“Sorry. I have been napping all evening after throwing up my lunch.”
“That sucks. I hope you aren’t coming down with something.” I offer her a weak smile and prepare my late-night snack. “Would you like one?” I ask, noticing her eyeing mine.
“Oh. No thanks.” She shakes her head. Something about her is oddly familiar, but I can’t place my finger on it. “Crackers seem to be the only thing I can eat these past few months.”
“That sucks and can’t be very filling,” I observe.
“You have no idea. I’m just under so much stress. I hope I can confide in you and it stay between us.”
“Yeah, sure.” I try to hide my shock. We don’t even know each other. I’m the last person she should be spilling secrets to.
“I’m pregnant,” she whispers.
“Oh. Okay. Well, congratulations.” I grab a bottled water and take a seat across from her at the bar. “You are happy, aren’t you?” She has this weird look on her face.
“I’m trying to be, but the father…we broke up, and things didn’t end well. He cheated on me and was a real jerk. I’ve not told him about the baby. I want to, but I’m not sure how he will handle the news.”
“I’m sorry. That must be hard. Maybe if you reach out and try to talk to him, I’m sure he’ll be reasonable,” I suggest. I don’t know what to do here. I have no experience in this department aside from my miscarriage. And there is no way I am talking to this chick about that time in my life.
“I don’t think so. He’s in love with someone else. He never got over his ex.”
“Well, you don’t have to be with him to co-parent.”
She sighs and gives me a look of pity which is odd since she is the one having trouble here. Not me. I mean yeah, I have my own problems, but she doesn’t know that.
“He won’t want this baby or me. But thanks for listening, it’s nice to tell someone.”
“I’m sure things will work out for you,” I lie. I know my words have no weight. Happy endings don’t exist.
**
Practice with the band went great and production was behind so that meant I was hurried out of the studio and away from Jameson. We still haven’t talked since our kiss outside of him giving me direction and pointers about my performance. My nerves are getting the best of me, this song I am singing for this next show is personal to me in so many ways for so many different reasons.
I’m third in the rotation tonight and can’t shake these damn jitters. The first episode is airing tonight while this one is being taped. Rebecca is on the stage right now and she’s doing so good. Gwen is her coach and they seem to work well together. I can already tell a difference in her stage presence. I could use some work in that area myself. I’m not used to an audience when I sing. It makes it even harder that my body and mind immediately fixate on Jameson every time, because he used to be my safety net. This song tonight doesn’t help, but he needs to know exactly how I feel about him. He can’t just go around kissing me because it feels good. God does it feel good to kiss that man.
Before I know it, it’s my turn to perform. I walk out onto the stage and grip the microphone tightly. So much so my fingers are red and aching. I close my eyes as the melody begins to play. It has a bluesy tune. My voice comes out hoarser than I intend for it to, but my damn emotions are getting to me. Stupid Jameson. Damn him and damn my heart for still loving him.
Tears burn in my eyes as I belt out my feelings. Jameson locks eyes with me. I changed the song with the band last minute. I can’t tell what he thinks, but I don’t care. The words are about him, but this is for me and the chains he keeps me wrapped up in. I need to break free.
You spread your love like a fire babe
You do it sooo easily
Three little words couldn’t mean less
Cut me a little deeper, babe
Burn me a little hotter now
Just say the words and…
Lie to meee
Oh yeah, babe
Lie to meee
Lie to meee
You give it all away
So willingly
You spread your love like a fire, babe
You do it sooo easily
Three little words couldn’t mean less
Cut me a little deeper, babe
Burn me a little hotter now
Just say the words and lie to meee
Oh, you lie to me
Three little words
I love you
Damn my stupid heart
Damn my foolish thoughts
Lie to me
Oh lie to meee
Just say that you love me
One more time
Chapter 24
Jameson
Man. Peyton’s performance tonight was raw and emotional. I had tears in my eyes. She would have brought down the house if we had a live audience on set tonight. I had chills. The way she was looking at me, I felt that shit in my bones. Tonight, we are going to talk. It’s time we settle this shit. She needs to know the full truth of why I left. She’s going to hear me out even if I have to lock her ass up in a closet or tie her to a chair.
When we get back to the house everyone is out back by the pool celebrating and chatting. Peyton is surrounded by the other contestants. I want to pull her off to the side, but I need to be discreet about it. I don’t want them to think I am playing favorites or some shit. That’s how it will look to some once Harvey has his way and starts leaking about our past to the press. Once this show airs though, everything will change for Peyton. She’s about to become famous, and I will be damned if I let them change her like they did me. I know once I win her back, I’m going to have to share her with the world. I don’t know if I’m mentally prepared for that, but I know I will have to be.
I grab a water and hang back letting her talk and socialize. I can’t take my eyes off her. She’s shaking her head and unable to take a compliment. I overhear her saying she doesn’t think tonight was a strong performance. The woman is crazy.
“I need to talk to you in private, Jameson. It’s important.” Fucking Viola.
