by L. R. W. Lee
I’d change after I saw Velma. While Selova had promised she rested, I had to see for myself before I could truly believe.
Sandrin appeared to take us to Velma.
“Come rest yourself, Selova,” Mema invited as we headed out the shifting door.
We followed the steward back down the hall, past Selova’s workroom, past the stairs we’d ascended and beyond until he stopped before one of several doors along either side of the passage. Fifth on the right. I’d remember that.
I squeezed Wasila’s hand as the male slid the door open then touched a finger to his lips. We tiptoed into a lavishly appointed room. Pretty, lined, pastel pink curtains had been drawn across the large window to the left of a set of doors—they no doubt led out to a balcony. Velma slept on her side amongst a myriad of pillows on the ginormous bed to my left. A sitting area, equally lovely with its white furnishings, lay beyond.
I drew a hand to my mouth as I studied the steady rise and fall of her chest. She really was alive. Selova had done it. Wasila swiped at her eyes. They’d cleaned her up, not a speck of dirt in sight, and Velma’s black locks were clean and ordered. They’d put her in a white robe like mine. The only giveaway that she’d been through the trauma was a large white bandage on her chest that peaked out—where I’d stabbed her. My breathing hitched.
I had to see her wings. I walked on silent feet around to the other side of the bed and spotted them peaking out from under the covers. Selova had been right, they were the wings of an infant. But they replaced those ugly, infected stumps she’d had—it looked like Selova had removed those entirely and started over. They were kind of cute actually. More bandages surrounded their base. But no, Velma would not be flying anytime soon. My heart hurt for her. It was one thing to not have wings in Wake, but here…
I hadn’t sought torture for Father when I’d asked Dite to have him bound, but now… I hoped Dyeus caught Father soon and repaid his “gifts” in full and more. Wasila looked equally angry.
Sandrin motioned us to come, and we retreated back into the hall. “She will probably sleep for the sun and will need to rest for a sennight, at least.”
Wasila and I both nodded. Velma could take as much time as she needed. She was well and truly restored to us. Selova was a genius.
We made our way back to the others and shared our news to smiles and rejoicing. Selova, bless her heart, had stayed until we returned. She tried to hide a yawn as Wasila and I hugged her thoroughly, then bid us stay as long as we liked. She smiled kindly as she left to get some rest.
We were all spent. Kovis and I for obvious reasons, my siblings because they’d been up all night weaving dreams when the news arrived. Their work had been made more difficult without Selova available to stitch the dreams they wove together—their charges kept waking and they had had to keep putting them back to sleep. Every sand person in our province would have experienced the same. Humans in Wake’s reciprocal province would not be in good spirits this sun. Father’s deeds had far-reaching impact.
Sandrin showed us all to other guest rooms. Amelia offered to room with Alfreda and care for her—we’d all sent her appreciative looks, especially Deor who, although being Alfreda’s roommate, looked unsure how to attempt the feat. We all understood. None of us knew how to truly bring her back.
Kovis and I ended up two doors down from Velma. The space was appointed similarly to hers, but in shades of blue. Kovis drew the curtains, plunging us into semi-darkness. We shed our robes and climbed into bed. I couldn’t help but see the analogy to our nakedness—we’d been stripped bare of so much this sun. I always slept in Kovis’s arms, but their sturdiness, their firm, muscled tone surrounding me, felt like my only anchor.
Kovis kissed the top of my head. “I love you.”
I shifted my wings against his bare chest, allowing his words to settle over me. “And I love you.” I kissed his arm beneath my head.
Images of events plagued my sleep, and I woke several times, feeling no better rested. I finally gave up and rose. Kovis joined me not long after, and we rang for service. I threw open the curtains to chase away the darkness—another analogy not lost on me—and let the sun fully envelop the space as well as enjoy the view of the bay.
A maid I’d not seen before, dressed in the same tan livery as Sandrin, answered our summons with a small knock on the door shortly thereafter. She followed Kovis over to where I reclined on the white cushioned sofa in the sitting area.
