by Clare Lydon
“I’m positive,” Eden replied.
Lib flopped back on the sofa, wriggling deeper. “This is bloody comfy, I’ll give you that.” She glanced at Eden. “You promise me you’ll go away this year? When I can come, too?”
Eden didn’t like to think about the reasons why Lib would be free to come, too. “I promise. A long weekend somewhere exotic.”
Lib picked up Eden’s glass of wine and passed it to her. “In that case, let’s book it. I’m going to make sure your 40th is the bomb, whatever it takes.” She took a gulp of her wine. “If it helps, even though you’re the oldest in our group, you don’t look it.”
“True. Taylor wins that one, going prematurely grey. Plus, Issy and Kath have aged about ten years since they decided to have kids. Message to self: don’t have kids, they make you old.”
Lib smiled. “I thought about it once, but seeing as I’m 40 in two years, it’s getting a bit late.”
“Thirty eight is still young to have a kid. Plenty of lesbians are doing it.” Eden shivered. “But you know my thoughts on kids. You have to be really certain you want them, and then be prepared to put time and patience into raising them. Even then, it’s a gamble — for the children and the parents.” She cast her mind back to her childhood, but it was dark. Some things were best left in the shadows.
Eden stretched her arms over her head, before leaning forward and snagging a couple of salt-and-vinegar crisps from the bowl Lib had set out. “You know what I have been thinking about getting for my birthday?”
Lib turned to her. “Twins?”
A chill whipped through her. “No, thank you.” She paused. “I’ve been thinking about getting some pussy. A small, furry one, to be precise. The key to me embracing my middle years is to get a kitten and truly be a lesbian. What do you think?”
Lib put down her wine and hugged Eden, before holding her at arm’s length. “This flat has been crying out for some pussy action for a while now.” She held a finger in the air and drew her mouth into the shape of an ‘O’. “You know, there was something about kittens on Facebook yesterday. Somebody Sheila knows was looking to home some.” Lib pulled up Facebook on her phone. “You want me to see if I can find the post?”
Eden gave her a wide grin. “Yes please.” She leaned over Lib. “Imagine if I could get a tiny baby kitten before my birthday.” That truly would be her birthday wishes coming true.
“Wait till you see them, they were so cute.” Lib glanced up from the screen. “Plus, it goes without saying that tiny baby kittens work wonders on the hearts of women, doesn’t it?”
Eden shook her head. “You are fixated on my love life, or lack thereof. I’m perfectly happy, I’ve told you before. Concentrate on yourself before turning the spotlight on me.”
A blush rose up Lib’s cheeks as she studied her screen. “Too soon for me.” Lib was still getting over her last break-up. “But I’d love to see you meet someone. Don’t you want to give your new little kitty a two-parent household?”
Eden sat back. “They always say you turn into your mother, don’t they? If I get a cat, I’m heading right down that path, being a single parent. Let’s hope I don’t go the whole hog and turn into a self-obsessed, selfish arsehole, too.”
Chapter 3
“Did I tell you I’ve got someone else who wants their wedding photographed?” Heidi’s best friend Cleo threw a packet of bistro salad into Heidi’s shopping trolley to go with the ham-and-mushroom pizza with dough balls they’d just selected. Their no-carb diet could wait for another day.
Heidi held up a hand. “I’ve told you, don’t tell me this shit in the supermarket. I won’t remember. Send me an email and I can reply. But you should know I’m pretty booked up. Plus, doing weddings with a toddler in tow is no picnic. Last year, everyone wanted to babysit Maya, because she couldn’t walk and she slept a lot. This year, my little hellion is a walking weapon of mass destruction. Aren’t you, sausage?”
As if sensing she was the star of the conversation, Maya held up both arms and let out a high-pitched squeal, which caused a woman to Heidi’s left to crash her trolley into a display of kitchen rolls. They tumbled to the ground one by one. Heidi wheeled the trolley away sharpish. Behind her, Cleo snorted.
“I love your daughter, have I told you that?”
