by L. R. W. Lee
Kovis broke the quiet. “I’m impressed with your abilities. To think what could have happened if those mares—”
“Thank you. But let’s not talk about what could have happened. It didn’t. But I would like to talk about what is happening. I wake before the sun every morning because I’m freezing, and it’s only going to get colder. We need supplies—blankets, warmer clothes, bandages perhaps”—I raised an eyebrow—“maybe a pan. And what I’d give for coffee.”
“Have I ever told you how seductive you are when you talk like that?”
“Kovis, I’m serious.”
“And where do you propose we procure such items?”
“There has to be a village around somewhere.”
“You’d risk it?” Worry clouded his beautiful blue and hazel eyes.
“It’s not even close to winter, and I’m already a shivering mess every morning.”
“Looks like you’ve made up your mind.”
I tilted my head and gave him a pointed look.
“Well, at least we have something to trade for what we need. Those pelts should fetch a pretty sum once we clean them up.”
“You did notice their stench, yes?”
“If they’re like kelpies, they’ll have stink glands. Once we find them, we can get rid of the smell.”
“Kelpies? You’ve dealt with the beasts?”
“I’ve heard.” He laughed.
“I hope you’re right, because you won’t be able to give them away at this rate. But even if we can, they’re an odd color. Won’t people wonder what happened or where we got them?”
He wrinkled his brow. “I’ll tell whoever we trade with that… my wife… loves the color so we dyed them. Happy wife, happy life and all.”
I splashed him. “You think they’ll believe it?”
“I don’t think we have a choice.”
“Fair enough.”
Kovis rolled toward me with a hungry look in his eyes. “Enough about those beasts. You seem to have warmed up.”
I nodded and bit my lip. I knew that look.
“Then what’s say we pick up where we left off before being so rudely interrupted.” And with that, he brushed my wet locks aside and pressed a kiss to my nose, then moved on to my ears and down to my breasts, which peeked above the bubbles. He had definitely recovered.
My core was toasty by the time we climbed out of the hot spring. Kovis took my nonsticky hand in his, and we ambled back to camp to find our clothes. The stench lingered but seemed to be dissipating, or perhaps my nose was adjusting to it.
It took the rest of the sun to properly clean and prepare the six enormous pelts. Kovis had been right about the stench. It died as he carefully removed the scent organs and buried them. And despite the risk, the possibility of supplies—coffee even—lightened Kovis’s spirits too, and he joked as we worked. Amazingly enough, I dripped sweat before we finished.
The sun had set by the time we’d cleansed camp and the horses of that layer of dried blood and laid out the pelts to dry. Despite my objections, Kovis argued that we might as well eat the meat rather than have it go to waste. I’d never tasted mare, never had the desire to, never had the opportunity, and I was okay with that. Reluctantly, I agreed, so Kovis grabbed a chunk of what we’d discarded, cut a couple thick steaks, and rigged up a makeshift spit for over our fire.
Amazingly, they didn’t smell half bad as they roasted. Despite what Kovis had mentioned earlier, I’d still imagined their stench oozing out of the meat. Those beasts were evil through and through in life; surely they wouldn’t give up their noxious ways in death. But they were proving me wrong. Small mercy.
As we were about to dive into our dinner, Kovis tapped a finger against his lips, silencing what I was about to say.
What now? I asked down our bond.
I don’t know. I was afraid predators might smell our kills, and it seems they have.
We set our dinners aside and rose, taking ready positions, searching the edge of the clearing, bracing.
I spotted our foe in a heartbeat and yipped as Kennan, atop Onyx, emerged grinning from the trees.
Kennan spread his arms wide as he said, “Brother! Ali! I finally found you. You made it nearly impossible, but I know your tricks.”
Kovis and I exchanged quick glances as our heads jerked back. My face was no doubt a mirror of his. I reflexively drew a hand to my chest.
“Ken… Kennan you’re here.” Kovis exhaled a shaky breath but didn’t move. His thoughts raced as fast as mine through our bond. He’s okay. He’s okay... How did he find us? Is he still possessed? If he touches us, will he drag us to Dream? Will it kill us going that way?
