by Lola Rock
A wicked cramp folds me in half.
My core clenches, confused.
Like, it’s not complicated, Lilah. Just sit on a cock and this can all go away.
No thanks.
I step into the barrel and crouch until everything below my chin is submerged. My throat and eyes burn.
Clutching my knees to my chest, balancing against the sides of the barrel, I feel like I can ride this thing out. Never mind that the cramps keep getting worse. From thumbtacks to nails to cherry red, molten lava monster swords.
Never mind that pain steals my focus, forcing it to the throbbing spot deep inside me that’s never going to be satisfied.
I can ride this out.
My breathing sounds harsh in my ears, everything else silent.
Maybe I’m hallucinating, or maybe the HVAC system wants me dead, because the longer it’s quiet, the more positive I am that I can hear the fivesome happening three floors up.
Orion’s knot-gasm moans. Alphas grunting and roaring. And a rhythmic, insane-paced pounding that makes me clench in jealousy and despair.
A flinch sends me slipping under.
I scrunch my face, ready for more pain, but there’s nothing.
Just the chemicals worming into my nose, and I’d much rather that than the burnt sugar scent of my traitor body.
I pop up one more time, splashing to block out the porn soundtrack echoing through the pipes. Taking a huge breath, I dip back under, hold myself down with claw hands on metal, and start counting heartbeats.
Wave after wave of cramps bite down and shake without letting go.
I keep counting, counting, popping up to breathe, then down, losing myself in the pain and the numbers, chanting.
I can survive anything.
The second the heat fades, I’ll escape while the Wyvern pack is busy with their real omega.
To my cabin in the woods, a new city, a new life. It doesn’t matter as long as I’m free.
Another cramp wracks me so hard I bite my tongue.
I taste blood.
All I have to do is survive.
Forty
ORION
The heat haze rolls off slowly. It feels like waking from a dream, only the dream keeps playing when my eyes crack open, groggy as fuck, with a headache down to my balls.
Heat hangover.
All four guys pile around me. The pack bed reeks of good sex and alpha.
This is the fantasy.
What I’ve craved for so long, my body sore in the best kind of way. Like they fucked me good for days.
I should be in heaven.
So why the fuck is my heart pounding so fast?
Why’s this sick sensation roiling in my gut?
Something’s wrong.
I kick out from the tangle of elbows and bare asses.
“Sleep,” Atlas grumble-growls in that deep, ear-hugging voice that makes me want to flip over and present my aching ass to him one last time for shits and gigs.
But I’m tapped.
All sexed out.
Atlas kicks up a soft purr, pulling me against his chest. I want to sink into that sound forever, but the second I start to drift, I realize what’s missing.
“Where’s Lilah?” I shove Atlas’s chest.
“Hmm?” he asks sleepily.
“Where’s Lilah,” I repeat, more and more alarmed.
The guys stir.
“Mmmf,” Finn mutters, face-down in a pillow.
“Where is she? She was hurt when Craig—”
“Whoa.” Hunter clasps my shoulder, rubbing his forehead. “I think we saw her. Did we see her?”
The memory flashes like the comet that killed the dinosaurs.
Just a millisecond, where Lilah peeks into the nest and I reach for her, inviting her to join because she’s my mate and she should be here for my heat.
Shit, for her heat.
She’s our mate.
Do they not know?
“She came to the door,” Jett says flatly.
“Then why isn’t she here?” My voice rises. “Didn’t you smell her?”
“Smelled you. So fuckable,” Finn mutters into his pillow.
My heartbeat roars in my throat.
Atlas rubs his forehead. “Shit. I have to apologize. The rut… I bit her head off.”
“We all owe her a huge-ass apology. Did anyone even check on her?” Hunter frowns.
She’s been alone? This whole time?
“Tell me. The exact words you told her.” I yank Hunter’s arm. He can clearly read my panic, the tremble in my fingers.
“Jett said…”
“I told her the truth,” Jett mumbles, not making eye contact. “You don’t belong here.”
“Fuck.” I jump out of the cuddle pile, grabbing the closest pair of pants and stumbling into them as I hurry my ass to the basement, trying not to throw up.
Maybe she ran. Maybe she’s already gone.
“What’s the rush?” Atlas grabs me, holding me back.
“She’s our mate!” I throw off his hands, voice rising in panic. “She’s our mate, and she was in heat when she saved my life. Again!”
Jett snorts. “Whatever she said—”
“She didn’t say shit! She’s a scent match, you absolute fucking idiots. Why do you think you’ve been hanging off her?”
“Not possible,” Atlas rumbles. “You’re our—”
“Then you have two!” I rip away from the knot-brained assholes bent on ruining my life. “Fuck off if you don’t want her, because I do. Lilah is mine!”
I tear down the stairs to the basement.
I scent crème brûlée.
Faded, but pointed.
Sharp.
So sharp I clap a hand to my belly that aches in answer. She was needing. Alone and needing without a single one of us selfish fuckers to help her through pain I can’t even imagine. Pain I’ve never once had to deal with alone.
“Where is she?” My vision swims, heart moving too fast.
