until all that’s left is me and Alex.
He needs no more ques. In one push off his feet, he is standing with my legs still wrapped around his waist. He brings me inside and sets me back down on the rug in front of the fire. The only sounds are our breathing and the crackling of the flames. His lips leave mine briefly, only to lift the t-shirt over my arms. His kisses follow an invisible trail across my cheeks, down my neck, and my breath lodges in my throat when his mouth delicately grazes across my breasts.
He has taken the
lead now, and I’ve never felt so safe.
His mouth continues down my body, and my head falls back when he hovers above the waistband of my pants. He looks up at me, his eyes asking permission, and I nod, allowing him to slip the bottoms down between my legs. Despite the heat from the fire, goosebumps play over my naked body, and his fingers caress all of it, across every curve, his mouth on every part of my skin. When he comes back up to meet me, his lips move slowly, like he could break me. He’s careful and thoughtful through every stroke of his hands, down my back, up to my arms, and across my collarbone. Breaking away, he looks down at me, and his eyes roam from my head to my toes.
“Every inch of you is beautiful.” His voice is gruff and a painful throb aches at my core.
But I become acutely aware I’m the only one standing here with no clothes on, and instinctively my arms cross over my body. Nobody has looked at me like this since Nick. But Nick looked at me through the eyes of a nervous boy. There is nothing boyish or nervous about Alex. He isn’t merely glancing at me. He’s staring. Drinking me in. His eyes are all wild and hungry, like he will never get enough. And with a warm confidence, he grabs my arms and puts them back to my side.
“Don’t do that, baby,” he says, furrowing his eyes.
Whatever I’ve done, he doesn’t like it.
“Do what?” My voice is hardly audible.
“Hide yourself from me. I could look at you forever.”
I don’t have time to blush. His words send a heat all the way to my fingertips, and my hands fist at his shirt. In one swift movement, it’s off and discarded, with his bottoms quickly following.
The man is the most gorgeous thing I’ve ever set eyes on, and the light from the fire only enhances the raw hunger in his eyes. The flickering flames dance over his biceps, contouring every hardness beneath his skin. With soft kisses, my mouth eases all tension across his jawline. I want to kiss him everywhere, but he doesn’t give me time. With a loud breath, his hands are in my hair on either side of my face.
“Jesus Christ, Mandy,” he blows out, his mouth coming quickly. It’s soft, but the pressure of his tongue against mine explains a need words never can. Our hands become frantic, grabbing flesh, fingers in each other’s hair, suffocating each other’s moans, swallowing the sounds with every kiss.
Losing Love (What Will Be Book Series) Page 16