“Not right now you don’t. There is nothing you need to say to me that can’t wait till later.”
“Why? So you can go chasing after her?” She motions in Peyton’s direction dramatically.
“Lower your voice,” I growl. “What I do or who I choose to spend my time with is none of your damn business. I told you to stay away from me, and I meant it. I don’t want anything to do with you. So, whatever you’re plotting or think you need to say to me just fucking don’t, alright. Just don’t.”
“Have it your way,” she sneers.
By the time I get away from the she devil most of the group has gone back inside. Peyton is just about to go in when I grab her hand and pull her down toward the boathouse away from the house and prying eyes and ears.
“What are you doing?” She hisses.
“It’s time we had that talk, Fancy.”
“You’re right.” Her response surprises me. I was prepared for her to fight me on it like she has been these past few days.
I look around making sure no one has followed us. Once I feel certain that we’re really alone, I lead Peyton into the boathouse.
“Why are you acting so paranoid? Couldn’t we have talked back at the house?”
“Do you really trust that Harvey doesn’t have that whole house mic’d?”
Peyton rolls her eyes at me. “You do have a point.”
I grin. “Come on. Get in.” I point to the rowboat tied to the interior dock.
“I’m not going out on the lake with you in the middle of the night.”
“What’s the matter? You chicken?” I cluck at her like I used to when we were kids.
“How many people you think die a year by way of rowboat accidents?”
“Not many. You coming or not, Fancy?”
She smiles at me, reluctantly. “Fine, but if I get wet, you’re dead.”
“That�
��s not a promise I can make, we both know if I want you wet, sweetheart, I don’t need the water.”
“Ugh. You’re a pig,” she says on a groan, but she gets in the boat.
It’s a cloudless night and the moon is full and bright overhead. Frogs are croaking and crickets are chirping. There’s a gentle breeze but the air is still warm. Peyton is staring out at the water and anywhere but at me. That’s okay though because I’m not taking her back to land until we settle this shit between us for once and for all. Once we are far enough out that I am sure she can’t swim back, I stop rowing.
The moment I’ve been waiting for five damn years is finally here, and I can’t find the words to say what I need to. Though I guess the best place to start is at the beginning. “There are things you don’t know about that night. The night of the accident.” I can tell she is about to interrupt but I don’t let her. I take her hands in mine. “I need you to just sit and listen to what I have to say. You can give me that much, can’t you?”
“Okay. I’m all ears.”
“That night was the worst night of my life. I thought I had killed you, Peyton. I was unconscious for a few minutes, and when I came to…you weren’t breathing, and there was a man trying to do CPR on you. He was just some passerby. I thought I had lost you forever, but it turned out I was going to lose you no matter what. At the hospital, Barb was the first to arrive and she knew that we had both been drinking. She was making threats, and I was scared, but the worst part was…” I take a deep breath and bite back my tears. “We lost a baby. You were pregnant, and Barb said that the doctor couldn’t save you both.”
Peyton jerks her hands away. “What are you saying?” Confusion colors her features and she shakes her head. “The doctor said that I had a miscarriage. It sounds like you’re saying that Barb chose to terminate—they told me there was nothing that could be done.”
“I honestly don’t know. Barb made a lot of threats that night, and I didn’t want to go to jail and throw my life away. I know how selfish that sounds, but we were kids, and I was lost and scared. She wouldn’t let me see you or talk to you, so I left. I couldn’t pass up the recording contract. It was what I had always wanted, but it cost me greatly. It meant losing you, Peyton.”
“They told me you left, and I thought you didn’t want me anymore. I hated you for all of it. For the accident. For leaving me on my own to mourn the loss of my baby.”
“Our baby,” I correct her and take her hand in mine again. “I would have stood by you, Peyton. I would have done whatever it took to be with the two of you if things had been different.”
“I want to believe that’s true, Jameson. I really do, but what’s it all matter now anyway? I’ve seen your name in the magazines and online. I know what you have been doing. Or should I say who you were doing. A different girl every night according to some.”
“I can’t tell you I didn’t fuck around. That’d be a lie, but I can tell you a lot of it is exaggerated to sell records. It’s a persona, but it’s not me. I don’t want to be that guy anymore. I’m ready to come home to you. If you’ll have me.”
A shaky breath leaves her throat, and I can see the tears swelling in her eyes. “I…Jameson, that’s a lot of heavy on top of everything you just told me about Barb. Did my Dad know you think?”
“I don’t know. He was out of town. Who knows what the truth is? Did you miscarry or was Barb really that cruel and could she have gotten a doctor to perform the procedure? Maybe. She kept me from being charged with a DUI and going to jail. I don’t see your father having a part in that though I suppose it was possible. I wasn’t always his favorite person, but would he have hurt you like that?”
“No. He couldn’t have known,” she decides.
“So where does this leave us? You still hate me?”
