Protected

by Evangeline Anderson

  “They just haven’t manifested yet,” I told her. “Sarden told me it took a while for Zoe’s talents to come all the way in. But when they did…well, it was a sight to behold.” I shook my head. “She took down a conspiracy that threatened to overtake the entire planet of Eloim single-handed. And I have faith you’ll have powers that rival hers in time.”

  “I don’t want all kinds of mysterious powers.” She looked up at me appealingly. “I…I just want to feel. For once in my life, I want to know what everyone else is talking about. I want to be alive—to know I’m not broken.”

  She looked up at me with wide, wet eyes and I felt my heart fist up in my chest. Gods, she was so beautiful! It made me ache to look at her. But she wasn’t for me—I knew that well enough without anyone having to tell me.

  “Darlin’,” I said as gently as I could, cupping her cheek in my hand. “I understand what you’re saying and believe me, I’m flattered and honored. But I’m not the male to give you those, uh, those feelings.”

  “That’s not true.” She shook her head. “Grav, you’re the only male that’s ever given me those feelings. Ever.”

  “But I’m not the right male for you,” I told her, though I ached to take her in my arms and give her more of those feelings she wanted so desperately. “I wish I was, Leah.” I stroked her cheek and looked into her eyes. “I wish I could take you to my room right now and lay you down and touch you and taste you everywhere,” I growled softly. “I’d like to run my hands all over your ripe, luscious body and worship your sweet little pussy with my tongue until you came all over my face.”

  Her breath seemed to catch in her throat and she looked up at me with so much need and longing in her eyes I had to look away before I lost control.

  “Then why don’t you?” she whispered. “Is it because I’m married—joined—to Gerald?”

  I shook my head. “That’s not it. I believe when any male lays his hands in anger or violence on a female, he invalidates any vows he took with her. He loses her. So in my eyes, you’re not joined to him anymore.”

  “Magda said something like that,” Leah murmured. “She said it was a false joining—that a female who’s a La-ti-zal often won’t react until she feels the touch of the right male.”

  “And I believe you’ll find that male,” I said, though the words seemed to stick in my throat. “But I’m not him.”

  “Why?” she asked. “I know we haven’t known each other long. I know it sounds crazy to be having this conversation but—”

  “It’s not crazy,” I interrupted her fiercely. “I feel for you too, darlin’—don’t ever think I don’t. But I’m not right for you. I’m not anybody you should be mixed up with.”

  “Is this about what that bouncer said?” she demanded. “The one at the bar—about you being in some kind of prison and killing people to get out?”

  “Something like that,” I said shortly. “That and worse.”

  “What? Just tell me,” she begged. “Give me the facts and let me make up my own mind, Grav. Please.”

  “No.” I turned away from her, unwilling to see the hurt in her eyes. But how much worse would it be—how would she look at me if she knew the truth? The truth of what I’d done, which was considered the worst crime any male with Vorn blood can commit? I’m half Braxian but I’d been on Vorn Five when I did it—among my father’s people.

  “Was it bad?” she said softly. “Are you sorry for it—whatever it was?”

  “Yes, it was bad and no, I’m not sorry.” I rounded on her, frowning. “In fact, I’d do it again.”

  “Oh.” She looked down at her fingers. “I see.”

  “No, you don’t. And you won’t try to see…or try to find out about me if you know what’s good for you.” My voice came out harsher than I had intended. I tried to soften it some. “Look, darlin’, even if my past wasn’t standin’ between us, I’m a hybrid—a half-breed.”

  “What does that mean?” She looked up at me.

  “Means I couldn’t ever bond you to me properly,” I said. “You’d never have that certainty that all females crave—that bond with your male that no one can break. You wouldn’t want to live like that.”

  Leah lifted her chin and put a hand on her hip.

  “So it’s a commitment issue. You don’t want to be tied down to the crazy girl who can’t enjoy sex. That’s okay—I understand.”

