Rain shifted, wondering if Bett could sense her increasing turmoil as her memory of Noreen’s sudden increase in household duties also included the young woman taking a sudden interest in her. “Now when I was hoeing in the garden, Noreen would show up with a glass of lemonade. Or I’d be grooming Sage after we’d been out moving the herd, and Noreen would come into the barn and stand very close to me, touching my hand just a little too long when she handed me a rag, always brushing against me when she moved by.” Her unease around Noreen didn’t seem to change the reaction of her body whenever she was near. “Once, when I was sharpening the plow, I scraped my knuckle because Noreen leaned over me to see what I was doing and her breast pressed against my shoulder. Worse, before I knew what was happening, Noreen took the injured finger in her hand and wrapped her lips around it. I stumbled out of the barn to the sound of her laughter. It took most of the day for me to lose the feeling of her mouth on my hand. I began to understand what she’d done to Mr. Murphy. I have brothers, I realize how the male anatomy works. I was grateful that, as a girl, my reactions were better hidden, though she seemed to know what they were anyway.”
“I hate her,” Bett said, and Rain’s mouth quirked slightly before she went on.
“Mr. Murphy seemed to have kept his word, as Noreen entertained a few different young men during the evenings, although it was clear that none of them would keep her attention for very long. Daisy had gone back to school, and I missed her company and the interesting questions she would ask. Plus, she’d gotten to be pretty good help. I think she missed me too, because as soon as she got home from school, she asked her mother where I was.” Seeing Daisy running toward her, excited and happy, was the highlight of her day.
“Still, I needed to continue my journey, so I worked to finish the Murphys’ preparations for winter. I went beyond the barn to chop wood, because it was hot work and I liked to roll up my sleeves and unbutton my shirt, letting the breeze on my undershirt keep me cooler.” She glanced at her chest. “My breasts were nowhere as big as Noreen’s, but with the steady diet of Iris’s cooking, I had filled out a bit. One afternoon after I had been working for a while, sweating in the warmth of the day, I took off my shirt and wiped my brow with it. I drank some water, then let it run down the front of my undershirt, closing my eyes and enjoying the coolness.
“Suddenly I heard Noreen’s voice. ‘You’re mighty strong for a girl. In fact, with those muscles, you really look more like a boy.’ She had come from behind me, out in the field where she rarely ventured. The cool water on my front had made my nipples hard and Noreen was staring at them. ‘I’ve been watching you from out there, but you look even better up close.’ She took the water from my hand and took a swallow, letting the water drip down her front too. My legs felt unsteady as I watched the water’s path disappear into Noreen’s dress, between her breasts. Noreen put the water aside and came into my face with a smile. ‘You don’t like me, do you?’
“I told her no. She asked me if I wanted to kiss her anyway and I said no again, but it sounded weak. She put the palms of her hands on my nipples. I took a step back to get away, forgetting my back was to the barn. I crashed into the wood, and Noreen went with me, putting her mouth against mine.”
Rain’s voice was troubled as she turned to Bett again. “I was young, Bett, and except for a quick peck on each of my brothers’ cheeks when we parted, I hadn’t kissed anyone in six years, not since Jessie, my first love. I couldn’t help but admit there was something there I wanted, even as my mind warned me I didn’t want it from her.” Bett’s expression showed either pain or anger, and she wasn’t sure which she preferred. “I started to move away, but Noreen slid one of her hands between my legs while she continued working my mouth with her lips and tongue. She moved her fingers back and forth, and the sensations were like that one night with Jessie.”
Not much more had happened, but she stopped the story when Bett turned her head away. Knowing how she felt about the idea of Miriam Boudreaux touching her lover, she could imagine how Bett felt hearing this, even though it was in the past. “What happened then?” Bett asked, her voice almost flat.
The sharp clank of the dinner bell had made Rain flinch as if she had been stung. Noreen had stepped back and looked knowingly into her eyes, saying, “You’re already better than any of those milk-toast boys and I’ll bet you’ve never even done that before.”
