And besides, it wasn’t like this was my one and only extraterrestrial trip. Zoe had promised she would send a ship and have the Commercians let me know when it was waiting. Since they were able to communicate through any shiny, reflective surface, they would have no trouble getting in touch with me and bringing me back up through the transport system of the Alien Mate Index.
Still, it was hard to go—hard to leave Teeny who was crying softly in the corner and even harder to leave Grav, whose features had taken on the stony cast I recognized as his “not going to show emotion” face.
No matter how badly he had hurt me—and believe me, I was hurting plenty—I was determined to leave on good terms. I wanted to keep things civil, which was exactly how I planned to handle my divorce from Gerald. It hurt me even more to think of Grav and my abusive ex in the same way and I tried to push the idea away. They weren’t the same at all, despite the similar circumstances.
“Please decide upon your coordinates, Earth female,” Char’noth, the blue worm in charge of the AMI said to me in his high, piping voice.
The large screen made of light that appeared to come down from the ceiling of the Commercians’ space station, was split in half, showing two different locations. One was the living room of the house I had shared with Gerald in Virginia. The other was my old room at my mom’s house in Tampa. I was torn between them. Should I go confront my ex—or soon-to-be-ex to be more accurate—at once? Or should I go to my mom’s house and then make a road trip up to Virginia?
Ultimately, I decided on my mom’s house. Even though it meant a long trip—because I wanted to do this in person, not over the phone—I needed time to get myself together. To lick my wounds, as it were. Besides, it was closer to Charlotte and right near Zoe’s paralegal friend, who she had said would prepare the divorce papers for a song. I wanted to have those papers in my hand when I met Gerald again and I wanted to see him sign them, to let him know that I was done with him once and for all.
“Tampa,” I said pointing to the familiar room with its kitten-in-a-tree poster and princess bed. My mom is bad about not wanting to change things—she’d kept my room exactly as it was back in high school, even though I had moved out years ago.
“Very well. Prepare to be transported.”
“What about my things?” I nodded to the large cube-like suitcase crammed with everything Zoe had thought I might like from her new planet.
“They will be transported ahead of you,” Char’noth told me. “As you know, living tissue cannot be transported with non-living materials or the inanimate objects, including clothing, will be lost in the void.”
Lost in the void. I shivered at the blue alien worm’s words—what an awful thought!
“I understand,” I said.
“Which is why we recommend you remove your clothing before the transport as your garments will certainly be lost if you attempt to transport with them on,” Char’noth reminded me.
“That’s okay. I’ll keep it on.” I looked down at what I was wearing—the flowing green cloak that Grav had bought me back on Sincon Delta station. It reminded me of him too much for me to want to keep it. Letting it go in the transport would be symbolic in a way—shedding the old relationship as I got back to my life on Earth.
Or so I told myself.
But shedding the feelings I had for the big Alien would be a lot harder. Though I tried not to think about it, my heart ached when I realized I would probably never see him again.
And all because we couldn’t bond. It made me so angry I felt like crying but I didn’t want to make a scene.
Quiet dignity, I told myself. That’s how to handle this. Just concentrate on the fact that you’ll be home soon. You can go see Charlotte and catch up and take care of this business with Gerald. Not to mention seeing Mom again. It’s going to be great!
Of course, I would also have to think of a good excuse for my former employers, Jackson and Emilio and find a way to apologize to their son, Taggard. But I would work all that out once I had the divorce papers in my hand and I was ready to face Gerald.
Trying to keep my mind on the future instead of the past, I turned one last time to say goodbye to Grav and Teeny. They were both watching me—Grav with his stone-face showing no emotion and Teeny with wide, tragic eyes that threatened to spill over with tears at any moment.
The moment I turned to them, Teeny broke away from Grav and ran to me. Flinging her skinny arms around my waist, she pressed her face to my side and sobbed.
“Leah, Leah—please don’t go! Why can’t you stay with me and Grav? Why can’t we all just stay together forever?”
