by HDA Roberts
I simply closed my eyes and begged for it to be over with.
The next day I took a fever. A bad one. I coughed hard enough to hurt my back; I felt dizzy, my chest started to burn with every breath and my head ached. My temperature hit one hundred and two and stayed there. They put me on fluids and antibiotics. The day stretched on in a fugue of pain, coughing and tears. I stopped talking completely.
My temperature climbed, hitting one hundred and ten on my sixth day in that hole. They started pumping more drugs into me, but I didn't really notice, I was pretty out of it by that point. I think I'd largely given up, truth be told. I don't remember eating much, and I think they started feeding me intravenously.
I was delirious by the fifth day, and spent the next three in a waking nightmare where I saw Cathy over and over, telling me that she hated me. I saw her as the person who'd cut my face, as Namia Sutton, Lord Faust; all the enemies and evils I'd seen defeated had come back for me with her face, it was horrifying.
I remember waking up on the seventh night, sitting up and coughing hard before spitting blood into a kidney dish Tethys held for me. I could barely breathe.
"It was a dream, right?" I asked her, groggy and weak, "It was all just a bad dream? None of it happened, did it?"
"Of course it was, Sweetheart," Tethys said softly. She held my hand and settled me back down, "Everything's alright."
I remember being relieved and falling back to the pillow. Every breath was pain, every movement a horror in my chest.
My fever broke on the ninth day. As it turned out, delirium had been a blessed relief compared to reality. I wanted to cry, but I didn't want to upset anyone. My parents were with me when Palmyra came by to check me over. She could shield better than Cassandra, so she was able to be in the room with me without feeling the need to jump out the window.
"Much better, Matty," she said, patting my shoulder, "your lungs are almost three quarters fixed, and the infection's gone. A couple more days and I'll be able to put your Magic back."
"What if you didn't?" Mother said.
"Beg pardon?" Palmyra replied.
"What if you just left the Magic gone?" Mother said, "What if you just left him normal?"
Palmyra visibly bristled, "He is normal," she said icily, "but to answer your question, I can't leave it pointed inwards when there isn't something to heal. It would be damaging, and when something dangerous turned up, he would die when he couldn't fight it."
"There must be a way," Mother said, "some way to keep him safe from this... hell he's been dragged into. Can't you just take the Magic away? Can't you just leave him in peace?"
"You can't take someone's Magic. You might suppress it-" Palmyra said.
"Do that!" Mother said, slightly desperately.
"Matty? You've been quiet," Father said, looking intently at me, "What do you think?"
"No," I said simply.
"Good enough for me," Palmyra said, patting my shoulder, "I'll be back tomorrow, okay?"
I gave her a fake smile and she vanished.
"Wait!" Mother said, but Palmyra was gone. She rounded on me, "Happy? She was going to do it; she was going to help you!"
"Help me what?"
"Careful, Sweetheart," Father warned my mother, recognising the dead tone of my voice. He knew I was barely holding it together.
"Help you be normal!" Mother said.
"Damn it," Father said, leaning back in his seat, rolling his eyes.
"Like Lady Palmyra said, I am normal," I said quietly.
"What sort of life is this, Mathew? Pain and hatred; prejudice?"
"Those things won't go away if I lost my Magic. They'd just be a lot more difficult to defend against," I pointed out.
"I want it gone, Mathew! I want that filthy Magic gone from our lives. It took your brother, and now it's taking you! One piece at a time!"
I sighed and closed my eyes. I'd had enough. I needed to sleep again.
"Did you hear me?" she said, "I said I want it gone!"
"Then kill me," I said, she gasped, "That's how you get rid of it. But just wait a while; no doubt someone will be along presently to grant your wish."
She slapped me. I deserved it. It was a terrible thing for me to say, and she didn't understand what she was asking for.
I heard feet clattering out the door.
"That wasn't fair, Mathew," Father said.
