by Don Marquis
THE STORY OF THE ST. ALB-NS GHOST.
I can scarcely say whether we ought to attribute the Multitude of Ghostsand Apparitions, which were so common in the Days of our Forefathers, tothe Ignorance of the People, or the Impositions of the Priest. TheRomish Clergy found it undoubtedly for their Interest to deceive them,and the Superstition of the People laid themselves open to receivewhatsoever They thought proper to inculcate. Hence it is, that theirTraditions are little else, than the Miracles and Atchievements ofunbody'd Heroes, a Sort of spiritual Romance, so artfully carry'd on,and delivered in so probable a Manner, as may easily pass for Truth onthose of an uncultivated Capacity, or a credulous Disposition. OurSectarists indeed still retain the Credulity, as well as some of theTenets of that Church; and Apparitions, and such like, are still theBug-bears made use of by some of the most Celebrated of theirHolders-forth to terrify the old Women of their Congregation, (who aretheir surest Customers) and enlarge their Quarterly Subscriptions. Iknow one of these Ambidexters, who never fails of Ten or Twenty Poundsmore than Ordinary, by nicking _something Wonderful_ in due Time; heoften cloaths his whole Family _by the Apparition of a Person latelyexecuted at_ Tyburn; or, _a Whale seen at_ Greenwich, _or thereabouts_;and I am credibly inform'd, that his Wife has made a Visit with a Brandnew Sable Tippet on, since the Death of the _Tower Lions_.
But as these Things will pass upon none but the Ignorant orSuperstitious, so there are others that will believe nothing of thisNature, even upon the clearest Evidence. There are, it must be own'd,but very few of these Accounts to be depended on; some however are sopalpable, and testify'd by so good Authority, by those of such undoubtedCredit, and so discerning a Curiosity, that there is no Room to doubt oftheir Veracity, and which none but a Sceptic can disbelieve. Such is thefollowing Story of Mother _Haggy_ of St. _Alb----ns_, in the Reign ofKing _James_ the First, the mighty Pranks she plaid in her Life-time,and her Apparition afterwards, made such a Noise, both at Home andAbroad, and were so terrible to the Neighbourhood, that the CountryPeople, to this Day, cannot hear the Mention of her Name, without themost dismal Apprehensions. The Injuries they receiv'd from the Sorceriesand Incantations of the Mother, and the Injustice and Oppression of theSon and Daughter, have made so deep an Impression upon their Minds, andbegot such an Hereditary Aversion to their Memory, that they never speakof them, without the bitterest Curses and Imprecations.
I have made it my Business, being at St. _Alb----ns_ lately, to enquiremore particularly into this Matter, and the Helps I have receiv'd fromthe _most noted Men of Erudition in this City, have been Considerable_,and to whom I make my publick Acknowledgment. The Charges I have been atin _getting Manuscripts_, and Labour in _collating them_, theReconciling the Disputes about the most _material Circumstances_, andadjusting the _various Readings_, as they have took me up a considerableTime, so I hope they may be done to the Satisfaction of my Reader. Iwish I could have had Time to have distinguish'd by an Asterism theCircumstances deliver'd by Tradition only, from those of theManuscripts, which I was advis'd to do by my worthy Friend the ReverendMr. _Wh----n_, who, had he not been _Employ'd otherways_, might havebeen a very proper Person to have undertaken such a Performance.
The best Manuscripts are now in the Hands of the Ingenious Dr._G----th_, where they are left for the Curious to peruse, and where any_Clergyman_ may be welcome; for however he may have been abus'd bythose who deny him to be the Author of the _D----y_, and tax'd by otherswith Principles and Practices unbecoming a Man of his Sense and Probity,yet I will be bold to say in his Defence, that I believe he is as good aChristian, as he is a Poet, and if he publishes any Thing on the lateD----d _M----y_, I don't question but it will be interspers'd with asmany Precepts of Reveal'd Religion, as the Subject is capable ofbearing: And it is very probable, those _Refin'd Pieces_ that the Doctorhas been pleas'd to own, since the Writing of the _D----y_, have beenlook'd upon, by the lewd debauch'd Criticks of the Town, to be dull andinsipid, for no other Reason, but because they are grave and sober; butthis I leave for others to determine, and can say for his Sincerity,that I am assur'd he believes the following Relation as much as any ofus all.
