Heartless King

by Hughes, Maya

  Confusion creased my face. They never left for more than a few days in the winter. Day trips, sure, and sometimes long weekends traveling around the area, but this sounded different. “For the winter?”

  She shrugged. “We’re not sure yet. But we’re going to head out to California to stay with Becca for a while. See the sights. A long road trip. We’ve never done one before, and we always thought we’d do it once we retired, but then we figured why not now? We never know what tomorrow will bring.”

  “What about The Shack?” Panic edged closer.

  “That’s the other part of our news. We’ve had several offers to buy it. Some of them tempting, but we know you wanted to move down here, so if you want it, it’s yours.”

  “Mine?”

  “If that’s what you really want, we’ll sign it over to you and you can have it. There’s enough cash flow to hire a manager, so you wouldn’t have to be here every day. But, Imogen, sweetheart.” She cupped my cheeks. “Is that the life you want to live? You’ve lost more than anyone should at your age. I can’t imagine what that’s been like for you.”

  Her fingers brushed at the tears on my cheeks. “Every day is a gift. I don’t want you to miss out on the possibility of even more in your future. A future that isn’t only about your little one, but about you. Do you want to keep living a life that died with Preston? Or do you want to start something new with someone who obviously loves you? I know it’s scary. I know it’s hard. But you’re strong. Stronger than any of us have deserved.

  “We will support you no matter what you choose. We’ll love you no matter what you choose. But you need to decide how you want to live your life. Do you want to be looking back at what you’ve lost, or moving toward what you can create?”

  I swallowed hard. “What if things don’t work out between us?”

  “How do any of us know?” Charlie rapped his knuckles on the table with a chuckle. “At least you tried.”

  “What if he hates me and he never wants to see me again?”

  “I’m sure that’s not the case.” Fern shook her head in that all-knowing Mom way.

  “What if something terrible happens to him?” My voice cracked and my nostrils flared. “What if I lose him too?” Even saying the words felt like an invitation, like I was opening the door to something that would end me. I’d tried to protect myself from it, but somehow, I couldn’t stop these feelings for him. I couldn’t keep myself from falling for him and that brought with it the scary reality of life.

  “Do you wish you’d never met Preston? That you hadn’t gone to that seventh grade dance with him? That you hadn’t been there for him when no one else could reach him?” Fern wore a warm smile, but the tears glittered in her eyes.

  “No, never.” Every minute was worth it, even with all the pain that came after.

  “You can’t live your life afraid of what you might lose, because then you’ll never embrace everything you have to gain, and those are the memories that make it worth it.”

  Charlie set down another cup of hot chocolate.

  “Good night, kid. We’re here for you, if you need us.” He kissed me on the top of my head and the two of them went upstairs.

  I sat at the table with only the ticking of the grandfather clock in the living room to keep me company—that and my thoughts.

  Colm had been so hurt. He’d been through so much. He’d had Liv with him, but that had its own pressure. An eighteen-year-old taking care of a teenager. But he’d opened his heart to me after everything he’d been through.

  That night I lay in Becca’s bed, staring up at the ceiling. The gentle flutters in my stomach were a comfort, reminding me that I wasn’t completely alone. No matter what, I’d have this baby. Our baby. Colm would be in my life regardless of my choice, but letting him into my heart…that opened the door to another round of loss. Was I ready to make that choice? Could I handle everything that came with truly being with him?

  Swinging my legs over the side of the bed, I ran my fingers along the fine chain around my neck. I’d worn it for so long, I’d forgotten it was there half the time. Lifting the gold over my head, I held the band in my palm. He’d proposed to me even though I’d slept next to him every night with this around my neck.

  There was so much good that came with letting him in. The way he looked at me, lighting my soul on fire. How his touch made it hard to breathe. The way he never let me shield the parts of myself that no one else even knew were hidden.

  I squeezed the ring tightly in my palm so hard the edged tug into my skin. Staring at the gold band, I re-read the inscription, running my finger across the etched words. I love you too, Preston and always will. But it was time to embrace my future as fiercely as I had my past. I pressed my lips to the still warm metal and let the necklace slip from my hand and into my bag.

  Did he still want to be with me after the lies and the way I’d hurt him? Could he forgive me?

  I rolled over and grabbed my phone. Starting my first ever group text, I took a deep breath.

  Me: Hey, I need your help.

  39

  Colm

  “Did we really have to do the walking tour of the city? All the pictures are posted online.” I shoved my hands into the pockets of my coat. Even my gloves weren’t enough to ward off the winter wind whipping through the gaps in the buildings.

  “You know you can’t buy a house from a picture.”

  The guys were doing everything they could to keep me out of the house during our two days back home. Dinners at their houses, even forcing me to cook for them—not that I minded. It felt good to have voices other than my own rattling around in between my four walls.

  Deliveries kept arriving for the nursery. I’d grab them and put them up in the room I’d had painted green. Once I worked up the courage, I’d call Imogen and see where she wanted me to put everything.

