by Hughes, Maya
The door handle was cold, and I zipped my jacket up all the way. Rinks in the winter were always colder than outside. I’d forgotten. It had been so long since I’d been to one. Leaving Colm’s place this morning knowing I was going to an interview had made the toast he’d left for me harder to choke down.
Waking up beside him had become the norm after my late arrival for our session. We’d clung to one another that day and the next and the next. I’d leave to go to work and come back to his house. When I needed to go to my apartment to pick up some clothes and other things, he’d come with me.
It felt weird to have him in my space. For so long, there’d been no one in my place besides me. He walked around, looking at things, running a finger along the framed pictures of me with Fern and Charlie. Me and Becca. The Kings and I at a backyard barbecue last spring. And a picture of me and Preston. I was sitting on his lap looking up at him adoringly. Colm lingered, staring at the picture.
He’d been quiet on the drive back to his place and he’d stripped me in record time once the front door closed. This time it wasn’t fast and hungry. He made love to me like he wanted to brand an imprint on my soul and I wasn’t sure he’d failed.
Our situation threw tangled on top of complicated. How much of this was real and how much of it was a product of Colm’s need to do the right thing and step up to the responsibilities life threw at him? Could he pull those two things apart or had they become so intertwined, they were now one and the same?
The rhythmic sound of skates and sticks hitting the ice filled the tunnel as I walked farther into the rink. There wasn’t a full roster, but there were more than a handful of guys on the ice.
Their jerseys flapped against their bodies as they whipped around the ice, keeping low with sticks in their hands.
Colm skated by, smiling. He grabbed his helmet off the ledge by the box and shoved it on his head.
A breakthrough. After all the anguish, he’d shouldered about letting his team down, he’d done it. Tears flooded my eyes, but we were both all smiles now. I rushed forward, right up against the glass, to watch him fly.
He spotted me and waved, changing directions in a split second. His movement was perfection. Fluid, not an ounce of stiffness. Instead of banging into the boards to stop, he used his hands to slow himself and leaned over the halfway in front of the bench box.
“You made it.”
“Have you ever known me to not show up?”
His gaze roamed my face, searching, like I somehow looked different when he was standing on the ice. “No, you always show.” Sweat rolled down his face and he was panting.
“How long have you been here?”
“Four hours. The guys came with me and have been helping me get back up to speed.”
“Four!” My voice boomed in the rink. “That’s insane. You’re pushing yourself too fast.”
His grin widened and he stared back at me in that way that made me feel like he’d never looked at another woman before. Sparks of electricity pulsed along my skin. “It took me nearly two hours to put my skate on the ice. I’ve only been skating for two hours out of the four. The guys…” He looked over his shoulder. “They came through.”
“Of course, we did.” Declan slammed into the wall beside him. “How could he ever doubt us, Imo?” Declan shook his head and jerked his thumb in Colm’s direction.
“I have no idea, Declan. He’d stubborn sometimes.”
“Understatement of the year. How are you doing?” He leaned forward, planting a very sweaty kiss on my cheek.
“I’m good. Even better now that this one is out there with you guys.” I held out my hands toward Colm, presentation-style.
“He looks good doesn’t he?” Declan leaned onto the rink ledge.
“He’s right here.”
“Get your asses back out here. We’ve got a lot of work to do.” Emmett’s hands were cupped around his mouth, recalling them both to the game.
“Got to go.” Colm lifted himself with his hands and kissed me. It wasn’t a peck on the cheek like Declan’s, but a full on someone dump a bucket of water on us kiss, complete with his gloved hand on the back of my head.
More than a couple heads turned on the ice.
I sat and watched him, thinking about that declarative kiss and what it would mean to the group dynamics. How would everyone feel about that?
Sitting in the molded plastic seat, I shoved my hands in my pocket and kept my eyes on the ice. He was lightning fast and didn’t miss a beat. If I hadn’t known how hard he’d worked, I’d have thought he’d never had a day off.
A few of the rookies took to the ice, probably drawn by the fact that some of their hockey heroes were out there. Colm huddled up with one or two doling out advice, pointing to different spots on the ice and coaching them through breakaways or other moves. He was in the zone. Being out there with his team breathed even more life into him and my heart glowed.
I could see myself there with a little baby watching his or her dad out on the ice, doing the thing he loved and kicking ass at it.
Movement in the stands from the other side of the rink caught my eye.
Bailey sat halfway up with her gaze trained on the ice.
I made my way over and sat beside her.
“How’s he doing?” She didn’t take her eyes off Colm.
“You can see for yourself. He hasn’t missed a beat.”
“Shit, I was hoping you wouldn’t say that.” Bailey tugged on her ponytail, giving herself a temporary facelift.
“You were the one who’s been riding his ass to get back on the ice. You were the one who practically blackmailed me to get me to work with him. I figured you’d be doing cartwheels in the stands.”
