by Katie Tsang
Lucy stamped her foot. ‘But I’m the BEST at top-secret emergencies. You know that.’
I opened my mouth to argue, but then Zoe spoke up. ‘She’s got a point, Sam,’ she said. ‘Lucy has come in pretty handy before.’ Lucy beamed. ‘Yeah!’ she said. ‘And Zoe even made me my own official ghost-hunter certificate, remember?’
It was true, she had.
‘This is different, Lucy,’ I said. ‘It’s the most dangerous mission we’ve ever attempted. You’re my little sister – I have to protect you. It’s my job.’
‘Can you at least tell me what it is?’ said Lucy. ‘Please?’
‘I have to consult my crew,’ I said, looking over at Zoe and Bernard.
‘It can’t hurt . . .’ said Zoe.
Bernard nodded in agreement.
‘Okay, Lucy,’ I said, lowering my voice. ‘But you have to pinky swear not to tell ANYONE, okay? It’s top secret. We don’t want anyone messing up our mission.’
Lucy held out her little finger, and I grabbed it with my own, sealing our pinky promise.
‘I don’t want to scare you,’ I said, ‘but . . . there’s a GIANT spider on the loose at school.’
Lucy looked at me expectantly. ‘And . . . it’s radioactive?’ she said.
I shook my head. ‘No . . .’
‘And it’s a FLYING spider?’ she went on.
‘No,’ I said.
‘A PEOPLE-EATING SPIDER?’ she said.
‘Not exactly,’ I admitted.
‘So you’re saying just a regular spider is on the loose?’ she said.
‘I wouldn’t call it a normal spider,’ Bernard clarified. ‘It’s a Goliath birdeating tarantula, the biggest spider in the world.’
‘But it’s still just a spider, right?’
‘Right,’ I said, unsure why she wasn’t more scared. I knew Lucy was brave, but surely this had to scare her at least a little bit. ‘But a HUGE one.’ I held out my hands to show her the size. ‘Bigger than your head!’
Lucy’s eyes got huge, finally giving me the response I was expecting.
‘Awesome,’ she breathed.
Zoe, Bernard and I all looked at each other.
‘Lucy,’ said Zoe. ‘Do you . . . like spiders?’
Lucy shook her head back and forth rapidly, her pigtails whipping in the air. ‘I don’t like spiders,’ she said, ‘I LOVE spiders. I’m the Spider Queen!’ She did a twirl.
‘What?’ we all said. Then I sighed.
‘Lucy, this isn’t a game. This is serious. There really is a giant spider on the loose at school.’
‘I know that,’ she said. ‘And I’m being serious too!’ Then she leaned towards us and whispered, ‘Do you want me to show you my spider subjects?’
‘Your WHAT?’
‘I told you,’ she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world, ‘I’m the Spider Queen. So of course I need spider subjects. Come on, follow me! But don’t let anyone see where we go!’ She skipped away to the bushes in the back of our garden. ‘Come on,’ she said in a loud whisper. Then she got down on her hands and knees and crawled into the bushes.
A second later, her head popped back out. ‘Are you all coming or what?’
‘Does she think this is a game?’ said Bernard.
‘Only one way to find out,’ I said.
We went to the edge of the garden, and crawled into the bushes after Lucy.
The tunnel through the bushes was small, and branches and thorns scratched my arms as we chased after Lucy.
Lucy is smaller than us, and the tunnel seemed perfectly shaped for her. ‘Almost there,’ she called out over her shoulder.
‘Are we still even in your back garden?’ Bernard asked from behind me.
He was breathing heavily. ‘And do you know how far it goes?’
‘I don’t know,’ I said. And then I suddenly remembered Bernard didn’t really like small spaces. ‘Don’t worry,’ I said as authoritatively as I could. ‘We’ve got to be there soon!’
Then just as I had replied, the tunnel ended, opening into a small dome-shaped clearing edged entirely with bushes, all around and above us. There was enough space for Lucy to stand, but the rest of us had to crouch or sit.
‘Welcome to my spider court,’ said Lucy, picking up a crown made of leaves and twigs and putting it on her head.
We just stared. Strung along all the branches and just above our heads were dozens of glistening spider webs.
Zoe crept backwards till she was in the small tunnel we had come from. ‘I was not expecting this,’ she said.