"In a very real way, I am Magic, Father," I said tiredly, "It's in me down to the bones. To say that she wants the 'filthy magic' out of her life is to say she wants rid of me. Something which seems to be going around."
"I'm sure she didn't mean it like that. I'm certain," he said, "and you are too. You know she loves you and is just so scared for you."
"Yes," I said.
I rolled onto my side and tried to sleep.
My parents stayed. Mother was always angry, she wouldn't speak to me. Oh well, the lid's on the coffin, what's another nail? Father tried to get us speaking from time to time, but I wasn't inclined to speak at all, much less to someone who felt like that about me.
I just laid there in the awkward silence, almost yearning for the day when I'd get my Magic back and... what? Do what?
Go where?
Palmyra came back again a couple of days later.
"Okay!" she said after her examination, "Looks good! Lungs back up to capacity. No more infections. She touched my forehead and it felt like a heavy lid had come off my Well. Palmyra darted back with a squeak as my Shadows darted out from under my bed, wrapping me up, moving gently, little tones of worry and messages of relief coming from the link.
I smiled slightly, relaxing as they slid back under the bed, satisfied that I was alive and well. Mother was looking at me. There was a new note of horror in her eyes, one that hadn't been there before.
"Just because it looks odd doesn't make it evil," I said, making one last attempt to repair the growing rift.
"Can't you..." she began, "I don't want you to be a Magician anymore, Mathew. It's killing you. And that's killing me."
"I am what I am, Mother. It's not something that can be switched off. And even if it was, it's too late now."
"What? Why?!" she asked.
"Too many enemies. And Cathy's already gone. No way out but forward now."
"No, I won't accept that," she said, "Just think, you get rid of it, and maybe she'll take you back?"
I couldn't believe she'd said that. It was such a cruel manipulation; I couldn't accept that it had come from Mother...
"Miriam!" Father said, his eyes flinty, his tone very like mine when I'm mad. Palmyra smiled slightly, recognising it.
Mother recognised it too and stood to look at him, regret in her eyes.
"Outside for a moment, Dear?" he suggested, waving at the door. He led her out.
There was yelling.
"He's just like you," Palmyra said, "I think I'd enjoy biting the apple that fell out of that tree..."
"That's me, you realise?"
"Shh, don't ruin it," she said, hopping on the bed next to me, "How are you really?"
"Bad," I said, gesturing at the door, "this rubbish isn't helping. Don't tell anyone?"
"Of course not," she said. She waved her hand and the various tubes and needles withdrew painlessly, punctures covering up with fresh skin, "I'm sorry about Cathy. I know you loved her."
"Since the day I met her. I still can't believe that it ended just like that. God, Lucille, it hurts. I thought that whole Jocelyn thing was bad, but this is so much worse. It's like my chest has a ragged hole in it."
"I know," she said. She leant her head against mine, "You'll get better. I know from experience."
"How'd you get over it?"
"Oh, the bad way. I dropped my pants for anyone that asked and humped the pain away," I laughed and she smiled, "Better! But I don't recommend that, you'll end up waking up one day with three complete strangers, a sore place which shouldn't be sore and a disapproving Warden glaring down at you with a dressi
ng gown in one hand and a bag of frozen peas in the other."
I laughed again, it felt good.
"I have a Warden exactly like that."
"It was good of you to spare her what you're going through, but she feels horribly guilty for leaving you like this."
"The way you Life Mages emote, I'd have been a wreck just watching her trying not to be a wreck," I said, "I'm not exactly overburdened with intestinal fortitude, you know."
"Everyone knows that, Matty," she said, patting my arm.
"It's no fun being the littlest Archon, nobody gives you any respect."
"That's because we've seen you cry when watching Disney movies."
"I had something in my eye!" I complained.
"Sure you did," she said with an evil look, "both eyes, for an entire hour."
"You know, we're immortal, I have centuries to get you back for this sort of thing."
"Ooh, I'm so scared."
"I'll set the Pixies on you again," I threatened.
