by L. R. W. Lee
Memories of him finding us in the wilderness filled my mind. He’d been in a very dark place—confession over what he’d done to me had spilled from his lips, including the fact that he’d lied out of cowardice. It still rankled. But while the confession had been heartfelt, every word had stemmed from him wanting to ease his own guilt. I didn’t doubt that if he could make me whole again, he would. But that wasn’t possible. He couldn’t undo time—some things in life you didn’t get a second chance at, and he needed to understand that.
But despite all that baggage between us, I needed to make a friendship with Kennan work for Kovis’s sake, especially now that we were engaged. Kovis needed his family, just as I needed mine, and I refused to be a wedge between them. Kennan wasn’t evil. He’d panicked in the name of protecting his brother when I’d been uncooperative. I didn’t yet know what might form the foundation of our friendship, but I knew friends didn’t have to see eye to eye on everything, and this would be one of those things.
And so I dressed in a day dress and sandals that someone had brought up to our rooms, ate a light breakfast then wandered across the hall, bidding good morning to the four guards.
“He’s in good spirits,” Markett remarked, smiling as he opened the door to Kennan’s rooms.
“Is that unusual?”
He schooled his expression. “I’m afraid he hasn’t been that way of late, since they returned with him.” Clearly uncomfortable with the conversation, he bobbed his head, encouraging me to enter so he could close the door.
I wouldn’t press him. I’d see for myself.
I crossed the cluttered living space and knocked on Kennan’s bedroom door. “It’s me, Ali,” I said.
“Come in.” Kennan smiled and motioned me forward from where he sat in bed, covers pulled to his waist. His eyes still had dark patches beneath them, but they seemed a bit lighter, or perhaps that was wishful thinking. “It’s good to see you. Come sit.” He patted the covers. The part of his tattoo that peeked out from his pajamas was yellow—friendship among other meanings.
“How are you feeling?” I asked.
“Better now that Alfreda’s here. Last night, I slept for the first time in many suns. We talked until they insisted on taking her downstairs to treat her channels.”
“She’s trying to cope with all that’s happened too. You’re not alone.”
Kennan forced a smile that didn’t meet his eyes. “I thought I was being possessed again just before she appeared.” He swallowed hard. Something of a ghost flashed across those tea-steeped brown eyes. “It certainly felt that way. But the pain that followed”—he touched the sides of his head—“I thought my head was being cleaved in two. I’ve never experienced anything so painful. I didn’t know what more I could endure.” Despair was written over his face.
“Who found you and how?”
He shook his head. “Rasa got word of what happened with you and Kovis and sent three search parties from the guards that accompanied you to the competition. She had no idea I was even out there. One of the search parties found me. It’s all a blur. I didn’t know what was nightmare and what was real. It all blended together. I just remember that I was sleeping, nearly frozen to death under Alshain and Onyx when they found me.”
I inhaled quickly. “You found Alshain?”
He nodded. “Yes, Alshain and Fiona. I found them in Croft in some farmer’s barn and brought them with me.”
I shook my head. What were the odds. When Kovis heard that Alshain… I couldn’t think about it or I’d be crying, so I refocused on what Kennan was saying.
“I felt an unspeakable urgency to save you two, and after I thawed, I fought the guards the rest of the way back, but they refused to release me. They didn’t understand. They ended up putting me in chains.” A dark sound rumbled in his chest.
“Oh, Kennan.”
“It’s why I’m still on ‘bed rest.’ They thought I was demented. My guards became my wardens.” He frowned. “My situation aside, I feel sorry for Rasa.”
My stomach clenched. As much as the empress and I had yet to see eye to eye concerning Kovis, I couldn’t help but feel sympathy for her. One brother missing and probably feared dead after all the time we’d been gone. The other missing, then found but judged insane because of all he’d endured, and not knowing if he’d ever recover. No one had come out unscathed.
“How is she bearing up?”
A pained expression ghosted across Kennan’s face. “Rasa’s Rasa. She holds a stiff upper lip… especially when she’s hurting.”