Maya applauded herself. Heidi didn’t blame her.
“I don’t know where she gets her headstrong vibe from, do you?” Cleo gave Heidi a grin. “I’ll email you, no problem.”
They turned into the wine aisle, with Heidi pulling up her trolley and depositing two bottles of Malbec into it.
Maya leaned over to the shelf and tried to grab a bottle herself, but Heidi stopped her just in time. “Mummy’s breakfast!” she shouted.
More snorts from Cleo as the woman beside Heidi turned to her, eyes wide. “She’s joking,” Heidi told her, her head filling with noise, her cheeks with blood. “I don’t drink it at breakfast. Just in the evening.” She was oversharing, wasn’t she?
The woman edged away.
Heidi glanced at Cleo. “Don’t say a fucking word.”
“Fucking!” Maya repeated.
Cleo couldn’t hold in her laughter any longer, clutching the trolley as she shook.
Heidi brought her face level with Maya. “What have we said about chatting in public?” She could never be mad with her daughter for long, though. Plus, she shouldn’t have sworn in the first place. It had just been a very long day. She kissed Maya on the cheek.
In response, Maya slapped her in the face.
Heidi took a moment, then pushed the trolley down the aisle, hoping for silence till they made it out of Waitrose. “Remember when I said my child would never do this or that? I hear new parents say that now, too, and I laugh.”
Cleo chucked some sweet popcorn into the trolley, before massaging Heidi’s shoulders. “You seem a little wound up today. What have you been up to?”
Heidi gave Cleo a look. “One word. Aquababy.”
“Oh no, not the dreaded Aquababy with the standoffish dads. I thought I told you to stop going?”
Heidi shrugged as they passed the bakery. The smell of cinnamon wafted into her nostrils, and it took all her effort not to scoop the whole display into her trolley. She was trying not to eat too many carbs. “Maya loves the water. But I’m looking into other options. Tell me about your day, take my mind off it.”
Heidi’s oldest friend had a big job that was taking her to Boston for the next six weeks, with a view to taking her there permanently in the not-too-distant future. Heidi wasn’t looking forward to that. Their bi-weekly pizza and wine evenings were her lifeline.
“I had boring back-to-back conference calls. The corporate life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”
“Whereas I had an Aquababy class with a load of dads who were giving their wives a break for a couple of hours.”
Cleo began to load their haul onto the shopping belt as Maya began to clap again. Cleo tickled Maya’s tummy as she set the wine on its side, the glass clinking together as the belt moved in jerky fashion. “Was the lesbian there again today, too?”
“She was.” Heidi frowned as she thought about it. “But she kept her distance. Again. What does she think I’m going to do? Jump her at the first opportunity? Honestly, being the single lesbian mum is the hardest job of all.” Heidi shook her head. “The husbands think I want their sperm; the lesbians think I want them. I never realised what a hard job single mums have until I became one.”
She put the pizza on the belt. “Plus, they’re all white, while I’m mixed race. So they see me as the black single mother, which makes me even more other.” Heidi put the words ‘black single mother’ and ‘other’ in finger quotes. “Even though my mum has lived here for over 40 years, and my dad is Robert Hughes from Surrey.” She pushed the trolley to the end of the checkout, sighing. “But I’ll survive. It’s nothing some pizza and wine won’t fix.” Her fingers hovered over the display of chocolate by the till, but she re
sisted picking up a KitKat Chunky. Such self-control.
Heidi turned her smile on the cashier, a woman in her fifties with a severe fringe.
“Didn’t you say you’d met one nice lesbian couple? They’ve been babysitting for you?”
The cashier began to scan the groceries, twitching as she heard the word ‘lesbian’. Heidi ignored it. “Yes, Kate and Meg. They’re from the lesbian parenting Facebook group, and I’d be lost without them.”
“Fuck the Aquababy crowd, Heids.” Cleo flashed her smile at the cashier. “Excuse my French.” She waved away Heidi’s attempt to pay, tapping her card on the paypoint. It declined.
