by Mary Jaine
Leon showed us to our rooms; Rick and I were sharing one guest bedroom, Shari and Yaz another; we may have been living together as couples in England, but Leon's family, his mother in particular, were old-fashioned Catholics with very set ideas about who slept with whom. It had been a long day, with a large meal on top, plus that interlude with Shari out in the moonlight, and I must have flaked-out as soon as my head hit the pillow, because next thing I knew the sun was shining in my eyes. The room had a small bathroom attached, so I had a quick shower and got dressed. Rick was just finishing getting dressed when there was a knock on the door, followed by Leon poking his head round.
"Breakfast guys, come and get it, we've got a long day ahead! Judy just got here and the girls are all up, so come on, di di mao!"
When we arrived at the table, Judy was already seated with Yaz and Shari on either side of her, and she smiled at us, but behind it was that searching, almost hostile glance again, first at Rick, then me. She was starting to unnerve me; she couldn't possibly know me or what I was like, or had been like, and yet she was definitely not as affable or easy with Rick and me as Leon was.
With the girls it was another matter; she seemed completely, genuinely taken with Shari and Yaz, laughing, joking and giggling with them; it just seemed to be Rick and me she had an issue with, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was.
After breakfast, while Yaz and Shari helped Judy clear up, Leon took us on a quick tour of the property. The house stood on about three acres, and had a small stream or brook running through the back garden, with a small single-span barrel-vault wooden bridge connecting the two halves of the property. Off in the distance we could see mountains and snow-capped hills, blue with distance, with dense forest covering the lower slopes of the hills. The air held a sharp, refreshing chill, and smelled fresh and clean, tinged with pine, and I felt very relaxed. While we were sitting on some sawed-off logs and talking about England, with Rick telling Leon about London, the girls joined us, Shari slipping next to me, and Yaz plumping down onto Rick's lap.
Judy remained standing, her expression unreadable, but even I could tell she had something on her mind; she was too tense, too intent, and once again that feeling of disquiet brushed the surface of my mind. She thrust her hands into the pockets of her snow jacket and turned away, looking up at the distant hills.
Eventually she seemed to come to a decision, and turned to face us.
"Bobby, Rick, if I ask you a direct question, will you answer me truthfully?"
I glanced at Shari, and once again she nodded almost imperceptibly, one eyebrow raised, like she knew something was coming, and had been prepared for it. I looked back at Judy and nodded.
"Ask away, I'll be as truthful as I can."
Judy looked at me skeptically, and then once again, that strange, half quizzical-half hostile look flitted across her face.
"Okay then, answer me this; who are you, and why are you really here in America, and more specifically, why are you here in Albany?"
Leon started to protest, but I held up my hand, quieting him as I looked into Judy's eyes, seeing the suspicion there. I looked at Shari for guidance again, and her hand tightened on mine.
"Tell her, baby, it's okay, I think she already knows, but she needs to hear it from you. Go on, it's okay!" she whispered, kissing me lightly on the cheek. I nodded, and pulled Shari closer.
"Judy, I think you know we're not here on holiday, we're not having a junket before buckling-down to work, we came here for a reason. I have an older brother, he's missing, he's been missing for nearly four years now, I want to find him, we all want to find him. Rick and me, we have a lot of things we need to say to our big brother, and Shari and Yaz, they also have their own reasons for wanting to find my brother. My family fell apart because of something that happened, something very bad, and we want to find our brother so he can know it's over now, and so we can ask him how we can make it right with him. We know he came from here a long time ago, and we know he came back, we just don't know where he is now."
Judy was watching me closely as I went through the basic reasons for us being there, her eyes sharp, intent, not missing a thing.
"And if you find him, what then?" she asked.
Rick stood up and cleared his throat, Yaz holding his hand as he spoke to Judy.
"If we find him, we tell him we're sorry, we were wrong, what we did was wrong, what happened to him was wrong, that we went to our mother's grave and we saw what he'd done for her, and that we both wish we'd done it, we should have done it a long time ago. My big brother tried to be there for us, and we pushed him away all our lives; now we need to make things right with him; we want to ask him to forgive us, and to let him know that his family finally understands who he is, and what he means to us."