  We switched from walking strung across the sidewalk to single file as a couple walked toward us. They both wore matching bright red scarves. Like every other time I saw a couple together, I thought of Imogen. There had been radio silence since the rink. Not a word from her.

  Even with how much it hurt, I’d sent her a letter from my lawyer about how I hoped things would go once the baby arrived. Split time as much as possible and I’d give her anything she needed to be happy, even if it wasn’t me. She could hire as much help as she wanted. I didn’t want her to feel like she had to start working right after the baby was born.

  And as much as it would hurt not to lie beside Imogen and hold our baby together, I wanted her to be happy. I’d just hoped she would be happy with me. But I wasn’t going to be that guy. Not the second string who she stayed with because she didn’t have a choice, or felt like it was the right thing to do.

  Avery would probably let me know when Imo went into labor. The messiness of this situation wasn’t lost on me. I’d had her. For a short time, we’d been happy.

  Could I even blame her? I hadn’t screamed dating, let alone marriage material. When she showed up at my house after our night together, I’d thrown her out. If Liv had shown up with a guy like me, I’d have told her to run the other way. Which meant my hypocrisy with the Liv/Ford situation wasn’t lost on me.

  Maybe some time alone would be better. Talking to the team shrink, I’d seen how so many of my patterns had been self-sabotage at its finest.

  The crisp winter air made walking in and out of these houses a pain in the ass. My lips and skin felt raw from the temperature shifts. A couple walked down the street toward us with their arms linked. The guys fell back to give them room to pass.

  As they passed, they pulled their arms from behind their backs. Instead of ducking for cover, my eyebrows dipped as they held out two roses. One was pink and the other orange. I stepped aside for whoever those were meant for, but they turned as I did, holding them out to me.

  I glanced to the side at the guys who shrugged.

  “No thanks.”

  “They’re for you.”

/>   “I don’t have any cash.”

  “They’re free.” They shoved the de-thorned roses into my hand and took off. I glanced behind me. Turning around, three more people walked toward us with roses in their hands.

  What the hell was going on?

  The four guys behind me could barely suppress their smiles. Something was up. Was this their way of cheering me up? Random strangers giving me flowers? They’ve have been better off making it passersby with shots—or, if they were trying to keep me from getting blind drunk, at least some of Avery’s cookies from Bread & Butter. With the workouts we’d been doing this season, it wasn’t like I couldn’t afford to eat a few cookies. Maybe that was the approach I should take, since I’d limited myself to a beer with the guys over dinner. Stuffing my face with baked goods: why hadn’t I thought of that before?

  We turned the corner and I stopped. No one banged into my back, so they’d been ready for this.

  The street had been cordoned off and transformed. Flowers covered the ground like a heavy blanket, and at the end of a path was Imogen.

  Her black hat and coat looked out of place in the center of so many vibrant colors. She wore her hair braided over her shoulder. The end peeked out from the collar of her coat, which couldn’t hide her bump, even at this distance. That swell was where she was keeping our little one safe. That didn’t explain why she was standing in the middle of the road.

  From the second I’d turned the corner, her gaze had locked onto mine. Her gloved hands fiddled in front of her, but she didn’t move from her spot.

  “I think she wants to talk to you,” Heath leaned over, whispering in my ear.

  Passersby watched, whipping their phones out to record everything. Like all of them, I didn’t have a clue what was going on.

  Someone cleared their throat and nudged at my back.

  I stumbled forward, feeling like I had taking my first steps out of the hospital bed back in May. Only I wasn’t walking toward a black hole of a future.

  40

  Imo

  I was so sweaty. Under my coat, I was twenty percent clammy and one hundred percent scared out of my mind that this wouldn’t work.

  Declan had shared his live location with me, so the little dot neared the corner he’d turn before he saw me. He stopped and my stomach balloon-animaled itself into a poodle. I got a kick in return for my anxiety-induced stomach twister. “We’ve got this, kid.”

  When I’d told the guys of my idea, no one had questioned my sanity, but now that I stood here with chapped cheeks and a fearful hope in my chest, I questioned it. Was this the way I should have done this?

  Would he turn around and go the other way? Had I had one too many chances? Was this too over the top? Maybe I’d gone about this the wrong way. Dozens of strangers were milling about to watch the pregnant lady humiliate herself.

  Slowly, at a rate that seemed crafted to increase my anxiety, he walked toward me. The second he hit the first row of flowers, the music started.

  His head snapped up. Need the Sun to Break. I’d come to think of it as our song. When I’d asked Heath for some music, I hadn’t expected an entire city choir to come streaming out of the doorway of a building beside us, lining up and serenading us.

  My jaw hung open as I looked at the spectacle with trembling hands. Taking a deep breath, I refocused on Colm. In for a penny…

  “Fancy meeting you here.”

  My half-smile and attempt at a joke dive-bombed like a ravenous seagull at a freshly made batch of fries.

  His eyes bored into mine. “What’s going on? What is all this?” He ducked his head in a whisper, leaning closer to me.

  The sounds of the city were covered over by the shutter sounds of phones, and whispers from everyone watching. More people had walked over from neighboring streets, probably lured by the irresistible sounds of James Bay being sung by nearly two hundred people.

