by Calia Read
He looked up at me with hooded eyes. I undid the buttons of his shirt one by one. He didn’t try to hurry me. Just obediently stayed still. His hands curled into fists, and I knew he was counting down the seconds until it was his turn to touch. Beneath my hands I felt his heart beating wildly and smiled down at him. He sat up and took his shirt off, watching me stare at him.
“You done?”
“Not even close.”
My hands curved around his stomach. I leaned into him as my fingers glided up his back, pushing him back. He groaned loudly. I could’ve continued my exploration of his body. But Mathias gently pushed me away. The distance was there and gone within seconds, and his lips were on my jaw. He dragged them down my throat and sucked hard. I tilted my head back, giving him more access.
My hands were on his back, enjoying the feel of his muscles underneath my palms. He moved lower and lower and my pulse became frantic. Suddenly his lips were at my breast. I looked down at him. His dark blonde strands brushed against my skin, but I just watched how close his lips were to me. He shifted, and I felt how hard he was against my leg. And then he moved the material of my dress aside and pulled it down as far as it could go. The thin piece of my bra strap was visible. His finger slid under the material, moving up and down, as if he didn’t know what he should do.
I was seconds away from begging him to pull it down, when he finally did. I moaned in relief. The straps stopped at my elbows, barely keeping me covered.
I looked down at him and found him staring up at me, beneath his lashes. He looked so hardened and cynical by life. But just for a second, his eyes changed, and he looked at me as if touching me just might be the best thing he’d ever done.
He repeated the process on the other side. My body felt like it was seconds away from going up in flames. He cupped my breast in his hands. The pads of his thumbs brushed against my nipples.
My breath was stuck in my throat.
“Look at you,” he said gruffly.
I smirked. At least I think I did. I was starting to lose control of all parts of my body.
While one hand palmed my breast, the other slid down my body and drifted toward the hem of my dress. His nose brushed against the swell of one breast, back and forth, back and forth. I could feel him in so many places. It was overwhelming in the best way possible. And then he drew a nipple into his mouth. At the same time his fingers slipped past the barriers of my underwear and brushed against the most sensitive part of my body. I jumped slightly. I raised myself slightly on my knees and Mathias’ finger went a bit deeper. I was frantic, no, more than frantic, desperate to touch him. My hands slipped between the two of us. I made quick work of his belt buckle and zipper, and when I slipped my hands into his boxers, I pulled him out.
He sucked in a sharp breath, and his head fell back against the couch. I watched him in fascination.
“Wait … I need-”
I moved my hand.
“Shit.”
I wasn’t trying to torture him. But everything about right now was just too much to resist.
“Condom,” he croaked. “I need a fucking condom.”
His words made my eyes widen. At least one of us was thinking straight.
I gave him a deep kiss and said against his lips: “Where?”
“Bag.” He sat up, his hand wrapping around my waist. He moved to the left and my hands wrapped around his neck as he unzipped a large black duffle back, moving and jerking things around. He muttered words in English that made me smile and curl my fingers around his jaw, giving him another kiss.
“Fucking killing me,” he muttered.
Finally, in what felt like forever, he held a small, square silver packet between us like it was a trophy. He tore the packet with his teeth. The whole time I watched, with thrilling anticipation; tonight was going right where I pictured it going.
There was a pounding at the door. I lifted my head. My body tensed.
“Ignore it,” he said. “It’s nothing.”
He kneaded my breasts and I closed my eyes, my thoughts already drifting back to Mathias. He pulled a nipple into his mouth and my nails dug into the back of his neck, trying to push him closer.
The pounding increased. At this point, it was impossible to ignore. Mathias continued to torture me with his lips, but I could feel his body tense beneath mine.
“Are you going to get that?” I asked, my voice a bit breathless.
“No,” he growled. “I’m a bit busy right now.”
He switched to the other breast.
The pounding continued.
“Open the door!” Simone shouted and repeatedly pounded her fist. “I know you’re in there with that man!”
My head shot up in guilt. With wide eyes I stared at the door. How could she have found me? How?
I glanced down at Mathias and into his questioning gaze. “Do you know her?”
“She’s my friend. She was the girl I was with tonight.”
Reluctantly, he moved away.
“Although, after this she may no longer be my friend,” I muttered.
Mathias grinned wickedly as he helped me slide the straps of my bra up, giving my breasts a regretful look. And when I was covered, he went and opened the door. Simone didn’t wait for an invitation. She barged into the apartment, her eyes sweeping over everything in the room.
“Are you crazy?” she shrieked.
The guy from the bar that had been sitting next to Mathias was in the doorway, staring at Simone and me with wide eyes. His German was quick as he spoke to Mathias, explaining that Simone demanded to know where he lived.
“We’re leaving,” Simone announced.
Mathias looked over Simone’s shoulder at me and lifted a brow. “Are you leaving?”
Oh, I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay with him. I wanted to feel his warm lips against my skin drifting lower and lower. I wanted so much and I knew that only he could give it to me.
Simone never gave me a chance to respond. “Yes.” She grabbed my arm and pulled me toward the door. “She’s leaving.”