  “You seemed to be enjoyin’ it just fine a few minutes ago,” I said dryly. “And I never said you were crazy, or that I didn’t want to commit to you. I said I can’t because of what I am…and because of what I’ve done.”

  “This is nuts.” She threw up her hands, which made her cloak gape open to show the creamy swells of her breasts. I felt my shaft surge, felt my whole body yearn for hers, but I fought the urge back grimly.

  “Nuts?” I asked, my voice coming out sounding hoarse. “I thought you told me those were an Earth food.” She’d told me something about the small, crunchy, salty foods when I was making her one of my Braxian dishes.

  “Nuts also means crazy. Insane. Stupid.” She shook her head. “We’re nuts to be having this conversation. As I said before, we haven’t even known each other a week. Also, I’m married—even if it is to an abusive asshole. So what right do I have to ask you to make a commitment to me when I’m not even free to commit?”

  “You’re free in my eyes and the eyes of the Goddess,” I growled softly. “I’m the one who’s not free, Leah. I’m the one who’s…” Not good enough. “Who’s wrong for you,” I finished at last.

  “Maybe we’re wrong for each other,” she said in a low voice. “But then…why does it feel so right when you touch me?”

  “I don’t know.” I shrugged. “Maybe it’s just you getting away from your home planet which is making your La-ti-zal powers manifest. Maybe any male you came in contact with after you left Earth could have given you the, uh, feelings you talked about.”

  “Maybe.” But she didn’t sound convinced. To tell the truth, I wasn’t either. But I knew damn good and well that I was saving her a lot of pain and heartache by turning her down, as much as it hurt me to do it.

  “Well…” I said, not sure how to go on. I felt the need to leave the small room and get some time alone. I wanted so badly to take her in my arms and pleasure her it was almost more than I could bear being in the same place with her.

  “Well,” she echoed me and sighed. “I guess…let’s just forget this conversation happened. Let’s chalk it up to the whole crazy La-ti-zal thing and just…just try to forget about it.”

  “All right.” I nodded awkwardly, feeling fucking miserable. “If that’s what you want.”

  “I do.” She took a deep breath and lifted her chin. “Let’s just be friends.”

  “Fine,” I growled. “Friends.”

  Leah nodded and smiled at me. Stepping up to me, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed me coolly on the cheek.

  “Thank you, Grav. For putting up with all my craziness and for healing me when I was ill. You’ve been a really good friend to me.”

  “You’re welcome,” I muttered. “I, uh, I try.”

  “You certainly do.” She smiled brightly—a little too brightly, I thought, and took a deep breath. “Okay. So now that we have what we need from Sincon, tell me more about Gemina. I need to know what we’re going into.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Leah

  The next few days as Grav’s little ship hopped its way to the all female planet of Gemina were pure misery.

  That was because I had to spend the entire time pretending that nothing had happened between Grav and me—pretending I didn’t feel anything for him or want his big, hard, muscular body against mine when I did.

  I so did.

  I won’t lie—my body was on fire for his touch. It was like the last healing he had performed on me had flipped a switch inside me and all the sexual desire I’d never been able to feel before was breakin
g over me in waves, leaving me breathless with need almost all the time.

  And yet I had to act like I felt fine, had to act like I didn’t feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin with pent-up sexual frustration every time I was near the big alien.

  Believe me, the irony of the situation wasn’t lost on me.

  I’d spent years with Gerald trying to pretend to feel passion when I had none…now I was in the exact opposite situation, trying to pretend I felt normal when actually, I was what my best friend Zoe would have called “horny out of my mind.”

  Every time I was near Grav, I wanted to reach out and touch him. Every time I smelled the dark, masculine spice of his skin or heard the low, rumbling tones of his voice it made my nipples hard and my sex wet and hot—throbbing between my thighs.

  And I had to act like it wasn’t happening.