“You have to insert your card, madam. It’s over £30.” The cashier’s tone was firm, her look stern.
“It’s Waitrose, babe, not Aldi,” Heidi told her, laughing. “You need me to get this?”
“I got it.” Cleo clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, before keying in her pin.
“I’m just going over to the pharmacy. I need some help with my period pains. They’ve gone batshit crazy since I had Maya.”
The cashier looked up at Heidi.
“Sorry again,” Heidi said. Then to Cleo, “See you back at the car?”
Cleo nodded as Heidi handed over the keys. “We’re going to try not to eat all the crisps before Mummy comes back, aren’t we?” Cleo told Maya.
Satisfied her daughter was in safe hands, Heidi strolled along the end of the line of checkouts, her stomach churning. She knew the drug she wanted that would settle her stomach.
Heidi was level with the final checkout when a tall woman in a natty blue jacket came careering past the cashier and straight into her.
Heidi had no time to process anything as her body took the brunt of the woman’s weight. Her shoulder crunched as she toppled left, staggering into a line of three chairs. They were meant for a breather after a marathon shopping session. They saved Heidi slamming into the shop window.
“Fucking hell!” More swearing, this time from the mouth of the speeding woman. “Where did you come from? You materialised out of thin air!”
Heidi took a moment before she responded, standing up straight, grabbing her shoulder which was already throbbing. She tested her elbow. It hurt to move, which wasn’t a surprise. Was this the sort of thing she could call one of those daytime accident helplines for?
Heidi refocused on her assailant. She was still tall, and when Heidi looked closer, she saw deep blue eyes under a head of styled, streaked-blond hair. Did Heidi know her from somewhere? Her face looked familiar. She flicked through her mental notebook, but quickly gave up.
If she did know her, it probably wasn’t because of anything good. She was probably one of those women on Tinder who said they were up for ‘fun and good times’. She looked exactly the type. She probably got her way all the time, spending her days running into people in her workplace, on the phone, via email. The woman wasn’t quite sure what to do. Her facial expression was flicking between concern and ‘I don’t have time for this.’ This chick had some fucking nerve.
“I came out of nowhere?” Heidi put a finger to her chest, pulling herself up as tall as she could get. She was still a good few inches shorter than Mrs Sprint. “Me? Who was just walking over to the pharmacy? I wasn’t the one practising my 100m in Waitrose, was I? Were you planning to hurdle the flowers by the door? Roll across a few car bonnets outside?”
The woman was shaking her head. “I’m sorry, it’s been a long day.” She clutched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger. “I’ve got a splitting headache and was on my way to get something for it.”
Now Heidi looked closer, she could see the woman’s eyes were watery. She looked tired, too. Still, it was no excuse.
“And I’m on my way to get something for my period pains.” Possibly oversharing again, but there was only so much brushing aside Heidi could take in one day. This woman had piqued her annoyance. “You’re not the only one having a bad day. Just look where you’re going next time.” She rubbed her arm, which was still smarting.
“Sorry again.” The woman checked her watch. “I’ve really got to run.” She gave Heidi a pained smile, then sprinted off.
Heidi shook her head. At least there was wine in her near-future.
Chapter 4
Eden couldn’t get out of Waitrose quick enough, but she was careful to look where she was going this time. She popped two Migraleve into the palm of her hand and swilled them straight, no water required. A practised move.
She blamed her boss, of course. If Caroline hadn’t agreed to take on this account, she wouldn’t have been under so much pressure, and therefore had to spend hours and hours in front of her screen. It was days like these she wondered why she wasn’t working for herself by now. However, she knew the answer: the job had perks, paid well, and she loved it. It was the pace and the pressure that made Eden tick. Mainly because she was good at it. Only lately, her body was saying otherwise.
She rolled her wrist and thought about the woman she’d run into. She’d just appeared out of nowhere, but Eden had nearly pitched her through the supermarket window with the force of her blow. It would have been a terrific offensive play on an American football field, not so much in real life.