Mother _Haggy_ was marry'd to a plain home-spun Yeoman of St._Alb----ns_, and liv'd in good Repute for some Years: The Place of herBirth is disputed by some of the most celebrated Moderns, tho' they havea Tradition in the Country, that she was never Born at all, and which ismost probable. At the Birth of her Daughter _Haggite_, somethinghappen'd very remarkable, and which gave Occasion to the Neighbourhoodto mistrust she had a Correspondence with _Old Nick_, as was confirm'dafterwards, beyond the Possibility of Disproof. The Neighbours were gottogether a Merry-making, as they term it, in the Country, when the oldWoman's High-crown'd Hat, that had been thrown upon the Bed's Testerduring the Heat of the Engagement, leap'd with a wonderful Agility intothe Cradle, and being catch'd at by the Nurse, was metamorphos'd into aCoronet, which according to her Description, was not much unlike that ofa _German_ Prince; but it soon broke into a thousand Pieces. _Such_,cries old Mother _Haggy, will be the Fortune of my Daughter, and suchher Fall_. The Company took but little Notice what she said, beingsurpris'd at the Circumstance of the Hat. _But this is Fact_, says theReverend and Honourable L----y _L----d_, _and my Grandmother, who was aPerson of Condition, told me_, says He, _she knew the Man, who knew theWoman, who was_, said she, _in the Room at that Instant_. The very sameNight, I saw a Comet, neither have I any Occasion to tell a Lye as tothis Particular, _says my Author_, brandishing its Tail in a verysurprising Manner in the Air, but upon the Breaking of a Cloud, I coulddiscern, _continues he_, a Clergyman at the Head of a Body of his ownCloth, and follow'd by an innumerable Train of Laity, who coming towardsthe Comet, it disappear'd.
This was the first Time Mother _Haggy_ became suspected, and it was theOpinion of the Wisest of the Parish, that they should Petition the Kingto send her to be try'd for a Witch by the _Presbytery of Scotland_. Howthis past off I cannot tell, but certain it is, that some of the GreatOnes of the Town were in with her, and 'tis said she was Serviceable tothem in their Amours: She had a Wash that would make the Skin of aBlackamore as white as Alabaster, and another, that would restore theLoss of a Maidenhead, _without any Hindrance of Business, or theKnowledge of any one about them_. She try'd this Experiment so oftenupon her Daughter _Haggite_, that more than Twenty were satisfy'd theyhad her Virginity before Marriage.
She soon got such a Reputation all about the Country, that there was nota Cow, a Smock, or a silver Spoon lost, but they came to her to enquireafter it; All the young People flock'd to have their Fortunes told,which, they say she never miss'd. She told _Haggite_'s Husband, heshould grow Rich, and be a Great Man, but by his Covetousness andGriping of the Poor, should come to an ill End. All which happen'd soexactly, _That there are several old Folks in our Town, who can rememberit, as if it was but Yesterday_.
She has been often seen to ride full gallop upon a Broom-Stick atNoon-Day, and swim over a River in a Kettle-Drum. Sometimes she wou'dappear in the Shape of a Lioness, and at other times of a Hen, or a Cat;but I have heard, could not turn herself into a Male Creature, or walkover two Straws across. There were never known so many great Winds asabout that Time, or so much Mischief done by them: The Pigs gruntled,and the Screech-Owls hooted oftner than usual; a Horse was found deadone Morning with Hay in his Mouth; and a large overgrown Jack was caughtin a Fish-Pond thereabouts with a silver Tobacco-Box in his Belly;several Women were brought to Bed of two Children, Some miscarry'd, andold Folks died very frequently.