Before I could make a request for coffee, tea or anything that would wake me up, she dug in her pocket and pulled out… my ring. The diamonds surrounding that teardrop sapphire sparkled. I’d forgotten all about it with everything that had happened—as if I needed confirmation of how upside down my world had become. I’d given it to Velma to hold for safekeeping the heartbeat we heard Father’s footsteps entering the cave.
“They found this in your sister’s clothes. Sandrin thought he remembered seeing you wear it.”
The girl handed it to Kovis, and while I ordered coffee for both of us, I watched him out of the corner of my eye—he held the ring up and moved it about in the light, but his pensive expression told me more was going on with him. Once the girl left, he strode over to me but didn’t sit.
I looked up and met his eyes.
“Do you remember the night I proposed to you?”
I nodded. I’d never forget the honesty and vulnerability we’d shared. We’d been naked before each other as we made those pledges to each other. I still held it as my goal, for us, for always.
Without another word, he reached over his shoulder and undid the button securing his robe above his wings, then untied the sash and let it fall to the floor. He unfurled his wings fully and took a knee before me and said, “Princess Alissandra of Lemnos, you saved me from myself and my darkness. Brick by brick, stone by stone, you tore down that fortress I built around my heart and helped me love again.” He paused, letting the words he’d spoken that night sink in to my situation.
He continued, “I’ve been thinking a lot about what Dite said, to fill up my life with what is good to the point that there’s no room for darkness. I’m trying, and it’s working. I feel like I’m truly digging my way out. But I fear the evil you experienced could do the same to you, and I don’t want you to have to endure what I have. My dearest Ali, my love, my life, could we focus on what is good together, so that darkness has no place for either of us?” He held the ring out to me.
My Dreambeam, my love. It felt like the first ray of light in the darkness that was settling over my soul. I’d been so consumed by my overturned world that I hadn’t thought how it must compare to what he’d experienced. I’d been hoping to help thaw his frozen heart without truly understanding—no, that wasn’t the right word. Understanding was in your head, not your heart. I hadn’t felt deeply, like in my bones felt, what he had. I hadn’t experienced what had caused his frigidity. Perhaps it had been a mercy.
“Is this how you felt?”
He nodded.
I took a deep breath, a heavy breath, and let it out slowly. “I can’t imagine enduring this by myself. It’s a wonder you’re sane at all.”
He let a corner of his mouth hitch up.
“Thank you for being here for me.” I reached behind me and unbuttoned the fastener securing my robe, then opened the sash and slipped out of it. I unfurled my wings fully and slid onto his leg as I had that night and extended my finger.
Kovis slid the ring on and sealed it with a kiss, like that night.
This was pure. This was vulnerable at its best.
He brushed my lips with his own, then placed a gentle kiss on mine. It wasn’t one of claiming, but of deep understanding that I truly wasn’t alone no matter what had happened.
“You may not be ready, so tell me if not, but if we are going to fill up our lives with what is good so there’s no room for the bad”—he stared into my eyes—“may I make love to you? Because I can think of nothing that is more ‘good.’” There was no hu
nger or lust in him, just sincerity and love.
Sex had been the farthest thing from my mind.
Intimacy, my love, sex is only a part.
Intimacy. I yearned for it. I yearned for that seed of goodness, of purity, that frigidity could not coexist with. It might help me feel again. “Help me.”
And so he did. I furled one wing, and with kisses and gentle caresses, he laid me back on that couch, then took his time pleasuring every measure of me—my hair, my neck, my jaw. My ladies, he treasured with his hands, his touch so light, so gentle, then his tongue, licking; his lips, suckling. My core began to warm—he was thawing the frost I’d let settle on me. He showed me love along my wing and all the way down my middle, stopping at the hair which he ran his fingers through, stroking, pleasuring.
