by AJ Sherwood
Ah-ha, so it wasn’t what I’d said, but my actions that had been misconstrued. Lovely.
“Adelle,” Brandon corrected gently, “we fixed up the house because we’re worried about you and don’t want you living with problems.”
“But you don’t have a place of your own anyway, you’ve been staying with your brother,” she kept protesting, voice rising. “You can stay here instead.”
“Maman.” I struggled to hold onto my temper. I hated repeating myself, and I was very, very tired of this argument. Exhaustion might’ve been making me crankier, but I was tired enough I didn’t care. “No. We’re not moving here.”
“I don’t understand why you’re so against coming home!”
“Because I didn’t grow up here, I survived it!” I snapped back at her.
She flinched as if I’d slapped her, anger spotting red in her cheeks.
Edmée made a sound, trying to diffuse us. “Now, let’s all take a breath. We’re all tired.”
“No, I want to know what he means by that,” Mama demanded, voice hurt.
“You know exactly what I mean by that.” I had no patience left in me for this conversation. I ignored Edmée and Brandon both as they tried to ease me down, ready to have this out with my mother once and for all. “This place is so haunted I can’t turn a street corner without seeing something. I spent my entire childhood running from ghosts or battling it out with them. Only three people ever believed me as a child and even then, they couldn’t help me. So along with fighting the ghosts, I was bullied by my own fucking siblings. And still, still, you put keeping me with you as the priority. You knew for years what I must have been. You knew you could send me to Beau and Hannah and you didn’t do it. Dammit, why?! I was tortured most of my childhood down here! Why didn’t you send me to safety?”
Tears stood in her eyes. “Send you off? My precious baby, to a relative I barely knew? No way in hell I could do that. The Feds already took our children from us once. If they knew what you were, I’d never get you back.”
“So seeing me tortured, bullied, and chased daily, at my wit’s end, was preferable?” I laughed, and there was no humor in the sound. I’d known deep down, but hearing her say that, acting as if what I suggested was impossible, hurt more than it should have. “I’m far kinder to you than you are to me.”
“How is a mother wanting to keep her child with her wrong?!” she demanded, slamming both hands against the table.
“Okay, time out.” Brandon stood and pulled me out of the chair. “You’re both exhausted and on the verge of saying things you don’t really mean. We’re stopping here. Adelle, we’ll see you later. Come on, love.”
Brandon gave me no option but to move as he basically carried me outside and bundled me into the Tahoe. It was warm in the vehicle, the Southern night muggy but not unbearable. Crickets sang, and I heard a few birds chirp at each other through the window. It was lovely but didn’t help quell my mood any.
“I wanted to battle it out with her once and for all,” I informed my boyfriend crossly.
“I think you got your point across. Anything else would have just been mean.”
I glared at him. “You’re taking her side.”
“Naw, I’m taking yours. She really should have sent you to Beau and Hannah earlier. She knew exactly what you were—it’s why she believed you after a while, that you could see ghosts. But she’s not perfect, Mack. That woman’s lost too much, and she didn’t have a lot to begin with. And she won’t say as much, but I get the feeling you’re her favorite child. Hell, I’d find it hard to give you up too.”
I knew losing children to the government still scared many people down here. The memory was alive and well. That had probably stayed my mother’s hand more than anything else. But still, I had a lot of emotional scars from my childhood that I shouldn’t have. And that’s what she refused to acknowledge, and in turn what made me so mad at her for not understanding that this place was hell to me.
The anger burned away steadily as we drove away from my mother’s house. I was too tired to hang on to it properly and found myself listing sideways, eyes almost closed as I let the soothing vibrations of the car lull me to a more peaceful state of mind.
Brandon commented as he drove, “You are really out for the count, honey. Maybe we shouldn’t have had victory car sex.”
“Car sex was fun,” I said sleepily. “And I really like it, you know. That I’m so irresistible to you.”
“You are certainly that. Nap if you want to, I’ll wake you when we get a room.”
