by J E Mueller
I nodded. “I am no longer used to this life and really don’t know what help I could be here, but we’ll figure this out later.” I didn’t want to set a date for me to leave so soon if things were going well.
“A traveling princess. How absurd,” Sandra grumbled but eventually relented. “I guess our histories are filled with crazier things. But it wouldn’t be safe for you if anyone were to find out.”
“That’s a risk I’ve dealt with since the beginning. No one really knows for sure what I look like,” I pointed out. “At any rate, it would take a great deal of luck for anyone to harm me.”
“All the right circumstances really,” Lee agreed, coming to my defense.
“I guess that means your magic can still kill with a touch.” Sandra looked down sadly.
I stood up, removed my gloves and offered her my hand. “Only when I don’t will it not to.” I smiled, happy the moment had come where I could show off my recently gained control.
She hesitated. Memories of Isaac and Elena no doubt filled her mind, but she only hesitated for one moment before she shook my hand, “I’m glad things are better for you.” True happiness lit up her eyes.
“It’s a lot of work,” I agreed when we released one another. “But it’s going in the right direction.” Everyone watched as I put the glove back on, my point made.
“How did you learn to control it?” Sandra asked what everyone else was wondering. Her gaze moved from my hand to meet my eyes.
“By learning exactly what my magic could do,” I replied and laughed.
“What do you mean?” David asked as I retook my seat, “We’ve known forever it was touch-based.”
“With the likelihood of emotions added to it,” Zarek added. The phrases were engraved in all of us.
“Exactly, but what else could it do? It literally took losing all of my control and seeing everything my magic could do to start to understand it. I wanted to control it, but it’s not based on control. My magic works with guidance. Instead of letting my fire shoot from my hand to Sandra’s when we touched, I redirected it and guided it elsewhere. The lethality is still there, it was just away from her,” I explained as best as I could. “I’ve not yet mastered how to avoid harming people when touched by surprise. It takes a lot more energy to have it on alert like that at all times.”
“And that’s the part you have to practice?” Sandra asked.
“Yes.” I smiled, happy she understood.
“Wonderful.” She paused. “I’m sure you’re tired from your journey. We really just wanted to confirm that it was you.”
David laughed. “We’ve had two with the guts to pose as you. Didn’t even have the right hair or eye color. Their stories for leaving were great though.”
Zarek shook his head. “You mean annoying. Waste of time. Lying in such a way…”
“Anyway…” Sandra looked at the boys, cutting them off with a firm gaze. “We’d love for you to join us for dinner in about an hour. You can rest and wash up.”
“Do you remember the way to your suite? We’ve kept it about the same,” Zarek wondered, “I’d be glad to show you the way.”
“By about the same, he means we’ve tidied it up. But the blankets are the same, just cleaned, and we never did remove your old clothes.” Sandra explained a bit further.
“I’d love to see it. I’ve no idea what I left behind anymore.” I smiled, standing up to stretch. “And yes, I do remember how to get there.”
“I’ll show you just in case.” Zarek said getting up, “Guess we need a place for your friend as well.”
Lee smiled, “Whatever is most convenient for you is more than enough for me.”
I shook my head. “My chambers still have a guest room correct? That’ll work.” It had really been Elena’s but everyone ignored that fact.
Sandra raised an eyebrow at me. “If I say that’s hardly appropriate for a young princess, would you listen?”
“Unlikely,” I replied honestly. “But there will be talk enough away. Me coming home with a stranger unknown to the court is great for gossip.”
She sighed, not wanting to argue. “Very well. I cannot say I’m pleased with your decision but it’s not mine to make.”
“He’ll grow on you.” I told her jokingly
“That’s normally my line,” Lee teased.
“And you’re just friends?” Sandra questioned, skeptical.
I blushed but nodded. Lee answered for us both. “I did ask her if she’d go on a date with me once her magic was under control and she had a chance to meet her family again. It’d be terrible to attempt to court one another with so many stressors unresolved and without a chance to set her past straight.”
“I like him already.” Zarek laughed, cutting off all further comments. “Let me show you the way.” Surprised that Zarek had no smart remarks to make, we followed.
When we were out of sight and he was sure no one else could hear us Zarek said, “To be honest, I’m surprised you managed for so long on your own. Sandra believed for a long time you must be alive, but it was David who didn’t give up. When my betrothed confirmed it I thought it was a crazy dream. But he insisted. I’m glad I listened to him.”
“It does sound far-fetched. A palace born kid, a princess at that, trying to make her way in the world based almost solely off the books she read? I was very lucky,” I replied as we made our journey through the twists and turns of the back halls.
“I hope you don’t hold it against us for giving up,” Zarek said, glancing back at me.
“If you by some grace don’t hold my past against me, I have no reason to hold logic against you,” I told him surprised he’d even think I could hold such a thing against any of them.
“It really wasn’t your fault. You didn’t know. None of us did when Isaac passed.” Zarek gave a moment of silence, “The rest is really Mother’s fault for not acting appropriately. We were kids, so of course we behaved as children do. Accidents happen. It’s a tragedy that Elena is gone, but that’s not your burden to bear. You didn’t aim to kill.”