She dragged her hands down her face. “I have, but I’ve been fighting the tide of the higher ups. They’ve got young healthy kids coming from all over the world to play. They’re itching for the cup this season more than ever. The owners wanted better results last season, but with Colm in the mix, I knew we had a shot. He’s a killer player, I knew that from the first day I spotted him, but he’s had two back-to-back injuries, and this is a young man’s game run by old assholes.” She glared up at the currently empty owner’s box.
“They want to end his contract.”
Out on the ice, Colm whipped by. The lineup of pucks didn’t stand a chance with him. Ford was in the net, but Colm still snuck three by that brick wall of a goalie. His laughter carried across the vast open space. He spotted the two of us sitting together and raised his gloved hand in a wave.
I waved back numbly. Bailey’s wave was like she was a lifelike animatronic figure.
Bile rushed to the back of my throat. “He’s worked so hard.”
“I can see that. You act like I didn’t see his grifter impersonation a couple months ago. Fuck!” She threw down her notepad. “If he’d been like this a couple months ago, maybe things would be different now. I don’t know.” Misery radiated from her voice.
A couple months ago. What if I hadn’t run the first time the guys asked? What if I’d volunteered to help him and get him in shape? The what-ifs stacked up into a mountain of regret.
“Is it a done deal?” I tore my gaze away from him to her.
She let out a deflated sigh. “No, it’s not, but once that chatter starts, the wheels are in motion. Trust me, I’d much rather have another Colm on this team than some of the colossal dickheads coming up right now, but they don’t tell me everything. If they’re striking deals, I might not know about it until the ink is dry. My hands are tied at a certain point.”
“How long until you’ll know for sure?”
“Maybe a week.” She shrugged. “Maybe a month. Maybe it doesn’t happen.”
“It will destroy him.”
“He’s made it this far. He’s walking and skating. Some guys don’t even get that.”
“You saw him before. This could kick him right back down into that place again.” I grabbed onto her arm. “Don’t tell him
today. Look at how happy he is. Trust me when I say he needed today. Don’t take it away from him.”
He took the helmet off and whipped his hair around, splashing sweat on the other guys. His smile from twenty rows away was blinding.
“Once you know, call me and I’ll help prepare him.”
Bailey picked up her notebook and stood. “What a fucking nightmare.”
31
Colm
My skates hit the solid floor of ice beneath me. A part of me had been reawakened when I finally made it onto the ice. Declan, Emmett, Heath, and Ford had stood beside me for the nearly two hours it took to get me up on my skates.
“If you’d told us this was your problem before, we’d have strapped you to a backboard and carried you out here and skated you around a bit to get you comfortable.” Heath leaned against the Plexiglas wall of the box.
My head was between my knees and I choked back the vomit threatening to paint the floor.
“It’s been like this since the accident?” Declan crouched in front of me.
“Every time I’ve tried to skate. This is the furthest I’ve made it.”
Emmett clapped me on the shoulder. “We’ll take that win.”
“You don’t have to do it all today.” Ford sat beside me. “We can come back as many times as you need us to.”
They were the best friends—no, family—a person could ask for. “Thanks for being here.”
“We’d have been here a lot sooner, if you hadn’t been doing your Grumpy Cat routine all summer. Are we skating or not?” Heath had a way of deflating the tension in most situations.
On shaky legs I stood, pushing down all the fears about what might happen out there. Imogen was on her way. I’d given her the address and told her to be here in another hour and a half. She was my failsafe, in case I tried to chicken out. I could do this. I needed her to see me out here, whole and unafraid.
“Just a step out there.” It was more to myself than anyone else.
“One step, then we reassess.” Declan shoved his skates on.
I don’t know how long I stood at the open half door to the ice. Five minutes? Twenty minutes? But no one made a sound. No one forced me out there.
My fingers tightened on the wooden ledge and I lowered my skate to the ice. Holding on like it was my first time out there, my foot connected and slid forward an inch. My body corrected, and, like slipping on an old pair of shoes, I was upright without thinking about what came next.
Another step onto the ice with both feet were under me. I stood, breathing in the freezing rink air. It filled my lungs and the sights and sounds were sharper. All the blood pumping in my ears had drowned out the familiarity of this place.
This was my second home. My only home when I’d had none to go back to.
Another step. And another. Without a word the guys were beside me. We took the lap together on our old formation with me at the front. They slowed a bit as I got closer to the still-open door to the team bench, but I blew past it and they came up behind me, letting me take the lead. A fiery energy coursed through my veins. I was back with my team, the friends I’d tried to push away, but were so damn stubborn they hadn’t let me. And I’d never loved them more for it.
We’d skated like that for the next hour. They took their cues from me and kept up the gentle pressure of not letting my psych myself out. And then Imogen arrived.
The look on her face like I was walking on water out here warmed my heart. Pride radiated from her gaze and I wanted that from her every day, all day. I wanted to see that she was proud of what I’d done and who I was. It would take some work to mend all the fences I’d wrecked, but—I looked over my shoulder at Ford—I was getting there.
I hadn’t been able to hold back from kissing Imo. We’d never set rules for what we were or decided who to tell or not tell, but I didn’t want anyone to question what she meant to me.