“Mmm,” I agreed. I didn’t remember much after that.
In fact, the rest of the night was something of a blur. I felt the sensation of being carried out of the car, of cool sheets hitting my back. Someone tugged my pants and shirt off me, covered me with blankets. Brandon’s warmth came in to snuggle against my back. I felt the impressions, but nothing penetrated the fog I was under.
It wasn’t until a grating alarm went off that I properly woke up. I’d flopped onto my back at some point. Brandon lay on his side nearby, one hand tucked under his pillow, utterly relaxed. His eyes were open and a hint of concern tightened the corners of his mouth. “How you feeling this morning?”
I rolled into him and snuggled. “If I said sleepy, can we just stay in bed?”
A subterranean chuckle rolled through him. “Now, that’s appealing. Edmée promised to feed us breakfast. You awake enough for that to be tempting?”
I paused in my snuggling. “What is she making?”
“French toast with sausages, she said.”
Damn. Edmée’s French toast had, in fact, won cookoff awards. Local competitions, but still. My stomach developed an immediate envie for it and growled in support. “Looks like my snuggling attempt was thwarted. Alright, let’s get up.”
Brandon gave me a quick kiss on the forehead and rolled free. I admired the sight of his long, muscled back as it flexed. God sure did know what he was doing when he put this man together.
Of course, he caught my admiring look and winked at me over his shoulder. “Quickie in the shower?”
“Mon cher, you sure do know how to tempt a man.” The sheets, being in league with demons, tried to tangle up my feet. I was not to be defeated and fought them off. I had a man and hot water available. Such an opportunity was not to be missed.
I was feeling far more relaxed and charitable with life as Brandon drove us to Edmée’s. I thought about protesting, as I knew the roads down here far better than he did, but I’d not won the driving argument yet. Mostly because the one time I was behind the wheel, I’d slammed on the brakes and nearly taken off a fender on a mailbox. In my defense, the ghost had looked very much alive.
Brandon had not let me have the keys since.
As we drove, I thought about that. Thought about how I never drove anywhere these days, and how my Accord was sitting at his parents’ house. It was a newer model, a 2016 I’d bought for myself when I’d signed up with the FBI. Partially as a reward to myself for making it in, partially because my old car hadn’t been seaworthy enough to make the trip to Arkansas. It seemed a waste to leave it sitting there.
I thought too about my mother, a woman who had no education and a true fear of living outside of her comfort zone. A woman who had done her best to raise seven children without any support from a deadbeat husband. As angry as I felt about not being given the right help during my childhood, I couldn’t dismiss all the times she’d sat with me, talked with me, comforted my fears as best she knew how. You could love someone to pieces and still not understand their choices. I did love my mother. And because of that, I wanted to take care of her.
It was a mixed bag of feelings, especially after the argument last night, but that was my relationship with most of my family. In the end, love won out, and a plan stirred in my mind, taking form. “Cher.”
“Yeah, honey?”
“The thought occurs to me we now have three vehicles, what with the Tahoe given to us. I d
on’t imagine I’ll need my Accord much.”
“Or at all,” he agreed, slowing to take a turn. He didn’t look at me, but I could feel that I had his attention. “If we don’t take the Tahoe for whatever reason, we still have my truck to use. Are you thinking about giving the Accord to your mom?”
I loved how he talked and planned with me as if it was a foregone conclusion we’d be together in the future. It made my heart happy. It also told me that my insecurities about our relationship weren’t something he shared. To Brandon, it was obvious we’d be together in the future. And wasn’t that food for thought?
I shook my head and went back to the topic at hand. “Yeah. It’s just sitting in your parents’ driveway and that’s a shame. It’s a good vehicle. The only thing my maman’s car reliably does is break down on her.”
“I think it’s a great idea. I’m not sure how to get it down to her.”
“Now, that is the question. Do they have delivery services for vehicles?”
“Not sure. But we can maybe just fly her up to Nashville. She can meet everyone that way, then we can help her drive the car back down.”