  The worst thing was, I couldn’t get any relief. And believe me—I tried. Back on Earth when I’d attempted to touch myself, I hadn’t been able to feel enough to make it worth while. I usually just gave up and went to sleep. Here, on Grav’s ship, I thought I might have better luck—after all, my body was finally alive and awake—maybe I could give myself pleasure and ease the terrible ache I felt.

  Unfortunately, I felt too much.

  It was like my body was on a hair-trigger, so highly strung that even my own touch was painful. I literally couldn’t stand to touch myself, even though I desperately wanted and needed to. So as my sexual frustration continued to grow and grow, I had yet to experience my first orgasm. Had yet to reach that elusive peak I’d nearly reached when Grav was licking and sucking my breasts.

  Talk about a mess.

  It was hard to tell if Grav was as uncomfortable as I felt—or uncomfortable for a different reason. After all, I had practically thrown myself at him. It couldn’t be easy being cooped up in a small spaceship with a sex starved Earth girl who had cried all over him and begged him to help her “feel.”

  The more I thought about it, the more embarrassed I was. Especially the way I’d practically demanded he commit to me! What was I thinking? I hadn’t even known him a week and I was already looking for some kind of death-do-us-part type statement, even though I was still married.

  Speaking of my marriage, I didn’t know if I believed what Grav had said, that Gerald had invalidated our vows by hitting me, or not. I did know that the farther I got from Earth, the less connected I felt to him. There had never been any passion between us and now I realized there hadn’t been much love either—not really.

  What Gerald and I had was control—namely, he liked to control me. And because I thought I was broken and incapable of giving or receiving sexual gratification, I let him. I guess I thought it was my duty, or something. The only way I could be a good girlfriend, and then a good wife.

  It was, after all, the only pleasure I could give him.

  Well, I was finally awake. Awake and alive in a way I never had been before. I no longer wanted anyone controlling me, especially now I knew full well that I could receive pleasure. Even if I could forgive Gerald, (which I doubted), I couldn’t see myself going back to him or the limp dishrag existence I’d lived before.

  I was traveling the universe on an interstellar adventure, damn it! If I ever got home, I sure as hell was going to do more than make dinner, do the dishes, and go to bed by nine. (Eight fifty-five if Gerald felt like having sex.)

  I was going to live. And the first thing I would do on seeing him again would be to serve his abusive ass with divorce papers.

  But that was all for when I got back to Earth. Right now I had a more immediate problem to deal with—like the fact that I increasingly felt like I’d made a needy fool of myself with Grav.

  The idea made me miserable and to counteract it, I tried to act as cool and distant as possible to the big alien, (even though I really wanted to jump his bones, as Zoe would say.) We danced around each other and made stilted conversation, much more awkward than we’d been before, even when he first rescued me from Gerald and dragged me naked up to the Commercians’ station.

  It was, as I said, pure misery.

  But at last the ship took its final hop and the broad, silver side of Gemina came into view as we made orbit.

  I have to confess, I was relieved. Finally, some action! Even if it was going to be dangerous, as Grav had warned, it was still something to do rather than sit around the spaceship and remember what a stupid fool I’d made of myself.

  “So,” I said brightly to Grav as the silvery planet revolved on the front screen of the ship’s control area. “What’s the plan? You got something from Shekk to help disguise your appearance, right?”

  “Right.” He sighed and swiveled the chair around to face me. He was so tall that even with him sitting and me standing we were almost at eye level. “It’s this.”

  He held up a small, silver cylinder about as long as my finger and half as thick.

  “Is that the image generator?” I frowned, watching the way the light glinted across it. I’d seen it briefly before back at the space station but hadn’t gotten a good look at it.

  “Uh-huh. I’ve been playing with it some—watch.”

  He looked at the cylinder lying in the center of his big palm, as slender as a twig, and glared at it, seeming to concentrate hard.

  And then, suddenly, Grav wasn’t there anymore. Sitting in his place was a huge, scaly creature that looked a little like an alligator with purple skin and slitted silver eyes. It looked at me and smiled, its jaws parting to reveal hundreds of sharp, white teeth.