Mathias blocked our way.
“Move,” she demanded.
“My apartment.”
“My friend.”
“Your friend was fine. She came here on her own.”
“And now she leave vit me.” She was so angry her English became broken.
I thought Mathias was going to continue arguing with her, but he looked at me, his eyes going warm. I shrugged, wordlessly hoping that he understood that Simone wasn’t leaving until I left. He stepped aside.
“After you.”
Simone glared at him with distrust. And we walked out of the door. I looked at Mathias over my shoulder. I couldn’t believe this was how my night was ending. I couldn’t stop smiling. What an un-Katja thing to do. What a rush.
“Bye!” I said.
Mathias crossed his arms and leaned against the doorjamb. His shirt was still unbuttoned, and there was lipstick smeared across his neck. The visual was mouth watering.
Mine, mine, mine, an inner voice whispered.
Simone’s grip tightened. “Come on, Lolita. Let’s go.”
He stared at me with those intense eyes of his, like he wanted to say something to me but couldn’t. The urge to go back to him was so strong I stopped walking.
Simone tugged on my hand. “Let’s go.”
Reluctantly, we walked down the stairs.
Before I had even stepped into his apartment, I already knew he was that unattainable guy—no female could get him to stay willingly. A man like Mathias would damage every female that he came in contact with.
When we were on the first floor, Simone stopped walking long enough for me to put on my heels. Her mouth opened, and I knew that she was getting ready to give me a piece of her mind. At that moment, though, a door to our left swung open, revealing an old woman, with rollers in her gray hair. A housecoat covered her body like an oversized bag.
“Who are you two?” she barked.
The lady’s eyes squinted, and she looked like she was seconds away from grabbing a broom and beating us with it. We hurried outside before she could yell anything else at us.
Rain was lightly falling. I took a deep sigh the minute it touched me. The raindrops felt good against my warm skin. Cooling me down and allowing me to really take a deep cleansing breath. I wanted to stop and take it in, but Simone glared at me.
She held her coat above her head and started to walk. I ran beside her as best as I could and gently nudged her to let me duck under her makeshift umbrella.
“I should’ve just let you walk in the rain,” she muttered. But even as she said those words she made room for me.
I squeezed in close to her, my arms hugging my body. The urge to look over my shoulder, at the apartment I just left, was strong. Instead, I closed my eyes and pictured his arm draped around me, the heat of his strong body touching mine, and by just picturing it, my body started to warm all on its own.
“Get that look off your face, Katja!” Simone said through her teeth.
“My solitary confinement starts tomorrow.” I grabbed her arm. She stopped and looked at me. The rain ricocheted off her jacket and plopped onto the ground. “I took full advantage of tonight. Tonight was meant to be fun. And I promise you, I was having fun back there.”
“When I said fun, I meant kicking up your feet. I meant dancing and drinking and not having a care in the world. Not going to a stranger’s apartment and almost fucking on his couch!”
“You saw me on the couch. My feet weren’t kicked up.”
Simone gave me a furious look.
“I’m in one piece,” I said gently. “I’m perfectly fine and my clothes are still on,” I pointed out.
“Barely,” she muttered. “If I’d walked in seconds later your dress would’ve been off.”
“You say that like it’s a bad thing!” I said with a smile.
“Katja!” She narrowed her eyes at me and started to walk again.
“What?” I said innocently.
“What’s wrong with you tonight?”
“I don’t know!” I exclaimed. I was still amped up from Mathias’ kisses. My hands were still shaking and all I could do was smile stupidly. “It’s that man, Simone. I swear ... he did this to me!”
Simone scoffed. “Be serious.”
“I am! He looked at me and I felt powerful. It made me just shut down and not think, but do. Having his hands on me was a rush. I’m on a complete high right now,” I confessed.
She didn’t say anything after that. And so we quietly walked in the rain, our heels clicking against the sidewalk, back to our apartment.
Simone hurriedly unlocked the front door. Before we went inside she looked at me carefully. “What you did was stupid.”
“It wasn’t stupid!”
My response earned another glare from Simone.
“Okay...” I drew out. “It was a lot of stupid. But you and I both know that tonight was a one-night thing. It won’t happen again.”
“Whether you realize it or not, I saved your ass.”
We stepped into our apartment. I flipped on the lights while Simone shook the water off her jacket and hung it over the kitchen chair.
“Just forget about him. Tomorrow you’ll meet your new instructor and you’ll be too busy to even think about this guy. He’s probably not even available.”
She was right. I knew he wasn’t available. I think he was the most unavailable guy I’d ever met. That made tonight all the more exciting, all the more consuming.
All the more unforgettable.
I walked into my bedroom. Simone followed me. “And think about what would’ve happened if your Opa found out! He would’ve killed you, and then, when he’s done killing you, he would kill me for taking you out.”
I quickly moved around my room, gathering up warm clothes to change into. “Opa will never find out about tonight. Don’t worry.”
“I just can’t believe you did that!”