Kovis. Shhh. I don’t know.
The last time we’d seen his twin, Father possessed him—his brown eyes had been cloudy and his voice that of my father. Neither seemed to be true now, and I told Kovis as much. His shoulders relaxed.
Kennan slid off his horse and raced for us, throwing his arms around his brother. “I wondered if I’d ever find you. It’s so good to see you.”
“I was worried for you too, brother,” Kovis replied, hugging him tight.
“You’d never believe what I’ve been through.”
Kovis pulled back and grinned. “On the contrary, I’ll believe about anything considering Ali’s father possessed you the last time we saw you.”
Kennan’s eyes bulged as he looked between Kovis and me. “What?” Disbelief filled the one syllable.
I laughed, and Kennan turned and wrapped his arms around me in a hug.
“I missed you too,” I said.
Kennan didn’t reply but buried his face deeper in my shoulder as he tightened his embrace. It felt as though he saw me as some long-lost treasure he was afraid of losing again. His hug lingered and bordered on uncomfortable before I pushed back. Kovis tilted his head and furrowed his brow, questioning his sibling’s behavior. I responded with a raised eyebrow of my own.
He’s been through a lot, I told Kovis.
I can only imagine.
“Come sit. Let’s hear your tale,” I encouraged, taking Kennan’s hand and leading him to a log near the crackling fire.
“Say, that smells good. I haven’t eaten in…” He shook his head.
“Roast mare,” Kovis informed.
“Mare? Wait. You don’t mean those creatures that caused Rasa all those nightmares a few moons ago?”
“He does, and they are.” I smiled. “Normally they’re invisible, but they materialized when we killed them. Nice pelts, don’t you think?” I pointed at the six skins laid out fur-side down opposite the fire.
“What? How? Wait, is it the firelight or… is that purple fur?” His mouth fell open.
“Yes, but that’s another story. Let’s eat before our feast overcooks,” Kovis said. He bent over the fire and freed the two steaks from the spit, then replaced them with one from our stores. There was no shortage of the meat. I only hoped it was savory, unlike those creatures when alive. I could imagine it giving me indigestion or worse.
Once we’d all dug in, Kennan asked, “What did you mean by, ‘I was possessed by your father’?”
“Just that. My father spoke through you. I don’t know how, but he controlled your body.”
Kennan stared at me, mouth gaping. “He… he…”
“Yes. You sounded exactly like him when you spoke. He’s done something to my sister, Alfreda. It’s the only way.”
“My sand maiden.” Kennan’s voice was a whisper as he tried to digest it all. He set his steak back down on his makeshift plate, a flat rock. “But I thought….”
Kovis rubbed his jaw, and I leaned in.
“I thought I’d been dreaming, that it had all been one horrendous nightmare. I had a sense of time passing, and I vaguely remember seeing you at The Ninety-Eight, but it was a blur….” His voice trailed off.
I reached over and placed a hand on his.
He looked up, into my eyes with a pleading look. “I thought it was the gods punishing me for wha
t I’d allowed to happen to you in prison, that or I’d lost my sanity.”
I inhaled sharply as thoughts of all I’d endured at his hands again flooded my mind. Kovis put a hand on my arm, his gaze darting between us. I was thankful for the anchor. Moons before when Kennan apologized for not believing me and torturing me on that chair, I’d forgiven him. His acknowledgement had been enough to repay the torture, but I hadn’t forgiven him for the sexual abuse.
I honestly didn’t know if I could—I’d been violated. It had been so personal, so invasive, so inhumane. I’d committed to not expending energy nursing ill feelings because I refused to let it control me, and it hadn’t. But I hadn’t forgotten. I’d vowed to take action to change things myself if Kennan didn’t, but even that I wasn’t sure would be the balm I needed to put it behind me.
Kennan continued, “I know I apologized before, but…” His chin began to tremble. “Ali, I lied to you. We weren’t following that intake manual.”
I jerked my head back, and my thoughts stumbled. He’d lied?
Kennan held up a hand. “Please hear me out.”