  “Oh!” I gasped and put a hand to my heart. “What in the world?”

  “It’s a chorg.” The image flickered and then it was just Grav sitting there in the control chair, grinning. “Native to Tilpia Six. They’re sentient, you know—just not what you would call ‘humanoid’ because their planet wasn’t seeded by the Ancient Ones.”

  “So…you can actually talk to them?” I asked, thinking that I wasn’t sure if I’d want to have a conversation with a seven foot tall muscular purple alligator.

  “Sure.” He shrugged. “You might even get a few words in—before they ate you. Hey, I said they were sentient—never said they weren’t savages,” he said in response to the look I gave him.

  “So back to the matter at hand. Literally.” I nodded at the silver cylinder of the image generator. “I’m assuming you’re not going to try and disguise yourself as a big purple alligator down there on Gemina?”

  “Nope. That look doesn’t inspire a whole lotta trust for some reason.” He grinned again and I could see he was in a good mood. Clearly he was glad we were going to see some action too.

  “Then what?” I put a hand on my hip.

  “Try this.” He glared at the cylinder again. Once more he vanished and then, in his place, was a huge blue Amazon. She had broad shoulders and muscular breasts, short black hair and eyes like Grav’s—white-on-black.

  Honestly, she looked like a guy with boobs.

  “Well?” the blue Amazon said, further ruining the illusion. Her voice was deep and gravelly—unmistakably male.

  “Well…” I frowned. “I don’t know. Can’t you make yourself look just a little more feminine?”

  He sighed. “Unfortunately, there are limits. The generator can only change my appearance to a certain extent and it can’t alter my voice.”

  “What? But it just changed you into a big purple chorx.”

  “A chorg,” he corrected. “And that was a male chorg. The generator has some problems with male to female and back again.” He sighed. “All right—we’ll have to do it the other way.”

  “What other way?” I asked, frowning.

  “Well, the Geminanians don’t like males—in fact, the entire planet is off limits to males. With one exception.”

  “Which is?” I asked, frowning.

  Grav closed his eyes, concentrating again, and suddenly he changed again. This time he was clearly male
but his skin turned an even dark tan and his hair became a blue so intense it was almost black. When he opened his eyes, I saw that they had changed too. No longer white-on-black, they were now what I would consider “normal” on Earth—a dark, chocolate brown resembling my own. Most strikingly, the curling black ram’s horns that grew from his temples had disappeared.

  Essentially, except for dark blue hair and his immense size, he looked like a guy I might meet in an aisle of my local Publix supermarket back home.

  He looked human.

  “Wow,” I breathed. “That’s amazing!”

  “You like it?” He gave me a slightly strained grin and I wondered if it was difficult for him to hold the outer image the generator was projecting.

  “I do,” I said, although to be honest, I didn’t like it as much as his normal look. I missed his strange but beautiful eyes and he just didn’t look right without his horns. But for someone who didn’t know him, it was the perfect disguise. “It works so much better when you’re not trying to make it show you as a female,” I said.

  He grunted. “Yeah. Shekk said it would. You like the eyes? I tried to copy yours.”

  “They’re nice,” I said. “But what are you supposed to be?”

  “Majoran,” he said. “A Majoran bonded to his fated-mate is the only kind of male allowed on Gemina. And even then, he has to have his female with him to gain admittance.” He grinned at me. “That’s you.”

  “Okay,” I said slowly. “But if we’re Majoran, am I supposed to look like you? I mean, do I need to dye my hair blue?” I really hoped not but I supposed if I had to I could do it.

  “Nah.” He shook his head. “Majorans are chromatacromes—able to change their skin, hair, and eye color at will. The only tricky part is that the males usually change their skin color according to their female’s moods. I don’t think the image generator can do that so you’ll have to appear calm at all times.”

  “I can do that,” I said. “But why didn’t you use this look right away? Why even try to have the generator make you look female when you knew another male form would be so much better?”