‘Why didn’t you come to Dad’s funeral?’ He chucks the dead match in the bushes.
‘Why do you think?’ She takes the tea bags out of the cups and chucks them in the sink. The empty baby bottles are little soldiers lined up on the windowsill, waiting. Her hands start to tremble.
‘He wasn’t always like that. He had your best interests at heart.’ Ray speaks out of the corner of his mouth, the cigarette dancing up and down on his lips.
‘He sent me away to get rid of my baby. Told me I was a cheap tart like Mum. Never even came to see me.’ She stands up straight and faces him.
‘He was still hurting after Mum did a midnight flit with the butcher, but you probably wouldn’t remember.’ He carries the mugs to the table. ‘He was trying to protect you.’
‘Why didn’t you stick up for me? Weren’t you on my side?’
‘There were no sides, you know that. It was Dad’s way or no way.’
‘Yeah well, now he’s dead.’
‘You know Tony’s out of prison, right?’
‘Is he? You don’t think it was him, do you?’ Alison can feel the colour drain from her cheeks.
‘I doubt it. The police will be checking him out.’
‘Do you think he has something to do with Adam disappearing?’
‘All I know is that he wants to come and see you.’
‘What for?’
‘Didn’t make the best choice, did you? Should have stuck with him.’
‘Are you serious? He was inside for stabbing Adam. He’s a bloody control freak.’
‘And Adam’s any better?’
‘He wouldn’t do something like that.’
‘Seriously?’ Ray laughed.
‘Adam and I did have a row. He went mental about me getting pregnant again and he’s dead against getting married. I don’t understand why. I thought it’s what we both wanted.’
‘Always full of excuses that one. Dad could see right through him. Only used him because he was good at breaking bones, simple as that.’
‘That’s not the Adam I remember and that’s not what he was like when we met up again. He’s always been kind and thoughtful until recently.’
‘You don’t know the half of it. Talk about Jack the lad.’
‘He’s always been faithful to me.’
‘Know that for sure, do you?’
‘Yeah, I trust him.’
‘Dad paid him to leave. He gave him a new identity. All the papers, passport, driver’s licence, everything, so he could start again, become someone else.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me before? Have you told the police?’
‘There was no point. I don’t know what name Dad gave him; he’s taken it to his grave. He didn’t want anyone to track him down, thought one of us might go soft and tell you.’
‘You sure you can’t find out? What if Adam’s living somewhere under that name, we may never find him.’
‘I doubt if there’s any record of it. Like I said, Dad didn’t want anyone to know; he’d have had any evidence destroyed.’
‘I thought he’d been coming in deliberately when I was out, doing all sorts of weird stuff, but the police think it’s some cleaner woman he’s employed without telling me, probably to snoop on me, the bastard.’ She cups her face in her hands for several moments. ‘You don’t think something bad has happened to him, do you?’
‘The police would have told you.’ Ray stubs his cigarette out.
‘Unless he’s living under this other name.’
Jamie comes in with a sketch book under his arm and holds up a picture.
Ray nods his approval. ‘Chip off the old block, ain’t he, sis?’
‘It’s a picture of the tree we had chopped down.’ She puts her arm around Jamie’s shoulders and rubs his head. ‘He fell out of it.’
‘Yeah I thought it looked a bit…’ Ray peers at Jamie’s head.
‘Leave off you.’ Alison smacks Ray’s arm. They all laugh. Jamie turns the page.
‘I’ve not seen this one, who’s this?’ Alison asks.
‘My sister.’
‘Oh, I thought you wanted a brother.’
‘I did, I do, but this is my sister. Her name’s Emily.’
‘Ah, that’s really sweet.’ Alison frowns at Ray, but Jamie sees the smirk on her lips.
‘You never believe me, do you?’ Jamie slams the pad on the floor and runs upstairs.
‘This is all a big shock for him. Leave him for a while.’
Alison puts the pad on the table.
‘I’d better be going anyway, let you get some rest.’ Ray finishes his tea. ‘I’ll be back tomorrow. Call me if you have any updates or if you need anything.’