Judy looked at Yaz, then Shari.
"Okay, I get what you're saying, but I still don't understand why your girlfriends need him back as well?"
Okay, this was it. I looked at Shari, at Yaz; they both nodded and held themselves a little closer to us.
"This is hard to say, and maybe you won't like it, but here goes. Shari and Yasmin are sisters, but you already knew that; what you don't know is that they are also our sisters, or half-sisters; my older brother is their older brother, too, and they need him as much as we do, maybe more. Our father was a vile and evil man, and he did vile and evil things, but one thing he did I will always be grateful for; he fathered these two lovely girls. They're part of our lives in ways you won't understand, that I don't expect you to understand, or approve of, but that's the way it is. Our brother is missing, we all need him, we're all here to try and find him."
Judy was looking at me in open-mouthed wonder, as was Leon.
"So Shari's your...sister? Really? You look nothing like each other..."
Shari spoke up.
"Bobby's my half-brother, we have different mothers. My mother was Indian, and Bobby's mother was English. Everything Bobby told you is the truth; we came here looking for my brother, we know what happened to him to make him leave, all we want is a chance to tell him his family is there when he needs us; we know he has a family here, we don't want to drag him back to England, we don't want him to re-live any of that, we know what pain and sorrow he went through, is still going through. All we want is the chance to tell him that he has us as well, and to let him know that when he's ready, we're going to be there for him, if he'll let us. That's all. All I want is to meet my big brother...and hug my niece as well!"
Judy looked thoughtfully from Rick to me, to Shari and back to Rick.
"And if you find him, what then? Maybe he has a life here. Maybe he won't want to be reminded of the life he left behind, maybe he has all he needs right here, have you thought of that?"
Shari wiped her eyes with the back of her glove and squeezed my arm tightly.
"I hope he does have a life here, a good, happy life; after what happened to him, he needs and deserves all the happiness he can find, or make. All we want is for him to know that we're here, that he has us too, and that it's all finally over. There's only one more thing we need him to know, and...well, I think that's for him, if it's all the same to you, Judy."
Judy looked appraisingly at us, but the flat hostility that had been so apparent before was gone now. Now her look was friendly, compassionate.
"Ok guys, thank you for sharing at last. I hope you find him, I really do, it must be hell, knowing part of your family is missing like that!"
Yaz was hugging Rick closely, her face buried in his chest, obviously affected by Shari's words, Rick stroking her hair as he hugged her, and Judy glanced thoughtfully at her. Leon was looking pretty shell-shocked at all these revelations, turning to stare back at us as Judy towed him back to the house. As we gathered on the back porch, he grinned at us.
"Whatever you do, don't tell mom you're all brothers and sisters! I could give a shit, but she's kinda old-school Catholic; one hint of this and she'll have you on your knees, so keep a lid on it, guys, and I m
ean it!"
We spent the rest of the morning touring around the town, Leon showing us the various historical landmarks and sites, obviously proud of his home-town. Judy and the girls split away from us, doing some exploring of their own, leaving the three of us to talk in an excellent coffee-shop.
"So Bobby, isn't it kind of weird, you and...you know, your sister and all...?" asked Leon, a puzzled expression on his face, and I struggled to explain the connection Shari and I shared, plus the fact that three months earlier I'd never met her or knew she existed, so for me she wasn't my sister, and that I had no place anywhere in my head that she fitted-in as a sister, so no, it wasn't weird at all; to me she was only and always a beautiful, exotic girl who loved me, and I loved her.
Leon got that, and grinned.
"I don't blame you, man, she's a real babe! How 'bout you, Rick?"
Rick kind of grinned too, all the answer Leon needed. With that we headed back to rendezvous with the girls and go back to the house for lunch. After lunch, Judy excused herself, saying she had to get back to Albany, urgent family business, but that she'd see us soon, and left us to sit and talk with the family, Kathleen and Maria filling us in on Leon's past; we learned he'd grown up wanting to be a fire-fighter, like his father and grandfather, but after his father was killed in New York, the family had moved back to Oneonta and Kathleen had made him promise not to join the Fire Department, so his other great love, cars took over.