“No one’s been in or out of the house,” Jett says unhelpfully. I’m going to kill him, but not until after I’ve found Lilah and shown them all what the fuck they’ve done.
My alphas’ heads swivel, catching the scent that speaks to something deep inside their souls.
“Caramel.” Finn licks his lips.
“Is that—” Hunter chokes off.
“It can’t be,” Atlas says, stubborn as fuck. “It can’t.”
My fingernails bite my palms. “Where is she?”
That’s when I hear the splash. A huge, wracking gasp.
Then another splash and silence.
Hunter ducks into the bathroom and turns off the running shower. “There’s no tub…”
Another slosh sounds from the supply closet.
A soft, splashing sound that almost breaks me.
I stumble into the closet.
A barrel lid sits on the concrete.
It’s the de-scenter we use to wash fucking floors. The harsh scent has my nose and eyes stinging.
What’s worse?
The subtle sugar fragrance mixed up with the acrid, bleachy tang. The sight of Lilah’s dark hair visible just below the surface.
“Starlight,” Finn’s voice is a scratchy wreck.
Somehow, he’s the first one to move, the first one to process what’s happening.
He reaches into the barrel and hauls out a small, soaking wet body.
Lilah struggles like she’s being electrocuted.
Her skin is bee-sting red.
The chemical sheds off her, revealing her scent.
Burnt sugar and luscious vanilla, but twisted. So painfully twisted.
The sharp, pained scent drops me to my knees.
She’s still in heat.
The fuckers are shell-shocked, staring at Lilah like she’s a wardrobe to Narnia instead of the girl we devastated.
“She’s… She’s…” Atlas stares at her in horror.
“Our mate,” Hun
ter grits out.
“No.” Jett fights it, but I can see him tremble. He knows.
Now they all know just in time to see how hard we’ve fucked up our best chance at happiness.
“Star.” Finn crawls to her on his knees. He better get used to the position because we all need to fucking beg.
Lilah reacts to his voice like it’s poison, crab-scuttling until she’s backed into the corner.
“Why are you here.” Squeezing her eyes shut, shaking, she buries her face in her arms. “Go away. Leave me alone. Just please leave. Please.”
My voice cracks. “Lilah—”
“No. You told me,” she mumbles, delirious. “I don’t belong. I know. I don’t belong and I’m done with you. I’ll be gone as soon as the heat… As soon as the heat—”
She grunts, her scent spiking crazily.
Done with us?
No.
It’s not happening. Not when she saved my life and all I had was a second to picture how perfect we’ll be together. All of us.
“You’re not leaving.”
Her eyes squeeze tighter, and she covers them with the heels of her hands, curling her toes, curling her knees like she’s pulling deep into her shell, and I’ll never get to see her again.
The sound that escapes her is a needle to my brainstem.
A raw, pained whine at the back of her throat.
A raspy, broken scream.
Between her scent and that heart-shattering sound, her pain and agony wash over me like they’re mine.
Fuck, I wish they were mine.
I wish I could take this from her, rewind time, cradle her in my arms, and hold her close until the alphas rocked up and found us both in that nest, both in heat.
I’ll die with this regret.
ATLAS
The scent of fresh-torched crème brûlée rewrites my fucking DNA.
It’s not just the scent.
It’s the sight of her.
Lilah.
My mate.
She pulls in herself, shaking and pained, and her soundless scream is the worst sound I’ve ever heard. Second worst is Orion’s panicked breathing as he crumbles.
The pack’s a fucking wreck, and I have to shut down the bond to cut off all four flavors of despair.
Hunter freezes like his hard drive’s being rebooted, Jett’s grip on the doorframe is the only thing keeping him upright, and Finn is on his knees staring Lilah down with yandere-level obsession like if he submits hard enough, it’ll fix this clusterfuck.
I don’t blame him.
If she responds, I’ll crawl like a worm.
She’s our mate.
It seems so simple now that I see what she means to Orion. There’s no fight. No fissure.
She’s our missing piece.
Only, instead of welcoming her like a treasure, we bent her all the fuck out of shape.
“How long was my heat?” Orion asks, dazed.
“Three days,” Hunter mutters.
“Three—” I choke. She can’t have been in this goddamned barrel that whole time.
Please say she hasn’t.
My instincts ride me, screaming to scoop her into my arms and offer the shelter she so obviously, so desperately needs, but the reality is my touch will only make this worse.
Before any of us can restart our pulverized brains, the whine cuts and Lilah collapses.
Finn darts in, catching her before her head hits concrete.
“Call an ambulance,” Orion whispers, sounding broken, and I don’t even dare touch him. He’ll hate me more now, knowing I’m the one who drove Lilah away.
I couldn’t protect her.
Jett’s already dialing, but that’s not good enough.
“Chopper,” I bark. “We’re taking her to Wyvern Clinic. Now.”
Finn lifts Lilah to his chest, watching her like she’s the only creature in the world. He noses her scalp, and when he squeezes her tight, I know he’s ready to die for her.
I step up.
I’m pack leader, and my instincts scream that I should be the one to carry her to safety.