‘I will, thanks.’ Alison kisses him goodbye.
Back in the living room, she opens the pad and looks closer at Jamie’s drawing. The girl is with Jamie at the park and she’s holding a woman’s hand. Is this a wild fantasy or is this when he went missing? A shiver runs through her. Who are these people? Could they have anything to do with Charlie’s disappearance?
Chapter Sixty-Four
Maddy: December 2019
It’s the windiest day Maddy can remember in a long time. She lifts Sam out of the plastic baby bath and into the towel on her lap. She didn’t think she’d be able to do it, but Emily being there has given her the confidence she needs. The leaded window rattles and the wind whistles through a gap in the frame. She lets Emily dab dry his soft cushiony skin. Only once he is dressed and warm is Emily allowed to cradle him.
‘Time for a little sleep, Sammy.’ Maddy takes him from her and holds him up to the mirror. He definitely has her eyes and ears. She smiles at her mother holding him, reflected back at her. In her bedroom, she and Emily sit for a while and take turns rocking the crib, watching him in contented silence. Emily winds up the mobile and it plays ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’.
‘Shall we make cakes today?’ Maddy kisses her cheek and Emily coyly shrugs her off, giggling as she tickles her.
In the kitchen, she rolls up Emily’s sleeves and ties up both their aprons. From the cupboard she takes out flour and sugar, and butter from the fridge. Emily picks out two eggs from the wire basket on the counter.
‘Are we making Chloe’s favourite muffins?’ Emily asks.
‘That would be lovely, a thank you for sending us baby Sam.’ At that moment, a huge gust of wind wallops the house making everything shake. ‘Goodness me.’ Maddy peers out of the window. The playhouse has blown across the lawn along with toys and broken branches and all sorts of debris. Is their house going to spin into the sky like Dorothy’s in The Wizard of Oz?
‘Can we save some muffins for when Dad comes home?’
Maddy hesitates, contemplating Emily’s solid belief that Max will return. They’re coping just fine without him.
‘Do we have any chocolate chips?’ Emily continues, as though she didn’t really expect an answer.
‘In here somewhere.’ Maddy spins the cupboard carousel full circle but it’s going so fast, everything’s a blur.
‘Slow it down, Mummy.’
She stops it with her hand and tries to concentrate fully. Emily spots the packet secured with a peg.
‘Dad loves chocolate.’ Emily spoons an extra helping of chocolate chips into the mixture and buries them with a wooden spoon.
Maddy wonders if Max loves her as much as chocolate. Does he love her more than Alison? Does he love her at all? There are so many questions spinning in her head in a mini cyclone. She won’t be able to rest until she knows the answers. Emily plops a dollop of the mixture into each paper case, counting them aloud as she goes.
‘Two for you, two for me, two for Dad, two for Chloe, two for baby and two for luck.’
Maddy opens the oven door and slides the tray in. ‘For luck eh?’ she says, as she straightens up.
‘We’re allowed one wish each, but don’t ask me what it is because it’s a secret,’ Emily says.
‘Because, if you tell
…’
‘It won’t come true.’ Emily grins.
Maddy doesn’t even have to guess because her own wish is for Max to come home too.
Chapter Sixty-Five
Alison: December 2019
It is midday when PC Blunt arrives. ‘Can I come in for a few moments?’ she asks. ‘I have some news.’ She’s a tall woman with cropped hair and a spotless suit. Her pale plain face gives nothing away.
Alison isn’t dressed and hugs the robe around her tighter. If it was bad news wouldn’t there be two of them? She stands aside to let her in, then leads her through to the kitchen.
‘We’ve had a huge response to the TV appeal. Lots of sightings and leads. It’s too early to say for sure, but we’ve taken someone in and we’re fairly confident it’s Adam.’
‘Oh, thank God, and Charlie’s with him?’ Alison presses her forehead.
‘Unfortunately, Charlie wasn’t with him, but we can’t confirm yet that he didn’t take him.’
‘What are you saying? He might have taken him and now he’s left him somewhere?’