“While that may be true, I don’t know if I’ll ever feel that way.” Sighing, I glanced back at Lee. My heart would never not ache for the loss of my siblings.
Lee shrugged. “No one can tell you how to feel about it, but your brother is right. And I will continue to agree with that standpoint.”
“See? It’s the majority vote. A winning statement.” Zarek laughed as we reached the correct landing and opened the door. “Home sweet home, little sister.”
“I like that it still smells like lavender.” I smiled, breathing in deeply.
“Sandra remembered that.” Zarek smiled. “Dinner is going to be our best guesses of what you actually liked, so I apologize in advance if we forgot anything, or remembered wrong.”
I laughed. “That’ll be all right. It’ll be worth the laugh to see what’s close and what’s not.”
“We’ll send Hildie to fetch you when it’s time then.” Zarek nodded, taking his leave.
I turned to Lee. “Hildie has been around forever.”
I opened the doors further and saw the small seating area was freshly cleaned. The door to my bedroom and the guestroom were wide open. It was so strange to be back in my old room once more. A sense of nostalgia filled me, and I made a beeline for my room and started to open everything to see what was left. Plenty of things were as I left them. An old diary shoved under my pillow, stories I wrote crammed into drawers, and plenty of mediocre dresses I had made hung in the wardrobe. It filled my heart with joy that they had saved everything.
Lee stood watching from the doorway. “This must be strange.”
“It’s crazy, they really didn’t get rid of a thing…” My eyes teared up. “They really did hope I’d be home.” I could actually believe it now.
Lee nodded, “The only way you could know was to see it for yourself. I’m glad everything is as it should be.” He offered a soft smile.
I nodded and wiped away m
y tears. “Me too.”
“Think you’ll be wanting to stay then?” He asked, his voice a little sad.
“I wasn’t lying when I said I’d have to see. I love seeing them all again, but I don’t see a place for myself here.” Traveling had been a necessity for some time, but I didn’t hate it. With the control I suddenly had I could do much more now. My options seemed endless, and I doubted I would want to stay tied up here for too long.
“You can always take up my suggestion and herd sheep.” Lee smiled weakly.
“Why sheep?” I asked, sitting on my bed and flipping through my diary of woes. I wasn’t sure about Lee’s tone. I knew he was happy for me, but the thought of me staying upset him.
“I’ve always wanted them,” he finally explained with a shrug.
Looking up at him I smiled, “Didn’t know you wanted to have farm animals.”
“It’s a great idea. Settle down, build a nice house, have some sheep. Maybe a few goats. I like having some realistic goals. Oh, and a large garden.”
“Sounds like a lot of work.” I got up and put my diary away. The overly dramatic journaling I had written years ago was a bit much to read. Maybe some things should stay forgotten in the past.
“Yep. Too much for one person, but that’s a worry for another day.” Lee shrugged, trying to play it cool.
We headed out to the small sitting area between the two rooms and for the first time, I noticed our belongings were there.
“Oh, that was nice of them,” I said as I went through everything.
“Going to unpack?” Lee asked.
“No… While my room still feels like my room, this place hardly feels like home anymore. It’s just so… big. And cold. It’s just all so strange to me now.” I sat down on the sofa and put my bag on the floor.
Lee joined me. “At least it smells nice.”
Laughing, I leaned against him, “Thank you for coming.”
“Of course.” He hugged me. “It’s a nice adventure. Can’t wait to see what they think your favorite foods are.”
To my surprise, most of it was correct. There was roast pheasant, stuffing, berries, puddings, and many different soups and vegetables. The food was wonderful, and I got to meet the rest of my ever-growing family. The twins Kris and Kent were four years old, and little Caitlynn was two. David’s wife, Susan, was short with gorgeous blonde curls and sweet hazel eyes. Sandra’s husband, Jasper, looked every bit like royalty. He had a strong build and raven hair that was tied back neatly. His face was stern, but he had a fantastic smile and snuck sweets to the twins when he thought no one was looking.
It was an awkward introduction at first, but the twins had plenty to tell me, and it eased the way in for the rest of them.
“Kris found a giant beetle today!” Kent informed me, loudly enough that all could hear.
“Oh that’s nic-” I started to say.
“He ate it!” Kent shrieked.
“You double dared me!” Kris defended himself. “No one but scaredy babies back out of that.”
“I ate two!” Kent beamed, ignoring his brother.
Susan opened her mouth to say something to her sons but thought better of it before turning to David, “Wasn’t it your turn to watch them?”
David put his hands up sheepishly. “Zarek had it under control!”
Susan raised an eyebrow at her brother-in-law.
“Let the record show that all three of us are not scaredy babies.” Zarek shrugged and shoved a forkful of food in his mouth.
Altogether it was a wonderful evening though I was thankful when I was finally allowed to go to bed. It was strange talking with so many people at once, but I didn’t hate it. I could see it getting old soon but for once, things felt at peace.
22
In the morning, it was no surprise I woke up first. I went to quickly check on Lee. The shock of him still being alive lingered from time to time. After his reappearance, my mornings began this way. Someone had mentioned something about trauma and that it would pass. Luckily, Lee didn’t complain about my need to check on him.