"I'll be good," she said in a tiny voice.
We smiled at each other, and I sighed, a little more relaxed.
"Thanks for this," I said, taking her hand, "making me laugh."
"You're very welcome, Little Brother," she said, "It's what family's for."
I snorted.
"Well, it's what I'm for. And I owe you for not mentioning that whole... Succubus-induced flirting thing," she said with a flush.
"What happens in Gomorrah, stays in Gomorrah."
"I really don't get you sometimes," she said, "I would imagine that I was far from the last girl who threw herself at you during that. I know you had Cathy, but as much as they would have wanted to play with you, that mark would have made you just as eager to have at them. How did you not just find an all-girls gym and ring a dinner bell? I would have, well, an Abercrombie and Fitch photo shoot, but you get my point."
"I didn't really feel any different afterwards, but then I don't think that she actually meant to mark me, she wasn't actively hunting me or anything," I said, remembering that Palmyra didn't actually know how I got musked.
"Really?" she said with a frown.
"Yep, something I should know?"
"Well, Succubae of the pureblood sort are actually rather complex entities. The way they work is to induce desire, inflame it, enhance it, and then feed off it. Over and over and over. If they are strong enough, or hungry enough, they can kill a man stone dead in a single feeding. For her to have simply taken what she needed and not leave you an over-sexed rutting animal, or a corpse, must have taken considerable self control on her part. It has to be an effort."
"We had an understanding of a sort," I said.
"You what now?" she asked, suddenly attentive.
"Without going into too much detail, because this is one of those Liaison things, the lady was in a spot of bother; she was 'dying', and she needed to be fed. I fed her."
"How?" she asked, her eyebrows raised, smirking knowingly.
"A kiss," I said with a glare.
"Oh. Boring," she said with a dismissive wave, "But still very unwise, Mathew. Don't let them in like that, it's so risky. This one may have some sense of... fair play, but most don't. You got lucky, sort of."
"I just don't think she likes to win by default," I said with a smile.
"Could be. If Demons can be relied on to have one thing, it's their pride."
We sat quietly for a bit, companionably silent.
"Can I get out of here?" I asked, "I would very much like to be elsewhere."
"The doctor will be by later, let him talk to you and discharge you. And when you get out, three meals a day, do not miss one. Snacks between. I want you loading up calories, at least four thousand a day. You're burning off huge amounts of them to replenish your Living Energy."
I nodded.
"Rest as much as possible, too. The doctor will take you through recovery, do what he says, make it as easy on your body as possible, alright?"
"Yes, Ma'am," I said, she shivered.
"Oh, I like it when you say it like that," she said with a naughty smile that belonged more properly on Tethys.
"You're a bit of a freak, aren't you?" I said.
She grinned, "Raised during a repressive age. Been making up for it."
The doctor turned up while my parents were 'talking' and gave me a once over. Told me to take exercise and gave me a list of instructions. He brought discharge papers, which I signed. I dressed in fresh clothes and stood on shaky legs.
"Wow, nothing works like it should."
"So what else is new?" Palmyra replied, "No Magic, rebuild your strength the old fashioned way."
I sighed and pulled on my shoes. I walked out the door to find my parents arguing in the corridor.
"The simple fact is that he is a Magician. We can't change that. Even if we could, I doubt he'd let us. You know what he is, it would be like blinding him!" Father said, taking my side, bless him.
"I want my children back; I just want the boys I raised, before they became a pair of... of freaks!" Mother replied.
"Wow, I really should have knocked or something," I said.
"It's a public corridor," Palmyra pointed out.
"Still."
My mother and father turned to look at us.
"Matty... I didn't mean... it wasn't," Mother said.
"Can you portal me to Blackhold?" I asked Palmyra.
"Sure," she said acidly, glaring at my mother.
"You know where I am if you need me," I said to them, trying to be as pleasant as possible.
They didn't say anything. I think they were too ashamed.