‘How did you find this?’ I whispered. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light in the clearing, I could see HUNDREDS of spiders crawling all over the bushes.
Lucy shrugged. ‘I was just exploring in the garden one day, and then Butterbutt disappeared into the bushes, so I followed him. And then I found this spot! And it was COVERED in spiders! So I decided to become their queen,’ she said.
She held out a finger to one of the webs and a small black spider crawled on to her hand.
‘This one is Itsy,’ she said. ‘You know, like the song “Itsy Bitsy Spider”?’ Then she grinned at us. ‘I call most of them Itsy,’ she admitted. ‘Sometimes it’s hard to tell them apart.’
‘But . . . but don’t they ever bite you?’ I said, swatting over my shoulder. I was sure spiders were going to pounce on me from every direction at any second. I wished that I had eight eyes like the spiders so I could be absolutely certain they weren’t about to jump on me. And it wasn’t just me! Zoe was still hovering around the tunnel entrance like she was ready to make a quick escape (this was actually very wise) and Bernard still hadn’t said a word – he just stared all around him with HUGE eyes.
Lucy shrugged again. ‘You get mosquito bites, don’t you? It’s the same thing.’
‘But, LUCY,’ I said. ‘Some spiders are POISONOUS.’
‘None of my spiders are,’ she said confidently, putting Itsy back on a branch.
‘You can’t even tell them apart!’ I sputtered. ‘How do you know none of them are poisonous?’
‘I know black widow spiders have a red marking on them, and none of my spiders have that,’ said Lucy. ‘And all the really poisonous spiders live in Australia.’ Then she sighed. ‘Besides, if I thought a spider was going to bite me, I’d just squash it.’
Zoe looked like she might throw up.
Then Butterbutt came bounding in. With a leap, he tore down one of the webs and caught one spider with his paw and one in his mouth.
‘Butterbutt!’ said Lucy, going over and scooping him up, not even caring about the spider webs getting all over her. ‘That isn’t very nice!’ she scolded. But she didn’t seem too bothered that she’d just lost two of her spider subjects. ‘Butterbutt is great at catching spiders,’ said Lucy. ‘I’m just trying to teach him how to catch and release, instead of catch and eat.’
That was when the idea hit me. It was like Captain Jane says, ‘Inspiration can strike at any time.’ Although, I guess it did kind of make sense for me to get an idea on how to catch a spider while sitting in a spider den.
‘Lucy,’ I said. ‘Do you think Butterbutt would be able to find the missing tarantula at school?’
‘Butterbutt’s a cat, not a bloodhound,’ said Zoe.
‘But we know he’s good at finding things,’ I said.
‘How do we know that Butterbutt wouldn’t, you know, accidentally try to eat Tulip?’ said Bernard. ‘You heard what Lucy just said – she’s trying to teach him to catch and release, not catch and eat.’
‘Tulip is too big for Butterbutt to swallow in one bite,’ I said. ‘If we stayed close, we could pull Butterbutt away before he did any harm.’
‘What about the damage Tulip could do to Butterbutt?’ said Zoe.
‘Who’s Tulip?’ asked Lucy, looking confused. She clutched Butterbutt to her chest. ‘I don’t want Butterbutt to do anything dangerous!’
‘Tulip is the missing giant tarantula,’
I said. ‘And as long as Tulip doesn’t bite Butterbutt, he’ll be okay.’
‘That won’t be the only thing we have to worry about,’ said Bernard, making his extra-serious face. ‘I’ve read that tarantulas can release a shower of tiny spiky hairs into the air – we don’t want Butterbutt to get in the way of those!’
I looked at Butterbutt. Butterbutt looked back at me. I felt like maybe he could understand how important this was. ‘Butterbutt is surprisingly smart, for a cat,’ I said. ‘He’d know to run away if Tulip started to attack like that.’
‘I know!’ said Lucy. ‘I bet there are videos online of tarantulas attacking! We can show them to Butterbutt so he knows what to do.’
‘Lucy, Butterbutt isn’t that smart,’ I said, frowning. ‘He’s still just a cat.’
‘You are the one suggesting that Butterbutt can somehow find the spider,’ muttered Zoe.
‘Butterbutt is a VERY smart cat,’ said Lucy, reaching out and grabbing Butterbutt from me. She held him protectively.