It was obvious he had strong feelings for me. I felt strongly for him as well, but I wasn’t sure what those feelings meant yet. Still, I didn’t want to add too much to my life and put off acknowledging what I felt. Lee never pushed it.
Words for my feelings towards him, my family, the people I cared for… I was used to jumbling them up and locking them away. It was almost too much that I could now do something with them.
In the next few days, I fell into a routine. Mornings started with practicing in the gardens with Lee to work on my magic. Zarek would often stop by to see how things were going. Jameson, once he arrived on the second day, delighted in joining us even when there wasn’t much he could help with. Afternoons were spent chasing after my nieces and nephews, and the evenings were spent with the rest of my family.
After the fifth day of visiting, Sandra asked again if I thought I’d stay more long term, if not for good.
“Not permanently,” I hated giving her that answer, but it was the truth. “It’s been wonderful seeing everyone, but I also really like quiet village life. I don’t want to be gone forever again, though.” My heart beat fast, hoping she would understand.
Sandra nodded. “In a way, I envy your ability to have a choice.” I was surprised by how sad she sounded. “There is no way I could choose the same, not with all my kingdom needs from me. At the same time, I wish I knew something different.”
“You can always visit. Steal away to the countryside. No one would suspect their queen would do such a thing. Not when lakes and vineyards are an option.” I smiled, liking the idea of her and maybe the others coming to see me.
Her eyes twinkled at the idea. “I think neither my husband nor David would approve.”
“Leave a note and escape with a single guard. That’s all you need for quick travel. Wear the right clothes and no one would know the difference.” The idea was too fun not to suggest.
It was dinner time and Sandra glanced over at her husband, “I couldn’t do that to him. We’d work something out. Caitlynn would benefit from seeing firsthand how things are on the outside.”
“I’d like that.” I smiled gleefully.
“Where will you stay?” she asked. It was a practical question.
“I guess I haven’t given that much thought,” I replied honestly. “I’ve never really had a full plan. I could easily stay with Celia. I know she’d appreciate the extra help. Juni had already offered me a place to stay if I wanted it as well.”
“I’m glad you have options if you won’t stay with us.” Sandra looked sad again.
“At least I’m not disappearing without a goodbye. Just an I’ll see you again later,” I replied trying to lighten the mood. “It’ll be wonderful to make plans.” I felt tears forming at the thought of being able to actually rebuild my life and make plans with my siblings.
“That is true. You likely wouldn’t have stayed forever even if you weren’t cursed. You’d have moved to an estate somewhere else or possibly to an entirely different kingdom.” Sandra nodded, feeling a bit better as she considered all my possible options. “With your lack of royal duties that would make planning much easier. It’ll work out nicely.”
It was settled, and I couldn’t have been happier. “We’ll stay for a while longer of course. Zarek’s stories are amazing, and Jameson doesn’t hesitate to add in the details he leaves.”
“Yes, our soon to be joint military advisors.” She eyed them carefully across the table. “They never let the men see them behave as ridiculously as they do around us, and I’m sure because of that it’s twice as bad as it ought to be.”
“I can hardly imagine either being so stern,” I mused.
“They start their morning exercises at dawn. You should watch. It’ll be good for you to see how much Zarek has actually grown. He’d probably enjoy having you visit.”
“He’s not going to make me join him is he?” I asked cautiously
.
“He makes any bystander join. To the best of their ability of course. It’s impossible to sneak a glance either.” Sandra sighed. “Probably twice a month I’ve been roped into it, but the soldiers love seeing what we’re capable of. Even if I can’t put up any sort of real fight I try to be a good sport.”
“I could always use more practice.” I paused. “Actually I really could use a lot more practice. I’ll have to check it out then.” After that battle back at the village I knew my combat skills were heavily lacking.
“Be my guest. I’d love to see it, but then I’d be stuck joining you too.” Sandra smirked.
“As queen, can’t you order him not to make you participate?”
“The practice field is his and as long as it doesn't go against the laws of the land, it’s his rule. He can request I practice if I dare to show. Anyway, a queen showing she can defend herself decently does help the guards know what type of protection we actually need. While I need protecting, I won’t ever be helpless. I can hold my own against an average man. If you want to be the best queen, you do what no others dare to do and you do it with skill.” She held her head high and proud. “It has taken much work, but I am proud of it. Even if it isn’t something I wish to do.”
“You’re the coolest sister.” Catching up was turning into the best idea I had had the more I learned about everyone.
“It’s a low key cool though, sister.” she cautioned. “Can’t let the world know I’m capable of so many things. It’s the best defense.”
That night I asked Lee if he’d want to join me in the morning. Visiting the practice field could be fun, but I wasn’t certain I wanted to go alone. He laughed and admitted that Zarek had already asked him if we would stop by, if only to see if I had really learned anything while I was traveling.
By early dawn, we were ready to go. Yawns held at bay, we headed down to the practice field. The soldiers were beginning to muster and many stares and whispers greeted us. I paid them no mind, not sure if any of them knew who I was.