These Things could not chuse but breed a great Combustion in the Town,as they call it, and every Body certainly had rejoyc'd at her Death,had she not been succeeded by a Son and Daughter, who, tho' they were noConjurers, were altogether as terrible to the Neighbourhood. She had twoDaughters, one of which was marry'd to a Man who went beyond Sea; theother, her Daughter _Haggite_, to _Avaro_, whom we shall have Occasionto mention in the Sequel of this Story.
There liv'd at that Time in the Neighbourhood
two Brothers, of a greatFamily, Persons of a vast Estate and Character, and extreamly kind totheir Servants and Dependants. _Haggite_ by her Mother's Interest, wasgot into this Family, and _Avaro_, who was afterwards her Husband, wasthe Huntsman's Boy. He was a Lad of a fine Complexion, good Features,and agreeable to the fair Sex, but wanted the Capacity of some of hisfellow Servants: Tho' he got a Reputation afterwards for a Man ofCourage, but upon no other Grounds, than by setting the Country Fellowsto Cudgelling or Boxing, and being a Spectator of a broken Head and abloody Nose.
There are several authentic Accounts of the Behaviour of these Two, intheir respective Stations, and by what Means they made an Advancement oftheir Fortunes. There are several Relations, I say, now extant, thattell us, how one of these great Brothers took _Avaro_'s Sister for hisMistress, which was the Foundation of his Preferment, and how _Haggite_,by granting her Favours to any one who would go to the Expence of them,became extreamly Wealthy, and how Both had gain'd the Art of gettingMoney out of every Body they had to do with, and by the mostdishonourable Methods. Never perhaps, was any Couple so match'd inevery Thing as these, or so fit for one another: A Couple so link'd bythe Bonds of Iniquity, as well as Marriage, that it is impossible totell which had the greatest Crimes to answer for.
It will be needless to relate the Fortune of the Brothers, who weretheir Successive Masters, and the Favours they bestow'd on them. It issufficient that the Estate came at last to a Daughter of the youngerBrother, a Lady, who was the Admiration of the Age she liv'd in, and theDarling of the whole Country, and who had been attended from her Infancyby _Haggite_.
Then it was _Avaro_ began his Tyranny; he was entrusted with all theAffairs of Consequence, and there was nothing done without hisKnowledge. He marry'd his Daughters to some of the most considerableEstates in the Neighbourhood, and was related by Marriage to one_Baconface_, a sort of Bailiff to his Lady. He, and _Baconface_ and_Haggite_ got into Possession, as it were, of their Lady's Estate, andcarry'd it with so high a Hand, were so haughty to the Rich, andoppressive to the Poor, that they quickly began to make themselvesodious; but for their better Security, they form'd a sort of Confederacywith one _Dammyblood_, _Clumzy_ their Son-in-Law, _Splitcause_ anAttorney, and _Mouse_ a noted Ballad-Maker, and some others. As soon asthey had done this, they began so to domineer, that there was no Livingfor those who would not compliment, or comply with them in theirVillany. _Haggite_ cry'd, _Lord, Madam_, to her Mistress, _It must beso_; _Avaro_ swore, _By_ G----d, and _Baconface_ shook his Head, andlook'd dismally. They made every Tenant pay a Tax, and every Servantconsiderably out of his Wages toward the Mounding their Lady's Estate,as they pretended, but most part of it went into their own Pockets. Onceupon a Time, the Tenants grumbling at their Proceedings, _Clumzy_, theSon-in-Law, brought in a Parcel of Beggars to settle upon the Estate.Thus they liv'd for some Years, till they grew Richer than theirMistress, and were, perhaps, the Richest Servants in the World: Nay,what is the most Remarkable, and will scarcely find Belief in futureAges, they began at last to deny her Title to the Estate, and affirm,she held it only by their Permission and Connivance.