I felt a lump form in my throat.
“I’m sorry, Teeny, I wish we could. But, well, I have business I have to take care of on Earth. And your grandfather misses you.”
“No, he doesn’t.” She looked up at me, her long black lashes matted with tears. “He just wants to use me to rule Thonolax one day. Well, I don’t want to rule. I want to be normal and live with people I love.”
“Oh, Teeny…” I hugged her hard. Though we hadn’t known each other long, the pretty girl with the pale green skin had found a permanent place in my heart. I wished with all my heart that I could stay with her and Grav—that we could form a little family and be together forever.
But I knew that dream would never come true.
I stroked Teeny’s heavy black bangs away from her face and gave her a kiss on the forehead.
“Always remember me, Teeny—keep me in your heart and I’ll keep you in mine, I promise. And you never know—we might see each other again. My friend, Lady Zoe, has promised to send a ship for me in a few months. Maybe your grandfather will let me visit you on Thonolax or you can visit with Zoe and me on Eloim.”
“Maybe…” The look in her large, violet eyes said she didn’t believe it a bit. But it was the only hope I could offer her.
“Let me go now,” I said gently. “I have to say goodbye to Grav.”
Sniffing, she unwound her arms from around my waist, allowing me to step up to the big Alien.
“Leah—” he began but I put up a hand to stop him.
“Grav,” I said steadily. “I want to thank you for a really amazing time. I’ve had enough adventure and excitement to last me a lifetime. Even though we didn’t bond—and I won’t lie, I wish we could have—what happened between us was still the most amazing, incredible, wonderful time of my life. So thank you for that.”
He opened his mouth, then closed it again, looking miserable. At last he just nodded and said,
“You’re welcome.”
“Good-bye,” I said, and turned back towards the transport area where Char’noth was waiting impatiently.
“Leah, wait!” I felt his hand on my shoulder and I spun around to face him at once. Could it be? Had he changed his mind?
“Yes, Grav?” I scanned his face eagerly, but saw only sorrow and regret.
“May…may the Goddess grant you a safe journey,” was all he said.
“Oh.” I felt flat…deflated. And angry with myself for getting my hopes up for a last minute change-of-heart. This wasn’t a romance novel, damn it! I couldn’t expect a happily-ever-after ending just because I wanted one.
“Thank you,” I said to Grav, at last. He let his hand drop from my shoulder and I went back to the transporter. Time to go home.
Alone.
Chapter Thirty-one
Grav
I don’t think I’ve ever been so fuckin’ miserable in my life. We watched to make sure that Leah was safely transported back to her mother’s house and then Teeny and I rode back to my hopper, with Teeny cryin’ her eyes out all the way.
I felt a little like bawling myself, though I generally never cry. My whole life stretched out before me, gray and bleak and loveless and all because I’d let the only female I had ever really loved get away.
It’s for the best, whispered that nasty little voice in the back of my head. S
he’s better off without you.
But was it true? I couldn’t help flashing on her face when I’d put my hand on her shoulder—that look of intense hope that faded to one of disappointment when I’d uttered my stupid farewell instead of asking her to stay or telling her I loved her.
I tried to put it out of my mind. When we got back to the ship, I went right to work, plotting the course to get back to Thonolax where Teeny’s grandfather was waiting. It would only take us twelve hops to get there—just a couple of days of interstellar travel.
Only the hopper wouldn’t hop.
I tried everything—I swear I did. I went over every inch of the electrical system, took the hydro-blaster apart and put it back together—I even reconfigured the cane`le energy field.
Nothing worked.
At last, one morning after several days of me sweating and swearing and taking apart the engine and putting it back together, Teeny came to talk to me.
“Hi Grav…” She sat down on a large coupling-drum I had unscrewed from the hydro-telemetry circuit I was tearing apart and stared at me.
“Hi, sweetheart,” I said distractedly. “You better watch your dress—that drum is really greasy.”
