by K. C. Crowne
Logan smirked. “Do I really need to tell you you’re bullshitting yourself here?”
“Bullshitting? You mean about telling him that I did what I did?”
“Well, there’s that. And there’s you trying to pretend that you’re not into her.”
“That’s because I’m not. I like her and I want nothing but the best for her. But I’m not infatuated with her or some nonsense.”
He laughed again. “Sure, sure. This thing’s going to nag and nag at you until you finally have too many whiskeys with him one night and blurt it out. That’s how these things go. Just tell him and get it out in the open.”
“But what if he’s fucking pissed about it?”
“Then you’d have to do a little something called dealing with the consequences of your actions. It’s a grown-up thing. Give it a shot sometime.” He winked as the waitress returned with our meals.
We finished, turning the conversation to other matters. When we were done and went our separate ways, I started back toward my place.
A text from Ryan asking if I wanted to come by for dinner that night arrived on the way there. My stomach tensed – a new feeling for me. It was strange – I’d performed countless surgeries, dated more women than I could keep track of. But something about this situation had left me feeling more nervous than I had about any of that.
Logan was right, however. There was no excuse other than my own cowardice for keeping this from Ryan. Even if I didn’t care about doing the right thing, Ryan wasn’t a dummy. The next time Grace and I were in the same room he’d sniff out the awkwardness from a million miles away. No doubt he’d take the news far less well if he’d learned we’d been hiding it from him.
I texted him back, telling him that I’d be there with some wine. He replied with a thumbs up, and that was that.
Time to face the music.
“There he is!” Ryan gave me a back-slapping hug as he greeted me at the door.
“Good to see you,” I said, doing my best to not seem nervous as all hell.
He flicked his eyes down at the bottle of wine and slipped it out of my hand.
“You always know the password to get in. Come on.”
He put his hand on my shoulder and led me through the house. It was strange being there. I hadn’t been over to Ryan and Carly’s place since Grace and I had stayed there together. Being back brought all the memories to mind as clearly as if they’d happened earlier in the day.
I imagined us in the kitchen, my hand between her thighs as I kissed her deeply. I imagined carrying her up to the bedroom, the way she looked laying before me with her hair splayed out around her face. I imagined the way she tasted, the way her chest rose and fell as I brought her to orgasm.
“That sound good?”
“Huh?”
I shook my head and realized we were in the kitchen.
“I said Carly’s out with the girls picking up takeout. Hope you weren’t expecting a homecooked meal.” He grinned as he took a wine opener out of a nearby drawer and prepared to unscrew the bottle.
“Totally fine,” I said.
Ryan cocked his head and glanced at me, confused by something.
“You alright?”
“Fine,” I said. “Just, ah, worn-out from the work week.”
It was a lie. I made a quick vow to make it the last one I told him that night.
“I’m gonna use the restroom. Be just a sec.”
“Sure,” he said. “Wine will be ready when you’re back.”
I gave a quick nod before rushing to the bathroom. Once there, I washed my face and tried to knock some sense into myself.
Just tell him and be done with it. No need to belabor the point. Tear the Band-Aid off and whatever happens, happens.
I took one more breath before leaving the bathroom, ready to do what needed to be done.
When I stepped into the kitchen, Ryan was seated at the bar with his iPad in his hands, a glass of wine poured for the both of us.
“You hear about Grace?” he asked.
“Huh?” I sounded like an idiot, but I couldn’t help it. Why was he bringing her up?
He turned his iPad around, a picture of Grace and her roommate Willow on the screen. They had their arms around one another’s shoulders, both standing in the living room of a nice-looking condo, the view behind them of downtown Denver, big, beaming smiles on their faces.
“New job, new place. She and Willow just moved into this nice location on Capitol Hill. You know, I’ve been busting her bum for years about staying stagnant but look at her now. She’s really moving up.”
I stepped over to him and took a closer look at the picture.
He was right. Grace was happy. She had everything going for her.
The more I looked at the picture, the more I realized her life was just fine as it was. She didn’t need me in it at all.
I had to admit to myself though that it hurt to see her moving on without me. I felt hollow, like the wind had been taken out of my sails.
“You sure you’re alright?” Ryan asked again.
It was my chance to tell him what had happened, but as I looked at the picture, I knew I needed more time.
I had to process just how much Grace meant to me.
And how much it hurt that she was gone.
Chapter 27
GRACE
I could get used to living like this.
Our new place – a 1,500 square foot, two bed, two bath, with a huge backyard and awesome view of the city, was just begging to be decorated and made into a home.
But first, we had to move in.
“How many times do I have to tell you,” Willow said as she zipped by and snatched the stack of shoeboxes full of odds and ends out of my arms. “No heavy lifting!”
“There’s like, spoons and stuff in those boxes,” I said as she placed the stack off to the side in our huge, cathedral ceiling living room, the space so large that our voices boomed with echoes and our footsteps sounded out like we were walking through a sleek, modern basilica. “Nothing I’m going to hurt myself carrying.”