  I reach down to the basket behind me and held out the paper plate covered with another one. My black coat was slowly being covered by a fine dusting of powdered sugar picked up by the wind.

  He lifted the plate and his eyebrows dipped.

  “Funnel cake?”

  “I remember how much you liked it whenever you came into the Shack. You’d get the mini funnel cakes almost every afternoon. They could use a little time in the oven, but I wanted you to have them.”

  “You did all this.” He spread his arms wide in a half circle. “To give me funnel cake?”

  There had to be at least a couple hundred people lining the streets now. They edged close to the flower blanket that surrounded us.

  “I needed you to know how I feel.”

  “And this was the way you wanted to do it?”

  “This was the way I needed to do it. In the middle of winter, you’re a field of flowers. With you, when I wake up in your arms, I’m never thinking about what I’ve lost, but only what I have to look forward to. And I wanted to say this out here in front of everyone.”

  Wobbling for a second, I got down on my knee. My coat tightened around my midsection, pulling against the bump that seemed to have grown even bigger overnight. With hundreds of people surrounding us and the James Bay that had been sung on repeat coming to a close, I opened the ring box.

  The passing cars sounded so much louder now that the singing had ended. My blood pounded in my veins and my cheeks flushed as he stared down at me with eyes so wide, I was tempted to see if there was a car barreling toward me from behind. Swallowing past the weight lodged in my throat, I forced out the words in a rush.

  “You’ve asked me a question twice and I thought it was only fair that I do the asking this time. Colm Alexander Frost, will you do me the honor of spending the rest of your life with me?”

  He looked down at me like I’d asked him to Bonnie and Clyde our way across the country one bank at a time.

  Swallowing against the tightness in my chest, I stared up at him with the ring box in my hand. I wasn’t sure how this whole proposing to the guy thing went. When I’d asked Emmett about it, I wasn’t sure how to take it when he’d said Colm had asked him to hold onto it for him. Did he not want it near him? Was I supposed to buy one for him?

  Was it hot out here? My hands seemed to be sweating as I held up the box.

  “I’m sorry about last week. I—I wasn’t ready then, but I’m ready now.”

  “What if I’m not ready?”

  I dropped my hands and stared up at him.

  His lips thinned into a hard line and he helped me up. Unease rippled through the crowd.

  “We need to talk.”

  The pained and embarrassed expressions didn’t touch me; it was the fear that I’d finally lost something, thrown it away instead of having it taken from me, that sent my stomach into free-fall. I let him lead me away from the crowd, not sure where we were going, but anywhere seemed better than staying in the middle of a street covered in the evidence of my failed proposal.

  Bursting through a glass door, he whirled around, running his fingers through his hair. The smell of chocolate and coffee filled the air. A barista behind the counter stared back at me. My cheeks burned from the sudden change in temperature.

  “What the hell were you thinking, doing something like that?”

  “I…” My mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out. The ring box was still in my hand.

  “I don’t hear from you for a week after you walk away, and now you just spring this on me? No, hey Colm. No, can we talk? My favorite James Bay song and flowers and you think I’m going to jump up and down waiting for you to slide the ring on my finger?”

  “I wasn’t sure how it worked.” I cringed. “I figured you’d slide it onto mine.” This wasn’t at all how I’d thought it would go.

  “You disappear for a week, Imogen, and then surprise! ‘Will you marry me?’ What was your reaction when I did that? What do you think my answer should be?”

  41

  Colm

  She’d gotten down on her knees in
the middle of the cold street in November to propose to me? It had taken me at least a solid ten seconds to understand what was going on when she held up the ring box. Ten seconds might as well be an eternity with hundreds of people staring. It was like being out on the ice when we’re one goal down, and I’m in possession of the puck and the entire stadium is watching me.

  Only they weren’t watching because a two hundred pound guy was racing after me trying to take my head off. They were watching because the woman who I’d thought would never feel for me the way I felt about her was kneeling in the middle of a flower garden, backed by a full choir singing the song that seemed to be the theme of our relationship, and asking me to marry her.

  The light from the glass door behind her backlit her, as though a movie director had put us in this spot for the perfect shot.

  “Another chance is all I can ask. You don’t have to say yes, but I wanted you to know I was serious. I’m not going to run away scared again. Holding you at arm’s length has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I was an idiot to do it. I love you.” She wiped at her nose with the back of her hand. “Sorry to be such a mess.”

  “Give me the ring.” I held out my hand, letting my foot tap as her head shot down to it like she’d just realized it was there.

  She set it down in my hand like she was afraid my touch would burn her.

  “How long were you out there?” I shoved the ring into my pocket.

  Her body seemed to deflate like a week-old balloon.

  “An hour, maybe,” she said absently, keeping her gaze on the center of my chest.

  “What have you been doing this past week?”

  “Honestly?” Her clear blue gaze collided with mine.

  “I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to know.”

  “Crying. Trying to figure out what I wanted my life to look like and what kind of person did I want to be.”