At that point he took Rick and me out to the garage and pulled a tarp off his pride and joy; a black 1967 Chevrolet Impala he'd first seen in a TV show called "Supernatural" and had scrimped and saved until he could finally get a broken-down example, which he'd then spent several years restoring. It was a beauty, glossy black paintwork and sparkling chrome, and to my eyes, used to the compact cars of Britain, it looked big as a ferryboat and sleek and menacing as a torpedo.
Dinner was once again a happy, relaxed affair, Kathleen pulling out all the stops, as we'd be leaving the next day to go back to Albany; we'd decided we really should be back there in case the private investigator had any more information. We were just passing round dessert when the telephone rang. Leon took the call, and then called Kathleen out into the hall for a quick, whispered conversation. They both came back in, Kathleen giving us us an odd look, before exchanging glances with Leon and nodding to him, so he turned his attention to us.
"Guys, I'll be taking you back to Albany once we're done here; Judy's in Albany with someone there she thinks you need to talk to, so once we're done, we'll get your stuff together. I wish you could have stayed longer, but Judy says this is real important!"
Rick, Yaz, Shari and I exchanged puzzled glances; what was going on here? Leon wasn't saying anything more, so we finished dinner in awkward silence. Once we were done, Rick and I went and got the bags while the ladies hugged and promised return visits as soon as possible.
Conversation during the drive back was limited, as Leon seemed to have no wish to discuss where we were going; all he would say was that Judy had asked him to bring us back to Albany as quickly as possible, and that it was important. To be honest, I was feeling a little embarrassed at the abrupt way we'd finished our visit, eating and running like that, so I was not entirely comfortable on the 90-minute drive back to Albany.
Eventually we began hitting the off-ramp signs for down-town Albany, and we took one, driving through what looked like very nice housing developments and older neighborhoods, lots of green spaces and lawns, large, elegant houses set well-back from the road, with large gardens to the front, and wide, sweeping roadways.
We eventually pulled into the gravelled drive of a large, red-brick house with tall, white-framed windows, and a large Weeping Willow in the centre of the lawn. As we rolled to a stop, the front door opened, and Judy came out with a tall girl with striking red-bronze hair, almost the same titian-red as Shari's, and smoky emerald eyes. She stared wide-eyed at Rick and me, and turned back to Judy.
"Jude, look..they're so much like...it's amazing, look at them!" she whispered, while we looked on uncomprehendingly. Judy grinned.
"I know, told you so. Guys, this is my sister, Ashley. Ashley, this is Bobby, that's Ricky, and these are their girlfriends, Shari and Yaz. Shall we go in?"
Ashley led us into the house and into a large, comfortable family room, with big couches and a bright fire, where she indicated that we take our seats. I was at a complete loss to understand why Judy had brought us here, and was just about to ask her, when a little girl, maybe no more than 18 months or so, came running down the passage and barged into Judy's legs.
"Judeejudeejudeejudee!" she crowed, laughing as Judy picked her up and nibbled her neck, making her laugh and giggle even more, before settling her on her hip. She saw the puzzled look on our faces, and grinned.
"This is my niece, Babs; say hello to the nice people, poppet!"
The little girl grinned happily, and flapped a pudgy little hand.
"This is Ashley's baby, her husband will be along shortly, he has some things he wants to tell you; in fact, here he is now."
I was just turning to see this "husband" who wanted to talk to us, when he spoke, freezing me in my tracks.
"Hello Robert, long time no see! You too, Richie! I hear you want to talk to me!"
Rick jumped spinning around, his expression probably mirroring mine, because there, framed in the doorway, looking just as I remembered him, was Nicky, the same tousled dark blonde hair, the same tawny-brown eyes, the same lopsided smile, a little taller and somehow more "grown-up", but still Nicky.
"Nicky...oh my God, Shari, look, it's...it's Nicky, look!" I whispered, shock, relief, guilt, and sorrow all battling for control of me.