“That plan I like. You’re a smart one, aren’t you?”
With false modesty, he batted his eyes at me. “I do try.”
I snickered because he looked perfectly ridiculous doing that. “Alright. I’ll try to find a good moment to talk to her about it.”
“She’s supposed to be joining us at Edmée’s for breakfast, so you might find a chance this morning.”
This was news to me. “When did it get decided we’d all have breakfast together?”
“This morning I got a text,” he drawled with a knowing glance at me. “You were really out of it, honey. You slept through a whole conversation.”
“I believe it.” This was another reason why I was heartily glad I had him as support. Most of my childhood, I’d tried not to use my sight. I’d viewed it more as a curse than a gift. It was a last-ditch effort, every time. Not until Beau started training me did I really get constant, consistent practice using my talent. I was still grasping my strengths and limitations even after he’d fully trained me. I didn’t know how to quit when I was ahead. I didn’t have a good handle on that yet.
Brandon had ended up manhandling me into a bed more than once. I continually expected my collapsing to annoy him, for him to scold me for not knowing my limits, but he seemed to understand I was still getting an idea of what my limits were. If I shut down, he just scooped me up and took me to a safer place to rest and recover.
I wasn’t sure if it was a matter of maturity or not. At thirty-two, Brandon had eleven years on me. It no doubt made him more mature. I definitely reaped the benefits of it.
My mother’s car was in the driveway, which relieved me. Whatever she’d fixed on the car this last time was still working. I wasn’t sure how to face her this morning, however. I routinely disagreed with her on many things, vocally, but we’d never truly fought like that before. I normally avoided confrontation, as I always felt guilty as hell about it afterwards.
I loved my mother, I did. I didn’t agree with how she’d handled things. I didn’t understand her priorities. But I didn’t want to cut ties with her just because I didn’t understand her.
As I came into the house through the kitchen door, I saw Edmée and Mama mixing up batter and laughing as they cooked. The table and chairs had survived the ghost’s rampage, and Cali sat in one, munching happily on strawberries. Really, I was surprised there were any left, the way she was eating through that box.
“There they are,” Mama greeted as we came in. Her hands were full of cracked eggs, so she leaned in and bussed me on either cheek. “You look better this morning, mon angé.”
“I’m awake, certainly,” I admitted wryly, which got her and Edmée laughing. The easy way she greeted me reassured me. Whatever I’d said last night, she apparently wouldn’t hold it against me. I was, in a word, relieved. A little timidly, I hugged her around the shoulders, and another wave of relief swamped me as she leaned into the hold. It was a silent way to ask for forgiveness, but I apparently had it.
I realized belatedly she wasn’t in the black pants and white shirt she normally wore for work. “You’re not going in this morning?”
“No, I took the day off to help Edmée,” she answered. “Don’t worry, my boss encouraged me to do that. We’ve all been worried about what was going on here.”
“Ah. Good, it’s more fun with a shopping buddy. Wait, you have the card already?”
“It was overnighted,” Edmée confirmed, then tossed sausages into a pan to sizzle. It made a delicious aroma float in the galley kitchen. “That boss of yours is a kind one. Give me her address later, so I can send a thank you note.”
“I’ll do that.” Sylvia would be surprised by the gesture, as she rarely got thanked for her service. I thought she’d appreciate it.
“Ours came too, honey,” Brandon piped in. “I picked it up at the front desk this morning.” Brandon’s phone rang, and he picked it up with a grunt. “Don’s calling me. I’ll be back in a minute.” So saying, he stepped back outside.
Mama shoved the batter at Edmée before taking me by the arm and drawing me toward the table. I sensed a Talk coming up and braced myself for it as we settled into two chairs facing each other.
Mama lay her hand on top of mine, and there was concern in her dark eyes. She’d often looked at me this way while I was growing up. There was uncertainty in her expression too. “Mon angé, how are you?”
So we were going to talk about last night after all. “A little tired, Mama, to be honest. But good, overall.”