No doubt Rasa abhorred sympathy, so I would temper my reaction when I saw her, but she’d been through a lot too. She needed space and understanding, just like everyone else.
“Despite my confinement, I’ve still been busy.” Kennan’s eyes brightened for a heartbeat, as if he was still pushing back the demons. “I fired those guards and had them punished.”
I gave him a long look. He didn’t need to elaborate on which guards. I pushed the image of Creepy, as I’d nicknamed him, from my mind but couldn’t stop gooseflesh from rising. Kennan had promised to get rid of them, but… “Is that why—”
“I have new guards. It is.” He finished my sentence. “With them viewing me as demented, it was a struggle”—his expression told me there was a story there, but I didn’t press—“but I finally convinced them to let me act. I think they saw it as humoring me. I personally selected each and every one of my new guards based on their record of personal integrity and defending those in need. They have to be able to fight too, of course—” A corner of his mouth turned up for a heartbeat before falling away. “—but they are of much better conscience.”
“Oh, Kennan, that’s wonderful.” I didn’t know what else to say. His clenched jaw told me only sheer determination had accomplished the feat.
He held up a finger. “I also tried to resign my position, but Rasa refused to accept, not with everything else going on. I think it’s her way of refusing to accept that I’m whacked.”
He’d done it. He’d done what he’d said he would despite his mental state.
He pressed his lips together as he looked at my ring. “It seems we’ll soon be family.”
I braced. He was a bit unbalanced. He’d planned to woo and marry me. Father claimed it’s what had kept him sane.
He seemed to be considering his next words. “When?” He hid his feelings as he lifted my hand and studied my ring.
“We haven’t set a date.”
“No, when did he propose?”
I inhaled. This Kennan was different than the one I’d come to know, and my stomach clenched. It seemed his trials had taught him a thing or two, and he no longer cared about politics or correctness. He had a boldness about him he’d never had before.
I hadn’t been courageous enough to confront Kennan about that kiss. I’d hidden from it, and it had caused no end of troubles. It was an awkward question, but I wouldn’t hide behind it.
“At The Ninety-Eight. He proposed the night I was crowned champion.”
He nodded just once, and I saw a whirlwind of emotions stir in his eyes. “I didn’t see it the night I found you two.”
“It was dark, perhaps—”
“It was my mother’s,” he interrupted, not allowing me to speculate further. “I think she would be pleased to call you daughter.”
But what did he think about it? I tried to keep my knee from bouncing. Perhaps I should have just let it go, but I needed to know. “My father claimed your feelings for me were the only thing that kept you sane as you searched for us. He’s lied about a lot of things, but was that a lie too?”
Kennan locked eyes with me and stared me down. “It seems I misunderstood that kiss.” No mincing words.
I sucked in a breath. I’d asked for it. His misunderstanding had been my fault, and I needed to woman up. I could do this. I exhaled slowly. “Kennan, I apologize. I kissed you when I was desperate to regain Kovis’s affections. I imagined you were him, and it was wro
ng of me.”
I struggled to stay still as I spoke the truth. What would it do to him in his fragile condition?
Kennan let my words linger and the silence grew uncomfortable. “I see.”
I rubbed my hands up and down my legs.
He forced a bitter laugh. “The gods allowed your father to possess me—” He shook his head. “—and the whole time let me think you were my salvation. I believed that once I’d atoned for my wrongdoings, somehow… I thought they’d bless me. I was naive. The gods have never blessed me. They took away my mother, left a monster for a father, and cursed Rasa, Kovis, and me.”
It felt like he punched me in the gut, seeing me as equal to the other pain he’d endured.
He continued, “So why I thought this might be different, I’ll never know. Clearly I’m a sucker and they know to exploit my weakness.”
This was not the time to debate with him. There was a fire burning in his belly that would not soon be extinguished, and I had no idea how to help.
He schooled his features and pasted on a smile. “I wish you and Kovis every happiness, sister.”
“Thank… thank you.” The words felt sour on my tongue.