He’d lied? About why he’d abused me? He’d seemed so sincere, and I’d bought it. I’d been contemplating ways to reform that manual as a way to fix the situation so it never happened to anyone else. It had helped me begin to heal. But he’d lied about it? Disbelief flooded my mind. I couldn’t rein in my anger, and I shouted, “You lied to me?”
“Ali, please. Listen to me.”
Kovis squeezed my arm and shook his head as he glanced up at his twin.
Kennan barreled on before I could stop him. “Kovis was in agony and bleeding when they found you in his bedroom. He’d been asleep.” Even now his words oozed with terror. “After all that’s happened to my siblings—” He sucked in a breath. “—I panicked. I needed answers, and I was committed to getting them by whatever means, especially when....” He let the words fall.
I finished his sentence, “Especially when the story I told you wasn’t believable.” My shoulders curled in, and Kennan looked at the ground. It felt like he punched me in the emotional gut.
I’d taken responsibility for that part. I hadn’t expected my arrival to create the stir it had, and I hadn’t invented a credible story. He’d seen my tale as stalling and gotten completely fed up. It was hard to breathe as my thoughts whirled. Groping had been him lashing out when he’d reached his wits end and still hadn’t gotten answers out of me.
“It doesn’t explain why you lied.” I tensed my jaw, and my voice came out cold. “Why did you blame your treatment on the manual?”
Kennan closed his eyes. Then in not more than a whisper, he confessed, “Because I’m weak. What I allowed was despicable. Terror clouded my judgment. It wasn’t until this nightmare, or whatever this was, that I could even admit to myself that I was capable of… of that. It was too awful.” He opened his eyes, turned, and looked into mine. “It’s why I’m confessing all of this to you, the first chance I’ve had. Because you need to know the truth. So you can heal.”
Words abandoned me. So I could heal? He’d lied about why he’d treated me as he had. I thought I’d begun healing, but it had been a rouse.
Kennan grew anxious with my silence and began, “I’ll resign my position.” His pace picked up. “I don’t deserve to hold that role after what I allowed. I’ll personally see that those guards are punished. I’ll—”
I put my hand over his mouth as I barely leashed my anger. I didn’t want to hear any more from him. I shuddered to think what Father had put him through to produce this, but he’d lied. I’d believed Kennan’s first apology, and the truth stung.
My stomach churned as I let the silence drag on. I counted to ten, then to fifty before rational thoughts surfaced. His first apology hadn’t borne introspection and self-loathing, not like this. Evil in me longed to prolong his discomfort. He’d wronged me, and I wanted my pound of flesh. But that wasn’t me. I wasn’t vengeful. If I succumbed to that darkness, I’d never find my way out. That path was only death. I considered his words again, forcing myself to remain calm. I knew he’d spoken truth—he was earnest. He’d been brought low by the horror of his actions.
I was a mess, and it took me several breaths to compose myself enough to speak. “Kennan, thank you for admitting that. I suppose it makes more sense, but it doesn’t erase the emotional scars. It was such a horrifying experience. It’s hard to think about, let alone try to get past. But overcoming?” I shook my head. “How I wish I could just let go of it, but I can’t. It’s not that simple. I can’t erase the memory of how it made me feel.”
Kennan nodded.
Kovis studied the ground, taking it all in. He looked conflicted. Kennan was stepping up and becoming responsible—his lack of leadership had caused Kovis no little angst—but lying about the manual didn’t sit right with him either. I could see it in his eyes.
Kennan looked to Kovis. “Brother, I’m sorry I made this so difficult for you. I knew you didn’t approve of those guards, but I now understand why you demand better from anyone you allow to protect you and Rasa.”
Kovis nodded. “I’d hoped you’d eventually come around.”
Kennan looked back to me.
“I need time,” I said.
Kovis gently squeezed my arm, letting me know he’d be there to help in whatever way I needed.
Kennan bobbed his head, and silence again reined across our campsite.
The fire crackled and waved. A pair of owls chatted.
