by Uncle Amon
A: In the snow bank!
Q: Who delivers cat Christmas presents?
A: Santa Paws!
Q: What are Santa’s helpers taught at an early age?
A: The elf-abet!
Q: What game do reindeer play in their stalls?
A: Stable-tennis!
Q: What do elf students do?
A: Gnome work!
Q: What can Santa give away and still keep?
A: A cold!
Q: Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas?
A: Santa Jaws!
Q: How do you know when Santa Claus is near?
A: It’s easy to sense his presents!
Q: What songs do Santa’s gnomes sing to him when he comes home freezing on Christmas night?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow!
Q: What do you call a man who claps at Christmas?
A: Santapplause!
Q: Did you hear about Dracula’s Christmas party?
A: It was a scream!
Q: Who sings “Love me tender,” and makes Christmas toys?
A: Santa’s little Elvis!
Q: What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas?
A: Grave-y!
Q: What did the reindeer say to the linebacker?
A: No more Blitzen for you!
Q: What did Santa shout to his toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Okay everyone, sack time!
Q: What do snowmen do on the weekend?
A: Chill out!
Q: How do cats greet each other at Christmas?
A: A furry merry Christmas and happy mew year!
Q: Did you hear that one of Santa’s reindeer now works for Proctor and Gamble?
A: It’s true. Comet cleans sinks!
Q: What’s fat and jolly and runs on eight wheels?
A: Santa on roller skates!
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit!
Q: Which bug does not like Christmas?
A: A humbug!
Q: Who brings the Christmas presents to police stations?
A: Santa Clues!
Q: Why did your boyfriend return his Christmas tie?
A: He said it was too tight!
Q: What do you get when you cross a famous singer and one of Santa’s helpers?
A: Elfis Presley!
Q: What is the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
A: The Christmas alphabet has no el!
Q: Why was Santa’s little helper depressed?
A: Because he had low elf esteem!
Q: Why does Santa go down chimneys?
A: Because they soot him!
Q: Why couldn’t the butterfly go to the Christmas ball?
A: It was a moth ball!
Q: Why couldn’t the Christmas tree stand up for itself?
A: It didn’t have legs!
Q: What did Dracula say at the Christmas party?
A: Fancy a bite?
Q: Why did the reindeer wear sunglasses at the beach?
A: Because he didn’t want to be recognized!
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish!
Q: What do you call a letter sent up the chimney on Christmas Eve?
A: Black mail!
Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It is Christmas, Eve!
Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A: Crisp Cringle!
Q: What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A: A water puddle!
Q: What does Dracula write on his Christmas cards?
A: Best vicious of the season!
Q: How do sheep in Mexico say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!
Q: What happens to you at Christmas?
A: Yule be happy!
Q: How does Santa Claus take pictures?
A: With his North Pole-aroid!
Q: What did they call Santa after he lost his pants?
A: Saint Knickerless!
Q: What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa as they were looking out their front window?
A: Looks like rein dear!
Q: What reindeer can jump higher than a house?
A: They all can! Houses can’t jump!
Q: Why is it so cold at Christmas?
A: Because it’s in Decembrrr!
Q: What do snowmen like most about school?
A: Snow and tell!
Q: What is the cow’s holiday greeting?
A: Mooooory Christmas!
Q: Who is never hungry at Christmas?
A: The turkey because he’s always stuffed!
Q: What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
A: Santa Claustrophobia!
Q: Why does Santa like to work in the garden?
A: Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!
Q: What’s Santa called when he takes a rest while delivering presents?
A: Santa pause!
Q: What was the hairdresser’s favorite Christmas song?
A: Oh comb all ye faithful!
Q: What do you give a train driver for Christmas?
A: Platform shoes!
Q: Is it true that mummies love Christmas?
A: Yes! Because of all the wrapping!
Q: What’s Scrooge’s favorite Christmas game?
A: Mean-opoly!
Q: What does Santa say when he is sick?
A: OH OH NO!
Q: Who delivers elephants Christmas presents?
A: Elephanta Claus!
Q: If Santa Claus and Mrs. Claus had a child, what would he be called?
A: A subordinate claus!
Q: What’s the best thing to put in a Christmas cake?
A: Your teeth!
Q: Which of Santa’s reindeers needs to mind his manners the most?
A: Rude-olph!
Q: What do you get hanging from Santa’s roof?
A: Tired arms!
Q: What’s a ghost’s favorite Christmas entertainment?
A: A phantomime!
Q: What did the snowman say to his friend?
A: I think I smell carrots!
Q: What do you have in December that you don’t have in any other month?
A: The letter D!
Q: What do gnomes fear most about Christmas?
A: They’re afraid Santa will give them the sack!
Q: Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas Party?
A: He had no body to go with!
Q: What Christmas carol do parents love the most?
A: Silent Night!
Q: Why is a cat on a beach like Christmas?
A: Because they both have sandy claws!
Q: How do you make a slow reindeer fast?
A: Don’t feed it!
Q: What is the snowman’s favorite snack?
A: Ice crispies!
Q: What does Santa call that reindeer with no eyes?
A: No-eyed-deer!
Q: How many chimneys does Santa go down?
A: Stacks!
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