Things were come to this pass, when one of the Tenants Sons from_Oxf----rd_ preach'd up Obedience to their Lady, and the Necessity oftheir Downfall, who oppos'd it. This open'd the Eyes of all the honestTenants, but enrag'd _Avaro_ and his Party, to that Degree, that theyhad hir'd a Pack of Manag'd Bull-Dogs, with a Design to bait him, andhad done it infallibly, had not the Gentry interpos'd, and the CountryPeople run into his Assistance. These, with much ado, muzled the Dogs,and petition'd their Lady to discard the Mismanagers, who consented toit.
Great were the Endeavours, and great the Struggles of the Faction, forso they were call'd, to keep themselves in Power, as the Histories ofthose Times mention. They stirr'd up all their Ladies Acquaintance tospeak to her in their behalf, wrote Letters to and fro, swore andcurs'd, laugh'd and cry'd, told the most abominable and inconsistentLyes, but all to no Purpose: They spent their Money, lavish'd away theirBeef, Pudding, and _October_, most unmercifully, and made several_Jointed-Babies_ to shew for Sights, and please the Tenants Sons about_Christmas_.
Old _Drybones_ was then the Parson of the Parish, a Man of the mostnotorious Character, who would change his Principles at any Time toserve a Turn, preach or pray _Extempore_, talk Nonsense, or any Thingelse, for the Advancement of _Avaro_ and his Faction. He was look'd uponto be the greatest Artist in _Legerdemain_ in that Country; and had aWay of shewing the Pope and little Master in a Box, but the Figures wereso very small, it was impossible for any Body but himself to discernthem. He was hir'd, as is suppos'd, to tax the New Servants with Popery,together with their Mistress, which he preach'd in several Churchesthereabouts; but his Character was too well known to make any Thingcredited that came from him.
There are several Particulars related, both by Tradition and theManuscripts, concerning the turning out of these Servants, whichwould require greater Volumes than I design. It is enough, thatnotwithstanding their Endeavours, they were Discarded, and the Ladychose her new Servants out of the most honest and substantial of herTenants, of undoubted Abilities, who were tied to her by Inclination aswell as Duty. These began a Reformation of all the Abuses committed by_Avaro_ and _Baconface_, which discover'd such a Scene of Roguery tothe World, that one would hardly think the most mercenary Favouritescould be guilty of.
_Avaro_ now began to be very uneasie, and to be affrighted at his ownConscience; he found nothing would pacifie the enrag'd Tenants, and thathis Life wou'd be but a sufficient Recompence for his Crimes. His Moneywhich he rely'd on, and which he lavish'd away to Bribe off hisDestruction, had not Force enough to Protect him: He could not, as it isreported, Sit still in one Place for two Minutes, never Slept at all,Eat little or nothing, Talk'd very rambling and inconsistent, of_Merit_, _Hardships_, _Accounts_, _Perquisites_, _Commissioners_,_Bread_ and _Bread-Waggons_, but was never heard to mention any_Cheese_.
He came and made a Confession in his own House to some People he neversaw before in his Life, and which shews no little Disorder in his Brain;_That, whatever they might think of him, he was as Dutiful a Servant asany his Mistress had_. _Haggite_ rav'd almost as bad as he, and had gotSt. _Anthony's Fire_ in her Face; but it is a question, says Dr._G--th_, whether there was any Thing Ominous in that, since it isprobable, the Distemper only chang'd it's Situation.
Mean while, it was agreed by _Baconface_ and others, that a Consultationshould be call'd at _Avaro_'s House, something Decisive resolv'd on, inorder to prevent their Ruin; and accordingly _Jacobo_ the Messenger wassent to inform the Cabal of it.