‘Lucy might have a point,’ said Bernard. ‘Not that Butterbutt should watch the videos, but we should. So we know what to do.’
I turned to Zoe. ‘Zoe, you’re the fastest person in our grade. Do you think you could keep up with Butterbutt?’
Zoe nodded. ‘But I don’t want to get anywhere near Tulip,’ she said. She shuddered. ‘I think I’m allergic to spiders. Especially ones that can send their spiky hairs into the air.’
‘That’s okay,’ I said. ‘We’ll be right behind you – we just need to make sure we don’t lose Butterbutt.’ I looked at the cat. ‘And I’ve got the perfect idea to make sure that Butterbutt doesn’t get bitten.’
‘Great,’ said Zoe. ‘Now that we’ve got a plan, can we get out of here? I feel like I’ve got spiders crawling all over me!’
‘You probably have,’ said Lucy. ‘But don’t worry, they’re easy to brush off, and they almost never bite.’
We crawled back into the main area of our garden just in time. Na-Na, my grandma, was coming out to do some gardening. She looked at us suspiciously.
‘Where have you been?’ she said.
‘Just playing, Na-Na,’ I said.
‘Hmmm,’ she said.
‘I showed Sam my spiders!’ said Lucy.
‘Lucy,’ I whispered, ‘the spider thing is a secret, remember?’
‘Oh, I know all about Lucy the Spider Queen,’ said Na-Na. ‘You can’t hide anything from me, remember?’
I nodded. It is true. Na-Na can hear EVERYTHING and she has a spooky ability to know when we are up to something.
But the good thing is, she usually helps us out if we ask nicely. After all, she was the one I convinced to buy me my pet snake when I knew my parents would say no. All it took was promising to weed her garden. Na-Na is sometimes susceptible to bribes.
‘What secret spider thing are you talking about, Sam?’ Na-Na said, narrowing her eyes at me.
‘Nothing,’ I said quickly.
‘Hmm,’ she said. ‘Well, you know I’ll find out anyway.’
Then she went into her gardening shed, put on her giant gardening gloves and grabbed her gardening scissors. ‘Lucy,’ she said over her shoulder, ‘tell your little spider friends I’m pruning the bushes today, so they’d better run away if they don’t want to get chopped.’
Then she started whacking away at the bushes.
‘I’m glad we aren’t still in those bushes,’ said Bernard, ‘otherwise we might have been the ones getting chopped!’
We all went up into my room and turned on my computer. It only took Bernard a few seconds to find hundreds of videos of tarantulas doing all kinds of crazy things – catching prey, making webs and, just what we were looking for, going into battle with a bigger animal.
In one video, a small leopard came close, but before it could attack, the tarantula started shooting its spiky hairs everywhere – and the leopard ran away!
Lucy tried to get Butterbutt to watch the videos, but as usual, he was much more interested in watching Fang in his enclosure. He kept batting at the side of the glass.
‘Lucy,’ I said, ‘keep an eye on Butterbutt.’
‘Maybe we should bring Fang to school to catch Tulip,’ suggested Zoe.
The idea of both a spider and a snake on the loose at school did NOT seem like a good plan.
‘Remember the time Fang went missing in the house and we couldn’t find him?’ I said. ‘There is no way we’d be able to find him if he got lost at school. At least we know we won’t lose Butterbutt.’
‘You’d better not lose Butterbutt,’ said Lucy.
‘We won’t,’ I said. ‘That’s all part of my master plan.’
‘What is this master plan?’ said Zoe. ‘You still haven’t told us.’
‘We need a few things first,’ I said. ‘A small bell, some string and lots of tinfoil.’
‘Tinfoil?’ said Bernard. And then his face lit up. ‘Of course! To make a protective suit!’
‘Exactly!’ I said with a grin. ‘And the bell will be so we don’t lose Butterbutt. The string is to tie the bell on him.’
I lowered my voice to a whisper. ‘We’ll have to do this all at school though, and the hardest part is going to be sneaking Butterbutt in.’ I looked at Lucy. ‘Lucy, I was hoping you could help with that.’ Lucy had experience of sneaking Butterbutt into places that he wasn’t supposed to go. My bedroom, the beach, the grocery store, the library, her karate class – and lots of places I probably didn’t even know about.
She nodded, beaming. ‘I told you I could help out with the mission!’ she said.