“I don’t care.” She leaned forward and put her elbows on her knees. “Grav, I had the strangest dream last night. Can I tell you about it?”
“Huh?” I looked up for a minute from a particularly complicated knot of wires. “Oh, yeah—sure sweetie. Go for it.”
“You might not like it,” she warned. “She said you wouldn’t.”
“Who said?” I asked, still fighting with the knot. Damn, whoever had done the wiring on my hopper deserved to be strung up and shot in the nuts with a high-voltage dose of electro-mag juice! I had half a mind to look him up if I ever got out of here and—
“The Goddess,” Teeny said.
It took a minute for her words to register but when they did, I looked up, letting the tangle of wires fall from my hands.
“What did you say?” I stared at Teeny hard.
“The Goddess of Mercy—I saw her in my dream. Her and you both, Grav.” She shrugged her slim shoulders. “She told me to tell you about it but she said you wouldn’t like it.”
“Well, Frozen Hells,” I said weakly. I’m not much for prophesies or visions or whatever but there was something in the calm, matter-of-fact way that Teeny talked that hit me right in the gut. “Okay, sweetheart—tell me,” I said, grabbing a rag to wipe the grime from my fingers.
Teeny closed her big purple eyes, as though to help herself remember better.
“In my dream,” she said. “The Goddess was standing on some golden steps. They looked like they led up and up forever into the stars. But in my dream, she had come all the way down to the bottom of the steps just to meet you. You were standing there in front of her and she was offering you a nima fruit. Have you ever had one?”
Nimas were a fruit native to my home planet, although I was surprised that Teeny knew about them. They were dark blue and intensely juicy—and also notoriously hard to ship. A fresh nima had to be eaten straight off the tree, the minute it was ripe because they went bad within hours of being picked.
“Yeah, sure, I’ve had nima fruit,” I said, frowning at Teeny. “But I’m surprised you have. They’re almost impossible to get outside Vorn Five where I grew up.”
“I haven’t,” she said simply. “I’ve never even heard of them before. But the Goddess said you would understand.”
Okay, now she had me scared. A chill ran down my spine and my legs felt suddenly weak. There was no lie in Teeny’s big eyes—and no reason for her to lie. She was simply telling me her dream. A dream which must have come from outside her somehow—how else would she know about the nima fruit?
“What…” I cleared my throat. “What else did the, uh, Goddess say?”
“Well…” Teeny looked thoughtful. “Mostly she was just offering you the nima fruit. It looked so good. So ripe and juicy and succulent. But you kept pushing it away for some reason. Even though the Goddess herself had come all the way down from the Heavens to give it to you.”
“Frozen Hells of Anor,” I murmured weakly. I had to sit down—my legs wouldn’t hold me. I sank onto the carbine-drum beside Teeny and looked at her. “What else happened?”
“Well, she kept offering it to you and you kept shaking your head. And then she gave you a very stern look—the kind my grand-ma-ma used to give me if she thought I was misbehaving—and said, ‘Warrior, what has been offered will not be offered forever. You should look to that which you love before it is too late and remember your oath.’” Teeny shrugged. “And then she told me to tell you and explained that you would know about the fruit and then I woke up. And that’s all.”
“Goddess,” I breathed, putting my head in my hands. “Goddess of Mercy, what a fool I’ve been. What a fucking fool.” I glanced at Teeny. “Sorry for the language, sweetheart.”
“It’s okay.” She gave me a little smile. “I’m used to hearing you curse, Grav. You do it all the time.”
“I know,” I said grimly. “Right now I’m the one I want to curse at. How could I be so stupid?”
“It’s about Leah, isn’t it?” Teeny asked. “She was supposed to be the nima fruit you wouldn’t take from the Goddess’s hand.”
“Yes,” I muttered. “The fruit was Leah, all right. But what can I do now? She’s back on Earth and she probably hates me.”
“She doesn’t hate you,” Teeny objected. “She’s in love with you. Aren’t you in love with her?”