Still, she hoped the woman was okay. She’d been raging mad at her, but Eden kinda liked that. Nobody was going to steamroller her. When the woman had pinned Eden with her maddened stare and started ranting at her to slow down — not anything she hadn’t heard before — Eden had noticed her eyes. Rich, nutty brown, the colour of the sherry her grandmother used to like on a Sunday.
She blinked. She hadn’t met a woman who made her think about her gran before. Although ‘met’ was a strong term to use for this instance. Bumped into? Let’s go with that. However, it was undeniable this woman’s eyes had brought her gran to mind. At least she hadn’t been wearing geranium perfume, too. That would have been too strange.
Eden took a deep breath as she glanced up at the cloudy sky, the chill of the February evening scratching her airways. The story of her bumping into this woman was something she would have told her gran when she visited her on Sundays. She used to do so most weeks when she was alive. It’d been seven years since she’d died, and it still hit Eden hard some days. Her gran would have told her it sounded like the plot of an old Hollywood movie, a great meet-cute. Her gran had loved the movies. She’d never had an issue with Eden’s sexuality, only with her lack of a partner to share her life.
Her gran had been adamant you needed romance for a happy, fulfilled life. Whereas Eden was pretty sure she could survive without it. Romantic love meant being in a relationship you counted on, and in Eden’s world, those didn’t work. Her life was simple and straightforward, with her friends and her work. That was just the way she liked it.
On the agenda this evening was some food and a spot more work. She had a presentation she needed to finish.
Eden checked her phone. Another message from a friend saying they could make her birthday the following weekend, which was awesome. She might not be coupled up, but she was feeling the love. Eden liked to have her life planned out in weekends, and she was now busy for the next few. Her friend’s wedding this weekend, her 40th the following, and a Camden night out the one after that. So long as her head didn’t explode beforehand.
She walked across the car park as lightning struck in her skull. Her phone pinged again and she looked down. It was then she heard some car wheels squeal.
She looked up and saw a car inches from her waist. Where the hell had that come from?
She held up her hand in apology. However, it was only when she looked through the windscreen that she saw the same deep brown eyes staring back at her, quickly followed by a brisk shake of the head.
Shit, it was that woman again.
The woman wound down her window. “If you’ve got a death wish, you’re going about it the right way. Next time, I’m running you over.”
Eden’s eyes widened in
surprise. This woman had verve. Her gran would have liked her. “Sorry.” Eden put her phone in her pocket as her head boomed.
She needed to get home and have some food. Then lie in a dark room and hope this headache didn’t develop into something more.
But she knew the whole way home, she was going to be recalling those eyes even through the pain. Eden hadn’t been stirred by eyes quite as large as those in a very long time.
Chapter 5
“Just go. She’s going to be fine.” Kate held Maya in her arms, but it didn’t stop her daughter’s face crumpling. “Mummy’s off to work and we’re going to play. Me, you and Finn. What do you say, Maya?” Kate was putting on her best singsong voice, but Maya was having none of it, holding out her hands.
Heidi checked her watch. She had to go, otherwise she was going to miss the bride putting on her makeup, and that would never do. Wedding start times were getting earlier and earlier. Soon, the bride was going to want the photographer to sleep with her the night before so she wouldn’t miss a single thing.
“Bye, sweetheart.” Heidi placed a kiss on Maya’s cheek, her nose snotty as always. “Be good for Kate! Mummy will see you later.” She squeezed Kate’s hand. “Thanks for this. I owe you.”
“You owe me nothing,” her friend replied. “Now go shoot some gorgeous photos.”
Heidi hadn’t thought she’d be one of those mums who went to pieces when she had to leave a crying child, but nothing pulled on the heartstrings like your own child’s tears. She got into her car and took a moment, gripping the steering wheel. She had to work, but some days were harder than others. At least today’s wedding was super-close to Kate and Meg’s flat, which meant she could pick Maya up as soon as she was done later. Without Kate and Meg, she would have been stumped today.
Heidi started her car and braced herself for the Old Street roundabout.