‘I’m sorry, Alison, we don’t know enough at this stage.’ She leans towards her. ‘We’re checking out his story and all the places he’s been living.’
‘Living where?’ Alison’s eyes feel heavy with lack of sleep. They seem no closer to finding Charlie. She leans against the counter and wipes her hand across her eyes.
‘We found him in Sheffield, at the YMCA. But he says he’s also been living on the streets and in a bedsit.’
‘Why?’ Alison searches her face. ‘It can’t be him. His home is here.’
‘I don’t know any more details. He’s being questioned right now. I can assure you we’ll verify his identity as soon as we can.’
‘Why Sheffield? What the hell took him there?’
‘We don’t know any more at the moment. He’s in a bad way, he had an accident and hurt his leg. He says he’s Adam Hawkins. We’re sending him to be assessed by a doctor this afternoon.’
‘When will I be able to see him, if it is Adam?’
‘We’re bringing him back to Cambridgeshire tomorrow.’
‘But our baby is still missing.’ Alison’s voice falters. ‘If he doesn’t have Charlie, then who does?’
Chapter Sixty-Six
Maddy: December 2019
Maddy drives straight into the mother and baby space at the front of the shop. Sam is asleep in the seat next to her. She’s fascinated watching the blanket fibres lifting every time he exhales. She checks the rear-view mirror. A smile spreads across her mum’s face.
She lifts Sam out of his seat and into the pram. He is due another feed in two hours. The shopping centre is busier than she anticipated for a Friday morning so close to Christmas. After the bank, she walks straight into the baby department at M&S. She doesn’t need anything in particular but she loves to be back in this baby world, browsing through tiny clothes, the cute slogans and soft materials. A heavily pregnant woman is choosing a Christmas outfit for a newborn. Her young skin is glowing, just like they say it should in all the magazines.
‘It’ll soon grow out of that size,’ Maddy tells her. ‘When are you due?’
The girl hesitates. ‘Any day, I’m overdue.’ She sighs and puts a snowball Babygro back on the rack.
‘Mine was early. Is it your first?’
‘Yes.’ Her forehead creases. She rubs the huge bump.
‘It’s such a special time. This is my third, and last, unfortunately.’ Suddenly her mother’s voice is back, clear as a bell. Look closer at her bump, you know what sex it is, like you knew you were having a boy. Maddy blinks and shakes her head, and there it is, she can clearly see the woman’s baby curled up inside her. It kicks out its legs and stretches an arm.
The woman gazes into the pram. ‘Ooh, it’s giving me a right kick about. I wonder if it’s a boy.’
Maddy nods. ‘You’re right – you’re having a boy.’
‘Really, can you tell?’
‘I have a special power to see right into your womb. And do you know, if you want something enough, you can get it. I always hoped for a boy too. I love my girls though, don’t get me wrong, but having a boy is special, isn’t it?’
‘How old are your daughters?’ The woman glances over her shoulder and edges backwards.
‘Emily is seven and Chloe was only five. She died three months ago.’
Her eyelashes flicker.
‘It was so sudden. She had meningitis, you see, except I didn’t detect the signs, so really it’s all my fault, but Chloe says she doesn’t blame me but she misses me, misses all of us. But I can’t do anything about it except be sorry, which isn’t enough, is it? Worst day of my life, what it did to her beautiful face. I couldn’t wake her up in the morning and I tried shaking her and calling her and Emily screamed her name and we phoned my husband but he couldn’t cope because he jumped off a bridge but they’re not sure if he’s alive or not and I keep hoping that he is because I can’t imagine life without him no matter what he’s done because I found out he has been living with this other woman and a boy, who is so sweet and the image of my husband.’ Maddy pauses to take a breath.
‘Oh my god, I’m so sorry this has happened to you. You don’t seem very well though, are you feeling okay?’ The woman glances over her shoulders.
