by J E Mueller
There was nothing better I could do for my siblings than to gain control of my life, and I would be no use as a princess if I couldn’t even be part of my kingdom. With my mind made up, I thought this would be an easy couple of months wandering filled with new knowledge and answers. There were too many tales of others I had learned who had made it through the fire and flames and destroyed their own curses and misery. I had to stand just as good of a chance as any of them. I wasn’t going out of this world without a fight. Of course, this wasn’t going to be easy.
Painfully, I covered the distance. My snares were decent but didn’t usually get meat. The first animal I caught was a little squirrel. It was hard seeing the light leave its eyes when I touched it. I hadn’t realized my curse would apply to animals. Skinning an animal for the first time is difficult, but it’s even harder when your hands are shaking and your eyes are blurry with tears. It was another ordeal that made me sick to my stomach. By the time I had it cooked it was flavorless, dry, and I could hardly eat it for the guilt in my stomach. Eventually, I could handle the process better, but I never liked being the one to bring about another creature’s end.
For weeks I made my primary goal covering more distance and practicing snares. I’d change direction at the slightest indication of other people and tried to avoid towns altogether, but truthfully had no idea where I was or where I was going.
Finally, the stormy season came to put a damper on my plan and brought in a wave of depression that was long overdue. It was difficult to find or build shelter and keep moving. To make things worse I had no idea how to catch animals while it was consistently rainy. The mixture of depression, exhaustion, and hunger quickly took its toll and I found I had to stay in one area in order to hope my snares would get anything.
I finally was overcome with a terrible sickness. Part of me was terrified that I would become as ill as mother had and would never get better since there were no healers and no one knew where I was. I started to fear this was the end, but forced myself to remember mother had been sick because of my curse. I hoped my high temperature would win out and I would survive this illness.
One morning my head throbbed excruciatingly and I couldn’t get up to restart the fire. In the distance, I saw a figure, but my vision blurred. There were words shouted over to me, but they were muffled, as if I had cotton stuck in my ears. The figure was soon in front of me. I couldn’t make out the voice, or any features. Accepting that this was my end, I let the blackness take me.
5
The fact that my head was throbbing was the next thing I remembered. Fear shook me fully awake, but to my surprise, I was in a cozy cottage. I could smell something cooking; something that smelled like actual food as opposed to what I had been attempting to call food. My head spun for a moment, but I quickly was able to get my bearings. There were many half-finished sewing and mending projects around me, and a small curtain pushed to the side of the room revealed another bed. For once I felt luck was on my side. Still, it was overwhelming and too much to process all at once.
The family that had rescued me was small, and wondering why such a young person was found alone, half-dead in the woods. For the first time, I found myself faced with the need to lie about who I was. I imagined myself spinning a tale of robbers, fleeing into the night hearing nothing but screams of my family, but instead, I stuttered and cried my way through the tale.
“I don’t even know what they expected! We had so little.” I sobbed into the handkerchief I was handed. My heart was racing and I felt terrible for my lie, but the tears were real. I missed my family, and I especially missed the members lost to my curse.
“I’ve no idea how they didn’t see me slip out the window,” I continued, face red from tears and shame. “But when I made it back they were… they were...” I left the end open hoping they’d fill in the blanks with a reasonable enough ending.
With luck still on my side, the family happily took me in as their own. They were a small and close-knit group, and I was here to throw everything off balance. Kana was an ideal mother, and clearly the head of the family. She kept everyone on task, while her husband, Talon, was the backbone and support to make sure everything got taken care of. Sam was a wonderful mix of both his parents, with the added teenage angst and rebellion popping up here and there.
At first, they didn’t question my odd dress habits, but of course, it came up.
Sam was the first to breach the subject. “It’s hot as a barn in here, why do you wear six layers at all times?”
“Sam!” his mother chastised, “It’s been a week and she’s been through enough.”
Talon nodded in agreement. “Your mother is right. You need to give people some time and space.” He paused and turned to me, asking sweetly, “But, since we are on the subject, might we know why?”
Kana, who had been working on some mending threw a bundle of yarn at him, “This is hardly the time!”
I laughed a little. It would be better to just get it over with while they still felt sorry for me and my situation. I decided to start with the family card again since it had worked so well the first time. “Mother said we were to always be with the Early Dawn. The Lady brings us so much in our world…” I spoke slowly trying to remember everything Mother had taught us about the local customs of the varying religions. “It is our way to dress modestly, and to keep our bodies hidden from the sins of the world.”
“You see? Simple as that!” Kana glared at the rest of her family. “Now, if either of you would actually pay attention to the community you’d have known that without asking! The Collingwood five miles down worship the Lady of the Early Dawn.”
“Oh yeah,” Sam mumbled, running a hand through his hair. “Forgot about them.”
Kara continued to glare at her husband who turned beat red under her glare. Talon cleared his throat. “Apologies, young lady. We’d be lost without Kana here, and I’m sure you’re feeling that way without your Mother too.”
Tears welled up in my eyes and I didn't bother to hide them. It was true. I nodded my reply.