“Do you think I could ever really and truly hate you? You leaving and just vanishing when I needed you most…it hurt. It still hurts. It’s a wound I thought would never heal but our talk…this tonight, here with you, I think it’s possible to let go of the past.”
“Good.” I pick up the oar handles. “I should get you back.”
Silence stretches between us. I don’t want to go back. I want to take Peyton away from this place and simply disappear.
We make it to the boathouse, and I stroke her cheek. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about the baby. I mourned that loss. I mourn it till this day. I would have loved being a father to our child. It would have been hard because we were young, but…”
“I know,” she whispers, softly. I move in to kiss her and she stops me. “Not yet. I’m still processing it all.”
I nod, but the rejection stings.
Her fingers brush against mine. “It’s not a no. It’s just a not right now.”
Chapter 25
Peyton
Jameson and I sneak back into the house undetected. I don’t know where we stand, but I am glad he forced me to talk about our past and get things about the baby out in the open. I thought he didn’t know but after hearing his side, Barb has some explaining to do. I can’t do anything about her from here, but once I am done with this show she’s going to hear from me. She possibly killed my baby. Yeah, I was young, but she had no right to make that choice for me. I can’t even think about the fact that my father possibly knew or had a role in any of it.
Jameson did what was best for him at the time, and as much as I want to be upset about it, I find I no longer can be. I finally have closure between us and know why he really left. I change out of my clothes from the show and get into my pajamas. It’s getting late, and tomorrow is the premier of the taped shows. They are running them back to back. Apparently, Harvey Grant has a real hard on to get this show off the ground. Knowing that I have a contract waiting at the end of the show for me regardless takes some of the magic out of it, but it is what it is. I just have to make the most of the opportunity and use it how it is intended—a stepping stone to the next level.
As I lay in bed, I can’t get Jameson off my mind. The sadness in his eyes when he told me his version of the last night that we were together. I believe him about Barb. About everything. I was blinded with grief. The loss of the baby and losing Jameson. It was all too much for me. At the time I only considered my feelings. I never thought about how any of it could be affecting him. I don’t know what I’m doing but my feet carry me from the bed and out the patio doors to Jameson’s matching set. My fist is tapping against the glass and his face is before mine as he opens the door. He’s shirtless in a pair of grey sweats that hang dangerously low on his hips. Sweet lord he looks so fine.
“What are you…,” is all he manages to get out before I am placing my finger to his lips, silencing him.
“No talking. We’ve done plenty of that.” I push him back into the room, stepping inside, and closing the door behind me. I don’t stop pushing Jameson backwards until he hits the bed and only then do I remove my finger from his lips. Shoving him down by his shoulders, I straddle his lap as he sits on the edge of the bed. His thick tattooed arms wrap around my waist and I bring my mouth down on his, parting my lips, seeking his tongue with my own. Our shared years of pent up frustration comes pouring out of us. The past colliding with the present and possibly the future. His tongue sweeps through my mouth tasting like home. This man feels like where I belong. Sliding his hand up my back, he holds me closer.
“You have no idea how many nights I’ve dreamed of this. How badly I’ve wanted this.” His warm breath tickles my ear.
“Shh. I said no talking. Just feel, Jameson. Feel me right here right now,” I whisper into his mouth, kissing him again, unable to get enough.
I give you my all
All my love
My heart
My body
My soul
I give you all the pieces of me
There is no other love but yours
Take all I have to give
My heart
My body
My soul
/> All this love I give only to you
“You feel so good in my arms.” Jameson turns and lays me back on the pillows. His mouth never leaves mine as his fingers touch my skin, skimming along my stomach and up toward my chest until he reaches my bare breasts. A possessive growl rips from his throat when he realizes I’m not wearing a bra. Dragging his tongue down the slender column of my throat he nips at me with his teeth, repeating the motion across my shoulder and back down my chest as he raises my thin white ribbed tank up over my head. “Fuck, Fancy. Nothing will ever compare to this. To you.”
His hungry eyes bore into mine full of need and dare I say love. The boy I loved has come back to me a skilled man. My lips part. I’m panting beneath him as he continues his torturous but pleasurable assault on all my senses. His teeth skim over my nipple and giving it a gentle tug. Jameson is worshiping my body, and I pray that I won’t regret this night. His lips move to my stomach, fingers digging in my hips, grabbing at my white cotton boy shorts to tug them down my smooth legs.
Tears burn in my eyes. “I won’t…I can’t survive losing you again, Jameson. If we take this step you better mean it.”
“I am all in, baby. You give into me and I promise you, I’ll never leave your side. I loved you then, I love you now, and I always will.” My heart skips a beat at his words. To the rest of the world Jameson Lewis is the bad boy of rock ‘n roll, but in here between these walls, and in this bed, he’s all mine. Pressing his face to my center, he inhales my scent, my arousal for him. Those sweet lips that have the power to destroy me kiss my clit tenderly. His movements are methodical and loving as his tongue caresses my most intimate area.
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