“So fuckin’ much it hurts,” I admitted. “Sorry, sweetheart.”
“Don’t apologize to me,” Teeny said, sounding as stern as the Goddess herself. “You should go down to Earth and apologize to Leah.”
She was right and I knew it. But there was something else about the Goddess’s message that bothered me. Remember your oath, she had said. Now why would she say that?
It occurred to me suddenly that Leah had talked about breaking things off permanently with her abusive mate. The same one that had tried to beat her to death the first time I met her. I remembered that I had made a promise to her, back at the beginning of our journey together. I had promised to go back to Earth with her and tell her mate to keep his hands off—and break them if he refused.
Of course, Leah had changed a lot in our time together. She had grown and gotten stronger—much more willing and able to stick up for herself, which was incredibly sexy. But that mate of hers was still a head taller than her and considerably stronger.
My oath, I thought, feeling sick. I gave my oath to protect her and then I let her go off to Earth to face that abusive asshole by herself. Goddess, of Mercy, what’s wrong with me?
I had to go check on her—just go back to the AMI and have the Commercians send me down to Earth to make sure she was okay. I wasn’t sure how it was going to work since I had no disguise with me this time but if I scared the humans, that was just too damn bad. I had to make sure the female I loved was all right.
But was the female I loved still in love with me? Could she ever forgive me for being such an idiot? And would she consent to come with me and join her life to mine?
The thought made me long to hold her lush body in my arms and kiss her sweet lips. And why shouldn’t I?
If the Goddess herself was telling me that Leah was for me, who was I to deny it? Bond or no bond, I loved Leah and I wanted her with me forever. Now I just had to go tell her so.
I just prayed that my little Earth female could forgive me.
Leah
It took a few days to get the divorce papers in order and to convince my mom I was all right. Apparently Gerald had called and told her I had run off with some strange man and she had been worried sick about me ever since. I had called Charlotte to ask why she hadn’t relayed the message I had sent through the Commercians that I was okay, but she would hardly talk to me. She just mumbled something about being very busy
and hung up, almost before I could say a word.
The strange phone call worried me—especially since when I tried to call back, my call went directly to Charlotte’s voice mail, which I knew she never checked. I had decided that I would stop and make a personal visit to my friend in Gainesville, on my way up to Virginia to confront Gerald.
But before I went, I had to get my divorce papers in order.
In that area, Zoe’s friend, Rylee, was completely indispensable and an absolute sweetheart. After I explained to her that Zoe had been spirited away on a dream vacation by a secret fiancée that none of us had known about, (the best story I could come up with) she became much more willing to talk and help me out. She even waved her fee in exchange for the scoop on Zoe, who she apparently missed almost as much as I had.
“Let me tell you, Lauder, Lauder and Associates is just not the same without her,” she told me, when we met for coffee and to hammer out the details of my divorce at the Starbucks closest to my mom’s house. “Zoe lit up the whole place, even when our boss was being an asshole. Which, honestly, is most of the time.”
She grinned at me and I couldn’t help grinning back. Rylee Hale was a tall girl with clear café au lait skin and gorgeous, liquid black eyes. She wore her hair in a halo of curls around her face and her long, tapered fingers drummed the tabletop restlessly as we talked.
“Zoe complained about your boss a lot. She said he threw staplers at her head,” I said, taking a sip of my iced Caffe Mocha. I frowned and made a face. “Um—I don’t think this one is mine. It doesn’t taste like a Mocha at all.”
“Let me see…” Rylee took a sip of her own drink, which was supposed to be an iced Vanilla Latte. “Oops, you’re right. This one must be your Mocha. I guess the barista mixed them up. You want to just trade or get new ones?”
“Well, I don’t have a cold or anything right now,” I said, shrugging.
“Me either. Here.” She switched our cups and took a big sip of the straw I had just been drinking from. “Ahh…that’s my Vanilla Latte! You know, Zoe disappeared so suddenly, some of the girls at the office were even saying she was abducted by aliens.”
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