‘You see, this is why baby Sam is so precious,’ Maddy’s voice wavers, on the brink of tears again. ‘He’s my little miracle sent from Chloe, because only she knows how much I’ve lost and how much I miss her and that I needed to hold my baby more than anything in this world. He’s not to replace her, you understand, nothing could replace my darling girl.’ She sniffs back tears.
‘He is beautiful.’ The woman turns to go. ‘It’s been so nice to meet you. I’m just going to go and get someone for you, see if they can get you the help you need, so if you could stay here a minute?’
‘Yes, he is so beautiful and I am very lucky. Very, very lucky,’ Maddy says, staring at Sam. When she looks up, the woman has gone, so she turns the pram around and leaves the shop.
Back in the precinct, Maddy marches past the chemist and glimpses a man in profile. Could it be? She’s unable to look away. He is talking to an elderly woman who has a terrier on a string. The man’s face turns a fraction towards her. The likeness to Max is uncanny. Can it really be him? Two days ago she’s certain she saw him at the petrol station, and the day before that at the supermarket. In fact, he’s everywhere she looks. Is he a ghost come back to haunt her? She leans into the pram, pretending to fuss with Sam’s blankets, wishing Max away. If he comes any closer, she’ll struggle to control herself; although part of her wants to forgive him, she’ll want to shake the life out of him for what he’s done. When she’s sure he’s gone, her body relaxes, she straightens up and pushes the pram towards home.
Chapter Sixty-Seven
Alison: December 2019
When the police car pulls up outside the house, Alison strains to watch from the bedroom window. Can it really be him? She didn’t think they would be here so soon. A man dips his head to get out of the car. He is wearing a short raincoat, despite the mild weather. His hair covers the tops of his ears and there are white threads running through it. She doesn’t like the goatee beard. The doorbell rings but she doesn’t move. What will she say? Jamie opens the door.
‘Daddy!’ she hears him cry. Jamie calls out to her. Her chest tightens. She pauses, touches the side of the empty crib. At the top of the stairs, everything is swimming in front of her. She grips the newel post. It’s as though she’s staring into a pit, with four faces staring up at her. No one speaks. She glances down at her stupid bunny slippers. The man is standing there, studying her with half-moon eyes, his face full of shadows. Jamie with his arm around him, beaming.
‘Ali, it’s me,’ he calls, putting a foot on the bottom stair.
She wipes her face on her sleeve. ‘Where have you been?’ her voice is so small and cracked she wonders if he can hear her,
he seems so far away. She says it again, and this time her voice is lost completely and her legs buckle. And then she is falling, down, down, down the stairs towards him. Miraculously, he jumps forward and catches her and helps her back on her feet. As soon as she is standing, she struggles with him, thumping him with her fists. ‘Where’s my baby?’ she screams.
Adam backs away.
PC Blunt intervenes, helping her sit on a step. ‘Are you okay?’ the policewoman asks.
‘What have you done with my baby?’ Alison sobs.
‘Calm down now, that’s it, take it slowly,’ PC Blunt says.
‘I swear on Jamie’s life I don’t have him,’ he says, ‘I’m as worried as you are.’
‘How can you even say that?’ Alison crosses her arms.
‘Shall we all sit down?’ PC Blunt indicates the sitting room.
They follow Alison, who is helped by Jamie.
‘Why haven’t you answered your phone or called me?’ She grinds her teeth.
‘I lost my phone.’
‘I hear you’ve been staying all over the place. How lovely for you.’
‘Where’s Poppy?’
‘He’s gone,’ Jamie says.
‘What happened?’ His voice is low and calm.
‘I can’t believe you’re worried about the bloody dog when our baby is missing. What is wrong with you?’ Every inch of her is shaking.
‘Of course I’m worried about the baby, but don’t you understand, if Poppy had been here when this person came into the house, he would have barked and woken you up.’
‘He ran away.’ Jamie wipes his eyes. ‘We tried to find him.’
‘How did that happen?’
‘Someone left the gate open.’
‘Christ Ali, he was a lovely boy.’
‘Have you been sending a cleaner round?’ She feels the heat of tears building behind her eyes, but she won’t give him the satisfaction.
Every Little Secret Page 25