‘Great,’ I said. ‘Then it’s a plan. Tomorrow morning, we’ll all meet at our spot by the fence.’
‘I don’t know where that is,’ said Lucy.
‘That’s okay,’ I said, ‘we can meet outside the kindergarten class instead. And then we’ll wrap Butterbutt in tinfoil, tie the bell on him and let him find Tulip! It’s a foolproof plan.’
Bernard frowned. ‘I don’t know, Sam,’ he said. ‘Won’t there be teachers and students everywhere?’
‘Good point,’ I said. ‘Maybe we all get to school early and sneak in before class starts.’
‘Now it’s a foolproof plan,’ said Bernard.
‘There are about a MILLION things that could go wrong!’ exclaimed Zoe. ‘We’re leaving everything down to Butterbutt?’
‘Do you have any other ideas?’ I asked.
Zoe frowned. ‘No, but I don’t love this one.’
‘Well, as Spaceman Jack says, “Sometimes it’s better to go with the bad idea you’ve got, than the good idea you haven’t thought of.”’
‘That’s a terrible saying,’ said Zoe.
‘And that’s what Captain Jane says whenever he says it,’ I said. ‘But in this case, I think we’ve got to agree with him.’ I put my hand out in front of me. ‘This will only work if we’re all in it together. Are you with me?’
Bernard stuck his hand in.
Then Lucy grabbed Butterbutt and made him stick his paw in, which he did with a yowl.
I looked at Zoe. ‘We need you, Zoe. You’re the only one fast enough to keep up with Butterbutt.’
Zoe sighed dramatically. ‘I don’t know what you would all do without me,’ she said. But then she grinned and put her hand in. ‘I’m in.’
‘For the universe!’ we all shouted, and shot our hands up into the air like rockets.
I just knew our plan would work.
Before we went down for dinner, we made sure to wash our hands extra carefully. After all, we’d been crawling around in the spider den. And I didn’t want to accidentally eat any spider germs.
‘Are we having roast duck for dinner again?’ asked Zoe as we went downstairs. ‘I really liked that the last time I was here for dinner!’
I smiled at her, remembering how my friends had been really nervous about trying my favourite dinner, roast duck and turnip cake, but had then ended up liking it.
‘Tonight we�
��re having MY favourite dinner,’ said Lucy. ‘Whole fish!’
‘I can’t eat a whole fish myself,’ Bernard said, sounding anxious.
I laughed. ‘Don’t worry,’ I said. ‘It’s for all of us. My dad will help get the bones out too.’
‘There are BONES in fish?’ said Zoe. ‘I’ve only had fish fingers.’
‘Of course there are bones in fish,’ I said.
Zoe shrugged. ‘I mean, Bernard did say today that spiders don’t use muscles. It wouldn’t be that crazy if fish didn’t have bones.’
‘I’m sure some fish don’t have bones,’ said Bernard thoughtfully. ‘I wonder if octopus have bones.’
‘We aren’t having octopus,’ I said. ‘We’re having fish with garlic and ginger.’
We sat down at the table just as my dad was finishing the fried rice.
‘I love an audience when I cook!’ he said. ‘Everyone watching?’
I groaned – my dad loves to pretend he’s a contestant on a TV cooking competition. But Bernard and Zoe watched with wide eyes as he turned the fire under the wok up high and flipped the fried rice. He doesn’t usually put on so much of a show, but I knew he wanted to impress my friends.
Zoe and Bernard applauded when he was done.
My dad put fried rice in everyone’s bowls. As well as the rice and the fish, we also had Chinese broccoli in a garlic sauce.
‘I’ll portion out the fish for everyone,’ said my dad.
‘Sam,’ whispered Bernard, kicking me under the table, ‘the fish is STARING at me.’
‘If you don’t like it looking at you,’ said Na-Na, ‘I can help with that.’ Then she reached across with her chopsticks, plucked out the eyeball and popped it in her mouth.
I groaned. Zoe and Bernard stared open-mouthed.
‘You don’t know what you’re missing,’ Na-Na said with a grin. ‘But my favourite part is the cheek,’ she added, and then took that too.
‘Don’t worry,’ I reassured Zoe and Bernard, ‘the rest of the fish just tastes like . . . well, delicious garlic and ginger fish.’