Nicky walked into the room and took the little girl from Judy, grinning fondly as she reached up and pulled his nose, then kissed her and passed her to Ashley, kissing her as she took the child from him. He then turned back to face us, his expression quizzical, but not hostile.
"Judy tells me you came here looking for me, which was kind of a surprise, but here I am. Now you've found me, what can I do for you?"
I was utterly dumbfounded; I'd resigned myself to weeks, maybe months of waiting for news, and yet the people we'd bumped into by the sheerest stroke of luck had led us right here to him. My mouth worked as I tried to say something, anything, but I was struck speechless.
"Speak up, Robert, you never had any problem before!" he grinned, his expression robbing the words of any sting, although, in truth he had every reason in the world to be bitter and hostile, and not one reason in hell to listen to anything we had to say. Shari looked up at me, her expression unreadable, realising I was trying to say so many things that nothing could come out, so she plunged ahead.
"Nick...Nicky, you don't know me, my name is Shereen Shahida, and my sister Yasmin and I are the daughters of Robert Davies; we're your sisters, you're my big brother, and we've been looking for you. Mummy told us everything she knew about you, what our...what that man did to you, how he hurt you. She didn't know where you were, or what happened to you, but I promised myself that we'd try and find you, because you're my big brother, and I need you as much as I need Bobby and Ricky!"
Nick put his arm around Ashley and squeezed her, smiling at Shari as she stood looking at him, her face pale and drawn, and her eyes glittering.
"So you're my little sister? Hello sis, and hello even younger sis!" he grinned, smiling at Yaz.
Yaz stared silently at him, her eyes shining, breathing out in a gusty sigh that somehow became a sob. Nicky cocked his head and winked at her, and suddenly Yaz was hugging him, babbling into his chest.
"We looked for you, we tried to find you, we all did, oh Nicky, we didn't know where you were, I heard so much about you, mummy said you were badly hurt, I'm so sorry, so sorry...!"
Nick hugged her, grinning at Shari, as she too moved in to share in his hug.
"Sshhh, it's okay, it's okay, shh now, is that any way to say hello to your big brother? Who
knew I had such beautiful little sisters!" He held them both away a little and studied them, his old grin very much in evidence, that charming, lopsided smile of his that had always irritated me so much when I was younger.
"Judy said you were beautiful, but she was only half-right! All my sisters are knock-outs, just look at you! And now I think you should meet the rest of your family. This beautiful girl here is my wife, Ashley, and this is our daughter, your niece, Barbara."
My heart lurched as he said her name, wonder, guilt and loss warring in me all over again. Nick saw me start at the name, and nodded slightly, obviously guessing exactly what had jolted through me on hearing my mother's name again.
Nick pulled Judy closer and hugged her tightly.
"You've met Judy, my sister-in-law and my best friend, and Leon, my soon-to-be brother in law you already know. My mother and her husband are waiting for us to get acquainted, you'll meet them later. So now, talk to me, Robert, tell me why you needed to see me so badly. I wrote to you, I asked you both to meet me in Carlisle last year, I heard nothing back, so I assumed that was it. So, why are you here, now?"
Shari looked up at me again, checking if I was up to this now, and I nodded, letting her know I was ready for this. We all sat down as I began to speak.
In a low voice I told him what had happened after our father was arrested and extradited, the way we'd been stripped of everything, how we'd lived, then Rick's disappearance and re-appearance two years later with two sisters in-tow, sisters we'd grown-up completely unaware of.
Rick took up the tale, how he'd pieced together enough hints and clues to convince him that he'd found something, and how he had indeed found Shari and her family, and learned what our father had put her mother through. He glanced at Shari, who took it up from there.
"Our mother was beaten and abused, raped and mistreated by our father for so long, but she couldn't do anything about it, because he threatened us, Yaz and me. When we were old enough, he was going to sell us to his friends!"
Nicky's look of shock and outrage was echoed and magnified on Ashley and Judy's faces. Nicky pulled her close and held her while she trembled, the remembered fear and terror reverberating through her all over again, and it felt right to watch her be held and take comfort in the arms of her big brother.