“I picked up my shirt, holding it in front of me like a shield. I told her to stay away from me and started walking away.” Noreen had laughed and taunted her as she moved quickly away. “When I got to the barn, I put my shirt on and rode Sage out into the open plains. I walked as Sage grazed, putting all of my rational brain to work on what had happened, but there didn’t seem to be any rational answers. After three hours, the best I came up with was even though I didn’t like Noreen, my body responded to what Noreen did. I liked the way Noreen made me feel, even though deeper inside was something all wrong, something…empty. Miss Warren had told me I deserved to be loved. But there was no love between me and Noreen, and that was why it felt bad. What I didn’t understand was why it felt so good.”
She waited to see if Bett would comment. She’d never asked, and Bett had never volunteered many details about her past, other than talking about Emma, her first love. But she’d gotten the impression that Bett was familiar with sex that was good, even if the situation was not. But Bett only nodded slightly and said, “Go on.”
“Iris brought my plate out to the barn, and I told her I thought I should get moving in the next day or so. She shook her head, telling me that the almanac predicted the first big storm of the winter was due soon. She sounded too anxious for me to go against her, though it felt like a trap had closed. They all went to church every Sunday, and that was when I went to a little pond about a mile from the house to bathe and wash my work clothes. I hung them on some bushes near the pond and lay on my blanket to finish drying off. The sun felt so good that after a minute I turned onto my stomach and slept.” She sighed, forcing herself away from considering all the ways things could have been different. “The sound of splashing water woke me. I turned over and sat up, just in time to see Noreen coming toward me from the pond, naked. ‘I told them I was too sick to go to church,’ she said, ‘but I bet you can make me feel better.’”
Chapter Twenty-Three
“Before I could scramble to my feet, Noreen was already beside me on the blanket, grabbing my hand and putting it between her legs.” Rain bit her lip, and this time she looked away. “The feel of her made my head reel and threw me off balance enough that Noreen could push me over and straddle me. She moved my hand onto her breast and slid down my body. She panted, rocking herself there, while squeezing my breast with one hand and putting the other between my legs.”
“All right, stop,” Bett said, sitting up abruptly. “So this is the one? The other woman that you never want to talk about?”
“No!” Rain said, with absolute conviction. “I didn’t—I got almost nothing from what she did, other than to know that I wanted more than just a woman on top of me.” She touched Bett’s arm gently. “I wanted what I’ve only found with you. A life of love.” She lowered her head. “Even though it’s so much more than I deserve.”
“Why do you say that? Because some predatory woman took advantage of you?”
“No. Because of what happened next.” She raised the water glass but didn’t drink. “I pushed her off me and turned back toward the house. My mouth went dry when I saw the first Blue Norther of winter was darkening the horizon, barreling in from the distant mountains. I didn’t look back at Noreen, only told her to get her clothes on and hurry, because there was a storm coming. She whined that we would make it before the weather got there. Then she added that the little girl was probably still asleep.”
A splash of water hit the coffee table and Bett saw Rain’s hand was shaking. She took the glass and set it down, but Rain didn’t seem to notice.
“My blood ran c
old. ‘What little girl?’ I demanded, though in my heart I already knew.
“‘That Daisy girl,’ Noreen told me. ‘She didn’t feel like going to church either. For real, I guess.’ She grinned flirtatiously, but the look on my face must have made her go on. ‘Anyway, she was sleeping when I came to find you. I’m sure she’s fine.’
“I ran all the way to the house and looked in every room, calling for Daisy, but there was no answer. I saddled Sage, supposing Daisy might need to ride if she wasn’t feeling well. Noreen arrived, wrapped in my blanket. I walked over to her and told her to wait there and to ring the dinner bell if Daisy came back. She nodded and I started away before thinking of something else. I pulled my knife and showed it to Noreen, whose eyes went wide. I told her, ‘If you tell anyone—anyone ever—about what happened between us, I’ll cut your throat. Understand?’ I waited until Noreen nodded again before I grabbed the blanket off her, wanting Daisy to have it when I found her, and left.