Finn snarls when I come too close, fucking feral at the thought of not touching her for a second.
If we lose Lilah, we lose our entire goddamned pack.
FINN
Everyone moves, but they’re all shapes in smoke except for a single light.
Lilah’s haloed in silver. But, like, shimmering silver. Moonlight and fairy dust and sparkling shit that lights a fire inside me.
She smells like candy.
But she’s hurt, and I’m killing every single motherfucker who looks at her wrong, maybe even my brothers.
I warn off Atlas and carry her to the chopper, holding her in my lap.
“Lilah.” Orion crouches next to us, but there’s a little gold in him, a spot of sunshine that says he’s not a threat. For a second, I can feel his pain, screaming through our pack bond.
I grunt.
He’s worthy of her.
Me…not, but she’s mine anyway.
And the others?
Fuck them. They did this.
“Later,” I say, stroking my mate’s soft, silky hair, cradling her in my arms. “Remind me what the fuck you all said to my star.”
Hunter growls as the chopper lifts. “You want to start with that shit when you’re the one who dragged us out last night?”
Fair point.
But I never said I wasn’t an asshole.
I don’t give a shit about might-have-beens, and there’s not enough fucking paper to write down all the shit I’ve done wrong.
Doesn’t matter.
Nothing else matters but Lilah in my arms and Orion at my feet.
She’s mine.
Maybe someday, she’ll be ours, but these fuckers can work out their own baggage.
My destiny is a five-foot omega with sharp knives, sweet smiles, and a scent that gives me life.
I’m never letting her go.
HUNTER
I fly the chopper so hard the engine screams. Pretty sure we could crash in a fireball and Finn would keep Lilah safe, even if he’s charred to Hades.
I lock my eyes forward while every cell yearns toward Lilah and her hurt, intoxicating scent.
Some part of me knew.
I saw how everyone looked at her, how the pack was already starting to revolve around Lilah like she gave us back our gravity.
If I’d spoken up, I could’ve saved her from this pain, and now I’m not sure how or if we can ever fix what we’ve done to her.
An inferno builds inside me.
I need to fight. Pound flesh. Bleed.
But no amount of fighting is gonna fix this shit.
From now on, I swear.
I’ll fight for her. I’ll do anything to win Lilah back.
JETT
You don’t belong here.
You don’t belong here!
Fuck me, I know she belongs, I’ve always known, but I—
Lilah whines as the chopper touches down on the clinic’s helipad, and the sound guts me.
Once upon a time, I wanted to stop the world from hurting her.
Now I’m the one making her cry.
I don’t know if she can ever look at me, and I don’t know if I can ever apologize, or if I’m too much of a fucking coward to get out the words.
I’m a fucking monster.
Forty-One
LILAH
Everything hurts.
I’ve never been hungover before, but it must be like this. My tongue aches, cramps crackle through every muscle, and even my freaking eye sockets ache.
I whimper.
“Shh,” a soft voice whispers. The sheets rustle, and I’m pulled gently against a warm chest, our legs tangling, arms surrounding me. His chin rests on the crown of my head. Comfy.
I start to pull away, but he holds me tight. “You’re alright, Lilah. It’s okay now.”
Orion.
His voice settles the raging seas inside m
e.
I relax into him, enjoying this dream. His apple scent is tart, a little agitated.
He shouldn’t be upset, not even in my dreams. I ache so hard, I hate to move, but I roll and nuzzle, worming my face into the fruity-sweet hollow of his neck.
“Lilah,” he rasps, pulling me tighter.
I fit so perfectly against him.
This is perfect.
“We’ll protect you now.” He pets my back in long, soothing touches. “We’ll take care of you.”
It sounds nice.
I know it’s not true, but it’s so nice.
I let myself sink into him like I’m sinking into a cloud because I know when I wake up from this, all that’ll be left is the storm. Lightning and thunder and me all alone in my cave, the way I was always going to end.
The truth sours the fantasy.
I’m done being pathetic. Done hanging around a pack that doesn’t want me. I can be strong.
I will be strong.
I pull away from the dream.
“Careful,” Orion says, so soft.
I try to open my eyes, to break the spell, but they won’t open. I touch my face, but my fingers scrape cloth.
“You hurt your eyes,” Orion whispers. “The doctor said you’ll be fine, you just have to rest.”
“Doctor?” I sure as fuck wouldn’t dream a doctor.
I grip my temples, panic starting to rise.
“Is she awake?” A rumbling alpha voice stirs the panicking mouse inside.
Atlas.
“Lilah?” His voice comes closer.
I push Orion, flailing as I start to panic, start to remember.
They rejected me like they were always going to.
So why are they still here?
“What… Why…” My voice is scratchy.
“It’s okay,” Orion soothes like he’s speaking to a spooked horse. “You’re okay.”
“I’m not.” But I will be when they’re gone.
“Star?” Finn’s scent hits my nose, oranges sharp in a way I’ve never smelled before. Anxious?
Not possible.
Fingers brush my shoulder.
I jolt like he tazed me. “Don’t.”
“You’re at the clinic,” Hunter says, the only voice of reason. “We found you in the barrel.”