I looked over at her. A part of me couldn’t believe I did it either. “Are you meaning to tell me that you’ve never gone home with a guy ... ever?”
She pursed her lips. “I have. BUT I knew the guy. I didn’t meet him and go right home with him.”
“Tonight was fun, Simone! So fun and exciting,” I gushed. “I was a completely different person for a few hours. One that didn’t care about anything and did exactly what she wanted. Do you know how great that felt?”
She didn’t answer, just stared down at her feet.
“We went to have fun and be free and we did,” I continued. I walked over to her and gently squeezed her arm. “Tomorrow I go back to prim and practical Katja, okay? Tomorrow, it will be like none of this ever happened.”
K A T J A
“Wake up,” someone whispered in my ear. “Katja! Wake up! You’re going to be late.”
My room was pitch black and my bed was warm and so cozy. I mumbled incoherently and rolled over. Whoever was talking wouldn’t give up and walk away. Then I heard my blinds being rolled up. Blinding bright light shined into my room. Even though my eyes were still closed, I cringed and covered my face with my pillow.
“Katja! I’m not kidding. Get up. It’s 8:55! You’re meeting your piano instructor today.”
That woke me up. I shot out of bed, staring into Simone’s tired eyes. She was waving my phone in my face, and sure enough, she was right.
I snatched it out of her hands and shook the phone like I could shake it to the time I wanted.
“Simone!” I screeched. “Opa is going to kill me!”
“Did you set your alarm?”
I jumped out of bed, stepping over my clothes from last night. “I swore I did.”
“Clearly you didn’t.”
In my rush to get ready, I knocked over half the items on my dresser, and it seemed like all the things I was searching for had disappeared.
“Where are my contacts? I need them!”
“I’m your roommate ... not your maid,” Simone said, standing in the doorway.
The contacts were nowhere to be found. I gave up and grabbed my glasses sitting on the nightstand.
“I bet you’re regretting last night now,” she commented.
If I had time, I would’ve glared at her. “Not now,” I shot back.
“Your hair looks like a bird’s nest.”
“My hair is the least of my worries.” I quickly undressed. “I’m trying not to be late. And can you help me instead of standing there?”
“I already did help. I saved you from a giant mistake last night, and I woke you up in time so you didn’t sleep the day away. I’ve met my quota for helping you for the entire month.”
I yanked a skirt from the hanger and quickly put it on. I blindly grabbed a shirt and cardigan. I ran to the bathroom. As I brushed my teeth I stared in the mirror. If I had more time I would put some blush across my sharp cheekbones. A few coats of mascara around my dark green eyes and dab some gloss across my lips that still felt swollen from last night. All these features were the only thing I had left over from my mom.
I looked away from my reflection and went through the cabinet, grabbed the first hair tie I could find, and put my hair into a ponytail. Simone was right. Pulling it up into a ponytail helped, but it still looked wild. Bird’s nest, indeed.
I ran down the hall. Simone trailed behind me, grinning widely. She was getting way too much satisfaction out of this.
“I have to go,” I said.
My bag with all my music was hanging on a hook next to the door. I grabbed it on my way out.
“Good luck,” Simone shouted before the door slammed.
The sun was bright today. Birds were chirping happily and I wanted it all to stop. I had a headache like no other. I ran down the cobblestone sidewalk, ignoring the looks that my neighbors were giving me. Opa and Oma lived only a block away
. On a regular day, the walk seemed so short and enjoyable. But today it felt like they lived miles away. It felt like the sidewalk kept stretching further on down, an endless line of silver, until there was no end in sight.
I turned the corner and dodged a woman walking her dog. “Entschuldigung!” Sorry! I shouted and kept running.
I took another sharp right and their house came into view. If my lungs didn’t feel like they were about to collapse on me, I would’ve breathed a sigh of relief. I bypassed the pathway and just cut across the grass. I burst through the door. I could hear Oma moving around in the kitchen. I didn’t have enough time to stop and say hi to her.
“Katja?” she called out behind me.
I kept running up the stairs. My studio was the last door on the right. I stopped running, and as I hurriedly walked, I smoothed one hand down my cardigan and skirt and touched my hair, pushing back any stray strands. When I finally felt I looked presentable, I walked into the room.
“Opa,” I panted as I stood in the doorway. He was standing next to the door with his arms crossed, wearing a stern expression. I walked over to him and kissed his cheek.
“You’re late.”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry.” I dropped my bag onto the piano bench and went through my music. “I overslept. I didn’t hear my alarm go off. Simone had to wake me up and I had to run over here. I almost ran over a dog and its owner and I-”
“Katja,” Opa interrupted.
I finally stopped rambling and looked his way. His cheeks were red and that was a clear sign he was embarrassed.
“It’s fine. Just don’t be late again.” He walked across the room. And it was then that I noticed we weren’t alone. My back straightened as I stared at the back of a man. This must be my new piano instructor. It had to be. I took a deep breath, hoping that he would be halfway decent, and we would have a cordial student/instructor relationship. I’d had my fair share of over-the-top, fascist instructors. I wanted this one to be different.