“I rode in widening arcs on the side of the Murphy spread opposite the pond, calling Daisy’s name over and over, but the incoming wind seemed to blow my voice away.” Rain heard her own voice catch as she described her urgent search. “When Hugh Murphy found me on his plow horse, I was already soaked. He gave me an extra jacket from the house and yelled at me other over the wind, directing me to search north, toward the road.”
She’d ridden Sage back and forth, calling over and over despite being unable to hear her own voice. Her worry increased when the pounding rain begun turning to snow, the wind blowing it in icy curtains. Rain shivered again though the room was warm. “I tried to think where Daisy would go if she was sick, if she was scared, if she was alone? A story I had told Daisy, not long after her arrival on the farm, came to my mind. It was just some fanciful tale like the ones I used to tell Nikki, this one about the girl who escaped from some trouble by growing wings and flying away. I’d pointed to a rocky outcropping about five miles west of the house and told Daisy that the girl had used that place to jump into the sky. Daisy had spent the next several minutes flapping around the corral until her mother had scolded her, saying, ‘Daisy, you know that’s just a story. Now, stop it.’ Daisy had obeyed, but her expression was so sad that I winked at her, causing her smile to reappear.
“When I faced Sage into the storm, he clearly thought I was crazy, but he went. I strained to hear Daisy’s cries as I squinted to see through the rising pitch of the storm. About two miles later, Sage suddenly shied. I was focusing so hard on trying to see what was in front of me that I almost fell. I jumped down, trying to retrace our tracks.” Rain rose and moved to the fire, keeping her back to Bett. “I dimly saw a dark bundle, a silent lump. It was Daisy.”
Once she’d gotten herself and the girl’s inert form back onto Sage, she’d let go of the reins, knowing he would find the way. Opening her jacket, she tried to warm Daisy with what little heat there was in her own body, but the girl was like ice, and Rain wasn’t even sure if she was breathing. Rain rubbed Daisy’s hands and face, wrapping the blanket around her to keep her close as Sage began to run toward his warm stall and food. She wanted to sing to Daisy, to sing the only song she really knew, the one her mother had taught her, but it seemed she was only wailing instead.
“We got back to the house, and I carried Daisy up the steps. As Hugh took her, I could hear Iris screaming for her daughter. I walked Sage to the barn and was trying to make my hands pick up his brush when Noreen came in. She sent me inside, promising to feed and water my good pony. I could barely put one foot in front of the other as I moved toward the house.”
She passed through the kitchen, where there was some kind of soup in a pot, and walked on toward Daisy’s bedroom. Iris was trying to give her child some water as she lay covered over with blankets. Rain could never forget Iris’s eerily calm voice when she turned and said, “Thank you for bringing my little girl back to me, Faith.”
Bett moved to the fireside also, standing near but not letting their bodies touch. Rain didn’t look at her. “I must have been swaying slightly, because Hugh brought in a chair from the other room where he had taken Rose. My skin began stinging all over, but all I cared about was listening to Daisy’s shallow breathing. Hugh brought some soup but I didn’t want it. He pressed me, and I think I had three swallows before he left and I set the bowl aside.”
“Time swam past until I heard the clock strike one. Iris had fallen asleep on the bed beside her daughter. When Daisy coughed a little, I got to my feet and went over to her, putting my hand on the top of her head. Her fever was very high. She looked up at me and spoke, her voice so tiny that I had to bend very close to hear it. Daisy said, ‘I wanted to fly away.’”
Rain slumped, putting her face in her hands as if trying to block out the scene. “Just after the clock struck two, she did.”
* * *
Bett didn’t know what to do as Rain finally straightened, fixing her gaze on something far away. Finally, unaware of the tears running down her face, she said, “At the next chime of the clock, Iris awoke and began screaming. I’m not sure exactly when she stopped, because the sound was in my head for days. The wind let up after daylight, though it was still snowing. Hugh had carried Iris to their room and a doctor came and gave her a drug to help her sleep.” Rain’s voice was hollow. “I’d settled on the floor by Daisy’s side of the bed, rocking as I sang her my mother’s song. When the doctor came in to see me, I drew my knife and told him to go away. It wasn’t until I heard the sound echoing in the quiet room that I realized I’d spoken in Lakota. It didn’t seem to matter, because he did leave. I heard him telling Hugh I had frostbite, probably second degree. He said there would be blistering and pain but it would heal eventually. He left some salve.