Oh, I knew she didn't really feel that way; she was just afraid and looking for something to blame. Father would sort her out. And in the meantime, I could go live in the house my evil predecessors built... yay.
Palmyra opened the portal and we left them behind. The lawn was freshly cut and the house was bustling with activity. I rubbed my eyes and walked towards the front door.
"It's about lunch time, you hungry?" I asked.
She gave me an arch look.
"Sorry, forgot who I was asking."
Chapter 26
It was less than fifteen minutes before my Mother called, desperate to apologise and begging me to come home. I said I forgave her and told her I'd be home soon. I ate with the others, already tired enough to sleep after walking ten steps and sitting down. That was Monday.
I did go home briefly, I made up with them, and promised I'd be more careful in the future, which was no word of a lie. I'd already located, practiced and perfected a poison-neutralising layer for my shields so I'd never get caught by that mess again. I spent time with the Pixies, caught up with Lunson and Bayano and I went back to Blackhold feeling a little better.
On Wednesday, I was sitting on a little bench in the garden at the centre of the house when Gwendolyn joined me.
"You're better," she said, "I'm glad. I was worried."
"Sorry," I said, putting the paperback I'd been reading on the bench's armrest, "How are you?"
She turned those lovely eyes on me, smiling slightly, "It hurts," she said, touching my chest, "I feel it. I can't stay too long."
"I'm sorry; here, give me a sec," I said, putting up a mental shield, "Better?"
She smiled sadly, "It's not that sort of bond, Beloved," she said, touching my face with her delicate fingers, "Evelina says that she's sorry she couldn't come. She feels it even more than I do, having known you longer. She offered to feed the concubine to her wyvern."
I smiled, "Thank you for coming."
"It's always my pleasure," she replied, "I have a gift for you, from my mother."
She stood and went to the oak tree, I followed. She pulled a golden acorn from a pocket and placed it in the owl hole. She took my hand and placed it on the trunk. There was a thump and a flash of golden light. The plants seemed to swell with life, everything was suddenly more vital. I felt familiar power flow through the whole house, minglin
g with its wards and enchantments.
My power, from my place of power. From Home...
"How?" I asked, in awe.
"That was an acorn taken from your favourite oak," she said, "My mother enchanted it so that your two homes could be closer. You need merely touch the tree and think of the colony, and you'll be there, or the tree there and think of here. This tree will also act as a nexus, so that you need never be apart from the people again, if you wish."
Right on cue, my Pixies flew out the hole in the oak and started buzzing around.
"Told you he had a castle!" Melody said.
"It's not a castle, it's a palace," Jewel pointed out.
"Looks like a strange place, whatever it is. Hi Matty!" Meadow said, flying down to land on my shoulder while the other two darted around looking at the square.
"Thank you," I said to Gwendolyn; suddenly Blackhold wasn't so forbidding and scary, suddenly it felt more like home. My eyes were wet.
"Our pleasure," she said, "I know that humans do things differently, but I like you, the you that is under my Beloved, does that make sense?"
I nodded.
"I like spending time with you, I feel safe with you. I am in no rush for anything else, and I know you will need time to grieve for your loss. So, I am content to be your friend, if you will be mine, for as long as you'll have me. Is that alright?"
I held out my hand and she placed hers in mine. I raised it to my lips and kissed it gently, which broke her out in an adorable blush.
"Sounds wonderful to me," I said.
"Evelina's different, though, she'll be trying other things. I can't promise I won't help, some of her plans sound rather fun if they work."
"You two are getting on? That worries me."
"We are," she said with a smile, "I... I like her. We're so different, but it's like we're... I don't know how to put it."
"Two sides of the same coin?" I offered.
"Yes! That's exactly right. The same heart, but different outlooks."
"I'm glad, but where do you meet? I can't imagine your mother lets you go to Unseelie, and Adriata would spit before letting her daughter get exposed to you- you use my Grotto."
Gwendolyn smiled, "Clever boy. You don't mind?"