by Taryn Quinn
“Are you okay?” His eyebrows lowered.
“Yes. Just can’t believe she’s growing so fast.” I sniffed. At least these tears made sense as far as Seth was concerned. Right now, I was more than willing to hide my face in his shoulder. “She’s getting to be such a big girl.”
He laughed. “I’m so glad I’m not the only one freaking out.”
“Not just you.” But if I didn’t get out of there I was going to absolutely melt down and that wouldn’t work. He’d never believe it was just Laurie growing up on us.
Him.
Me. Sort of.
God, what a damn mess. I stepped back again. “I’ve got to get to work.”
“All right. But hey, wear something extra pretty. Not that you’re ever anything else of course.” He kissed my temple. “But I want to show off my girls.”
“I’ll do my best.”
There was no way I was going to be able to hold off all the emotions running amok in my damn head.
I ran down the driveway to my car and turned to wave at him. As soon as he went back inside, the tears fell. I couldn’t have stopped them if I wanted to.
Sixteen
Ally
I sat in my car nibbling on oyster crackers from my stash from the diner. I’d been a complete wreck the whole night and anything I ate this morning made me nauseous.
Oliver and Seth stood together under the stately oak tree at the edge of the property. Main Street was alive with pedestrian traffic thanks to the shops, and the forty or so parents trying to wrangle children.
One of Laurie’s boyfriends—the girl had a few—had escaped for the lake. Weston’s dad, Dare Kramer, had him tucked under his arm as he hauled him back up to the white folding chairs.
He was a handful, but Dare was patient if a little frazzled most of the time. Another single dad who stepped up when needed. There were far too few of them in this world.
All the little perfect pieces of the town I loved so much.
The perfect place to raise a kid.
I’d been doing it informally with Laurie for years, and now Seth was dangling the possibility in front of my face.
I focused on the little girl twirling between the twin brothers. So different, and so much the same. Even here, when they were both dressed for work, somehow they were still on the opposite ends of the spectrum.
Seth with his laid-back summer-weight jacket in a perfectly acceptable wheat color over dark jeans and a white dress shirt sans tie. And then there was Oliver, who looked like he was about to head into the city for a meeting with people on Wall Street. His navy Savile Row suit was crisp and perfect even with the sun beating down on them.
The only thing that matched on the two men were the indulgent smiles for Seth’s daughter. She was full of happiness from the colorful purple and pink dress with butterflies dotting the hem, to her slightly crooked blond braids. Somehow Laurie had turned into a little girl instead of staying the baby I’d helped to raise. Even when I’d drifted away from them for a few months, she was so much mine in more ways than I ever wanted to face.
Why the hell couldn’t I just calm down about all of this? Let things happen as they happened.
Because you love him madly.
I slumped down in my seat and cursed when Laurie spotted me and came running. No turning back now.
I took a swig from my water to swallow the paste the crackers had become in my dry mouth. Then I swung the door open and rose, catching Laurie against my leg before she could knock me down. “Hiya, munchkin.”
“Yay, you came.”
“Of course I did. I wouldn’t miss it.” I crouched down in front of her and smoothed a flyaway blond curl around her ear. “I love your dress.”
“Daddy got it for me.”
“Did you guys go shopping together?”
“Yes.” She buried her face in my neck and looped her arms around me. “Do I have to go up there?”
I laughed and wobbled on my heels thanks to the gravel path. “No. You don’t have to. But don’t you want to go up there and show your dad what a big girl you are?”
She shook her head against my shoulder.
I swung her up into my arms. “Yes, you do. You’ll be up there with all your friends. And you want to show off your pretty dress, right?”
“Yeah.” Her voice was small, but less scared.
“See? Oh, and you get a diploma. Just like the big girl you are.”
“Diploma?”
I shifted her onto my hip. “Yep. A paper that says you are a very important little girl.” I moved toward the brothers, still carting my precious cargo. “Even though we already know you are, right, Dad?”
Seth’s eyebrows shot up behind his aviators. “Of course.” He gave his little girl a huge smile. “What are we doing?” he asked out of the side of his mouth.
“She’s a big girl now. She’s definitely going up on stage to get her diploma.”
“Oh, right. Definitely. I can’t wait to take a million pictures of you, munchkin.” He poked his finger into her side and she wiggled in my arms.
“No, Daddy.”
“Okay, maybe one hundred pictures?”
She giggled. “No. Ten is good.”
Seth laughed. “Ten, huh?”
“Yes. One for you, one for me, one for Grandpa, one for Unca Ollie…” She put her hand against my cheek. “One for Ally. She’s just like a mama, right?”
I nearly dropped her.
Seth moved in close to me and slid his hand down my back. “Would you like that, baby girl?”
“Big girl,” Laurie said quickly.
“Sorry. My big girl.” Seth brought his hand up to my ponytail and stroked it absently. “Our big girl.”
Laurie leaned into me and tangled her fingers in the chain of my arrow necklace at the nape of my neck. “I would.” Then she reached up to her dad. “A lot, a lot.”
I swallowed down a lump threatening to strangle me.
Seth hugged us closer to him. “I’d like it a lot, a lot too.”