Kennan finally broke the quiet. “It seems I’m wrongly giving the gods credit for my lesson. So if it truly is your father who did this to me, what happened to your sister? Is she okay?”
My stomach tensed. “I don’t know. It’s why Kovis and I are trying to go to Dream. We have to save Alfreda.”
Kennan’s eyes bulged at hearing that, or I thought it had been because of that. But he took on a conflicted look, and his breathing grew ragged. “No! You can’t! I won’t let you!” His dinner fell to the ground as he leapt up and held his head.
“Kennan! What’s wrong?” Kovis and I yelled.
“Don’t come close! Don’t touch me!”
The night had grown dark, but in the firelight it looked like milk had been added to his tea-brown eyes, like before.
And then Father spoke. “Alissandra, you’ve been a hard one to find. Your human has made it difficult to say the least, but no matter. Now come to me.”
Father had found us. It felt like someone wrung my stomach out like a wet rag. Kennan had gone still beside the fire where he’d moved. My heart ached for him. No matter what he’d done, no one deserved to be a puppet. What horrific things was Father doing to Alfreda in this heartbeat? She’d never willingly allow this.
Despite my inner turmoil, I replied, “I can’t do that, Father.”
“You anger me, daughter. The longer you resist, the longer this one will experience my displeasure.”
My breath quickened, but Kovis put a reassuring arm around me.
Father chuckled, then spoke through Kennan. “You do realize that Alfreda’s human’s romantic feelings for you, confirmed by that secret, but oh-so-passionate kiss you two shared is the only thing that has kept him sane as he traipsed about the wilderness in search of you? If he didn’t believe you love him more than his brother and would eventually marry him, he’d have no hope to cling to.”
I froze. Father would spare no weapon in this fight. He’d rummaged through Kennan’s mind and found everything he could to control me, then carefully calculated the deployment. The fact that it had been Kennan’s mouth delivering the confession made it all the worse, and he knew it. He’d planned it that way.
Kennan let out a howl and waved his arms. “No! I won’t let you have me again… or them! I won’t!” His body squirmed and danced erratically, clearly trying to expel Father but to no avail. Kennan stumbled over to where Onyx had been grazing on low-hanging leaves beside Alshain and Fiona. He crawled up into the saddle and, with
great difficulty, compelled the stallion forward into the trees.
“Kennan! Kovis, stop him!” I ran after him. He was crazy to try to navigate through the woods at this time of night.
The darkness quickly swallowed him up, and it wasn’t long before the sound of hoofbeats faded. He was saving us from Father. I held myself, staring after him. I prayed the gods favorable to our cause were looking after him.
At length, I turned around and my heart climbed into my throat. Kovis stood with his head down, arms at his sides, shoulders slumped. In the blink of an eye, I knew. I’d never told him about that kiss.
“Is it true?” The words felt like sand on my tongue. I didn’t look up. I couldn’t. I longed for it to be a lie, but my gut told me otherwise. She hadn’t protested his words. Ali’s father was a god and a brilliant strategist. He would never invent a weapon like that, not when the truth would be that much more damaging. And Kennan had given him an arsenal, it seemed.
“Kovis… let me explain.” Ali grabbed my arm.
It was happening again. Dierna had hidden the truth too. The noise of blood rushing through my veins drowned out all sound even as Ali tugged me back to the log. I didn’t want to listen to her pleas to understand.
My whole body felt numb as I collapsed to sitting. The night was dark, so, so dark. They’d kissed. My twin and Ali had kissed… passionately. And Kennan… his betrayal was even worse. He had romantic feelings for Ali. They had to be strong if they were what gave him hope through this ordeal. He wanted me out of the picture. My twin. How could he do that to me?
It had to have been some kiss. Kennan believed Ali loved him more than me. What else had they done together? I was the idiot once more. Why did I let myself trust again? Why?
I covered my face in my hands.
Ali tried to pull them away. “Kovis, you have to listen.”
All those promises that we’d never hide anything from each other, they were platitudes. What a farce. I’d believed I could bare my very soul to her, and I had. This was what I got for it. Who could I ever trust?
“Kovis, please. It was an accident.”