“What, disappointed with my response? Excuse me if I’m not jumping for joy, or would you prefer I pretend?”
My hands were sweating, and it was all I could do to slowly rise and take several jerky steps back toward the door.
“Oh, Ali, don’t let me scare you away. The gods share equal blame, maybe more.”
I turned. “I should let you rest.”
“Rest, more rest. Yes, just what I need.” He forced a laugh.
I beat a hasty retreat.
I couldn’t spend time with him, not when he was like this. My presence just stirred up anger. But clearly someone needed to. Could Alfreda get through to him? Could they heal together? I prayed it to be so.
Tears welled up as I reached his door, but I fought them long enough to cross the hall. That conversation had been brutal, and I couldn’t stand up against all that hurt. I let my tears flow once the door closed behind me.
It took a while, but I finally calmed. And when I did, I remembered the one shred of good news that had come from my visit. Alshain was back home and so was Fiona. Kovis would be over the moon when I told him.
It would be just Rasa, Kovis, and me presiding over winter solstice festivities, and my stomach kept doing flips as I waited in our rooms. I hadn’t yet seen the empress since we’d returned, and while Kovis had said she’d received his announcement of our betrothal as he’d expected, I feared to experience her real sentiments.
Winter solstice events would unfold at the theater that ran behind the artist district. We would make our way up to the mezzanine that opened to the outdoors, and Rasa would say a few words. I’d be standing beside Kovis in an official but silent capacity. I’d done similar things in Dream, and it didn’t bother me in the slightest. Being with Rasa, that was a wholly different matter.
Everyone had promised me that I’d feel giddy on winter solstice with the glut of magic that overflowed from The Canyon—it supposedly made every sorcerer behave as if inebriated. I’d been looking forward to experiencing it even before crossing The Canyon with Kovis—the thought of his giddy behavior as it overwhelmed him made me smile. Since then, I’d been even more curious at the solstice. Would it affect him as it had? What if Rasa succumbed to it too? I couldn’t hold in a giggle. Rasa acting inebriated? This, I had to see. I couldn’t fathom most of the capital behaving thusly.
When would I feel it? I welcomed it taking the edge off tonight. I took several calming breaths, and as I did my ring sparkled in the firelight. I studied its facets—it was indeed beautiful, just like my Dreambeam.
Aw, stop, you’re making me blush.
I laughed back through our bond.
Just need to put on my socks and shoes.
Take your time.
I’d visited Velma and Alfreda down in the healers’ suites earlier then returned to our rooms, bathed, and dressed. This night promised to be enchanting, and I’d donned a long, flowing gown whose fabric glowed like The Canyon. Yes, it actually glowed. I’d never seen anything like it. Even Deor, my artistic sister, had yet to come up with anything so stunning. The full skirt that mimicked the colors of Wake’s powers brushed the ground with every step, and the sleeveless top hugged all my modest curves like a glowing corset. I’d wear a coordinating cape, in more shimmering material, to fend off the chilly night air. Haylan had helped me put my hair up in an elegant, braided bun and given me a squeeze to allay some of my worries.
Rasa’s not going to eat you, Ali. She’s only human with Terra and Wood affinities—she was a healer if you remember. A healer, as in someone who tries to care for and nurture.
That is true, but the way she carries herself…
Kovis strode from the closet over to where I watched the Lights growing brighter and brighter, shimmering in their full glory through the fancy, glass doors leading to the balcony. He enfolded me in his arms before I could finish my sentence.
“I’m yours and you’re mine, Ali. Never forget that. And I’ll be there with you. Besides, I think I’ve nearly won her over.” He grinned then pushed my nose playfully before adding a kiss.
I forced a smile and willed my stomach to still. He was right. We belonged to each other, and nothing would come between us.
Kovis stepped back, and I ran my eyes over his gold coronet. Five gold, swooping altairns adorned the abbreviated crown, equidistant, a sapphire set in each of their breasts. It coordinated perfectly with his navy, patterned tunic—gold trimmed the stand-up collar—and floor-length, sleeveless overcoat. It, too, had been accented with the Altairn emblem.