He pulled back and resituated himself by my feet and began working this new form of magic on my toes—he licked and sucked each and every one. My feet he caressed, never tickling, but cherishing. My calves he worked with equal care, my knees, then my thighs—he worked the outside first and made his way around and up, at last reaching my center. My core burned in anticipation. This was good. Every heartbeat of his care warmed and restored life in me.
Intimacy, Ali. I treasure all of you.
He paused, and our eyes met. Tell me to stop if you’re not ready.
But I was ready. He’d been right, intimacy included sex but was so much more. It was appreciating, cherishing, showing me exactly what I meant to him. And it was life.
“Please.” I spread my legs.
Still neither passion nor hunger filled his eyes, but earnestness and love. And so, as he’d been, he kissed, caressed, and loved every part of me, thoroughly and completely, until that heat that had been rising in my core exploded into bliss that overwhelmed me.
Only as the heat dissipated did I realize I’d doubted if I would ever feel again. Certainly not like this. Kovis was right, this was definitely good. I could fill myself up with this kind of good. We both could. And we could both breathe life into the other, because we deeply felt what the other had endured. And we would never be alone.
I looked at my ring that sparkled in the morning light. It had become a symbol of more than just our love. It was now a reminder to fill up life with all that was good, to overflowing.
I ran my hand down Kovis’s stubbly jaw. “Thank you.”
Two suns later and Velma finally woke, much to everyone’s relief. She cried for joy when she discovered she’d been brought back. The gift of life restored had filled her with gratitude, and she overflowed with thanks at every opportunity. She confessed that she’d allowed bitterness at Father to suck the life from her over the annums, and it seemed she intended to make up for lost time. She was filling herself up with life too.
Velma’s condition was enough for Mema to command all but Alfreda, Amelia, me, and Kovis back home so as not to overstay our welcome. So we hugged and kissed everyone goodbye despite some of my sisters resisting. Mema would hear nothing of it. She insisted we’d be back home before they knew it.
I now occupied my time between the nursery, sitting with Velma, and attempting to engage Alfreda in conversation. Even Velma hadn’t been able to reach her despite having endured the horrors of that cave together. No one wanted to say it, but we all feared whether we’d ever reach her. She’d shut herself off, and no one knew how to breach that wall.
Three suns later, the five of us reclined in the sitting area of Velma’s room. She convalesced in bed propped against an army of pillows. Velma had taken short walks to the nursery and about the palace, and while she was improving, she tired easily and still needed rest.
Alfreda still hadn’t said another word, even though Amelia never ceased comforting her. I’m sure worry lined my face as it did the rest of us when we glanced at her. Kennan certainly wasn’t getting any sleep. How did he fair? He’d already been through so much. How much more could he take with Alfreda unresponsive? Or had he already reached a point of no return.
The sun was just setting when Selova knocked. She beamed as if she was a cat that had just finished off a tasty mouse. She’d donned a purple scarf in the likeness of a seahorse, and her leggings echoed the color scheme in stripes. I wondered if she’d changed the sand sculpture to coordinate. “As you know, I’ve been trying to work through how to break that seemingly permanent dream state, and I believe I’ve figured it out.” She seated herself on the edge of the bed.
All of us, except Alfreda, sat up, anxious to hear her remedy.
“The only problem is, my fix will require each sand person be present for me to administer it.” She shook her head, the light fading from her eyes.
Selova hadn’t asked, and we hadn’t disclosed how we’d found my sisters, but from her statement she was inquiring now. So I offered, “If you can give us a list of some or all of those you haven’t stitched dreams together for in some time, we can find them the same way we found Velma and Alfreda.” I wasn’t about to divulge our source, not even to Selova. Some things would always need to remain confidential to protect my aunts and their reputations.
Selova brightened. “I can easily do that.” She didn’t probe further.
The rest of Dream citizens hadn’t been with my sisters in that cave. Wherever they were, I hoped Father had kept them together. I fingered the token in my pocket. I hoped my aunts were willing to again lend aid.
We’ll need to bring your aunts more reading material, Kovis joked.
My face flushed.