I looked up at him, but couldn’t see exactly what was going on behind his mirrored glasses. His familiar cologne and the smell of coffee mixed with the watermelon scent of Laurie and they made my head spin.
Did he have any idea what he was saying?
Was he really saying it?
I opened my mouth, but screeching feedback from the podium cut me off.
Laurie winced and slapped her hands over her ears. “Loud.”
A woman in a bright yellow dress leaned toward the microphone. “Parents, we’re just about ready to begin.”
“How about that? It’s time to begin. Ally and Uncle Ollie will be sitting with me right there.” Seth pointed to the left side of the folding chairs. “Let’s bring you up there, okay?” He swung her out of my arms and up high in the air. “My pretty girl is graduating today.”
She laughed and clutched at his arms. “Carry me, Daddy?”
“You got it.” He turned back to me. “I’ll meet you up there?”
I nodded and blinked back the sudden wash of tears threatening again. God, hadn’t I cried enough last night?
I met Oliver at the chairs and noted that only three of them were reserved. None for me?
Oliver looked up from his phone. He took the program off the chair to his left. “I saved you a seat.”
“Where’s your father?” I sat down and crossed my legs under my long summer dress.
Oliver’s jaw flexed. “Not here.”
“Right.” I swallowed and turned my attention to Seth and Laurie. How many times had the elder Hamilton bailed on these things? And yet there was Seth, bent down talking to Laurie as the teacher lined them up. He never missed a single event for her. Somehow I knew he was giving her a pep talk. A single father completely devoted to his little girl.
Even if his father and mother had been less than ideal in that arena, Seth excelled at parenting. So much so that I was afraid I’d never be as much of a natural as he was.
> He headed back with a sweet backwards wave to his daughter before he took the seat beside me. His knee bounced as he cracked his knuckles. He scrubbed his palm down his thigh with a laugh. “I’m nervous. Crazy, right?”
“First of many graduations.” I smiled up at him.
He flipped his hand, palm up and spread his fingers. “I guess you’ll just have to hold my hand through all of them.”
My throat clogged again, but I couldn’t resist the gesture. I laced my fingers with his and turned to watch our little girl.
For the first time, I felt as if we could truly be a unit and it scared the crap out of me.
Seventeen
Seth
What was that old saying? You can never go home again? I was learning that applied even when you’d never left your hometown.
The old homestead wasn’t all you couldn’t return to. You also couldn’t go back to high school and pretend you were still eighteen when all you cared about were the three Ps—partying, Pabst, and pussy.
I still loved pussy. Ally’s in particular. I sat back in my chair and rubbed my forehead. Actually, I didn’t want any other.
Ever.
Christ, lightning bolts hurt. This one had jabbed me before, causing sizzling little bursts of revelation—usually quickly ignored—but now reality speared me between the eyes.
We weren’t just making a baby. We were making a life.
“I think we need to go out the night before the reunion and get fucking trashed,” JT said on the phone, and I grunted.
Not in agreement. Not in approval. Nope. Wasn’t gonna happen.
“I have a kid, you know. I can’t just spend the night getting lit.”
“So what? I might have a kid out there too, somewhere. You don’t see it slowing me down, man.” JT laughed heartily and I swallowed a sigh.
I’d called JT to rehash old times while I ate half a turkey sandwich at my desk in between meeting with clients. Afterward, I intended to bike ride down to the bank before my slate of appointments later in the afternoon. It was a nice day out. Maybe I’d even stop at the bakery and see if they had any of those half-moon cookies Ally liked. If I brought a couple to the diner, maybe she’d soften up enough to talk to me.
It had been several days since the graduation. Surely by now she had to be over the whole wanting space thing she’d mentioned the day we’d made breakfast.
Her weirdness had started right around when she’d found that reunion invitation. But that didn’t make sense. She’d had a good time in high school too. Or so I’d thought.
All I knew was that right now, JT wasn’t funny, and I wasn’t feeling the old times gig as much as I’d expected. Maybe because the best part of my past was also part of my present—and hopefully my future.
“Yeah, well, mine lives with me, and I’m not going out to get wasted. She’s already spent the night with her uncle once this month.”
“Come on, the kid needs some freedom.”
“Freedom like I had? My dad never gave a shit if I was home, but I better not do anything to tarnish the precious family name.”
Even as I said the words, I regretted them. My dad could be thoughtless, and he definitely wouldn’t win the father of the year award, but he hadn’t been a bad parent.
At least he’d stuck around, unlike my mother.
Unlike Laurie’s.
Fuck, were we doomed to repeat every pattern in our lives? Just like I’d pulled a page out of my father’s playbook by paying off Marjorie, I’d tried it again with that stupid contract.
I yanked open my top desk drawer where the contract still resided. I was going to set that stupid thing on fire.
Ally and I didn’t need signatures between us. We weren’t about that. We made our own damn rules.
“Look, dude, I’m just saying it’d be fun if we cut loose and partied like we did in the old days. But if you’re not cool with that, then me and Brad will just see you at the reunion.”