“I figured you must be tired, you’re not the type to yell unless you’re strung out. Was the ghost that hard?”
“It wasn’t easy. But being back here isn’t easy either.”
Her expression fell, as did her eyes, trailing to somewhere along the floor. “So you meant what you said last night.”
“I regret the tone but not the words,” I answered honestly. “Being here means pain and frustration and heartbreak. I love you. I love my cousins and Izora. I can’t say I miss anything else about this place.”
“But this is home,” she protested.
This poor woman. She’d never seen the outside world. Because of that she didn’t realize there were much better places to live. I knew it would take a lot of hard work to get her to even visit, and she’d never leave her roots. To her, my decision to go away must seem the strangest thing. But this place had never been good to me. “It’s your home. I won’t sully it. But it’s never been mine.”
She sat there for a long moment, looking older than her years. “I suppose I can’t fault you for thinking that. Just the day to day was so hard for you. I remember holding you many a night so you’d fall asleep, and you flinching from things I couldn’t even sense. I was just so afraid that if I sent you off into the world, you’d never come back. And it looks like my fear is true.”
“Mama, you’re acting like I’m dying. Just because I don’t live here doesn’t mean we’ll never see each other again.”
Her head came up and she studied me intensely, penetratingly. “You really prefer being constantly on the run, no home of your own? Is it really that much better?”
I smiled back at her. For the first time ever, I meant the words from the bottom of my heart. “Life is good, Mama. I can’t imagine life being better. I know I worried you a little yesterday. I’m still learning my limits. But I’ve got amazing backup when I overdo it. And for me? Home is where Brandon is.”
“That man of yours, he’s a sweet one,” Mama allowed. “A good, salt-of-the-earth man. And the way he looks at you, like the sun rises just to shine on your face. I couldn’t be happier that you’re with him, truly. It’s just….”
I waited silently.
“I suppose I shouldn’t fuss. I didn’t realize how hard it was for you, to be down here, until I listened to you last night. I thought long and hard about what you�
��d said. Maybe I should have gotten you tested earlier. I just miss you when you’re gone. And I’m worried about you out there in the world. There’s no family out there to turn to if something goes wrong.”
“I have a great many excellent colleagues out there that I work with. And trust me, I’m not limited on family. The Havilis have taken me in like I’m one of their own. I’ve been assured by Mama Havili that if something goes wrong, and I don’t call her? My neck’s on the line.”
Her eyes came back up to mine and she looked at me steadily, curiously. “They really like you?”
“They really do. It’s mutual. I like them just as much. Mama Havili learned how to adapt her recipes so she could cook for me. I’ve never been to her house without being fed something.”
That cleared the doubt from her expression. A Southerner understood that if you go into a woman’s house and she feeds you, she likes you. If there’s no food offered, get out and get out fast, as she hates your guts.
“And Brandon’s not about to let anything happen to me,” I promised her, again meaning every word. “It kills him if he thinks he’s failed to protect me.”
“That’s clear,” she agreed without hesitation. Then she sighed, a lifetime’s worth of sighs rolled into one. “I suppose the world outside of your home has been kinder to you than here. No wonder you’re adamant about not returning. But I will see you as often as you can make it here, alright? You promise me that.”
I dearly wished I could give her exact dates and promises. But the job wouldn’t allow me that. “I promise I’ll try and try hard. We travel a lot, and if I’m nearby, I will stop in even if it’s just for a night.”
“Good.”
“And I hope to see you sooner rather than later.” This seemed the right time to ask, and she’d given me a good segue. I wanted to offer a good olive branch and this might be the right tactic. “How about you fly up to Nashville for a weekend sometime soon?”
She squinted at me with narrowed eyes. “What are you plotting?”
The woman did know me well. “Here’s the thing. My Accord is sitting parked at the Havilis’. I haven’t needed it at all. Brandon always drives, and now, because the FBI gave us the Tahoe, we have three vehicles. It just doesn’t make sense to let a good vehicle sit there.”