I couldn’t help myself. My heart pitter-pattered. I would never get tired of seeing him all cleaned up.
He flicked his brows and extended his elbow. “Is that an offer for later?”
I grinned. “Definitely.” I placed a hand on his arm. “Are you feeling The Canyon?”
“I’m beginning to, and I’m looking forward to fully experiencing it with you.”
With the number of guards needed to protect the royal family, Kovis had agreed to meet Rasa at the theater at the appointed time. We and our retinue of six guards took a carriage to the river’s edge then hopped a water taxi to the artist district. Hoots and hollers and all manner of merrymaking emanated from both banks of the river as our captain steered us through the tangle of watercraft. Between that and starting to feel the magic that wafted through the air, I forgot about Rasa and let myself soak in the night.
I knew when we drew close to the artist district because an Ice mage on shore magicked a spray of ice crystals in The Canyon’s colors, and with the help of an Air sorcerer, they undulated like a curtain above the river bank, just like the Lights. Onlookers cheered and a few ventured close enough to stand in the rippling ice—they were rewarded with frozen hair. One woman whose husband looked a bit tipsy, grabbed his arm before he tumbled into the water.
A Water mage conjured a fountain further along. With the Lights shining brightly as they were, the water glistened, catching the array of colors as the mage made the liquid bend and twist into animals and a host of shapes.
I’d never seen a Terra sorcerer work crystals, but as we approached, a woman was fashioning a larger-than-life size altairn, wings and talons outstretched for landing, out of a huge chunk of lapis. She used only her mind and gentle touches to carve the sculpture—had this been how Hulda’s father fashioned the stones of my ring? I, along with passersby, watched with wide eyes as the bird came to life. A child squealed as a large piece fell away. It would be beautiful when she was done.
We had nearly reached our destination when I spotted small flames dancing, as if on invisible cords in the air, above the crowds, no doubt the work of Fire mages. Every cord led toward the theater that loomed over the galleries dotting the bank before it. We disembarked and followed the crowds. Several ladies oohed when the
y saw my dress, and I smiled back.
We were nearly to Rasa. The thought made my stomach jump. Kovis squeezed my hand on his arm. I gazed up to see the corner of the theater building, a portion of which had been peeled back and opened to the elements this night. I spotted the empress in a sparkling, black gown that flowed into a short train, crown atop her immaculately dressed hair, holding a drink, near the railing of the mezzanine.
Our guards parted the crowds, and we strode through the open square. We reached the doors and two more guards opened them for us. A quick walk through the lobby had us climbing one then another flight of stairs. I swallowed as we emerged onto the terrace and Rasa turned.
My hand slipped from Kovis’s arm as I bowed, low, and held it.
“Sister,” Kovis said.
“Rise, please, Ali,” she said.
Her tone was even, and I couldn’t judge anything by it. But three little words. She’d included a “please” and used my name, her champion. Was The Canyon’s influence helping me?
I braced.
She looked my dress over then nodded before speaking. “You’re, no doubt, the most stunning lady here this night.”
Was that a good thing? I forced my limbs still.
“And rightly so, for I understand congratulations are in order… sister.” She handed off her drink, then smiled as she stepped forward, opening her arms.
My knees nearly buckled. She’d called me sister.
I stepped into her embrace.
I’d expected it to be stiff but found the opposite to be true. She hugged me with a fierceness I could never have imagined her possessing, and I relaxed in her arms, hugging her back with equal intensity. Sister. I would have another sister, but I would be her only one.
I spotted silver lining her eyes when she stepped back. I’m sure mine betrayed me equally because the corner of her mouth hitched up for a heartbeat.
“I think I’m going to enjoy having a sister,” she added. Her voice wavered.
I could only nod as I brought a hand to my mouth. Rasa sought the closeness of a sister. With me.
Everyone on the mezzanine had fallen silent. Only the noise of revelers drifted up as Kovis stepped forward and wrapped an arm around my waist.