Kana, letting her motherly instincts kick in, patted my shoulder, “No worries dear, you’re free to practice your beliefs as you please. You’re more than welcome to be yourself here.”
Her brief contact caused me to tense up, but I was fully clothed, and I forced myself to calm down and wipe the tears from my eyes. “Thank you…” I said softly, more to the floor than anyone else.
This was going to take a while to get used to. Realizing I needed a break from the conversation, Kana handed me something to mend. I happily accepted the distraction as she went to talk on about other things, monopolizing the conversation.
With the story in place, and my true gratefulness, I helped in any and every way I could; from cleaning dishes to mending, to tending the gardens and the field. Quickly, I learned to tend the small herd of livestock they owned, and a routine fell into place with ease. I finally knew what it meant to be a part of a family that loved one another without politics.
At first, it felt very unnatural to me -I didn’t know how to be part of a family like this. There were so many moments when I was asked how I was, and they wanted a real answer. They cared about what I liked, what I was interested in. They also were very affectionate; a pat on the back, a quick hug, everything that made me want to scream. They quickly learned I wasn’t as affectionate as they were, but to no fault of their own, it came up again and again. They were used to being caring, and I wasn’t used to being cared for in such a capacity. It took many months to not cringe when they got too close. I still kept enough distance to preserve their lives.
By my adoptive mother Kana’s standards, I was a wonderful seamstress. At first, I didn’t see a lot of Talon and Sam since they worked in the fields most of the day. Sam was only a little older than me and loved having a friend. The houses here were on the outskirts of a town and separated by miles. At night you could see smoke in the distance, and sometimes a glow of a fire, but never much more
. It was quiet. I enjoyed the peace.
Breaking the curse was pushed aside in my mind. I knew I needed to find answers, but I was lulled into complacency by the feeling of belonging. Months went by and before I could blink it had been a year. After the hot season, Sam started teaching me how to use a sword. It was mostly for fun and games, but it was also a great way to blow off steam. At times it reminded me of Isaac, but I shoved those thoughts aside. Let my nightmares take me there, my time spent while awake was meant for joy and life.
During the day our friendship slowly deepened. It was fun to laugh and joke together. Sam would sometimes throw hay at me, or hide my current mending project in a tree. In turn, I’d hide his tools or replace his box of nails with crickets.
It was harmless fun in between tasks, but sword training was always a more serious affair. I didn’t let the joking continue during it. When we started to get off track my mind would bring back memories of Isaac. It happened enough that Sam took notice and I had to explain that my brother was killed in a training exercise. The Isaac I told them about what much older than the real one had been, joining the castle guard. It was the only way I could think of explaining his death, and the lie hurt more than any other. Isaac didn’t have a chance to live his life, to even make any decisions an adult might make.
“I’m sorry,” Sam replied after hearing my story.
Tears filled my eyes, but it was more from me being angry with my own lie. I killed him, but I couldn’t afford to explain my curse. This damnable curse.
“We can stop….” He let his sentence trail off.
I shook my head, “No, it’ll help clear my thoughts. Let’s just keep the games separate?” I asked, almost pleaded.
With a resolute nod, Sam raised his sword, “Back in your guard stance, then.” I had no idea what his thoughts were, but thankfully he was willing to go along with what I wanted.
The next morning he was up early, explaining what he had learned about me softly to his parents.
“I’m actually afraid to ask what else happened,” Sam admitted to them. “I can’t imagine life without you both, and she’s lost everyone. I can’t imagine….” He was so shaken by the story I had spun.
I wanted to tell them the truth then and there, but then what? Even the most understanding people have their limits, and when it came to curses, that was a quick limit to reach. Not that I didn’t understand. I didn’t want to live with me either, but I had no choice. My heart was torn - do I leave now? Should I resume my search for a cure or stay a while longer? There was so much I was learning here; it couldn’t hurt to stay, could it? Retracing my steps back a bit, I made more noise on my way over to them so they wouldn’t know I had been eavesdropping. Having a family seemed worth the risk. Who knew, maybe this was meant to lead me to the answers I needed. After all, magic does work in strange ways.
With my decision made, time flew quickly. I helped them with everything that I could and felt a strong bond with my new family. I vowed when I found my cure I’d tell them the truth about everything. They deserved it.
In a blink, I had been with them for two years. The winds were picking up in the evening bringing down the insufferable temperature. Of the four of us, I was the most grateful for the slowly cooling temperatures because of my many layers.
“Have you considered at least taking off the gloves?” Sam teased as I wiped a layer of sweat from my brow.
“About as much as I’ve considered knocking that smirk off your face.” I tossed my rag at him.
Sam batted it aside with mock difficulty, “You’ve thrown a stone at me! I’ll never move my arm again!”
I rolled my eyes and go back into my fighting stance. “I think you have another round in you.”
“Always for you.” He winked.
Ignoring him, I struck. He swept his blade in an arch and deflected mine upwards.
The dance of blades continued. My tutor was being more smug and sarcastic than usual.
“I see you’re not in the mood for this,” I sighed while leaning against the garden fence as we finally took a break.
“Maybe something less combative?” Sam suggested.