“Well, we’re not taking any chances. You’re pregnant, Grace. That means you’re going to have to get used to people taking care of you.”
“Yeah, yeah. I know. And as much of a brat as I’m being, I really appreciate it. But I figure for the time being I’ve got a good few months before I become totally helpless. So, let me help so you’re not doing all of this on your own.”
We’d hired some movers to bring in the big stuff like couches and beds and dressers, but that had already drained more of my moving budget than I would’ve liked. Besides, I hadn’t received a paycheck from my new position yet. I had to be a little careful with my budget for the time being until my salary kicked in.
“Fine, fine,” she said with a knowing smile. “I should be used to how stubborn you can be by now.”
“That’s more like it.” I stepped over and took one of the boxes off the pile, heading down the hall to my bedroom.
Once I was in my room, I leaned against the doorframe and took in the sight of it. The room was huge, with an en-suite bathroom and walk-in closet. The view was over the gorgeous stretch of green that comprised the back half of the property. The condos were all ground level, attached units. That meant no one living above or below.
And there was a communal pool. I was in heaven.
“Speaking of being pregnant,” she said as I came back into the living room. “When are you going to…you know…”
I sighed as I dropped down onto the couch, letting my head hang back over the top.
“Soon. I just…I don’t even know how to begin telling him that.”
Willow stepped over to the fridge and took out a couple of mineral waters.
“You tell him you’re coming over, then you go over there, and tell him you’re pregnant.”
She handed me one of the waters and sat down next to me on the couch. It was a warm Saturday afternoon, and after a long day of movin
g, the cool can felt so nice in my hand. I held it against my forehead for a few moments before cracking it open and taking a sip.
“That’s the easy part. The hard part is all the stuff that comes after. I mean, Hayden’s going to tell me ‘Thanks, but no thanks.’ That’s all but decided. And then I have to tell my family and that’s going to be the bombshell to end all bombshells and—”
“Wait,” Willow stopped me, waving her hands in front of her face. “Why do you think Hayden’s not going to want to be a part of this?”
“Because he’s never once, ever in my life, ever spoken about being a dad and wanting a family. And when I was looking after the girls with him, he made a few off-handed comments about how he never thought he could be a family man. And besides, the guy’s almost forty and still single. I know how women feel about him – if he’d wanted to settle down by now, he would’ve done it. Best I can hope for from him, if I’m lucky, is a few bucks a month to pay me and the kid off.”
“I don’t know about that,” she said. “That’s a hell of a conclusion to jump to without even talking to him.”
My phone on the coffee table chimed – a text from Ryan letting me know he was there. Which was a surprise since I hadn’t been expecting him.
“Oh, my brother’s here.”
“You know what,” she said, raising her finger as she spoke. “Now would be a good time to…you know.”
“Now?” I asked. “No way. Too soon. I need some time to process and figure out how I’m going to do it.”
“Just saying, if this gets out somehow before you have a chance to bring it out into the open yourself, that will make things worse.”
I didn’t get a chance to respond.
“Weeeell-come home!” Ryan burst into the living room, pushing through the front door, a huge smile on his face, two big, red gift baskets in his hands. “Damn, starting to look like an actual home in here. That is, aside from the stacks of brown boxes.”
“Hey, Ry!” Willow said as she sprang up and hurried over to him, helping him with the baskets. “And what were you nice enough to bring over?”
“Just a couple of gift baskets for you both.” He set down the one Willow hadn’t taken from him. “Chocolate chip walnut cookie from Victory Love and Cookies, some wine, and some cranberry oat muffins that I made with the new mixer. The, uh, muffins leave a little to be desired, but they should get the job done during the morning rush out the door. Speaking of which, when does the new job start?”
“Two days,” I said. “I’ve technically been managing at the old location, but the day after tomorrow is when the fun really begins. And thanks for the baskets, big brother.”
“My pleasure,” Ryan said, his hands on his hips. “Anyway, I had an open afternoon at the office, so I figured I’d go ahead and take the rest of the day off to help you move in. I told Carly and she doesn’t need me back until the usual time, so you’ve got me for two hours until she calls me home to make dinner.”
“Perfect,” Willow said. “That should be more than enough time to get everything off the U-Haul.”
“But” Ryan interjected as he slipped one of the bottles of wine out of the basket nearest to him. “I think the ladies who’ve already worked so hard deserve a toast to their new place.”
Willow and I shared a worried look, my heart skipping a beat at the idea of having to turn down the wine. Ryan stepped into the kitchen and fetched a wine opener from one of the drawers and three mugs from a nearby box.
I stared wide-eyed at Willow, who shrugged and mouthed, “Don’t ask me!”
“Um, none for me,” I said as Ryan opened the bottle.
“Huh? Since when do you turn down a glass of wine?”
“Since…I started…this new medication I’m on.”
He popped the cork out with a thwoop, then set the opener down on the counter.
“Medication? What medication?”
“It’s for stress and stuff. ‘Cuz of the new job.”
I’d never been good at lying.
Ryan placed his hands on the counter and leaned forward.
“Now, sis…you know I’m a doctor, right?”