Ford knew she was pregnant, so it hadn’t come as a surprise to him, but he was as tight-lipped as Heath was loose, so he hadn’t mentioned it to anyone yet.
There would be questions in the locker room once we finished on the ice. Bailey popped in for a second, but she was gone with little more than a wave. At least she’d peel that Reserved for Colm label off the ball vise I was sure she had in her office.
“How are you feeling?” Heath grabbed his water bottle and squirted it into his mouth. Some ran down his chin, joining the rest of the sweat covering his face and neck. “You know I was busting your balls to make you laugh, right?”
“Of course, man. You always know the exact wrong thing to say at the exact right time.”
Heath held out his arms wide and skated backward. “Damn right. It’s my super power.”
“What is? Man buns and saying inappropriate things?” Emmett skated behind him and locked his arm around Heath’s neck.
“My hair is amazing,” Heath wheezed before shoving Emmett away.
“Enough screwing around. We’ve got a center to get back on the ice.” Declan knocked his stick against their helmets.
Some of the rookies showed up a bit later. Their awe only added to the confidence boost I’d gotten from not puking once out here.
I was sweaty and tired, and I’d never felt better. It was like oiling up an old creaky gate.
We wrapped up practice and I searched the stands for Imogen. She stood by the tunnel to the locker room with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. It wasn’t the wide infectious one she’d worn when she showed up and saw me on the ice. This one was capped with shuttered eyes and a porcelain finish.
“You okay?” I climbed out of the box and shook off my gloves, letting them fall to the ground.
I cupped her cheek and searched her eyes for the answer.
“I’m good. Only, a little tired.” She clasped her hands in front of her and dropped her head.
“Some of that is probably my fault?” I ducked, trying to catch her gaze.
She nodded.
“Let’s get you two out of here. It’ll take me five minutes to change.”
Then a noise I hadn’t heard since the jungle gym in the sixth grade broke through the connection I’d been trying to forge with Imogen.
“Colm and Imo sitting in the tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage.”
Imo’s head shot up, her wide-eyed gaze shooting past me.
“Heath, enough,” I called out over my shoulder. The guys filed past, leaving us behind.
“Did you—”
“I haven’t told anyone. I figured we’d do that together. You know they’re going to go out and buy a hockey onesie the second they know.”
“It might be a girl.”
“Never stopped Liv from slapping on a pair of skates.” I held onto Imo’s arms, soaking up the small smile on her lips. I didn’t care how big it was, only that it was real.
The curve of her lips grew even bigger and brighter. “You’re right.”
“I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”
“Don’t worry. I have no place else to be.”
I jogged back to the locker room, ready for the world’s fastest shower and change in history. The door flew open and I was blindsided by a part tackle, part hug, lifting me off my feet.
“Careful. We don’t need someone else getting hurt.”
Emmett set me down on my feet. “You and Imogen?” His grin was megawatt wide. “Does Avery know?”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh man, if I know something before Avery, she’s going to lose it.” He rubbed his hands together.
“How long has it been going on?” Declan tugged his jersey over his head.
“It’s still new, so we’re taking it slow.”
Heath yanked his skates off. “I didn’t think slow was in your vocabulary. You’re always like, ‘hello ma’am, very nice to meet you on our first date. Would you like to move in with me? Perhaps an international vacation while we wait for the movers to pa
ck up your belongings. Have you met my little sister yet?”
I threw my sweaty jersey at him, hitting him as he rambled into the next part where I got their name tattooed on my chest.
“For the record, I have no tattoos.”
“That we know of.” Heath lifted an eyebrow.
“She’s waiting for me. Yes, Imo and I are dating. No, there’s no wedding planned.” I left out that I’d already asked her to move in with me; those were extenuating circumstances. And the part where I’d already checked in with a few jewelers around town to see what they had in stock. There was nothing wrong with being prepared, and if the right moment presented itself, maybe…
“We’re glad you two finally pulled the pin on that sexual tension grenade.” Emmett wrapped a towel around his waist.
“It was almost as bad as Liv and Ford.” An avalanche of dirty towels cascaded over Heath.
All eyes swung to me. My fists clenched in the reflexive way they had since I’d found out about the two of them, but I took a deep breath. Her crush had been pretty obvious, looking back on it. I let out a laugh. It was a little strained, but I was still a little new to being okay with the two of them being a couple.
Every shoulder relaxed and chatter filled the room again. Making sure I didn’t still reek, I went out to find Imo pacing and biting her bottom lip.
“What’s wrong?”
She straightened and let her lip fall free of her teeth. It was plump and wet and I couldn’t hold back. I wrapped my arms around her and dropped a kiss on her lips.
“Nothing’s wrong.”
I ran my fingers along her cheek. “You looked worried.”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
She wrapped her fingers around mine and leaned into my arms.
“Completely.”
Those moments when she let me in—really let me in, holding my gaze and giving me everything I’d hoped for—made it hard to imagine anything before her. And I didn’t want to experience anything after her.
* * *
“I still don’t get how you can eat that when it’s so cold out.”