I raised an eyebrow at him. “Like where I hid the rake? Because I’m still not telling you until you return my favorite yarn.”
“Not quite,” he quipped, stepping towards me. Before I had time to react his lips were on mine.
I froze. Immobilized as my fears, my nightmares, my past leaped out from the back of my mind. I felt my cheeks flush fiercely, and unfamiliar fire rushed through me.
Sam laughed at my expression. He was fine, he was alive. Relief flooded through me, my veins ablaze with emotion. Heavens be praised.
“Ummm,” I stuttered, trying to get out of the situation. My heart raced. If I didn’t think fast, another move like that could be his end. “Let’s get back to work. I’m getting the hang of this I think. I really need to get it down tonight.”
“Oh fine,” he laughed again, trying not to look disappointed or let defeat darken his evening.
His dark eyes looked like creamy chocolate in the slowly darkening sky. His oak brown hair a dark contrast to the pink slowly spreading across the sky. His body was toned and tan from working long hours in the sun. There was no denying that he was good looking. He was also smart, funny, and the way he looked at me... but that wasn’t for me. It couldn’t be, could it? Maybe true love was what would break the curse? Or did that only apply to fairy magic? I had no idea what I was feeling, or how I felt towards him. In truth, I had given it no thought prior to this and wasn’t sure if I liked this anxious feeling that still fluttered through me.
We got back into the swing of practicing and it continued until it was too dark to see. Sweating and worn out, we made our way back to the house. Just as we reached the porch Sam stopped me. He tapped my shoulder, and without thinking I turned to look at him.
“You’re doing really great,” he smiled. “Seriously, keep practicing and you’ll be good in no time.”
“Uh-huh.” I rolled my eyes at him teasingly, “And you’ll be mending your own clothes just as quickly.” I tried to keep the mood light. I wanted time to sort through my emotions, and didn’t want to burn all bridges just yet. Did that mean I liked him back the same way? My head felt clouded.
I watched for a moment as he began putting things away. Sam was very much alive and well, and I started wondering exactly what the parameters of my curse were. Being upset while practicing with Isaac had been his end. My fear of hitting the cold hard ground before Elena caught me catered to her end. Mother was already dying and likely wouldn’t pull through. There was no moment of fear or being upset right now, and that was what my curse seemed to center around, all the negative. Hadn’t a healer tried to guess at that? But I was still afraid then.
There were many other emotions now. While I couldn’t put my thumb on what they were, I wanted to be open to finding out. My heart raced at the thought. Would it be safe? It just had been, but I was also once told my curse wouldn’t necessarily be stable for some time. On the other hand, wasn’t life supposed to be about taking risks, or was that not meant for the Cursed?
“Are you okay?” Sam asked pulling me from my reverie.
I hadn’t realized that I was just staring off into the distance. My eyes were dry and I blinked to ease the strain. “Sorry, I was just thinking.”
“Whatever you were thinking about looked painful.” He made an overly disgruntled face and I laughed.
“No, it wasn’t really painful.” I tried to find the right words, “More… I don’t know. Confused? That doesn’t fit either.”
Sam thought for a moment, “Curious? Flustered?” He smirked.
The words fit oddly well. My heart pleaded with me to make up my mind, but my mind didn’t want to try and reason. Another part of me was screaming to throw caution to the wind, to let myself enjoy happiness to it’s truest, fullest potential.
“Is that a yes, then?” Sam asked, still smiling. I h
adn’t realized he had gotten so close to me. There was barely any air between us now.
What was I supposed to say in reply? The fluttering in my heart was almost overwhelming, and thoughts weren’t forming coherently. I tried to say something but stopped when no words came.
“What’s on your mind?” He said, more than asked.
“You.” I finally managed to say. Heat rushed to my cheeks again.
Slowly this time, he moved to kiss me. I hesitated at first, but deciding against what should have been common sense, I met him. Sam’s lips brushed against mine, soft for a moment, and then he gave me a second, stronger kiss.
The third was the final straw, as I could feel the heat from my face rush from my lips to his. Before I could comprehend the different feelings, Sam started screaming and I felt everything inside me shatter.
Quickly Talon came out. Stunned by the sight of his son on the ground screaming in pain, he turned to me. Words formed on his lips, but they didn’t reach my ears. Everything in me felt like it was dying. Kana was suddenly shaking me. I was in so much shock I hardly noticed when she slapped me. It was her screams that snapped me out of it. Talon held his wife, and like the terrible magic that raged within me, caught fire. It didn’t make sense. It seemed like the magic from my curse became even more magnified.
Talon fell back onto the doorframe and everything quickly began to catch fire. I knew it was too late for them. I went to get my things and fled into the night. It was hours before I realized I was still clutching the sword. Sam’s old sword. It would serve as my reminder to never get too close again.
6
Things got worse before they got better. The huge blaze drew a lot of attention, and the community went to investigate. I knew several of the neighbors and in my haste, I hadn’t thought about how my leaving would look to others. My thoughts were consumed by the tragedy at hand, and the worry that my curse could flare out with my emotions. Maybe it was not as limited to touch as I had once believed.