Not only was I being a bad liar, but I was being a bad liar about a subject Ryan was an expert in. Smooth move, Gracie.
“You’re not sick, are you?”
“No!” I blurted out. “No way.” Out of the corner of my eye I could see Willow do her best to stifle a laugh.
“Then what is it?” Ryan’s eyes were locked onto me like two big searchlights.
I pursed my lips hard for a moment, as if trying to hold back the floodgates. And then they burst.
“I’m pregnant and it’s Hayden’s.” It all came out in one rushed word.
Ryan was speechless.
“You’re…what?” Ryan asked. “And who’s the father?”
“Hayden. It happened a few weeks ago. When…”
Ryan’s eyes flashed with realization. “At my house?”
I nodded, not saying a word.
“I’ll give you two a minute,” Willow said, backing out of the room. “Those boxes aren’t going to move themselves.” She zipped by the counter, snatching up one of the glasses of wine and, with a smile over her shoulder, was soon gone.
“You and Hayden,” he said. Ryan walked in a daze over to the couch and plopped down. “What?”
“I know. And I won’t bother coming up with some stupid excuse like ‘it just sort of happened.’ The point is that it did happen, and now I’m pregnant with his kid that he doesn’t know about.”
“Wait, you haven’t told him? You’re pregnant and you haven’t even told him?”
Hearing him say it all out loud like that made me realize how irrational I was acting about the whole thing.
“I…just don’t know how to do it.”
“Easy. You call him, sit him down, and tell him. He has a right to know.” Ryan spoke confidently, as if he’d worked through his shock.
“How do you feel about this?”
“That doesn’t matter. The kid is what matters.”
“It matters to me. I want to know if my brother is mad that…you know.”
He sighed and sat back. “Honestly, I don’t know what to think about it. I mean, I’m not thrilled. But with Carly and I having got together the way we did I know all about love striking when you least expect it.”
Ryan wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and I leaned my head against him.
“I just don’t know what to do.”
“Yes, you do. But you know it’s not going to be easy. Your life has changed forever, and now you need to do what you know needs to be done. But the good news is I’m here for you. And Carly’s here for you. And Willow’s here for you. And together, we’re going to help see you through this.”
Tears formed in my eyes. I was so damn lucky to have the people in my life that I did.
Ryan was right. It was time to stop hiding. I had to tell Hayden, and I had to tell him soon.
Chapter 28
HAYDEN
I was trying so damn hard to be cool with it all. I hadn’t heard from Grace in what felt like forever, and with each day that passed I became more and more certain that our time together was simply…over.
I’d spoken to Ryan about her a few times since I’d gone to his place for dinner. Nothing major, and all the questions worded in a such a way to make it sound like I was just being curious. The last damn thing I wanted, after all, was for my best friend to suspect that anything had happened between me and his sister.
I was at home one Thursday evening, my eyes on the vista past my balcony, thinking about it all. More than anything, I couldn’t wrap my head around why it was hurting so much. Grace and I hadn’t dated. We’d shared a kiss, we’d slept together a couple of times, and that was it.
So why was I thinking about her more than I’d ever thought about any woman in my life? I’d been in relationships for months with some of the women I’d dated. And when they’d ended, I’d alw
ays been able to let them go. Sure, it was usually me doing the ending, but still.
Grace was different. Her not being around felt like someone had punctured my heart, a wound that all the cardio skills in the world couldn’t mend. I was certain there’d be no feeling better until she was back in my world.
So, when a text from her lit up my phone, I nearly spit out the sip of whiskey I’d just taken.
Hey. Long time no talk. Wanted to see if you’d be down for coming to my new place for dinner tomorrow night. I’ll make.
I held the phone in front of my face for several moments, as if I were seeing an illusion. But nope – Grace had really texted me asking if I wanted to come over for dinner. There was no doubt what I wanted. Of course, I’d go.
Perfect. But let me bring takeout. Bet you’ve got enough to worry about managing a whole damn gym without worrying about cooking for me.
The reply came less than a minute later.
Ha, alright. You don’t need to talk me into that. Tomorrow at 7? I’ll pin you the address. Sorry if it’s kind of a drive.
The address pin followed and sure enough, it was a drive – all the way to Capitol Hill. I was impressed; that wasn’t a cheap part of town to live in.
Perfect. Looking forward to it.
Me too.
I set my phone down and smiled, feeling like the sun had risen over my heart. I didn’t care if she’d called me over to put the kibosh on whatever was happening between us.
All I cared about was seeing her, looking into those eyes.
For that, I’d pay any price.
I could barely sleep Friday night, and every minute of Saturday passed like an hour. I couldn’t believe how excited I was to see Grace. I wasn’t being unrealistic about that night. There was a damn good chance I’d walk into her apartment, Grace there with a couple glasses of wine, a serious-as-hell expression on her face, the first words out of her mouth being, “we need to talk.”
I didn’t care. I was going to see her, and we were going to figure out what had happened between us. If that meant she’d be telling me we slipped up and gave into urges that we shouldn’t have given into, then fine.