“That’s probably a better idea. Maybe we can get a beer afterward,” I added, though I already knew that probably wouldn’t be happening. Ally would be with me, and she’d been clearly uncomfortable when the subject of high school had come up. I wasn’t entirely sure why, but it didn’t matter.
If she didn’t want to do the whole reunion thing, we’d make our appearances, talk to a few people, and split. I preferred spending the night with her and my little girl anyway.
“Sure, man, whatever you want. I’m just glad to be seeing you and Brad again. I’ve been missing those old days something fierce. Nothing’s been like them, you know? We had the life back then.”
His words were still echoing in my head after I’d hung up. I’d had fun going down memory lane for a few minutes the other day, but perhaps I didn’t need that blast from the past as much as I’d thought.
My present was pretty damn awesome.
I pushed aside the remnants of my turkey sandwich and flipped open the folder. I would tear up the contract. And in case Ally didn’t get how serious I was about her—about us—I’d bring the damn thing back to her in pieces. Maybe then she’d relax a little and let things happen.
If that was even what she wanted.
My gaze scanned the page on top automatically. She’d faxed over the house paperwork separately, so the only thing that should be in this folder was the contract I’d given her. And it was, all signed, sealed, and delivered.
Just not with her name.
Your Ally Cat was written in her tight little scrawl, and fuck if it didn’t make me smile.
She was mine, and she had been since high school. And if we went to that reunion together, there wasn’t a person there who wouldn’t know it.
Especially her.
I shoved the folder across the desk and rose. Actually, nope, I wasn’t going to tear up the contract. Not where I had it in writing that she was mine. I’d take proof in whatever way I could get it.
She wasn’t going to shut me out forever.
I’d made it halfway to the door when Oliver swung into the room, his briefcase in one hand and his eyebrow already climbing for greatness. “So you drove her away, hmm?”
Frowning, I stopped dead. “Drove who away?”
“Why, Alison, of course. She’s the only woman in your life, isn’t she? Perhaps not.” Oliver moved forward to sit on the corner of my desk. “That would explain the secrecy. You have to know friends with benefits never works out well long-term. Or maybe you don’t. Consider it free advice. Just another of Oliver’s—”
“You don’t have any friends, so what would you know about it?” I muttered, not caring if the jab hurt. My brother certainly never worried overmuch about his pointed remarks in my direction. “Oliver’s Life Lessons”, he called them.
I usually offered a lifted middle finger as thanks.
“I know Alison has called out sick all week to work and Sage grew desperate enough to ask me if I’d seen her. I indicated I had not. Clearly, she’s not warming your bed either.”
As if he’d dropped a giant weight onto my shoulders, I returned to my desk and sank into my chair. “She’s called in? She never does that. Maybe she really isn’t feeling well.” Hope bloomed inside me as I did some quick calculations. It was early, but possible. She could definitely be feeling some twinges if something had taken root.
But she hadn’t called me.
I reached for my desk phone just as Oliver snatched up the folder. And started to read while I stared almost unseeingly at him.
My slowness to react had to do with the possibility Ally could be pregnant. That was the only reason I had for not leaping to my feet and yanking the folder out of my snoop of a brother’s hands.
“Well, now, isn’t this interesting? A baby contract. Is Ally feeling the need to procreate? She is nearing thirty. I can see why she’d want to move on that sooner rather than later.”
“Give me that, you jackass. And no, Ally wasn’t feeling anything. I was the one who wanted the baby.”
Oliver’s brows snapped down as he peered at me over the folder I wasn’t getting back unless I wrestled him to the ground—and that might end up happening. “I think you better cut back on those vitamins you’ve been taking. That ginseng-biloba-whatever mix must be messing with your wiring.”
“My wiring is just fine.”
“You have a baby. Why would you want another?”
“Laurie is four. Hardly a baby. And I’m not justifying my decisions to you.” I narrowed my eyes. “Why is it so shocking that I’d want another kid? The first one came out pretty damn good.”
“She did, but one is plenty. What do you think you’re going to do? Quit your job and play house husband?” He glanced at the contract. “Seems like you just want her eggs and want her gone. Paying for her school, huh? Guess that explains why Sage mentioned her applying for classes in New York City. Free ride.”
Oliver probably kept talking, but I wasn’t listening anymore. All I could hear in my head on a constant loop was that she’d applied for school in New York City.
Miles and miles away.
I had no right to feel hurt. That was what I’d suggested all along. We’d make a baby, then she could go to school wherever she wanted. In the back of my mind, I’d always known it was a real possibility whether I gave her the funding or not. Ally mentioned splitting town much less frequently these days than she had right after her mother passed, but every now and then, it still came up.
She wanted a fresh start. Hell, she deserved one. My money could give her that.
Equal exchange. And hey, she could always come see our kid on weekends and breaks and holidays. The city was only a little over four hours away. Not that far at all.
“Fuck.” I slammed my fist into the desk, barely registering the sting.
Oliver shut the folder. “Didn’t know she was applying to schools in New York City?”
“No. I mean, I told her anywhere was fair game.”
“You told her. As if she isn’t an unencumbered adult capable of making her own choices.”
I stayed silent for that one. The truth hurt as much as my now aching knuckles.