“Are you feeling okay, Ali?” Selova asked.
“Oh… oh, yes. Just feeling a little warm,” I replied, making Kovis choke down a laugh.
Kovis and I had work to do.
Selova took a deep breath before changing topics. “Word about your guards, Rowntree and Wyke, just reached us.”
I sat up. In all the chaos, I hadn’t remembered them, and I felt guilty for it.
She went on. “Rowntree was found not far from your brothers’ palace.”
“Found. What do you mean? Is he okay? And Wyke?”
Selova shook her head, and my stomach clenched. “Rowntree is dead. They said it looked as though some wild beast mauled him. Wyke is on the mend.”
Rowntree was dead. Dead. He’d been loyal to the end, I had no doubt. But it was why my brothers hadn’t come to the cave. They hadn’t known. The male had gone to Dyeus first and hadn’t gotten to alert my family. That was no wild beast that killed him; it was a mare. I knew it. So much destruction.
A sennight later, Kovis, my sisters, and I sat in the sitting area of Velma’s room. Thanks to my aunts, we’d discovered the location of the rest of our province’s citizens, and Selova had flown to them along with a retinue of guards to affect her treatment. I dared let a sliver of hope rise in me. If she succeeded, Father’s hold on the rebels of our Wake province would shatter and their treachery would be a thing of the past. Before she left, Selova had sent word to her counterparts in the other provinces, but according to Sandrin, none had yet replied. Things were looking up, although I still would be cautious in my optimism until Father had been captured and bound.
And so a mood of optimism abounded as I held Kovis’s hand, seated on the couch, Alfreda beside me. Velma and Amelia occupied the chairs bookending the chaise. Velma had been quieter than usual, and I wondered what occupied her thoughts.
“While you were gone, I did some thinking,” Velma said, her face turning serious. My stomach clenched. When she looked this way, she had something big to share.
Kovis squeezed my hand as if to remind me to breathe.
“Father doesn’t know I’m alive, but if he ever finds out, he will come after me and finish me for good.” Matter-of-fact and to the point, like always.
I didn’t disagree. But what was she suggesting?
“I want to go to Wake with you, Ali.”
“But what about your charge?” I asked.
“JT is a healer at the capital. I’ll go to him like you did, Ali. I’ll build a l
ife as you have and be blessed to have you near.” The conviction in her voice told me she’d decided and there would be no changing her mind. She’d give up immortality as I had, but I couldn’t pretend to be disappointed. I’d have my big sister again.
“I will go too.” Everyone looked to Alfreda. They were the first words she’d spoken in suns. Her shoulders still slumped, but her eyes no longer looked vacant. “I will go to Kennan. I will be his comfort and he mine.”
I chanced a smile. If coming with us meant getting Alfreda back, I’d welcome it.
“How… how will you go?” Amelia asked.
“I believe Selova can assist us. I will explain how I accomplished it with Ali, I have no doubt she can do the same.”
She’d really thought this through. I’d begun mourning losing my family once more when our work here was complete—when Father was bound—but it seemed I wouldn’t be losing them after all. What would it be like to have both Velma and Alfreda in Wake with me? I couldn’t hold in a smile. Kovis mirrored my reaction—family was important to both of us. Only Amelia looked sad.
And so, when Selova returned two suns later, sharing news of her guards breaking through Father’s mare soldiers with limited resistance and her remedy breaking the bond that held so many captive, Velma began explaining to and practicing with her concerning how to send us to Wake.
With our plan in place, I was encouraged that Alfreda had shed her malaise and joined us, seemingly again committed to living. She wasn’t effusive by any means, but she engaged in conversation and began ministering to Kennan once more. Alfreda made so much progress that Amelia decided she was no longer needed and headed home after securing our promise that we would say goodbye to everyone before leaving.
But despite all the good happening, two things continued weighing on me—Father still had not been captured and Selova hadn’t yet heard back from any of her fellow dream stitchers. She wasn’t concerned, but I couldn’t shake my worry.