Dismal and horrid was the Night of that infernal Consultation, nothingheard but the melancholly Murmuring of Winds, and the Croaking of Toadsand Ravens; Every thing seem'd Wild and Desert, and double Darknessoverspread the Hemisphere: Thunder and Lightning, Storms and Tempest,and Earthquakes, seem'd to Presage something more then Ordinary, andadded to the Confusion of that Memorable Night. Nature sicken'd, andgroan'd, as it were, under the Tortures of universal Ruine. Not aServant in the House but had Dreamt the strangest Dreams, and _Haggite_her self had seen a Stranger in the Candle. The Fire languish'd andburnt Blue, and the Crickets sung continually about the Oven: How farthe Story is true concerning the Warming-Pan and Dishes, I cannot say,but certain it is, a Noise was heard like that of rolling Pease from thetop of the House to the bottom; and the Windows creak'd, and the Doorsrattled in a manner not a little terrible. Several of their Servantsmade Affidavit, That _Haggite_ lost a red Petticoat, a Ruff, and a Pairof Green-Stockings, that were her Mother's, but the Night before, and aDiamond-Cross once gave her by a _Great Man_.
'Twas about Midnight before this Black Society got together, and nosooner were they seated, when _Avaro_ open'd to them in this manner. Wehave try'd, _says he_, my Friends, all the Artifices we cou'd invent orexecute, but all in vain. Our Mistress has discover'd plainly ourIntentions, and the Tenants will be neither flatter'd, nor frighted, norbrib'd into our Interest. It remains therefore,
and what tho' we Perishin the Attempt, we must Perish otherwise, that once for all we make aPush at the very Life of----When, Lo! _says the Manuscript_, An unusualNoise interrupted his Discourse, and _Jacobo_ cry'd out, _The Devil, theDevil at the Door_. Scarce had he Time to speak, or they to listen, whenthe Apparition of Mother _Haggy_ entred; But, Who can describe theAstonishment they were then in? _Haggite_ sounded away in theElbow-Chair as she sat, and _Avaro_, notwithstanding his boastedCourage, slunk under the Table in an Instant: _Baconface_ screw'dhimself into a thousand Postures; and _Clumzy_ trembled till his veryWater trickled from him. _Splitcause_ tumbled over a Joint-Stool, and_Mouse_ the Ballad-Maker broke a Brandy-Bottle that had been _Haggite_'sCompanion for some Years: But _Dammyblood, Dammyblood_ only was the Manthat had the Courage to cry out G-d D-m your Bl--d, What occasionfor all this Bustle? Is it not the Devil, and is he not our oldAcquaintance? This reviv'd them in some Measure; but the Ghastlyness ofthe Spectacle made still some Impression on them. There was anunaccountable Irregularity in her Dress, a Wanness in her Complexion,and a Disproportion in her Features. Flames of Fire issued from herNostrils, and a sulphurous Smoak from her Mouth, which together with theCondition some of the Company were in, made a very noisome and offensiveSmell; and _I have been told_, says a very Grave Alderman of _St.Albans, Some of them saw her Cloven Foot_.
I Come, _says she_, at length, (in an hollow Voice, more terrible thanthe celebrated Stentor, or the brawny _Caledonian_) I Come, O yeAccomplices in Iniquity, to tell you of your Crimes, to bid you desistfrom these Cabals, for they are Fruitless, and prepare for Punishmentthat is Certain. I have, as long as I could, assisted you in yourGlorious Execrable Attempts, but Time is now no more; the Time is comingwhen you must be deliver'd up to Justice. As to you, O Son and Daughter,_said she_, turning to them, 'tis but a few revolving Moons, e'er youmust both fall a Sacrifice to your Avarice and Ambition, as I have toldyou heretofore, but your Mistress will be too Merciful, and tho' yourready Money must be refunded, your Estate in Land will Descend onto yourHeirs. But you, O _Baconface_, you have Merited nothing to save eitheryour Life or your Estate, be contented therefore with the Loss of both:And _Clumzy, says she_, you must have the same Fate, your Insolence toyour Lady, and the Beggars you brought in upon the Tenants will requireit. _Dammyblood, continues she_, turning towards him, you must expect aconsiderable Fine; but _Splitcause_ and _Mouse_ may come off moreeasily. She said, gave a Shriek; and disappear'd; and the Cabaldispers'd with the utmost Consternation.
_FINIS._