“Sometime later, my song had ended and my arms were limp by my sides. I could barely hold my head up. I was…empty. I couldn’t see very well but then I heard my name in a hoarse whisper. Noreen crept a few steps into the room, her eyes on my knife. ‘Faith, I know you hate me and I know I’m damned forever and I deserve all of that, but you’ve got to let me get her ready, Faith. We’ve got to put her in the ground before it freezes solid. For the love of God, Faith, please.’
“I couldn’t answer.” Rain’s head turned slowly toward Bett. “You said earlier that you hated her. I had moved beyond hate, beyond loathing or detesting her. I was in a place I’d never been where I had no words because nothing could express how I felt. I was as stiff and cold as…” Rain swallowed hard. “As death itself. After a few seconds of silence, Noreen went out and came back with Hugh. He pried my knife out of my fingers, and together they got me into Noreen’s room. My eyes were open, but no images were registering. Hugh put some of the doctor’s medicine on the black patches on my hands and face. He left me with some water.”
Rain ran her sleeve over her face and worked to make her tone impassive. “I missed Daisy’s funeral. Noreen came in afterward and talked to me for a while, even though I had finally closed my eyes. She told me Iris cried hysterically when Hugh stepped up and threw dirt on the little coffin. He caught her at the edge of the grave as she ran to join her daughter. The next morning, I felt someone putting medicine on my face. It was Iris.
“‘Oh, my little girl is finally waking up, I see,’ she said. My throat was too dry and swollen to make a sound, but I shook my head. Iris said I should put on my nightie, as she held up one of Daisy’s sleeping gowns. Hugh came in and took Iris out of the room. He came back after a while and held a glass to my lips. I almost spit up, coughing, but was finally able to swallow some.”
She remembered the sound of Hugh’s voice, heavy with sorrow. “‘My wife is in a bad way, Faith,’ he told me. ‘She’s got it in her mind that you are Daisy. I’m going to take her to a special doctor, but I’ll wait until you are better.’ He took out his pocket knife. ’I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to cut those boots off you. We need to see the condition of your feet.’”
She turned to Bett, suddenly despera
te for her to understand. “The idea of destroying the boots the sweet shopkeeper’s wife had sold me was intolerable, as if losing them would sever my last link to the world of goodness and leave me adrift in bitter darkness. Hugh didn’t know why I gestured no and struggled to sit up. He tried to reassure me that he wouldn’t cut me, but that wasn’t what I feared. I pushed one foot against the other, and eventually one boot came off. He helped me remove them both. My feet were raw and swollen, but there was no infection.”
A few minutes later, Noreen had come to the door with some bandages and ointment and a bowl of soup on a tray. She looked haggard and worn, like she’d aged ten years. She noted Rain’s knife on the dresser by the window and came into the room.
“Noreen treated my feet without a word, only asking ’Can you feed yourself, then?’ when the job was done. I nodded. Noreen opened her mouth like she was going to say something else, but I shook my head and closed my eyes. She left me alone.”
Rain caught some motion from the corner of her eye and saw Bett wiping at her face. She needed to find a place to stop, a place from which Bett could make her decision about their future. She squared her shoulders and continued. “A week later, my feet had healed to the point that I could stand and walk a little. My face and hands looked terrible, and I was still very weak. I took meals in Noreen’s room because whenever Iris saw me, she called me Daisy and tried to fuss over me. I had not yet spoken.
“Hugh came in one evening to tell me he was leaving in the morning to take Iris to Omaha. Noreen was going too, he added nervously, to stay with some other relatives in the city. He asked me if I was all right to stay by myself for a little while, and I nodded. After a moment, he asked if he should send over the doctor to see about my throat. I shook my head.
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